I ran towards the tour bus, leaving Dylan on the corner. I talked to Dylan for long time after that, heck, we slept together once or twice. He was a good lad, and I felt really bad for leaving him there, but we found each other eventually. Anyway, I was sat on the bus, with a coffee mug between my hands. Once or twice, I considered ringing a doctor about my shit, but then realised;
I can get through this again... I can do it on my own. What a mistake.

I went to bed as usual, then all I remember about my dream is that I was running. Running from something, and to this day I have no idea what. But I remember waking up. Tears pouring down my face, and I was still in denial about what happened the night before. The guys had tried to calm me down, but I was too shaky. Mike brought me coffee and some sleeping tablets to help me sleep. I looked down at them, instantly remembering the night when I tried to kill myself, so I cried some more. Mike rocked me to sleep and I was glad to wake up... I think. Kinda glad I wasn't stuck in my nightmare, but I was kinda hoping that I wouldn't have to deal with my hallucinations again. Last time It was one of the causes of my insanity and the fact I was in a mental home for 2 years in Australia. I was only like 14 at the time too. I spent 2 years talking to a councilor, talking to some people who were suffering the same problem as me. I still couldn't believe that I was suffering through it. The doctors there told me I'd be okay after a few more years. It's almost been 10 years since then. when the fuck can I be normal? It was that night when I went overboard.

It was our day-off with the touring, so we all decided a theme park would cheer us up. I changed into http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=89746592 and went outside with Mike... shit only got worse as the day went on.