The Diary (Sequal To The Pact)
Room To Breathe
I looked around the unfamiliar class room. This was the beginning of my new life in Los Angeles.
The walls were taller than in San Diego, the chairs were of a lighter wood and there were more windows, but apart from that it just looked like the classroom I used the have classes in in San Diego. In reality it was miles away.
My gut was still telling me this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe I could’ve just stayed in San Diego. Close to my family and my old house. Part of me wanted to go back.
There was one thing I knew for sure, though. I had made the right decision by breaking up with Vic and ending the friendship with the rest of the boys. They wouldn’t have a chance to make it big with me hanging around. I was in the way of their success.
I sighed and walked towards the back of the class, hoping no one would notice me. The last thing I wanted was to make new friends. I didn’t want to feel the pain of having to let someone you love go ever again. All I wanted now was to fade away in the back of class. Suddenly an invisibility cloak like in Harry Potter seemed very useful.
The class started and I tried to pay attention. The first minutes I succeeded. The teacher started to talk about music in the eighteenth century and told us that this was an important thing for the exams. But even when she added that last piece of information, my mind kept drifting away.
I didn’t want it too, but I kept wandering back to that one moment one week ago. Every time I thought about it, it hurt. Thinking about my fight with the boys was like swallowing a cocktail of shame, guilt and heartbreak.
I had to keep convincing myself that I had made the right decision. Yes, I had done it because I cared for them, but the thing that hurt the most was the way I had to do it. I had to stage that I didn’t care about either of them, that I didn’t love them anymore. I had to act like a bitch and insult them. It would be the only way they would’ve let me go. If I had told them the real reason, they would’ve found a way to convince me to stay and I didn’t want that. My decision had been permanent.
The door of the classroom opened and a skinny, tall boy walked into the room with a guilty look on his voice. The teacher didn’t seemed to mind him being late, though. She even ignored him completely.
When the boy noticed that she wasn’t gonna get mad, he shrugged and walked towards the back of class.
No. Go away. I’m sure you’re nice, but I don’t feel like socializing. Go away.
But he did come my way, since the chair next to me was one of the few chairs left. “Can I sit here?” he asked and I looked up to him. He had a wide smile on his face and his brown hair was styled like a supermodel. His clothes looked like urban outfitters had thrown up on him.
I nodded and went back to day dreaming. There was still a chance that he wouldn’t talk to me. Maybe he was just as anti-social as me. I surely hoped so.
I had only just drifted away, when my phone vibrated. I knew who it was and I knew I shouldn’t read his messages, but for some reason I still did. Those messages were the only thing I still had from him.
Vic: Luna, please talk to me. I know we’ve been through a lot, but I don’t believe for a second that you don’t love me anymore.
I felt all the blood drain from my face and deleted the message before I was tempted to write him back. I should actually block his number, but I just couldn’t make myself to do it. I just needed to keep myself from writing back and in the main time I would get the little bit of conversation with him I needed to stay sane.
“He probably is an asshole, you know. You’ll get over him.” the boy next to me said. I looked up to him with a confused look and he explained: “I’ve had my fair share of horrible boyfriends. I know what it’s like. I used to look like that when one of them messaged me.”
I looked away from him again and sighed. “Apparently you’re not as good as you thought you were at spotting horrible boyfriends. He wasn’t the asshole, I was.” I said and as attempt for him to leave me alone, I made my voice sound extra harsh.
It didn’t work on this kid though. “The fact that you admit that you’re an asshole, is prove that you aren’t actually an asshole. You’re allowed to be sad, you know. Even if it’s your fault that things ended.” He said. This kid was definitely something. He didn’t hold back after I told him I did something horrible and now he was giving advice to a complete stranger. It was hard to believe that he was for real.
I ignored him, trying to block the tears that were threating to spill. “You know that you get over him way faster if you talk about it, right? And cry about it, you should really cry over it. It actually works. You don’t have to do that right now. That would be a little weird in the middle of class, but maybe you can schedule a little time to cry about it later.” He said and he grinned at the end of the sentence.
I chuckled softly. “I’ll see if I have time in-between classes.” I said jokingly.
I heard him grin. “What if we did something together to take your mind of it? I heard Chicago is still in the cinema!” he said enthusiastic and a few people turned around to shoot him an angry glare.
The boy just waved at them with a friendly smile which made me laugh. It was weird how this kid already acted like he was my best friend while he hardly knew me. It was like he still had faith in humanity and I needed someone like that right now. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” I said when he shot me an expectant look. “Can my friend Casey join too? Otherwise she’ll be all alone in her dorm.”
The guy shot me his wide smile and nodded. “Of course! It will be fun! I’m Danny, by the way.” He said and he reached out his right hand for me.
I grinned at him and took a hold of his hand to shake it. “I’m Luna.”
Was that a wrinkle?
I moved my face closer to the mirror and softly traced the skin at the corner of my eyes. It was still quite smooth, but I really felt like a thin line was forming there.
People didn’t get wrinkles at my age, right? That would be too early…right?
I mean, I read somewhere that people start to show aging signs when they are thirty-five. Maybe I was just a bit early?
