Selfish Machines

After about an hour I finally managed to calm myself down. Sometimes I over think certain situations and end up having a panic attack.

4:36 pm

From: Jaime

I’ll be there in 10

4: 37 pm

To: Jaime

Kk

I head downstairs to grab something to eat. I pass by the living room and see Mike sitting on the couch.

“You good?” I ask walking by and stepping into the kitchen. I start browsing through the fridge.

“Mike, you good?” I ask again peeping into the living room over the fridge door.

“Uh yeah, yeah I’m good.” Mike utters.

“You sure?” I shut the door ending my food search, and walk back into the living room.

“Yup. I’m good” Mike says in an odd tone.

“You are a terrible liar.” I stand behind him lean over the couch and wrap my arms around him.

“No really, I’m good.” He says turning his head toward me giving me the biggest fake smile.
“Why are you not telling me? What’s the big deal?” I ask letting go.

“Because nothings wrong! Why are you always asking so many questions?” He stands up.

“Sorry for giving a shit about you!” I walk away, grab my jacket and go out the front door.

I grab the pack of Marlboros out of my jacket pocket, and light one as I sit on the concrete stairs that lead to the front door. Why do I do this? I should have just let it go instead of pushing him. I know if I didn’t walk away we would have started some dumb pointless fight. And I’m still thinking about what he said earlier today. It’s hard? Yeah, no shit it’s hard. This whole situation is just fucked. What’s not hard is answering whether you’re gonna push someone away in three days or if you’re going to be an actual man and stick it out. What’s not hard is telling me some dumb lie to try to make me feel better. But he can’t even do that.

I must have been so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even notice Jaime pull up in his car.

“Ew you’re still smoking these? You know they kill people right?” Jaime nagged taking a seat beside me.

“You drink heavily basically every night but I’m mad because I smoke?” I defend taking another drag.

“Are you saying I’m an alcoholic?” Jaime gasps holding his chest.

“I think you might be.” I laugh.

“Well it’s about time someone noticed.” Jaime laughs as well.

“This is actually the first time in a few weeks where you’ve asked me to hang out without it including drinking.” I say finishing my smoke and putting it out on the cement.

We walk inside together, when we reach the living room Mike stands up from the couch and walks away.

“Trouble in paradise?” Jaime asks plopping down on the couch, cover three quarters of the space. I go and sit on the recliner beside the couch.

“I don’t even know what’s going on anymore, one minute were great and things have never been better, than a minute later either he is like ‘I don’t know what I want’ or I don‘t know what I want. It feels like were on the same page but just for the wrong reasons. I have my doubts and so does he. We both are afraid of the same thing.” I say.

“So why fight about it?” Jaime suggests.

“What?” I ask.

“Why fight about it if you’re both scared of the same things? Why don’t you guy talk about it and actually express how you feel and help each other out?”

“Whoa Jaime when did you because a relationship counsellor?” I say laughing a little, quite surprised.

“It’s not hard, just fucking talk to each other.” He says grabbing the remote for the tv.

“Fine, fine… Jeez.” I guess I’ve just been over thinking this way too much.

“What time is it?” Jaime asks.

“Quarter after five.” I say looking at my phone.

“I’m starved wanna order some food or something?” He says throwing his wallet at me.

“Ow.” I exaggerate as it hits me in the arm. “It’s ‘so’ heavy.”

“Hey, I got fat stacks.” Jaime laughs.

Notes