To the future.

Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. The voices patronize me. I give in to there little games and place the cold metal on my thighs. Swipe. The first stinging. Swipe. The second the same. Swipe. The third, deeper. I keep going, until my leg is numb. I grab the cloth besides me and place it on my throbbing thigh. I hear no more voices, they're happy and so am I.

I sit here for a couple more hours as i slowly come out of the hypnotizing state. The blood in the cloth has dried so i chuck it onto my dutches, it hits the mirror and rebounds over some of my products. I slowly get up, using the wall as a rail to help balance me. I walk over to my mirror and stare at what I am. The real question is, 'What am I?' I do this until I'm completely oblivious to my existence staring my self in the eyes. I snap out of another trance. I need a shower.

I'm not in the shower for long, i can't risk that stupid alcoholic accidentally walking in on me again. My face scrunches as I remember the past. My room is 'messy', a couple of rubbish papers here and there, so i decide to clean it.

Im done pretty quickly but today has been so slow and its new years. Im going to be hearing fire works and screaming. People drunkly walking down my street. My mind rushes through so many thoughts.

"He could kill you and no one will here you" "Why would any one care, its you and they'd be hung over"

I shake the thoughts out. I look out side and its sun set. Im pretty hungry. My father, the "stupid alcoholic' is pretty fucking stupid. He only thinks for alcohol, he rarely gets food nor gives me money for food. I think I've gone three days if not longer with out food. The only thing getting me through to the next year will be water. I give my self a pep talk before leaving my room.

I go downstairs, straight to the kitchen fridge. It has bottles of beer and cans of pre mixed drinks. The strong stench of alcohol pouring out, I close the fridge harder than I thought and that all to familiar sound of him getting up of that couch takes me by surprise. My body is tense and I make my way towards the exit trying to head back to my room.

"Liberty" His raspy voice hits my face as he cuts me off out of no where. I take a few steps back with my focus on him. Watching his every move.

"I need more alcohol " He throws change all over the floor with a the two ten dollar notes floating down. He gives me a stern look.

"Dad. I need food. There is nothing left in this house?" I hate calling him that. The last time I called him by his name he beat he shit out of me. My voice shakes and I'm trying not to break eye contact but he makes my whole body squirm.

"Listen. Get my alcohol and if there is enough change bring it back and I can use it for more alcohol. Take a can out of the six pack, that’ll sure fill you up." He gives me a smirk. He’s secretly trying to kill me, I swear. Our local bottle 'o' won't be open so i might have to travel and extra twenty minutes for the 24/7 one along the main road. I go to what ever door is closet and I'm on my way.

As I'm walking I notice I've reached half way. I'm to caught up in a plan to try and get out of that house. So many have flooded my minds but I'm just exhausted of trying to run. Honestly I'm ready. Ready to just be free with my mother. God how I miss her.

My drunken father had thought she had cheated on him. He fucking strangled my poor mother. He then propped her up the stair and dropped her. Told the police that she had fell and there was no investigation. He told me to go against my mother an di was so scared I didn’t know what to do. I was a frightened, helpless 12 years old.

It was never like this, then when Papa passed, he was just of the tracks. I honestly don't know what to do. My mother was the only one that could put sense into that stubborn brain. Alcohol teard his walls down and seeped into his blood. He's lost.

I’m bought out of my thoughts when the bottle 'o's flashing lights take my focus. I observe the group of young adults standing in a circle rapping each other. I slowly walk up and try to get there attention, acting like I'm interested in what they're doing. They're just a tad louder than me so i focus on the nicest looking one there. I awkwardly tug his shirt for attention.

"Look I told you!...." He notices I'm not someone he knows "Who are you and what do you want?" This caused some of the guys to give me weird looks. I nod my head to the right and he walks over to behind the corner of the store. "What are you looking for?" He's all of a sudden turned into some businessman.

"Could you buy me some beer please?" His face instantly drops and he just turns and walks away. I hear him mumbling under his breath.

At this point, I'm not sure what to do. I peek over the corner to see the guys where bout’s. His friend has asked what was up with our situation and turns his head in my direction making eye contact. I quickly duck back and panic for a quick second. I look around to see if anyone else is around to maybe buy me some beer but no luck. Typical.

I feel some ones presence behind me when I feel a sticky warm breath his my neck. "I can buy you some beer" I froze as I'm trying to process what to do. I step forward and face the person who did it. The awkward eye contact friend. I realize what he's said after looking him up and down, analyzing if he maybe has weapons.

"Would you please, I only need a six pack " To keep that monster fuelled. This guy is looking sleazier by the minute.

"Yeah sure, i could do that..." So much weight just lifted off of my shoulders. "But I'm going to need a little favor." A huge smirk planted on his face.

"I'll do anything, just I’m in a bad situation and need this alcohol" I realize that that came out as an agreement to murder me. With in the second of my answer, he just went in the store and came straight out. I’m instantly thinking of what food to buy for myself seeing’s he didn't ask me for money.

As he reaches me he puts his arm around me, the one he's holding the alcohol with and turns around.

“I’m off bruh” His deep voice yelled over the noise catching his friends attention. I turn to see the faces of his friends and they’re abit to happy for him. That guy must of told him im a prostitute or some tramp.. He leads in the direction of my house but I'm sure we're stopping in the ally to exchange drinks and money.

