Adult life, Biscuits & The Fuentes Family As Told By Nelissa Brown

My life is falling apart at the seams. Oh woe is me. Woe is me and all of that jazz. I am a ball of hurt in a dress. A ball of hurt with frizzy hair. A ball of hurt waiting for her mom to sod off so I can leave the house. I may as well be dying. Perhaps I am. Oh gosh. I always knew it would end this way. I wonder how long I have left.
I got out my phone and called Cassie. She’ll know.
“Hello?” she asked.
“Hi it’s Nel.” I told her.
“Nel, where are you?! I get married in three hours.”
“I’m waiting for my mom to leave the house. But I have more important matters.”
“Go on.” She urged.
“I think I am dying. I have a rare, exotic illness that probably originated in Africa and have very little time left. I need to know whether I should call a mobile priest to have my last rights read to me.” I said very seriously.
“Say ‘ahhh’.” She urged.
“Ahhh.”
“I think you’re fine. But if you’re late to my wedding I think it’s very likely that Becky will kill you.”
“I see your thinking, Doc.” I nodded.
“Just be here soon,” Cassie begged. “I need to go.” And she hung up on me. Lovely.
I heard the door slam above and groaned. Now I really do need to leave. Now I can do this. It’s simple. A piece of cake, which is about right considering I’m on a diet. I can do this. It’s simple really. All I have to do is show up. I can do that. I take my seat and then pretend I have my life together.
I am not the same chaotic mess the people at this wedding knew. I am a brand new chaotic mess with hair extensions that make me look like a Scene Queen, a tattoo on my left boob and a metabolism that is starting to slow down. I’m old. My bones crack when I stand up. If I show up today and find that everyone has their lives together I’m going to drown myself in the soup.
I snuck upstairs to decide whether or not it was safe. Then when the coast was clear I made a run for it outside. I got to my car and wanted to cry. Why did they have to still all be best friends? Guaranteed my friends have stayed the same. But the three of them and Vic couldn’t have gone their separate ways, could they? No they’re probably making friendship bracelets as we speak and braiding each other’s hair.
When I was a few minutes away I got a text from B. It sounded very angry, she knows how to project herself well. I told her I couldn’t go any faster because I was wearing Louboutin’s. She left me alone after that. I tottered inside and did my best to avoid eye contact with anyone that had the ability to talk. I was whisked upstairs and somehow held hostage in the bridal room. There was flat irons and blusher everywhere.
“Just where have you been?!” B demanded.
“I was waiting.”
“For what?”
“My sanity.” I said and pulled a face.
“You lost that a long time ago, Nel.” She told me. I rolled my eyes and went to get my hair done.
This is all very traumatic. Everyone is giggling and drinking bucks fizz. There’s a team curling my eyelashes and shaking their lipsticks at me. Apparently they call themselves makeup artists. There’s the scent of Chanel in the air. The heat from hair tools is giving me sun burn. Everyone’s all happy. All accept Jaime’s mother who is sat in the corner. She’s very obviously drunk.
I tried very hard to blend in with the curtains so I could stay behind but B grabbed me by my left boob and dragged me along. Then she reminded me that this was all a very big deal. To which I rolled my eyes, earning a slap on my bottom.
“I don’t want to walk down the aisle with one of the groomsmen.” I whined.
“You’re a bridesmaid, you have to.” B reminded me.
“I don’t want to be bridesmaid then.” I complained.
“I don’t want you to either. You’ll fall over and show everyone your knickers. But we don’t have a choice.” B explained. “Now, I’ll let you choose who you go down with.”
I looked over to the group of groomsmen outside a set of double doors. I tilted my head to the side and frowned. Cassie’s little sister is holding Jaime’s brother’s arm. Damn it. That leaves Vic, Tony and Mike sodding Fuentes.
“Tony, I haven’t slept with you!” I called. Everyone looked over. Tony looked quite scared, bless him. “Come here!”
“I don’t want to sleep with you, Nel!” he exclaimed.
“Isn’t she good enough?!” B demanded.
“Tony, I only want to walk down the aisle with you.”
“That’s what they all say.” Mike said. I ignored him. Over the past few years I have gotten very good at pretending Mike doesn’t exist. He after all has nothing to offer so I may as well pretend he doesn’t exist. “You’re still ignoring me?” he asked, a little shocked.
“Hey people that don’t exist stop talking before I throw my shoe at you!” I called.
“Nel-“ Vic tried.
“You too, traitor!” I shot back.
“Traitor?” he echoed.
“You share a name with a dead man.”
“Mike isn’t a dead man.” Vic frowned.
“But he’s dead to me so he is.” I huffed and folded my arms across my chest.
“You childish, immature-“ Mike rounded on me.
“Nel, Becky, the elastic in my guater has gone, do you think I could use a nipple tape instead?!” Cassie yelled from somewhere off in the distance.
“Good day, gentlemen, Mike.” I spat and stormed off as best as I could in these shoes. There goes not talking to him.

Notes

This is strange. Is this how you update? It's been a while. But I am again cleaning out my old laptop and finding silly little stories. This is a sequel, I recommending the first one Senior Year, Biscuits & The Fuentes Family As Told By Nelissa Brown if you want this to make any sense. Also do that comment thing too, which was your favourite part and what would you like to see? xxx