Ugh, I hated growing older. Responsibilities, rejection and of course physical signs of age, they seemed to multiply every day since I was eighteen. It sounds weird, but I can hardly remember the moment I was last happy. With happy I mean the feeling that you get when you feel alive, the feeling you have when you can’t seem to stop smiling.
I walked out of the bathroom and walked over to my room. I realized halfway the hall that my sister was still asleep in her room, so I started to walk really quietly. It wouldn’t be the first time I had accidently woken her up.
I opened the door to my room and completely ignored the immense mess that was slowly building up in it. I never had time to clean it and when I did, I was just simply too lazy or too tired. I guess I really was the worst role model for Allison. Oh well, at least she had someone to kind of be her ‘mother figure’. Teenagers of this age really needed that, but I didn’t think I was the right person to do it.
I walked over to my laptop on my old wooden desk to turn it on and opened YouTube. I let out a short sigh before I put on ‘The Divine Zero’. I had never really listened much to Pierce The Veil’s music, but a few weeks ago I had gotten a call from their manager if I wanted produce their album. And since my jobs are quite rare, I actually had to accept this one. So now I had listened to all four of their albums in only a few weeks.
It was good, don’t get me wrong, but every time I heard their music I was realizing again that I really didn’t want to do this.
I made sure the volume wasn’t too loud and then moved away from my laptop. I walked over to my closet and opened it. I was just going to discuss things about the album with Danny, so I didn’t really need to impress anyone.
Danny was a lot more successful than me as a producer and actually got to work with big names once in a while. Very often when I had money trouble again, he would ask me to be his assistant-producer. He was actually too good of a person for this world.
When I got the offer to work on the album of Pierce The Veil, I immediately asked him to be my assistant-producer. I really wanted to do something back to him, even though he could easily get his own jobs.
I took out a white shirt and some jeans from my closet and threw them on. I applied a very subtle lipstick, put in my new batman earrings and I was ready to go.
I walked out of my room into the small kitchen, that consisted of a very crappy fridge, a round table with some chairs I had gotten from my parents when I first moved out and a countertop with a sink.
Without thinking about it, I prepared some cornflakes for myself and ate it on one of the black, plastic chairs. I checked my phone and saw that it was almost ten o’clock. I was late already, but it was only Danny anyway, so I continued eating my cornflakes at my own pace until I was done. I put away my bowl and spoon, but left the cornflakes and milk on the table for Allison.
My phone went off when I was just putting on my shoes and I quickly answered it, otherwise this whole ‘being quiet to not wake up Allison’ would’ve been for nothing.
“Yo Danny.” I said while balancing the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I tried to do my laces.
“You’re late, Ms. Fall.” He said in a fake stern voice, but I could almost hear him trying to hide his laughter.
I rolled my eyes, got out of the door and slowly closed it. “I can be late if I want to. I’m in charge of you this time.” I said as I walked over to my car that my dad had gotten my when I had gotten my driver’s license.
“Well actually, the band we work for is in charge. You know that they could fire you when you’re late tomorrow, right?” he said.
I groaned as I got into my car. Tomorrow already. I so didn’t want to go. Why was it always that when you didn’t want something to happen, that time went ten times as fast? “I know, but I won’t be late tomorrow. I need this job, I won’t fuck it up.” I said. I tried to start the engine and it took a while for me to actually succeed.
“I know you won’t. I was just messing with ya.” He said. “I will see you in a bit, lunatic.”
I grinned a bit at the use of my nickname. “See ya, Daniel.” I said, using his full name to tease him. He would literally kill everyone else that used it, but he let me tease him with it.
I ended the call and threw the phone on the seat next to me and hit the gas pedal, driving to my best friend’s place.
“I’m literally so excited!” Danny exclaimed the second he opened the front door. “We are going to work with Pierce The Veil. One of the biggest bands in the alternative scene. I’m so happy you asked me.”
He smiled his enormous smile and I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “I’m really starting to doubt my decision right now.” I said and he flipped me off.
I walked through the door and was immediately met with the walls full of posters. Danny always had the weirdest taste of music. He literally listened to every genre existent. Country, classical, disco, bubble gum pop, weird industrial music, punk, rock ‘n roll, black metal and more. I guess it was because of his nature to find something beautiful in everything. I admired that a lot, but it also made him kind of naïve sometimes. But well, because of his various interests in music, he had hung posters of different kind of artist on almost every wall in his apartment.
“You don’t seem as excited as me.” Danny said as he walked over to the kitchen to poor us a glass of water.
I walked into the living room and saw that a LP of Michael Jackson was playing in his record player. I recognized the song to be ‘human nature’. I might not have an interest in every genre like Danny had, but because I did music school I could easily recognize a lot of different songs from a lot of different genres. “That’s because I’m not.” I said as I let my fingers glide over Danny’s record collection.
Danny returned to the room and put two glasses of water on the low table. “Why not?” he asked and I heard a hint of worry in his voice.
I let out a sigh and turned around to face him. “Because no one can be as excited as you.” I said teasingly as I let myself fall on the vintage couch.
