The Diary (Sequal To The Pact)
The Only Exception
It kind of reminded me of the time I always used to help Vic with his homework, the way we were sitting now. But instead of science, we were working on songs, a lot more interesting if you ask me. And instead of two acne covered teenagers, we were adults, taller and heading towards the middle of our lives.
Back in those days, these little study dates had been a changing point. It had turned us from strangers into friends. But now we were no strangers, though it felt more like we didn’t know each other anymore than back then.
And sixteen years ago, no one had known that we met up. It was supposed to be our secret. And shared secrets make people closer. But right now everyone knew he was here. Literally everyone, because he had made a snapchat about it. Not that I minded, I just made a funny face to the camera and now thousands of sixteen your old girls (and Danny) could see my oh so charming face. Oh well, it wasn’t like his followers would be focusing on me anyway.
I tried to look for my pen on the dinner table, but it was almost impossible. All the sheet music and lyrics were scattered all over the place and I couldn’t even see the color of the table anymore.
I stood up and lifted a pile of random papers, some falling out of my hands in the process. “Damn it, where the fuck is my pen?” I said annoyed. I groaned when I thought I had searched the entire table.
Vic put down my guitar in the stand and helped me searching. “That’s the fucking fifth time we’ve lost it.” Vic said, his voice at least as annoyed as mine.
My hands still lifted up random papers just like Vic’s. I moved my hands to the other side of the table to search that side, but didn’t realize Vic was searching there too and my hand touched his. I let out a small screech and quickly took my hand away, hitting my cup of coffee in the process. I wanted to safe it, but it was too late: the brown content was already spilling over most of the papers on the table.
We both looked at it for a while with our mouths slightly open. We stood their completely frozen as the coffee ran over the table and eventually dripped over the edge on my white carpet.
“Well fuck.” Was all that I could say and I heard Vic chuckle beside me. I didn’t really see the funny side though. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “I’m sorry, I should’ve looked out.” I said.
Vic laid a hand down on my shoulder and I tensed up, but knew better to make unexpected movements again. “It’s okay. I have copies of the lyrics, so that doesn’t really matter and we have recorded most of the melody. We just have to uncover some of the chords.” He said.
I looked at him with a grumpy face. “That’s loads of work you know that, right?”
He let out a small chuckle looking at my annoyed face. “Yeah, but it’s not like this album is in a rush or anything. In fact, I think this is a sign. It’s telling us that we need to take a break.” He said and he let go of my shoulder to fall down on the couch again.
I looked over to the wasted hours of work that was slowly wasting away and then just gave in. I carefully sat down next to Vic on the couch and tried not to look at him in the process.
“So, how is Casey? Do you still speak to her?” Vic asked, another attempt to start up a friendly conversation again. I didn’t mind it when he was making jokes and stuff while doing our job, that was just professional. Fun between colleagues. But I hated it that he was still trying to be friends and interfere in my personal life.
I let out a sigh. “Vic, I don’t know if you have noticed, but I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.” I said. I don’t know if it was a wise thing to say, because we still wanted to work together for the next couple of months, but I was out of ways to avoid his and Jaime’s question.
I heard Vic let out a breath and he readjusted his snapback. “Yeah, I kind of figured. But why not?”
I looked at him, something I shouldn’t have done as I stared right in his eyes. His stare practically took my own will and made me spill the truth. “I don’t fit in your lives anymore. I’m just a simple producer and you guys are big rock stars.” I said and he looked at me with an expression that showed both sadness and shock. “Plus, I don’t want anyone depended of me anymore. I already have too much people in my life that get fucked over every time I fuck up.”
Everything of his expression told me that he wasn’t expecting this at all. I looked down at my hands folded in my lap. “It sounds stupid, I know. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”
“It’s okay. We used to tell each other everything, remember? We always found it hard, but it always made us stronger.” He said. Memories played back in my mind and I chuckled at all the times we had avoided talking to each other. We were so stupid when we were younger. But I guess everyone looks back at their selves like that.
“Yeah well, that was a long time ago.” I said and I still refused to look at him again.
“Something tells me we haven’t changed a lot.” He said grinning.
I raised an eyebrow. “One, we’re not in school anymore. Two, we don’t live with our parents anymore. Three, we have different friends now. Four, we don’t live two streets away from each other anymore. Five, we have like ten times more responsibilities as before. Do I have to go on?” I said trying to prove my point. I didn’t really get how he could say that we hadn’t changed. Literally everything was different.
“Those are all big changes indeed. But they are changes of the environment. Not changes of us.”
That made me look up at him. He looked at me with a relaxed look in his eyes. I didn’t understand how this was so easy for him, while I was tensing up all the time around him. “Why do you even want to be friends with me again? I can’t really think of a reason why you would want that.” I said. It had been a question that had been on my mind for a while.
