Where Do We Go From Here?

It's been a few weeks since the boys came to hang out for the weekend. They had gone back out on tour between their studio sessions and I hadn't heard much from any of them since. I kept up with them through seeing their posts on social media but I hated not being able to hear his voice or see his texts in the morning.

I had been doing just fine these past couple weeks but today was just not a good day. I no longer had friends to turn to since I cut them all off. I just felt like something was wrong today.
I chalked it up to my own anxieties.

I lay in bed, it's around one in the morning and the bad feeling wouldn't leave me alone so I couldn't sleep. My phone buzzed and an instant smile on sprung onto my face... until I saw the message.

I'm sorry Becca. I fucked up last night. I apparently, I slept with a girl. I got way too drunk and I don't expect you to forgive me for something like this but I can't just not tell you, it wouldn't be fair to you.

I stared at the text in disbelief. I instantly called Ben, wiping the tears that streamed down my face.

I was sent to voicemail and I began panicking. I called over and over again until I got sent directly to voicemail. I couldn't think properly so I called Denis, he picked up instantly and I could hear yells in the background then it faded out.

"Hey Becca, what's up?" He said, out of breath.

"Denis, what happened?" I sobbed, wanting answers that I wasn't getting from my boyfriend.

"What are you talking about?" I screamed, sobbing into the emptiness of my home.

"Please don't fuck with me like this Denis. I could hear the shit going on in that bus. WHAT. DID. HE. DO." I yelled, probably not understandable to him.

"Becca, please, calm down." He said nervously.

"Denis, My fucking boyfriend just sent me a text saying he cheated on me and won't answer his phone. Calm is not in the fucking cards right now." I said, gritting my teeth.

"Okay, um, shit, hold on." I heard the noises again and then it was muffled. I made out my name being said and then a lot of yelling.

"Hello? Becca?" James said and I could feel my blood boiling.

"Will you tell me what the fuck is going on right now?" I said eerily calm.

"Well, um, Ben kind of fucked up. I know he texted you, we honestly don't know the whole truth but he's in a rage right now." He said quickly but hesitantly.

"What are you next few stops?" I asked, grabbing a pen and paper on my night stand.

"Becca, you don't want to come out here, not now." He said and I laughed.

"James, if you don't tell me this is only gonna make this worse." I said calmly once again and the phone clicked. He fucking hung up on me.

I googled the tour they were currently on and found the next few dates. I booked a flight for tomorrow morning, texted my boss and stewed in my own anger. No one was willing to tell me what was happening, then I was gonna go and find it out myself.

**

I woke up the next morning and called a cab to take me to the airport. I packed one of my backpacks to take on the plane with everything I would need for a few days. I made sure I had everything and locked up before hoping in the cab.


I had just gotten off my six hour flight to Texas and I had the cab driver take me to the closest hotel to the venue they would be playing at in a few days. I couldn't get a flight to their next stop in time so I chose the stop after the next one which happened to be Austin, Texas.

I luckily got a room at a kind of crappy hotel right across the street from the venue, I'd know when they pulled into that lot as soon as they hit the curb. I know that tomorrow was going to be a wild day and I decided to take a shower and go to sleep.

Early to rise, early to beat someones ass.

**

I had checked out of my room and was having coffee at a nearby shop when I heard the loud yet muffled screams of girls, it could only mean one thing; they had arrived. I strolled out of the shop, coffee in hand and crossed the street and towards where the bus was parked.

I looked around for any signs of security to which I found none. I knocked on the bus door and I could hear stumbling and the door opened revealing a half naked and very surprised Cameron.

"Oh... well this can't be good." He mumbled and let me onto the quiet bus. I fixed myself another cup of coffee without saying a word to him as to why I was here but I'm sure he knows why.

I waited for about an hour until Denis came waltzing into the back, take a back from the site of me.

"Oh fuck." He whispered under his breath and left the room.

"Beck, please say something, you're freaking me out." Cameron said and I shook my head.

"Cam, it's not wise for me to talk right now." I said sternly and he nodded. Soon Denis came back with good old James in tow.

"The fuck mate? Why did you.. oh shit." He said once he saw me and I smiled.

"Hey buddy. Can't hang up now, can you?" I said sharply, with a sweet smile.

"Do you want me to go and get him?" Denis asked and I shook my head.

"Nah, I'll wait for him to get up. As much as you two fuckers pissed me off, I'm not gonna rip your heads off, just Ben's." I took a sip of my coffee, feeling a lot like a mobster. They all went away and came back, dressed and with their own breakfasts and soon Sam woke up and we were only waiting on the last band mate to get his ass up.


A half hour had passed and we were all pretty quiet and heard him get up. The four boys looked between each other while I stayed staring intently at the door just waiting for that initial moment of shock a slight fear.

