Impulse

*Alex Pov*
*Flashback*
The halls were packed, yet they seemed so empty as I look for my two goofball best friends. Neither in sight, I still had thirty minutes to kill to the first bell rang. So, I aimlessly wondered the halls in a failed attempt to find Kellin or Jack. Sooner rather than later, I realized the first bell rang. Which means first day or shitty classes without either of my best friends. As I walk around, taking a detour, to first hour English. I notice Kellin, with this cute boy probably new. My mind got the best of me I wondered who he was, where he was from, and a bunch of other questions popped into my head as the bell for first hour was over. I slowly got out of my chair and walked into the hall.
*Fast forward, past 2nd and 3rd hour*
Lunch finally came, I saw Kellin, the new kid, and Jack all at our usual table. As I headed over to sit down, I was bumped into, of course it had to be my ex. I just said sorry, kept my head down and continued to walk to my table. As soon as I got there, Jack reached up and hugged me, pecking a kiss on my lips. I was shocked so I quickly pulled away. I felt bad and jack looked sad. I guess I would have to make it up to him after school, but you know Jack wouldn’t stay made at me forever.
As I sat down, Kellin said his greeting to me and introduced the new kid as Vic, also known as Victor. Then I told him I’m Alex, not really spectacular at introducing myself, but you know. So, I asked him where he was form and what brought him to this town. He told us, “I’m from CA, moved here because my parents’ jobs.” Instantly I could tell the second part of that was a lie, but I knew not to push. So I asked him if he had any siblings. He told me, “one, younger.” He sounded like a typical teenager, but there was something in his backstory that made him intriguing but I didn’t know what that was. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it. It bugged me, but I guess I would figure it out with time.
*End of Flashback*
As I walked into school today I wondered what new surprises would be there for me. I already had my head shoved into a locker, shoved to the floor during lunch hour, and punch in the face after school. I wonder what is in store for me today, or how much worse this year could get already. Well, I guess it better now than never to find out. I pushed open the door and found Jack, Kellin, and Vic all around waiting for me. We walked around the school talking about useless things until first bell rang. That’s when I noticed Vic and Kellin getting super close together. They would be a cute couple thinking about it now.
English was same same. Nothing new, except I caught myself staring at vic and kellin most of the time. I couldn’t get over the fact that they were so close. I kind of wish I was that close to vic, but then again I barely know him. He is really cute though in a way that no other boy here is. I know it was weird to have a crush on him seeing as me and Jack are dating. And I know I shouldn’t have feelings for him with the fact that I might lose Jack, but I can’t help it. Somebody help me, it’s only the second day and I’m falling for the new guy, but Jack. I need some serious therapy.

*Kellin POV*
It was the start of the school day we all met in the main hallway well at least 3 of us. We were waiting for Alex, before we started wondering the school, the unbreakable four. Finally I saw the red head, from across the hall. He was on his way to us, so I tried to make small take with the other guys while waiting. I couldn’t shut me mouth in front of Vic yesterday, but today it felt as if I couldn’t talk. I don’t know if that’s because I think I had a crush on him and didn’t know if he liked me back or the fact that I kept fantasizing about my lips on his. I really didn’t have the guts to say it, but I really do love you Vic.
We all started walking to first hour, well the three of us. Me, Alex, and Vic. I was next to Vic, and Alex was on the other side of Vic. I was in deep conversation with Vic about bands in stuff. When I saw Alex kind of staring at us, I instantly thought what are you thinking. But I knew I would get a fake answer as soon as I asked it. So I stored it in my head for later. We headed into English as the one minute bell rang. We separated as Alex went to his seat and me and vic went to our seat. All through English I saw Alex stare at us as we talked. I started to wonder if Alex was jealous of our relationship. I knew I have been friends with Alex since I was younger, but still I didn’t think this would get in the way of our friendship. But you never know.
*Fast forward to end of the school day*
I sat outside the school waiting for Alex or Vic, or maybe both. We all lived within walking distance of the school and within walking distance of each other. Finally I saw Alex walking with Vic. I wondered where Jack was. So, I walked up to Alex and asked him. He told me Jack had to stay after for some reason. Well, I guess we should all start walking home. So we started at our slow pace walking towards our house. While making small talk, someone decided to turn on music. All I heard where the first bars of Blink-182, Adam’s Song. And I was hooked, as the lyrics came I started singing, and I heard Alex back me up and finally Vic joined in. I was in the lead, so I turned around walking backwards, and asked Vic if he was in a band? He told me yes. I precede with the conversation even through it was awkward. He looked as though he didn’t want to talk about it.
I said, “cool, I am also in a band.”
Alex jumped in and said, “I’m also in a band.”
And I continued by saying, “what’s the name of your band, Vic? Do you sing, play, drum, what?”
He said, “Pierce the Veil… And I use to sing and play lead guitar.”
I kind of fangirled for a moment and calmed down and said back, “I love your band and your voice is amazing. Your songs are just amazing,” I cooled down and came back to my senses and just as I was about to continue Alex jumped in, “Dude, your voice is amazing. If you guitar playing is anything like that, I bet your like God or something because that was amazing.“ I let Alex finish, before I continue and said, “sorry we’re just really big fans. I also sing for a band called Sleeping with Sirens, and Alex over here sings for All Time Low.” After we finished he was blushing, he tried to speak, but couldn’t. When he finally was done being tongue tied he said, “Aw, thank you guys. It’s just a hobby. I didn’t think we were that great. And I love your bands to. They are both amazing and different ways. So, it really means a lot that you like my band. Thank you.”
We finally reached our houses after a long distance of silence. Alex’s house was first and he parted ways, by saying goodbye. As we came up on Vic’s house, we stopped and I turned and was surprised when Vic’s lips found their way upon my lips. It was like sparks were setting off. I didn’t know what to do. He pulled away and ran up the stairs to his house. I was left there just shocked. I ran the rest of the way home not knowing what to do or feel. Life just got complicated, gah…