Danny said down in a chair across from me. “How can you not be excited? Those guys are amazing! Just imagine what kind of creative things we can do with their album!” he said and in his eyes I could see that he was with his mind already in the recording studio. This was why Danny was so good at what he did: he was passionate.
I sighed. He was right though. Pierce The Veil was an amazing band. They were fifteen years ago and they’re even better now. Professionally, they were a producers dream to work with. Their albums were creative and their lyrics were like poetry. The reason why I was dreading it, was because I had to meet them personally.
“Yeah, that’s true.” I said a bit sunken away in thought myself. I hated that I had to take this job to be able to keep paying my bills. I had a lot of debts and it had been a long time since I had had a job, so when I was offered this one, I had to say yes.
Danny leaned towards me. “Okay. Now you’re going to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you. I’ve known you for thirteen years now and I know when something is going on. This job is bothering you somehow.” He said and his face was strict but caring.
I said nothing. I had always been bad at talking about feelings and such, but it had become a part of my personality the year that Leah died. From that day on, I had just put my problems away instead of talking about him.
But I knew that Danny needed to know this. If we were going to work with them, he needed to know what my past with this band was. Not a lot of people knew. Practically just Casey and my dad. My sister had been too young to remember them.
I dragged one hand over my face. “They went to the same high school as me.” I admitted.
Danny didn’t say anything and that was the trigger for me to look at him. His face showed a mix of emotions. “They…you mean…Pierce The Veil? I thought you went to high school in England.” He said. It was obvious that this was the last thing he expected me to say.
I shook my head. “Not the last two years. I spend my junior year and senior year in San Diego. Vic was in the same years as me. The rest were two years beneath me.”
Danny put his glass of water down and sat back in his chair. “Did you actually, like, now them?” he asked. I chuckled a bit. I knew Danny was a big fan of this band and he had to try really hard to hide his inner fanboy.
“They were my best friends.” I admitted.
“You’re kidding me, right?!” Danny’s eyes went big and then small again, like he had just realized something. “The day I met you…you were heartbroken…Holy fuck! One of them must be your ex then! That’s why you didn’t want this job!” he exclaimed and he put his hand in front of his mouth. Danny could be such a fucking drama queen sometimes.
I groaned softly. I had wished that I didn’t have to talk about this part of my past. I had hoped just telling him that I was friends with them was enough. “Doesn’t have to be. I mean, I had more friends in San Diego.” I said and I shrugged.
Danny took his hand away from his mouth and raised his eyebrow. “You know that I’ll find out either way, right? From tomorrow on we’ll be working with them.” he said.
I let out a breath and closed my eyes. “Vic…” I just said, knowing it would be enough for him to understand.
“Thirteen years I’ve known you now and you haven’t even told me that Vic Fuentes is your fucking ex? All this time you’ve told me about your first boyfriend you met in high school and you just failed to tell your best friend that it’s the singer of one of the biggest punk bands of this time.” He said and he sounded disappointed. I could sort of understand. I mean I shouldn’t have kept it from him.
But still. “What does it matter?” I asked him, my voice a little louder than it was before. I was starting to get annoyed. I wanted to stop talking about this. “Why does it matter that he is a famous singer? If he wouldn’t be famous, would you’ve still wanted to know who it was? He is just a human being like you and me, nothing special about it.”
This was mostly the reason why no one knew. I didn’t think it was necessary to tell them.
“Ah well, I still think you should’ve told me. Why are you still so reluctant to see them then anyway? I mean, it was thirteen years ago.” Danny asked.
“As I’ve told you before, we didn’t end on a good note. I ended it with all of them in a pretty harsh way. I’ve no idea how they will react to seeing me.” I said and I meant it.
Danny’s face softened a little “Well, I guess they’re over it. They wouldn’t have hired you if they weren’t.” he said trying to comfort me.
But them being forgiving would maybe even be worse than them being angry at me. It meant that there was a chance of us growing close again and I didn’t want that. “Yeah…” I said a bit sunken away in thought. Scenarios played in my head and all of them ended bad. Oh well, I hadn’t seen them for years, maybe they had turned into assholes. Who knows?
“This whole thing does kind of explain why you suddenly got offered a job for such a big band. You're not even that good.” Danny said and I looked up at him angrily. When I saw that he was kidding, I softened my expression.
“You’re a dick.” I said chuckling. I guess he was already over the fact that I lied to him.
“I wasn’t like this before, you know. I became a dick when I met you and Casey. You guys have corrupted me.” He said and he sipped at his glass of water.
I laughed. Maybe this wasn’t going to be that bad. As long as I had Danny at my side, everything would be alright.
I'm soooo sorry this sucks. I just kind of needed to introduce Luna again and of course the new character. What do you guys think of Danny? I like him :'D but oh well I wrote him so yeah.
Soo how will Luna react when she sees the guys again? What do you guys think? I'm excited for this story, but I have the feeling like I can't make it as interesting as I wanted to. Oh well, we'll see.
Aawww that's so sweet! It means a lot that you like it!
I have a lot of work to do at college lately, but I promise as soon as All that is over I will comtinue writing this! I haven't forgotten this story!
I will definitely follow you on ig btw! You seem like a very sweet person!