Sharpen Your Teeth And Bite As Hard As You Want
You'll Never Be As Beautiful Without Me
I could feel myself drowning. I could feel the water fill my lungs and mouth. The darkness was ripped away from me and the cold, harsh reality of what had just happened flooded back. I screamed out as the cold water englufed me again, pulling me under. I opened my eyes and seen the haze of water around me. I made it to the surface and laughed at myself. The alcohol had made me delirious.
"So do that dance in the dark, sharpen your teeth and bite as hard as you want" I sang out. I cried as more waves passed over my head. I spun around in the water and laughed when I had the air to. "Someday I'll drive, close both my eyes" I sung out more. "I'll be your breath if you can be mineeeeeee" I screamed out. I felt myself being grabbed. I was spun around in the water and seen Vic inches away from me. I pushed him away from me and slipped under again. He pulled me up and I sung out again. "And I just want to fade away into the sky under the sea" I sung in his face to make him listen. "A million kisses underwater as we walk into the ocean waves" I grabbed his head and pulled him under the water and kissed him. He didn't react. Just let me kiss him. We both surfaced again and I giggled. "Do you see me at all under the tall waves?" I sung again. He closed his eyes and began to pull me towards the edge of land near the bridge. "Do you see me at all?" I sung out and pulled myself under the water again.
He just picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. "Hey put me down" I screamed. He ignored me and finally pulled us both out of the water. He placed me on the ground and shook his hair off. I looked up at him hazily. "I never thought you'd be capable of suicide Hayley" He just looked down at me. I pulled myself to my feet. "Suicide? I wasn't killing myself" I said crossing my arms over my chest. "You were drunk, standing on a bridge. Do you know where that river leads to?" He said harshly. "No" I answered. He came right up for my face. "A waterfall. A fucking waterfall that has rocks and sharp edges" He said completely serious. "Oh can we go?" I said excited and began to walk over to jump in the water again. He just grabbed me and pulled me into his arms. I tried pushing against him but he was too strong. "Get off me" I said pushing agaisnt him. "I said, GET FUCKING OFF ME" I screamed up at him. He didn't move or let me go. I began to cry and fall downwards.
He sat us down and held onto me as I cried. Why did he do this to me. "This is your fault. This is all your fault" I said over and over. He just nodded and cried. Eventually I heard voices. "Vic, you down here?" Tony asked. "Yeah, I've got her" Vic said looked up to Tony. Vic stood up and picked me up. He held me in his arms and began walking. I didn't say anything. Not a word. When we got to the park I remembered I was angry at Vic and climbed out of his arms. "Hayley you're drunk, just let him carry you. We'll be back to the buses quicker that way" Jeremy said looking into my eyes. "I don't want to go back there" I whispered. Mike came over to me and looked into my eyes. "Come on kid, we're gonna go for a walk" I nodded and we started walking in a different direction. He put his hoody around me and we found a bench to sit on.
"Why did you jump?" He asked. I looked up at him. "I didn't mean to... I was devastated and when I seen the bridge I thought of The Balcony Scene. It became haunting and daring. 'Have you ever really danced on the edge?'. I needed it. When you guys came running you scared me and I fell" I explained. He sighed and looked up at me. "He didn't do anything" Mike looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "How do you know? He went and met her" I said with tears forming in my eyes. "She bribed him" Mike said. I looked at him and he sighed. "She was going to tell everyone that he was cheating on you with her. For some sick reason she got someone to take pictures of them kissing the other night and use them to show everyone that he has a new girlfriend since no one really knows about you and him yet" Mike explained. I closed my eyes and felt the guilt wash over me.