*Vic’s Pov*
I knew it was stupid. I just got to close to Kellin. I knew he didn’t feel the same way as me, so why did I kiss him. Why did I decide to plant my crappy lips on his perfect lips, oh yea I thought he felt the same way. Why must I be so stupid? I know he still down there, cause he was shocked as I ran up to my house. Trying to put as much distances between me and him. With the window to the bathroom open. I heard footsteps running away that must have been Kellin running away from my house. As I sit here, I pull my blade from the cover I kept it in. I know I’ve been 3 days clean, but the feels just piling up in my head. I hesitate as the blade slowly inches towards my skin, I pulled it back just as I was about to make the first cut. But, than I think about it again and the voices are back in my head.
“Worthless. Loser. Faggot. You are not wanted in this world. You’re just a loser, why would anyone like Kellin want you. You are just another screw up. Why would Kellin like you? Why would you have any friends, none of them care about you.”
Many voices went through my head I tried to push them out, but the only way I could is… A line of blood runs down my arm just a slow trickle at first. But then they start gushing blood. The adrenaline pumping through my veins as I hit the peak of my harm. I look down and see the white laminate sink covered in the blood from my arm. My arm covered in the red of my blood. The amount of cuts, what should have only been one turned into twenty one, all on my arm and wrist. I slowly get up and find the first aid kid. Gauze and Bandage my arm and slowly and carefully put my bracelets back on. After all that, my hoodie is my safety for the next few days, not going to take it off I guess.
I headed back to my room and laid on my bed. I stared at my phone, looking for Kellin’s number. I wanted to say sorry. I wanted more than anything for him to come back and just be friends with me. I wanted to text him and tell him I never meant for this to happen. I just got caught up in my feelings, but I couldn’t I didn’t have the guts to tell him that. I didn’t have the guts to text him and tell him sorry.

*Kellin’s Pov*

I sat on my bed and wondered what I was going to do. My head jumbled with thought of Vic and just Vic. Nothing can break down the wall I surrounded myself with over the last few years except him. I only smile around him. I stared at my phone wanting to text him. My finger hovered over his number, slowly getting ready to click. Finally the screen comes up to text him. I type in my message before I get to scared to send it and hit send.
Kells: Hey, sorry about early. I just wanted to let you know that I love you. I love the way that kiss felt. Please don’t feel bad, I just wasn’t excepting that… I’m sorry.

I sat waiting for a reply. I slowly curled up in a ball trying to fight off the thoughts into my head. I didn’t know what to do. I was in such a bad place that I wanted someone to love, but was Vic really the right person. I don’t really even know him. I think as tears crawl done my face and my phone buzzes.
Vicky: It’s not your fault, I’m just an idiot I thought you had the same feelings I did. I never thought about you like I do others. I didn’t think about your feelings before I kissed you. I’m sorry. Just know I love you too. So where do we go from here?
I sat there and stared at the message for what seemed like forever. I didn’t know how to response to that. I didn’t know what to think or do. I just sat and bawled into my pillow, silently screaming at myself. Trying to figure out my feelings for him, I still didn’t know.
Kellin: Do you want to like date, or what’s your idea?
I immediately regretted sending that text. I knew it was stupid, but I didn’t know what else to reply with. I know I‘m immediately going to regret this. As my phone buzzes again.
Vicky: Do you want to date? I wouldn’t mind, you’re really cute and perfect to me.
I reread the last part so many times, he thought I was cute. I knew I wasn’t and couldn’t tell if he was lying or just saying that to make me feel better. I knew what my immediate response would be but I didn’t know how to type it. So, I just sat here and thought. Finally I found it too hard to keep my eyes open and fell asleep.

Notes

I'm really sorry for the lack of updates, just been extremely busy these last few months.