Will You Fall In Love Again?
It's All For You.
I’d decided that Mike and I would take Lucy to soft play after school so she could run about doing whatever she wanted to so that Mike and I could actually talk about everything and about Lucy, what she likes and what she eats and stuff – because he really doesn’t know her at all. Truth be told he needed to know about Tony too, and if I told him in a crowded place he couldn’t be that angry. Towards the end of our relationship he got quite angry all the time. He was never ever violent or anything but you just never know I guess…
I had a few hours to kill until I had to pick up Lucy from school and pick up Mike from his & Tony’s. I couldn’t shake the nervous feeling in my stomach. I know I’ll always have feelings for Mike, but is it just old feelings or do I love him? I’m so confused. I lay in the bath and wondered about everything that’s been happening recently. I just feel so confused. I still had to talk to Tone about what happened with us. I’ve realised it was more of a mistake than anything else, I love him, but more like a best friend. He’s always been my best friend and I want it to stay that way. Even if I did like him in a relationship way it’d kill me if it didn’t work out. And I don’t really want to be with anyone that is always on tour… which again takes me back to Mike. I don’t think I could be with him again either. I couldn’t lose him again, it hurt too bad. I washed and conditioned my hair and got out of the bath. I put on my outfit, curled my hair and did my makeup. I rushed it all; I took way too long in the bath thinking about things. I wasn’t satisfied with the way I looked but I had no choice but to leave anyway. I grabbed everything I’d need before running out to the car to pick Lucy up. She ran into my arms when she seen me and squeezed me even tighter when I told her we’d be going to the soft play – she loved it there! We made our way to Mike & Tony’s. I beeped the horn and he came out, flashing me his big smile and saying hello to Lucy as he got in the car.
“Hi Daddy… Are you coming to soft play?” he nodded to her and she squealed in excitement, “I’m gonna go down a big shoot, will you watch me?”
“Yes little lady I’ll watch you!” he smiled at her and looked to me. “Hey Scar.”
“Hi Michael.” I said, keeping my eyes on the road, I didn’t really want to look at him. I was scared. I felt like a stupid lovestruck teenager whenever I was around Mike. I don’t know why, that’s just always what he made me feel like.
We got to the soft play and Lucy ran off and started doing her own things and we both promised her we’d watch her going down the shoot but she never really noticed whenever we weren’t watching. We were sitting at a table and I had a cup of coffee. I was absolutely shattered from work, I was glad to have a day off. I yawned for a very long time and Mike chuckled.
“I know that feeling.” He said
“Yeah… sucks.” I finally said after yawning again. “Okay so Lucy is the easiest little girl ever. Honestly. She’ll eat pretty much everything. But she’s allergic to peanut butter, apples and obviously apple juice.”
He nodded, “Okay doke. She seems like she’d be an easy little thing.”
“She is really, she’s great to cuddle with, and usually does want cuddles. So be sure to give her plenty.” I winked at him. He chuckled and nodded. “Uhm, anything else she absolutely cannot go without I’ll just bring with me but I was gonna see if you wanted to take her for the whole day? I’d bring her over from 10 and pick her back up at about 7? It’s just because I’ve been called into work because a client needs to have their tattoo done this week instead of next because of something I dunno ugh… Owning your own place is great but I do have to work more than I’d like.”
He chuckled again. “You love what you do though. And yeah of course, that’d be amazing. I can’t wait to have her over. Is there any chance of that happening every week eventually? Or having more days with her, eventually?”
“Yeah of course. But the key word there is eventually Mike. I want to do it slowly, so she’s comfortable with you and so I’m comfortable with the way she is around you, and the way you are around her.”
“I totally understand that Scar.” He smiled at me and bit his lip, obviously wanting to say something that was on his mind. “Scarlett?”
“Yeah?” I said whilst still looking over at my baby girl, who looked like she was having the time of her life.
“I- I know about you and Tony.” I froze. Fuck.
“Oh..” I said quietly. I looked down and bit my lip. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes but I absolutely would not let them.
He lifted my chin up with his finger, wiping away the tiny tear that did fall a little. “Look. It’s okay. I was an absolute asshole to you. And compared to me, Tony is a total saint. You deserve that. You deserve the whole world and more. You are so beautiful, so perfect. And you’ve done the best job in the whole world raising our little girl up on your own. I have the upmost respect for you for that. I still love you, so it stung a little when Tony owned up to me. I knew from the look on his face when he walked through though. I was the one that let you go, don’t you feel bad. You need to be happy baby.” He slapped his hand over his mouth when he let the word ‘baby’ slip from his lips. “I-I’m sorry it just felt sort of natural to me.”