We reach the ally and the streetlights turn on. My signal to get home, asap. Not wanting to be rude I reach for the money.

"Nah, it's fine. Keep it." Relief of wanting to get KFC. "Now, for that little favor" He reaches the cans out and as I grab it he pulls me in, securing me in with his hand on my waist. He looks at both ends of the ally. "You should slowly put the cans down at my feet" I think he wants me to get sexual from this point forward.

I grab full control of the cans and slowly act as if I'm going to put it down. i 'trip' backwards causing my balance to buck. I get up by myself with the alcohol which has put a few centimeters between us. I start to cat out.

"Hey look. I can give you money. If you had told me you wanted something sexual I would have went on with my night" He gives me a look and I feel suddenly he is dominant.

"Was that the deal? You slut. Came up to my friend looking for alcohol. How old are you again? 14, 15? We had a deal." He comes closer and tried to touch me. I step back then just start running for one of the ends of the ally.

I don't get far. Quarter through the ally he grabs me and stops me. I freak out. I just have to face it. Just get it over and done with because I've just made this idiot mad. He doesn't say anything. He just has his hands firmly placed on my shoulders and he tries to walk me back. My feet are planted to the ground.

"MOVE!" He takes me by surprise causing me to flinch. He use his strong arms to pull me back but I trip and hit my head on the floor. I drop the beer and instantly my hands fly on the back of my skull. A huge egg from impact and maybe a little concussion, as soon as I hit the ground I saw stars.

I just want to cry. Curl up and cry. I don't move. I’m in shock, my hands move to my face. I’m crying. "Shut up. We had a fucking deal" He’s frustrated because he just wants something to fuck.

I feel him touching me and it just breaks me. My arms defending my body and every touch I let loose my arms. He grabs hold of them and turns me over onto my stomach. I’m completely pined down. I’m being violated all for my ‘dads’ fucking beer. I fucking hate everyone. I scream out of frustration and curse words start pouring out of my mouth.

He squeezes the back of my thigh a mechanism to try and get full control over me. Squirming around of the front of myself with pressure being held against me is digging my cuts into the gravel causing me to squirm even more. My mouth still is free so I just scream whatever word comes to mind.
“HELP ME, GET OFF ME. FUCK YOU BITCH, LET GO” He grabs a fist full of my hair and shoves my face into the ground. All I could do was loudly grunt and scream into the ground.

“Bitch, Shut the fuck up. Awww whats wrong, don't want to be my new years kiss?” His strength cause his teeth to grit. Also its no where near mid night. This guy must be taking bad drugs or something.

He all of a sudden pulls my pants down swiftly. This hurt because of my cuts touching the dirt. They’re now probably going to get infected. I’m not giving up, this is not cool. “HELP ME” I try to scream one more time, this is an ally way. You think the people that live right next to one would be more alert.

At this point of moment I hear the cars and trucks speeding past. I think I’ve tried enough, I’m just meat to this stray dog.

“PLEASE” I lift my head as far as it can go. He covers my mouth and he’s preparing himself. There’s no point, my body is feeling tired from being forcefully held down.

“Heeeeeeey” I hear faintly a loud mans voices.
“Heeeeeeey” It’s getting a little closer.

I feel this guy get a little sketchy and he grabs my head once more and hits it against the gravel. I have no power left. I feel his weight lift and it feels like a hundred tons has been lifted. All I hear is this guy running along the gravel and then he’s gone.

Is someone coming? My weak neck pulls itself up then my arms lift my helpless body up. I see my pants a few centimeters away and quickly grab them and put them on. The pants rub against my cuts taking the loose gravel that’s stuck onto my wounds out.

“Heeeey” Its closer. I’m looking towards the end of the ally and there is a car with the lights on. People standing around the car and two blobs of black coming towards me.


“Are you okay” The taller guy screams taking caution as he gets closer, the one behind him suggesting things.

I see the six pack over near the grass and make my way to it. I pick it up and see that these boys are maybe around the same age, they body structure looks familiar. They’re about fifty meters away.

“Are you okay?” I rub the back of my head.

“Im fine. Thanks for scaring that guy of.” I start to slowly walk to the other side of the ally, where the perp ran of too.

“Do you need an ambulance? Maybe need the hospital.” They keep suggesting things but honestly I’ve recovered through harder shit than this.

“No no, I’m okay”I keep the distance even between us”

“We’re not going to hurt you. What’s your name?” My back facing the main road keeping my eyes on them. I know that there’s poles I’ve got to swerve at the end of the ally.

“My names Liberty” Then I dash but wait of course. Stupid me losses track of how far I am and I wind myself hitting the poles.
“Liberty Champa?” These guys know me? Rustled feet gather next to me and they examine me. I look to try and see who it is but I’m out cold.

Notes

Sorry if its long, i felt like it was getting intense so i just had to keep trying to drag it on. Please tell me if you liked it :) I'll try to update this story every Sunday or earlier, my goal is to keep updates one week apart so i can proof read and stuff :) Tell me if ya liked it and subscribe and rate! Thanks for the chance <3 -Erin