"I'm becoming a fucking disaster Mike" I cried. Tears began falling down my face. "Hey, you're not okay" He said wiping the tears away. He looked into my eyes and sighed. "I'm gonna tell you a story Hayles. No one else knows this from me" I nodded and let him continue. "When I was 17 one random day I went home from school early. I decided to ditch school, rebel I know" He laughed and I smiled. "So I got home and my mom was out working, pops was painting houses. I put my bag down and suddenly I heard crying. I was confused so I walked up the stairs. I went to Vics room and seen his room was trashed up. There were clothes everywhere. Posters ripped from the walls. His guitars were smashed into pieces. I was shocked but Vic was nowhere to be seen. I heard more crying so I continued down the hall and got to the bathroom. I opened the door and found Vic lying on the ground crying his eyes out. He had a razorblade in one hand and thats when I seen the pools of blood around him. I started freaking out but he just acted like I wasn't there" Mike looked and me with tears in his eyes. "He was just so lifeless. I bent down and tried to get him to acknowledge me but he didn't. I cleaned up his wounds, there were a lot, some old and some new. I helped him to my bed and he just fell asleep. I cleaned up the bathroom and then fixed his room up as much as I could. Vic had never done anything like that before. I was terrified" Mike wiped away a tear as he relived the memory. "When he woke up he told me everything. See he had just gotten his first real girlfriend. She was pretty and popular but she turned out to be a bitch. She cheated on him with some quarterback. People laughed at him for ever thinking he was good enough for her. They bullied him at school. That's why he cut. That's why he wanted to die. His only hope was trying to start bands" I nodded and let him continue. "That girls name was Cara" He said. I looked up at him and my eyes widened in shock. "What a bitch" I muttered. "That's why I hate her" He sighed. "My point is Hayley. That girl was the reason he fucking done that to himself. Girls have came and went since then but I can honestly say, I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. Even if it's too soon to say or whatever. That boy fucking loves you" Mike laughed. "He's just trying his best to make it work" Mike said standing up and kissing my head. "Come on, back to the bus before you get sick" I took his outstretched hand and we walked back to the buses talking and cheering up from the conversation.
When I walked onto the bus Jaime and Tony were sitting waiting for us. Their faces lit up when they seen me. "Mike's having a smoke" I told them and they nodded. They both got up and hugged me. "I'm okay guys" I whispered. They nodded and let me go. "Where is he?" I asked and they both pointed to the bunk area. I nodded and walked back there. My damn clothes clung to my body. Vic opened his curtain and climbed out. He looked at me and sighed. He walked over and pulled Mikes hoody off me. He pulled my shirt off and I took my bra off. He didn't even react like a normal guy would. He just pulled one of his shirts over my head I pulled off my jeans. I threw them to the side. I looked up to Vic and he just stared into my eyes. I leaned up and kissed his lips. He kissed me back and we didn't say another word. We went into his bunk and laid together. He didn't say anything just held me. I eventually fell asleep and my dreams were filled with my fall off the bridge.
"So do that dance in the dark, sharpen your teeth and bite as hard as you want" I sang out. I cried as more waves passed over my head. I spun around in the water and laughed when I had the air to. "Someday I'll drive, close both my eyes" I sung out more. "I'll be your breath if you can be mineeeeeee" I screamed out. I felt myself being grabbed. I was spun around in the water and seen Vic inches away from me. I pushed him away from me and slipped under again. He pulled me up and I sung out again. "And I just want to fade away into the sky under the sea" I sung in his face to make him listen. "A million kisses underwater as we walk into the ocean waves" I grabbed his head and pulled him under the water and kissed him. He didn't react. Just let me kiss him. We both surfaced again and I giggled. "Do you see me at all under the tall waves?" I sung again. He closed his eyes and began to pull me towards the edge of land near the bridge. "Do you see me at all?" I sung out and pulled myself under the water again.
He just picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. "Hey put me down" I screamed. He ignored me and finally pulled us both out of the water. He placed me on the ground and shook his hair off. I looked up at him hazily. "I never thought you'd be capable of suicide Hayley" He just looked down at me. I pulled myself to my feet. "Suicide? I wasn't killing myself" I said crossing my arms over my chest. "You were drunk, standing on a bridge. Do you know where that river leads to?" He said harshly. "No" I answered. He came right up for my face. "A waterfall. A fucking waterfall that has rocks and sharp edges" He said completely serious. "Oh can we go?" I said excited and began to walk over to jump in the water again. He just grabbed me and pulled me into his arms. I tried pushing against him but he was too strong. "Get off me" I said pushing agaisnt him. "I said, GET FUCKING OFF ME" I screamed up at him. He didn't move or let me go. I began to cry and fall downwards.