He let out a sigh and his shoulders relaxed. I remembered that used to be something he did when he would tell me something on his mind. “My life is just hectic right now. Everything I do is in a rush and everyone I know are living crazy lives. And I always kind of remember being around you used to feel familiar. There was no pressure, you’re just you.” He said.
I raised an eyebrow. “You want to hang out with me because I’m normal?” I asked, basically summarizing everything he had said.
He pulled a doubting face. “I want to hang out with you because it makes me feel relaxed. Even right now. It just feels natural.” He said, he finally looked away and moved around with his hands. “But I won’t ever force you of course.” He said shyly.
I couldn’t hurt him. It was just not possible for me. Even now, all those years later, I still felt like I didn’t want to hurt him. It just felt totally wrong.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to come to myself before I gave in. I knew that if I did, I would fall for him all over again. Somehow I still had a weakness for him. “You don’t even feel at home with your girlfriend?” I asked. His girlfriend was the last person I wanted to talk about, but I had to try something.
A faint smile slowly grew on his face, like he suddenly remembered something amazing. It hurt me to think that there was a time he smiled like that while thinking about me. But of course he had moved on. It was thirteen goddamn years ago. Every sane person would have moved on. “Yeah, I do, but it’s different. She is part of that whole world too, you know? That whole world of multimedia, hysteria and stress. I love that world, but I’d like a break from it from time to time.” He said.
It was weird how he had moved on completely, but needed me to be friends with him and I hadn’t moved on at all, but the last thing I needed was him in my life.
I dragged my hand over my face and hoped this situation would solve itself, but it didn’t of course. “Okay, what do you want to know?” I eventually asked, giving in and immediately regretted it.
He looked up at me with a happy expression, totally different from the man he was two seconds ago. “Did you finally get your driver’s license?” he asked and a grin appeared on his face.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh wow, I see you’re starting with the very deep and emotional questions.”
“I kind of thought we had enough of that for a while.”
I laughed and nodded. “Yes, I got my driver’s license just after I moved to Los Angeles. When I didn’t have you to drive me around anymore.” I said giggling.
“I knew you were just postponing it because of that!” He said a little louder and he pointed at me. “You were just lazy.”
“And I’m still lazy. Why do you think my place looks like crap? Why do you think I look like crap? I’m just too lazy to change it.” I said laughing and he laughed along.
“Well, you don’t look like crap, but I do believe you in a second when you say you’re still lazy. Remember the time you faked being sick, just so I would run around to get you everything?” Vic said and I made a weird laughing noise as I suddenly remembered it.
“Those were the days.” I said nodding. “You’re just so gullible.”
“Yes, you are!”
“Okay, maybe a little bit.”
We both laughed until our laughs slowly faded out. I moved a strain of her behind my ear. I hated that I had gave in, but it did feel extremely good to just talk about small things with him again. I only realized now how much I had missed him.
He smiled at him, only showing a few of his teeth. Perfect dimples formed on his naturally tanned face. “This is nice. Do you see? We talked about it and now we feel better. Just like old times.” He said.
No, this wasn’t nice. This wasn’t good news at all. I felt myself fall for him again every second I looked at him and I didn’t like it at all.
This wasn’t like old times at all. In old times, things were easy. I loved him and he loved me, both equally and we were also equal to each other. The balance was totally off. We weren’t equals anymore, he was so much more successful than me. And our feelings weren’t equal anymore either.
But I also knew I couldn’t get out of this anymore. Because there was also a little part of me that just wanted to be close to him, no matter how much it hurt.
“Are you ready to get WASTED?!” was the first thing I heard when the front door opened. The familiar white haired girl held up a bottle of tequila and put out her tongue.
This was exactly why me and Casey were still friends. She refused to grow up and be a normal person, just like me. She already wore her sweater and sweat pants. It was a tradition of us to get drunk while wearing that.
“Hell yeah!” I yelled back and an old lady who passed my apartment looked at us with a disappointed look. I shot her an apologetic look, but Casey really couldn’t care less. She just passed me and walked inside the apartment with the bottle still in her hands. “Is my favorite asshole here already?” she asked referring to Danny. We had made plans yesterday to get drunk, just like we did in college times. I was always in for a drink to be honest and after my awkward encounter with Vic yesterday, alcohol would come in handy to forget it all.
“Casey, you’re literally always late. Of course he is here already.” I said as Casey got rid of her shoes in the hall. “He has already found the ‘fifties rock ‘n roll’ folder on my iPod.”