I giggled a little bit. “Don’t be sorry. Thank you for calling me beautiful and I respect you for admitting that you were, indeed, an asshole. The thing with Tony though… it was a mistake. I’m going to talk to him about it on Sunday before I go to work. I think I just needed someone, y’know? He’s too close of a friend… And Mike? The only thing that has actually pissed me off about all of this between us, is the fact that you got depressed and didn’t tell me. You just left. You thought I couldn’t handle it. But I loved you with everything I had. Yeah, I was in love with our new baby. But I was more in love with you. I always will be in love with you Mikey. I just, I can’t believe you left us. It hurts so bad, even now.” I sighed and he scooted closer to me.
“I know. I’m stupid. It was that girl actually, she was so manipulative. Telling me no one would ever love me other than her. And I was so depressed that I believed her. But it’s not true and never ever was. I know that now. And I’m so sorry. I’ll spend the rest of my days making it up to you. I promise. I don’t even mean that in a relationship type way because I know that you probably wouldn’t ever want to be in one with me, I understand that too. But I will make everything up to you. I am going to make the biggest effort with our gorgeous daughter. And I will take loads of pressure off of you. I promise. You deserve it, you work so hard all the time. I’m proud of you.” he kissed the top of my forehead and as I was about to reply, telling him I still loved him, Lucy came running up to us, with a little excited look on her face.
“Did you see that time mummy? I went so fast it was so fun!”
Mike and I laughed and he put his arm around me. “Hey baby… How about you go on the shoot one last time then we’ll go back to your house and I’ll cook you and mum dinner? It’ll be super yummy!” She nodded furiously and ran back to the shoot to climb up it and go down. “She’s seriously perfect. In every way. I love her so much it seriously hurts.”
I smiled at the obviously proud dad and got up as Lucy was done on the shoot. She ran up to Mike and he lifted her up, she kissed his lips and cuddled into him as we walked out.
“I love you lots Daddy.” she said as he fastened her into her car seat.
“I love you more baby!” he smiled, bigger than I’ve ever seen. And I knew it was true, everything he said was true. You could tell in his eyes. He wanted this. He wanted to make an effort. I’m so happy now.
I had a few hours to kill until I had to pick up Lucy from school and pick up Mike from his & Tony’s. I couldn’t shake the nervous feeling in my stomach. I know I’ll always have feelings for Mike, but is it just old feelings or do I love him? I’m so confused. I lay in the bath and wondered about everything that’s been happening recently. I just feel so confused. I still had to talk to Tone about what happened with us. I’ve realised it was more of a mistake than anything else, I love him, but more like a best friend. He’s always been my best friend and I want it to stay that way. Even if I did like him in a relationship way it’d kill me if it didn’t work out. And I don’t really want to be with anyone that is always on tour… which again takes me back to Mike. I don’t think I could be with him again either. I couldn’t lose him again, it hurt too bad. I washed and conditioned my hair and got out of the bath. I put on my outfit, curled my hair and did my makeup. I rushed it all; I took way too long in the bath thinking about things. I wasn’t satisfied with the way I looked but I had no choice but to leave anyway. I grabbed everything I’d need before running out to the car to pick Lucy up. She ran into my arms when she seen me and squeezed me even tighter when I told her we’d be going to the soft play – she loved it there! We made our way to Mike & Tony’s. I beeped the horn and he came out, flashing me his big smile and saying hello to Lucy as he got in the car.
“Hi Daddy… Are you coming to soft play?” he nodded to her and she squealed in excitement, “I’m gonna go down a big shoot, will you watch me?”
“Yes little lady I’ll watch you!” he smiled at her and looked to me. “Hey Scar.”
“Hi Michael.” I said, keeping my eyes on the road, I didn’t really want to look at him. I was scared. I felt like a stupid lovestruck teenager whenever I was around Mike. I don’t know why, that’s just always what he made me feel like.
We got to the soft play and Lucy ran off and started doing her own things and we both promised her we’d watch her going down the shoot but she never really noticed whenever we weren’t watching. We were sitting at a table and I had a cup of coffee. I was absolutely shattered from work, I was glad to have a day off. I yawned for a very long time and Mike chuckled.
“I know that feeling.” He said
“Yeah… sucks.” I finally said after yawning again. “Okay so Lucy is the easiest little girl ever. Honestly. She’ll eat pretty much everything. But she’s allergic to peanut butter, apples and obviously apple juice.”
He nodded, “Okay doke. She seems like she’d be an easy little thing.”
