The Diary (Sequal To The Pact)

I slowly strummed the strings of a random guitar I had found in the studio, not really paying attention to what I was playing. I had picked it up as a distraction, to forget the nerves for a while, but it didn’t really work.
There were only three ways this could go and all of them were bad.
One, they could get angry at me for dumping them like I did and then I’d probably get fired.
Two, they would’ve forgiven me and we’d still get along. Which would probably result in us getting close again and I just couldn’t have anyone depended of me again.
Three, they had changed a lot and we wouldn’t get along anymore, which would make things extremely awkward.
The worst thing was that I didn’t have any control over which one of the scenarios it was going to be. All I could do is try to be as professional as I could and try to push the situation into a fourth scenario: we wouldn’t talk much, we’d just do our job and that’s it. It was the situation that sounded the best to me, but the chance this would happen was so small. Even though I hadn’t seen them in years, we had been through such much together and it was unavoidable that old memories were going to be brought up again.
I sighed and stood up to put the acoustic guitar on one of the stands in the recording part of the studio. I walked back to the part were the producers always worked and sat down at the office chair behind the panel of familiar buttons.
I turned a few times around in my chair before I decided to check all the buttons on the panel. It was the first time I had been in this studio as this one was in San Diego and I always worked in Los Angeles. Maybe this one had different switches and buttons.
After I was done, I went back to boredom again. I was actually way too early and neither PTV nor Danny were here yet. I just couldn’t sit at home drowning in nerves anymore, so I went and drove to San Diego early.
Not a good idea. Now I was drowning in nerves here.
Only a few seconds had passed when I suddenly felt two hands wrap around my eyes from behind and my vision changed into black with a few stripes of light that were shining through the person’s fingers. I thought it was Danny until the person spoke up. “Guess who?” he said and even though I hadn’t heard this voice in years, I still recognized it. It surprised me, because I had forgotten how his voice sounded over the years.
“Jaime?” I asked.
He took his hands away from my face and let out a sarcastic groan. “Damn it. I thought you’d need longer to guess.” He said.
I turned around and was met with the man that I long ago considered to be my little brother. He hadn’t grown a lot, since he was already quite long when I met him, but his face looked older and more manly. A sleeve of tattoos was spread over his left arm and reached all the way to his hand and he looked a little buffer than he was before.
A comforting thing was that his eyes and smile were still the same. They made it seem like nothing had changed. “To bad, I win.” I said teasingly.
Without a warning he pulled me into a hug. It felt unnatural at first. I didn’t really know him anymore, there had been too much time between us, but I hugged back anyway, a little bit awkwardly.
When I pulled back, I noticed that another man was standing behind him. A person that I wouldn’t have recognized if I hadn’t seen their music videos. But still I was completely shocked when he stood there a few feet away from me, grinning like a fool.
Tony had always been the shy skinny kid. The one that was kind of behind in puberty, basically the little puppy of the group.
And now he stood there and the only thing that still resembled the puppy were his big dark eyes. He had grown way taller than me over the years and his hair was afew inches shorter. The more drastic changes were the fact that he now had almost every inch of skin on his body tattooed and that he had a piercing underneath his left eye.
He definitely wasn’t the innocent kid anymore.
“Jesus Christ, Tony. The last time I saw you, you were a skinny seventeen year old kid.” I said and it hurt a bit when the memory of the last time I saw him went through my head. I hadn’t really thought of it anymore the last few years, but I suddenly realized what a bitch I had been.
His words from then echoed through my head. “I expected better from you. We looked up to you for so long. You were like a sister to me. After everything we’ve been through together, I thought you’d at least have the guts to tell us the reason of why you’re breaking all of our hearts. We trusted you.”
The Tony in the here and now smiled at me and opened his arms, as an invitation for a hug. Without thinking about it I accepted and fell in his arms. Al though his body had changed, his hugs were still amazing. I remember that I always felt better when I felt sad and Tony hugged me.
A person next to us coughed and I knew exactly who it was. The one I had always thought was the most annoying of the group. The one that I always had discussions with simply because we were too similar. This didn’t mean I cared less for him than the rest of the guys though.
And indeed when I let go of Tony, I saw Mike stand next to us, with the grin on his face that had always irritated me. He had a lot more tattoos and a medusa piercing, but he hadn’t changed much more.
“Looking good as always, Luna.” He said grinning.
I rolled my eyes and hugged him as well, suddenly realizing I had already gotten rid of my professional approach without knowing it. I don’t know what it was about these boys, but they made it seem like nothing had changed. Even though that wasn’t true, I noticed that by the way I had no idea how to act around them anymore.
When I let go of Mike, I nervously looked around me, knowing there was only one person left to meet again and I was most nervous about seeing him again.
That exact person suddenly walked through the door into the studio and I saw a wave of shock wash over him. That exact same feeling went through me too, shock. The happy feeling I had been having when I saw the other boys again was nothing compared to how I felt when I saw Vic again.
My heart immediately started beating incredibly loud, like it always used to do when I saw him again after a long time. I felt all my blood rush to my face and my stomach started doing flips. The rest of the world didn’t seem to exist in the short time we were looking in each other’s eyes. The eyes that had always comforted me when I was younger, the ones that had been like a drug to me. I couldn’t do long without seeing them.
Vic had definitely changed the least of all of them and that was probably why I had the weird feeling. His hair was a little longer and he had a small, metal ring in his right nostril, but besides those things, he looked exactly the same as thirteen years ago.
I don’t know what shocked me more, seeing him again after years or the fact that the way I felt around him hadn’t changed a bit, maybe even had increased.
I forced myself to stop thinking like that. I was probably just nervous to see him again after all these years. That was why I felt this way.
I tore my eyes away from his eyes and stared at the ground. I awkwardly moved from one feet to another, I had completely lost my ability to do something else.
“Don’t I get a hug?” he asked and I heard in his voice that this was uncomfortable to him too. Although this was probably a little easier for him than for me. He probably had had the awkward ‘ex-talk’ a lot more, while I just completely lost my ability to fall in love after breaking up with him.
I looked up to him again, which I probably shouldn’t have done as the weird foreign feeling in my stomach immediately appeared again as I did so. I opened my mouth to speak, but didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded.
I walked over to him and threw my arms around his neck as he threw his around my waist. It was weird, because it felt familiar and foreign at the same time. At one hand it felt like nothing had ever changed between us and at the other hand it felt like redoing something I did in a far past, in a past life.
I let go of him and immediately looked to the ground not wanting to make this any worse for myself anymore. I looked at the boys that were all giving me significant looks, which made me blush even more.
Luckily for me the awkward moment was broken by Danny storming into the studio. “Wow, you’re actually early. Who would’ve expected that?” he said and I softly chuckled, still a bit blown away by what just happened.
Danny put his bag down and then looked around the group. He then looked at me expectantly. At first I didn’t really get why he was looking at me like that until I figured out that I had to introduce him. My mind wasn’t really working properly anymore.
“Yeah, so this is, Mike, Tony, Jaime and Vic.” I said pointing at all of one and trying not to remain long at Vic. “Guys, this is Danny. He is going to be the assistant-producer.”
Danny smiled at all of the guys and then shook their hands. He was so outgoing with strangers, while I was already awkward around my friends.
“Well, what to do boss?” Danny asked, teasing me.
I shot him a glare and flipped him off. “You know I’m going to make your life miserable now I’m in charge of you, right? As revenge for all the times you did the same to me.” I said with attitude.
He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over each other. “Jeez, I love you too.” He said sarcastic and I laughed and put out my tongue to him.
“Are you guys together or something?” Mike suddenly asked and he shot me a grin. I knew he did this to make more of fool of me in front of Vic. Because it was pretty damn obvious that me and Danny weren’t in a relationship.
Danny scoffed and put an arm around my shoulder. “Yes, we are. We have been dating for ages, right honey?” he asked and he wiggled his eyebrow.
I glared at him for the second time today. “No, we’re not. He is gay.” I said, maybe a bit too quickly, looking back at the rest of the guys.
Danny let go of my shoulder and looked at me with an arrogant face. “Bitch, you didn’t! You fun-ruiner!” he said.
“I’m just telling them the truth!” I said defending myself.
He started laughing and shook his head. “Oh yeah, why would you otherwise make clear that you are single? It’s not like your ex is in the room or something.” He said.
And again I turned red from head to toe. It maybe had seemed like that, but I really didn’t mean it that way. I didn’t want to get back with him and I was well aware of the fact that he had a girlfriend.
I tried to hide my blushing by crashing down at the nearest desk chair. “I think we would all very much enjoy it if you’d shut the fuck up, Danny.” I said annoyed and everyone in the room laughed.