Casey chuckled and we could both here the backbeat that was always in rock ‘n roll songs, but the singers voice could not be heard as Danny was singing along very loud. “DEEP DOWN IN LOUSIANA, CLOSE TO NEW ORLEANS, WAY BACK UP IN THE WOODS AMONG THE EVERGREENS.”
Casey shook her head and rolled her eyes as she heard the boy scream over the music. “Just imagine what he will be like when he gets drunk tonight.” She said as we both walked over to the living room and looked at Danny dancing between the couch and the chairs.
“If we’re lucky he’ll pass out and sleep through most of the night.” I said, thinking Danny couldn’t hear me.
But he immediately turned around and shot me a glare. “I heard that!” he said and he walked over to my iPod that was connected to a speaker and put the volume down a little.
He walked over to Casey and took the tequila from her hand. “I will take that, thank you.” He said and he wiggled his eyebrows at it.
At our age we probably all should be married and start having kids and shit, but we wasted our free time by getting pissed drunk. It was kind of like time had stood still for us three and we were all still college students.
“You guys fight over that thing, I’m gonna get shot glasses.” I said and I made my way to the kitchen. I heard footsteps behind me and I recognized them to be Casey’s. She walked lighter than Danny.
I knew exactly what Casey was going to ask, she always pulled a certain face when she was going to ask me a serious question. I just ignored her while standing on my toes to reach the shot glasses in the cupboard. The worst thing was that Allison was taller than me and could easily get the glasses. Casey went to stand beside me and being 5,9 she easily took three glasses from the top shelve. “Hey babe, how did the thing with Vic go yesterday?” she asked and her voice had a certain careful tone in it.
“It was okay. We worked on the songs.” I said as I took the glasses from her.
But Casey being Casey, she looked through me within seconds of course. I had known her for almost twenty-five years and I still couldn’t outsmart her somehow.
It was weird how we had stayed by each other’s side for so long. When I moved from England to San Diego I thought we would grow apart and we did for a while, but we somehow always grew back to each other. It went like that over the years. We sometimes didn’t speak for weeks, but we always made a way back to each other somehow. Normal people changed and then they didn’t get along with their friends anymore. But we had somehow managed to grow the same way.
At times I wanted us to grow apart and I tried to take my distance. I had a habit of doing that a lot with my friends. But Casey just refused to leave. And I was happy she didn’t.
“Nothing else?” she asked.
“Nope, nothing happened.” I said as I walked back in the living room. I had hoped the subject would change as I got into the living room, but my hope failed me today.
“So how did your date with Vicky go?” Danny asked, he hadn’t heard our conversation in the kitchen of course.
I let myself fall onto the couch and flipped him off. “Our WORK date went fine. Can you guys please stop interrogating me about it now?” I said annoyed as I put the glasses with force on the table.
“C’mon Luna. We haven’t heard about your love life since 2009 when you dated David. Grant us this and tell us the truth.” Casey said as she fell down on the spot next to me. Danny was already sitting in the chair across from us.
“Maybe you haven’t heard from it, because it’s none-existent.” I said. Yes, I had had a boyfriend back in ’09, but it had only lasted a few weeks. I had made myself believe that I had feelings for him, but I actually hadn’t. We had a weird love/hate relationship. It was the closest I had ever gotten to love since I was twenty. I don’t know what was wrong with me, I guess I was just a soulless person or something. It would maybe explain why I never really actually enjoyed anything.
“Well, you were alone with your ex yesterday. I guess that’s something. C’mon something must’ve happened!” Danny exclaimed as he opened the bottle of alcohol. My heart made a weird jump when thinking about Vic. It was a weird feeling I hadn’t had in years.
“He has a girlfriend, Danny. And he is very happy with her.” I said, trying to put as much force behind my words as I could.
“It doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for him.” Casey said carefully. I guess she just wanted me to be happy and she probably thought Vic was my only chance at love. Since he was the only one I ever loved. But in reality, I had no chance of love and I was perfectly fine with it. I didn’t want to be depended of a person like that.
“I. Don’t” I said, articulating both words as well as I could.
Danny squinted his eyes at me before he started to poor the transparent liquid in the little glasses. “We’ll get it out of you when you’re drunk.” He said. Oh god.
“Good luck with that. I have a high resistance for alcohol.” I said rolling my eyes.
“Well, you’re also getting a little older, Ms. Fall.” Danny said and I groaned. Did getting older have any benefits?
We spend the rest of the nights downing shots, sitting in our sweat shirt and sweat pants. Casey had the wonderful idea of playing never have I ever. How much more college party could it get? The idea was basically that you had to drink a shot if you had done something.
At the end of the night I had had a fair amount of alcohol boozing through my blood. Although I was pretty sure that Casey and Danny were way more drunk than me. They were a lot more outgoing than me, they just dared to do more things.