“She is really, she’s great to cuddle with, and usually does want cuddles. So be sure to give her plenty.” I winked at him. He chuckled and nodded. “Uhm, anything else she absolutely cannot go without I’ll just bring with me but I was gonna see if you wanted to take her for the whole day? I’d bring her over from 10 and pick her back up at about 7? It’s just because I’ve been called into work because a client needs to have their tattoo done this week instead of next because of something I dunno ugh… Owning your own place is great but I do have to work more than I’d like.”
He chuckled again. “You love what you do though. And yeah of course, that’d be amazing. I can’t wait to have her over. Is there any chance of that happening every week eventually? Or having more days with her, eventually?”
“Yeah of course. But the key word there is eventually Mike. I want to do it slowly, so she’s comfortable with you and so I’m comfortable with the way she is around you, and the way you are around her.”
“I totally understand that Scar.” He smiled at me and bit his lip, obviously wanting to say something that was on his mind. “Scarlett?”
“Yeah?” I said whilst still looking over at my baby girl, who looked like she was having the time of her life.
“I- I know about you and Tony.” I froze. Fuck.
“Oh..” I said quietly. I looked down and bit my lip. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes but I absolutely would not let them.
He lifted my chin up with his finger, wiping away the tiny tear that did fall a little. “Look. It’s okay. I was an absolute asshole to you. And compared to me, Tony is a total saint. You deserve that. You deserve the whole world and more. You are so beautiful, so perfect. And you’ve done the best job in the whole world raising our little girl up on your own. I have the upmost respect for you for that. I still love you, so it stung a little when Tony owned up to me. I knew from the look on his face when he walked through though. I was the one that let you go, don’t you feel bad. You need to be happy baby.” He slapped his hand over his mouth when he let the word ‘baby’ slip from his lips. “I-I’m sorry it just felt sort of natural to me.”
I giggled a little bit. “Don’t be sorry. Thank you for calling me beautiful and I respect you for admitting that you were, indeed, an asshole. The thing with Tony though… it was a mistake. I’m going to talk to him about it on Sunday before I go to work. I think I just needed someone, y’know? He’s too close of a friend… And Mike? The only thing that has actually pissed me off about all of this between us, is the fact that you got depressed and didn’t tell me. You just left. You thought I couldn’t handle it. But I loved you with everything I had. Yeah, I was in love with our new baby. But I was more in love with you. I always will be in love with you Mikey. I just, I can’t believe you left us. It hurts so bad, even now.” I sighed and he scooted closer to me.
“I know. I’m stupid. It was that girl actually, she was so manipulative. Telling me no one would ever love me other than her. And I was so depressed that I believed her. But it’s not true and never ever was. I know that now. And I’m so sorry. I’ll spend the rest of my days making it up to you. I promise. I don’t even mean that in a relationship type way because I know that you probably wouldn’t ever want to be in one with me, I understand that too. But I will make everything up to you. I am going to make the biggest effort with our gorgeous daughter. And I will take loads of pressure off of you. I promise. You deserve it, you work so hard all the time. I’m proud of you.” he kissed the top of my forehead and as I was about to reply, telling him I still loved him, Lucy came running up to us, with a little excited look on her face.
“Did you see that time mummy? I went so fast it was so fun!”
Mike and I laughed and he put his arm around me. “Hey baby… How about you go on the shoot one last time then we’ll go back to your house and I’ll cook you and mum dinner? It’ll be super yummy!” She nodded furiously and ran back to the shoot to climb up it and go down. “She’s seriously perfect. In every way. I love her so much it seriously hurts.”
I smiled at the obviously proud dad and got up as Lucy was done on the shoot. She ran up to Mike and he lifted her up, she kissed his lips and cuddled into him as we walked out.
“I love you lots Daddy.” she said as he fastened her into her car seat.
“I love you more baby!” he smiled, bigger than I’ve ever seen. And I knew it was true, everything he said was true. You could tell in his eyes. He wanted this. He wanted to make an effort. I’m so happy now.
Notes
Title credit: The Bomb Dot Com V2 - Sleeping with SirensI'm so sorry that I haven't updated. There's a lot of stuff going on in my family home recently... And I've been dying to write, I just haven't had the time! But now I'm at my dads and I'll update every day I'm here. There should be another update on this story tonight for definite and I'm going to do a few chapters on my Tony story too - which is called 'Come Back To My Heart'.
This story is coming to an end though! I'd say maybe another 10 or so chapters and it'll be done. Thank you so much for reading this though, it means the absolute world to me! <3
Awww, you're so sweet man!
11/11/13