The door creaked and his eyes went wide, like a cartoon character. The tension in the air between us was thick until I spoke.

"Hello Ben." I looked him dead in the eye, his face turning bright red.

"Uh.. um hey Becca." He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"So boys, am I gonna get answers now, or later. I'd rather not wait and get it all out there since no one would return my calls for the past two days while I sobbed into my pillow and on a plane as well as in a shitty hotel room across the street, I think I deserve at least a reason. If you four want to leave, I suggest you do it now." I snarled, the anger in me going through the roof at this point. The more I spoke the more I couldn't stand to be here.

The four extra boys got up to leave but Ben stopped them, confusing the hell out of me.

"I should explain it to you all, I know I didn't say much when I freaked out last night." He rubbed his bloodied, bandaged hand and looked down. The four sat back down, cautiously; no idea what would come next.

"The other night after we had gone back to the bus, I left to go to the bar and just have a few drinks. Well the bartender knew me and a few drinks turned into blackout drinks. the last thing I remember is going outside for a smoke, after that all I can say is that... I woke up at twelve in the morning in some chicks bed. She threw me out. I called a cab and got back here, texted Becca and freaked out when she called me. I didn't want to hear her cry or or be sad but I lost it. I had fucked up and I just.. I didn't think about what I was doing." He said, a tear rolling down his face, soon wiped away.

"But why go out? You have bottle upon bottles here. You rarely ever go out by yourself." I said trying to understand and put the pieces together.

"I honestly just wanted to be somewhere other than the bus. Three weeks of being on a bus with a bunch of dudes who I had been with for almost two months prior, I just wanted something different." He mumbled and I nodded.

I looked at the boys who seemed a bit scared.

"So you decided not to explain anything to me, or them, and just let me freak out, cry and lose my damn mind instead of just explaining that?" I said, the anger in my voice just seeping from every word.

"I couldn't then. I didn't know how to honestly. At that point, I was sure you were just going to stop talking to me and want nothing to do with me. I was too angry with myself to hear your voice." He said and while I appreciated his concern for my own wellbeing, I would've rather heard the truth than dish out a couple hundred to come out here to get the truth.

"So you blacked out and slept with some chick and then got pissed about what you did and just sent a text to her, not telling us anything besides that you cheated and that's it." James said, processing all of the information. Ben nodded and I got up and hugged him. An audible gasp was heard and I chuckled, tears in my eyes.

"Ben, I know you didn't mean for this to happen just by the way you explained it but.." I said just before slapping the shit out of him. "You do it again, there's no getting me back." I said sternly and then turned to the others.

"And you, all of you. If I EVER have to drop everything just to find out what the fuck is going on because he wouldn't tell me and YOU hung up on me, I'll castrate you all." I said pointing to each of them individually.

"Come on, let's get your hand cleaned up before it gets infected." I said and went to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit. I sat Ben down on the small toilet and started to clean the dry blood off of his knuckles.

"Are you really gonna forgive me?" He asked quietly and I sighed as I poured the rubbing alcohol onto his cuts letting him wince before bandaging his up again.

"Yeah. I can tell that you didn't do it intentionally but like I said, it happens again then I'm done." I looked at him, staring up at me, a sparkle in his eye.

"It won't happen, I promise." He said and I nodded before hugging him once more, giving him a kiss to make him stop beating himself up about it even though he should. It hurt me too much to see that he hurt himself over what he did.


Maybe I was dumb for coming all the way out here and letting him off the hook but I loved him wholeheartedly. I saw that this wasn't a planned thing like it was with Chris, I learned my lesson with him and what was real or not. What Ben had done, while it broke my heart and I was fuming, I knew it was a mistake.

I had spent the remainder of my day with them, I got to see them perform once again and see the passion they had for their craft. That night I flew back home, content with the outcome.


"When someone makes you the happiest person and
the saddest person at the same time,
that's when you know it's real.
That's when you know it's worth something"

Notes

Well, I had a bad day today and it gave me the motivation to write this. I hope you enjoyed and sorry I've been away for so long! It's just been a rough month for me mentally, lots of things going on that have been a bit too much to handle.

HOWEVER over the past month, a new story that I've started with my good friend, RazzleDazzle, came out of it! It's gonna be a very... interesting one. It's going to based around Denis and I'm very excited for it because Raz is such a good writer and doesn't write much straight fics and I really only write straight fics. She's good with smut(mostly gay) and I'm good with fluff so I think we'll be complementing each other rather well. We've got the first few chapters written but I'm not sure when they'll be published so I'll let you all know when it comes out. (The story, as of right now, is gonna be called The Lost Souls so keep an eye out if I don't tell ya right away!)

Hope you all are doing great and a big congrats to the readers out there who are graduating or have already graduated recently! Proud of you fam<3

~ Becca xx