It took me a while, but eventually I got in that state where I just didn’t give a fuck about anything anymore. My head was spinning every time I moved it, my limps felt light. It was awesome. Drinking just got me to feel so much more and only the good things.
I had discovered that in high school and I had ruined quite some brain cells since then.
“Never have I ever…” Casey said and she thought about something to say. She held up her full shot glass and the alcohol spilled over the edge every time she moved. “pooped in front of someone else.”
I pained my brain to think about it, but realized soon that I hadn’t. Even not when I was drunk.
Danny did down a glass. “It was only my brother, so that’s okay.” He said. “Family can watch each other poop.”
“Amen to that!” Casey exclaimed as she raised her glass and almost everything spilled over the edge.
I suddenly thought of something and emptied the content of my glass in my mouth. Danny and Casey both looked at me weirdly, their eyes glassy because of all the alcohol. I just grinned. “I just realized everyone poops in front of their parents when they’re babies.” I said and I giggled at my own words. Drunk me was so much more funny.
Casey’s eyes got big and she drunk her shot too. “Thank god for that! I wanted to drink!” she said. Danny tried to clap in his hands, but missed every time he moved them towards each other. This didn’t break his spirit, though. It just made him laugh harder.
“Never have I ever gotten spanked while having sex.” Danny said giggling. The more drunk Danny got, the more his ‘never-have-I-ever’s’ were about sex. But the more I drunk, the less I cared about that anyway.
He immediately downed his own shot and threw his hands up in the air. “Whoop!”
Casey drunk up her shot too and giggled. I was the last one to drink. “I didn’t like it, though.” I said giggling. Although I had had only two real relationships, I had had short periods in which I went on dates or had one night stands. What can I say? I had my needs.
“I did!” Danny said and he threw his hands in the air again, absolutely proud of his statement. Casey busted out in laughter, but a few seconds later than appropriate.
“It’s my turn. “ I said and I filled up our glasses again. “Never have I ever…bled through my clothes while on my period.” I grinned. I was actually proud to announce that I had never done this. Normally it happened to every girl once in a while, but nope I’ve always stayed in range of my pads.
Danny of course didn’t drink either and he seemed pretty grumpy about it. But Casey did drink. “It was in secondary school.” She started explaining, but tripping over her words. “And we wore those skirts in which it’s like very visible if you bleed through. Luna knows what I mean. Anyway, everyone laughed at me. It was horrible.” Even though she said that she still had a smile on her face while thinking about it.
“I can’t remember that. You haven’t told me!” I said more shocked than I should probably be about this. “I thought I could trust you!”
Casey looked at me with a pitiful look and hugged me. “You were already in America princess. You were busy eating hotdogs and watching baseball.” She said while petting my hair.
It took me a while before I figured out that she didn’t actually meant I was eating hotdogs and watching baseball, but that it was an American stereotype thing. “It’s okay, I forgive you.” I said as I got out of her hug.
“It’s actually not my turn, but I’m gonna go anyway, because I want to drink.” Danny said as he filled Casey’s glass again, almost spilling everything in the process. “Never have I ever had feelings for my ex.”
It was like a sober hand slapped me in the face when he said that sentence. I was still drunk, but I could feel the imprint. My intoxicated brain couldn’t process if I had to drink that shot anymore. But before I knew it, I had picked up the little glass and drank up the alcohol. I guess I unconsciously knew that I actually had feelings for Vic. I just refused to believe it and I’m sure sober me would go on and do that for a while.
Casey and Danny looked at me with their empty shot glasses still in their hands. I think they expected me to make up some excuse, but I couldn’t. And my drunk self didn’t want to.
I looked away from them and dragged my hands over my face. “I have a problem.” I said as my hands remained at my face. I don’t even know why, but tears spilled through my fingers and fell on sweatpants and I didn’t have the muscle control to hold them back.
I was quietly sobbing until I suddenly felt two pair of arms around me. I didn’t talk about things that bothered me a lot, but if I did, I could always count on these two. Even when they were too drunk to walk.
And of course they knew which ex I meant. And of course they knew I would have a hard time dealing with it. To be honest, I had no idea what was happening to me. Feelings for someone was the last thing I needed. Not now.
I laid my head down on Danny’s chest and sobbed in his and Casey’s arms, my head still in my hands. Nights like this often ended in someone crying, but it usually wasn’t me.
Oh my god! I'm sorry it took so long for me to update! I promise I will update at least two more times before I go on vacation.
Are you guys still enjoying this story? What do you think of it? Your feedback is wanted.
Btw. How fucking crazy is it that this story already has 15 votes, 15 subscribers and 700 views! and it's only a sequal! I can't believe it!