He sat us down and held onto me as I cried. Why did he do this to me. "This is your fault. This is all your fault" I said over and over. He just nodded and cried. Eventually I heard voices. "Vic, you down here?" Tony asked. "Yeah, I've got her" Vic said looked up to Tony. Vic stood up and picked me up. He held me in his arms and began walking. I didn't say anything. Not a word. When we got to the park I remembered I was angry at Vic and climbed out of his arms. "Hayley you're drunk, just let him carry you. We'll be back to the buses quicker that way" Jeremy said looking into my eyes. "I don't want to go back there" I whispered. Mike came over to me and looked into my eyes. "Come on kid, we're gonna go for a walk" I nodded and we started walking in a different direction. He put his hoody around me and we found a bench to sit on.
"Why did you jump?" He asked. I looked up at him. "I didn't mean to... I was devastated and when I seen the bridge I thought of The Balcony Scene. It became haunting and daring. 'Have you ever really danced on the edge?'. I needed it. When you guys came running you scared me and I fell" I explained. He sighed and looked up at me. "He didn't do anything" Mike looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "How do you know? He went and met her" I said with tears forming in my eyes. "She bribed him" Mike said. I looked at him and he sighed. "She was going to tell everyone that he was cheating on you with her. For some sick reason she got someone to take pictures of them kissing the other night and use them to show everyone that he has a new girlfriend since no one really knows about you and him yet" Mike explained. I closed my eyes and felt the guilt wash over me.
"I'm becoming a fucking disaster Mike" I cried. Tears began falling down my face. "Hey, you're not okay" He said wiping the tears away. He looked into my eyes and sighed. "I'm gonna tell you a story Hayles. No one else knows this from me" I nodded and let him continue. "When I was 17 one random day I went home from school early. I decided to ditch school, rebel I know" He laughed and I smiled. "So I got home and my mom was out working, pops was painting houses. I put my bag down and suddenly I heard crying. I was confused so I walked up the stairs. I went to Vics room and seen his room was trashed up. There were clothes everywhere. Posters ripped from the walls. His guitars were smashed into pieces. I was shocked but Vic was nowhere to be seen. I heard more crying so I continued down the hall and got to the bathroom. I opened the door and found Vic lying on the ground crying his eyes out. He had a razorblade in one hand and thats when I seen the pools of blood around him. I started freaking out but he just acted like I wasn't there" Mike looked and me with tears in his eyes. "He was just so lifeless. I bent down and tried to get him to acknowledge me but he didn't. I cleaned up his wounds, there were a lot, some old and some new. I helped him to my bed and he just fell asleep. I cleaned up the bathroom and then fixed his room up as much as I could. Vic had never done anything like that before. I was terrified" Mike wiped away a tear as he relived the memory. "When he woke up he told me everything. See he had just gotten his first real girlfriend. She was pretty and popular but she turned out to be a bitch. She cheated on him with some quarterback. People laughed at him for ever thinking he was good enough for her. They bullied him at school. That's why he cut. That's why he wanted to die. His only hope was trying to start bands" I nodded and let him continue. "That girls name was Cara" He said. I looked up at him and my eyes widened in shock. "What a bitch" I muttered. "That's why I hate her" He sighed. "My point is Hayley. That girl was the reason he fucking done that to himself. Girls have came and went since then but I can honestly say, I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. Even if it's too soon to say or whatever. That boy fucking loves you" Mike laughed. "He's just trying his best to make it work" Mike said standing up and kissing my head. "Come on, back to the bus before you get sick" I took his outstretched hand and we walked back to the buses talking and cheering up from the conversation.
When I walked onto the bus Jaime and Tony were sitting waiting for us. Their faces lit up when they seen me. "Mike's having a smoke" I told them and they nodded. They both got up and hugged me. "I'm okay guys" I whispered. They nodded and let me go. "Where is he?" I asked and they both pointed to the bunk area. I nodded and walked back there. My damn clothes clung to my body. Vic opened his curtain and climbed out. He looked at me and sighed. He walked over and pulled Mikes hoody off me. He pulled my shirt off and I took my bra off. He didn't even react like a normal guy would. He just pulled one of his shirts over my head I pulled off my jeans. I threw them to the side. I looked up to Vic and he just stared into my eyes. I leaned up and kissed his lips. He kissed me back and we didn't say another word. We went into his bunk and laid together. He didn't say anything just held me. I eventually fell asleep and my dreams were filled with my fall off the bridge.
11/29/13