Vic’s POV
Seeing Luna again was more of a shock to me than it should’ve been. Over the past years, I kind of started to see her as just one of my exes, totally forgetting about the fact that I had felt more for Luna than for the others.
But I was still convinced that we could be friends again. I wanted to have that special friendship back that I used to have with her and I knew we could have that again.
Sure, she was still incredibly beautiful, but the shock I had had was just the shock of seeing someone I had felt something so strong for again. It was the feeling of meeting your first love again after many years of not seeing each other.
And I was pretty sure that Luna had that same feeling too. She looked pretty shocked too when she saw me. It didn’t worry me, we just needed to get passed the awkwardness somehow and we would have plenty of time to do that.
After our awkward encounter, we had had a small discussion about what our album was going to be like. Recording was still in the far future.
Like I expected, Luna was amazing to work with. Her and her friend had amazing ideas for the album and responded perfectly on our ideas and views on the subject.
Luna’s way of working was practically giving the performing artists enough space for their own ideas, so the album would turn out sounding like what we wanted it to. It was definitely what we wanted. We, and mostly me, had always hated people that obligated us to do certain things. If I had something in my head, then I wanted it to turn out the way I wanted to and not even the slightest bit different.
They were both very open to trying new things and take risks, which made me think that this album would turn out amazing. I had been writing so many songs that would fit perfectly on this album. Songs that I wanted the world to hear.
Our conversations were mostly professional, which was kind of bummer. I was really curious to Luna’s life now. How were her parents? And her sister? Was she still friends with Casey? What did she like to do now?
From the outside she still looked exactly like the girl of thirteen years ago, but I’m sure a lot of things had happened in the time we didn’t speak. Ah well, she probably just needed some time to ease up to me again.
It was weird that when I was twenty, I thought I would never get over this girl. I thought it would always hurt and I would always love her. That’s the thing about a first love, it hurts more than every love after. Your first heartbreak kind of numbs your heart which causes it to be stronger.
But well, just like everyone else, I eventually got over the empty, aching feeling. Mainly because of my friends, family and writing music. Believe me, I have written thousands of songs about her.
Other people would probably think I was crazy because I wanted to be friends with the girl that broke my heart into a million pieces, but to me it somehow made sense. I forgave her eventually, because her dumping me turned me into a stronger person. A more confident person. And although we could never be what we once were, because she had hurt me too bad back then, I wanted nothing more to have the most amazing part of our relationship back: our friendship.

Notes

heyeyeyeyey

so yeah...Now this is up, I have no idea what I will do with this story XD this is literally the most complicated story I have ever wrote. I think I have too many ideas and they all contradict each other. Oh well.

But how are you guys? :)

xxxxxx

Nicky