Hold My Hand & Jump

Much to my surprise, I was met with applause when I returned to the backyard. “Get it, Tony!” Someone, probably Vic or Jaime yelled.
“Man, shut up,” I brushed it off. “I just walked her to her car.”
“You know she wanted the D, though,” Mike laughed, shrugging and leaning into his drunken companion.
“Hey!” Ama snapped, shooting him a warning look before I could. I think we both let it slide because he was hammered, but that was an incredibly inappropriate thing to say. I had a mind to comment on the lady – though she was hardly that – he brought with him. It was clear that was all she wanted him for; she wouldn’t last the night.
“In a non-vulgar way, though,” Vic started, sitting next to his younger brother, “can we all agree that she had eyes for you?”
“Oh, man, you would be blind not to see that,” Casey agreed. “You don’t have to know anything about women to know what bedroom eyes look like.”
“You know what murder eyes look like?” Ama hissed. She looked ready to draw blood. After she retreated, our eyes met and she rolled hers, equally as frustrated as I.
Casey held up his arms, his humored expression melting into one of regret. “I mean that in a non-vulgar way as well, I really do. I don’t know what else to call it.”
“How ‘bout you try calling it, ‘she likes him’?” Jaime suggested, a slight threat in his voice.
“You got it, buddy,” Casey said immediately. “Sorry, Ama,” he shrugged.
“Do you guys really think so?” I asked the group quietly.
“I don’t know that much about her, man,” Chris spoke up. “I mean, we’ve hung out before. She was a little quiet tonight but I guess she’s always like that.”
“I’m surprised you got her talking,” Ama congratulated me. “Chris is right, she’s not much of a talker.”
“But I wouldn’t take it as far as she liked me,” I said softly, mostly to myself, and looked down. I felt eyes on me, though, so I looked back up to see Jaime and Ama bug-eyed, staring me down. “Are… you guys… okay?”
“Are you okay?” Jaime asked. “Did something happen with your eyesight or, or, your head in the last hour? Because, dude…” He trailed, blowing air out of the side of his mouth. “She likes you.”
“Did you at least get her number?” Ama giggled.
I prepared for the backlash. “Um… no.”
“Oh my God, I’ve taught you nothing,” Jaime sighed, covering his face with his hands. “You didn’t even think about it, did you?”
“I was way too nervous,” I admitted.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Chris interjected politely, standing up, “but I gotta work early tomorrow.”
“Hey, make that bank, bro,” Jaime said, standing as well to hug his brother. “Thanks for coming out.”
“Hey, no problem, anything for you two.” He held his arms out for Ama to hug him. “Congratulations on not killing him yet, Ama. You’re stronger than most of us.”
“You’re a funny guy, you little – hey! What do you mean, yet?” Jaime questioned, the smile quickly changing into a look of panic. “Yet?”
“In due time, cariño,” Ama said softly, patting his shoulder. “In due time.”
Jaime grabbed at his chest, like Ama had just stabbed him. “Oh. Oh, that hurts, Amabella. I thought we had a good thing going here.”
“I’m the only one who’s allowed to kill you,” Ama dead-panned, waving at Chris as he walked out. “Besides, you love me.”
“I do, I really do.” He gave in, kissing her cheek.
“Good boy.”
“You two make me sick,” I laughed, checking my phone out of habit.
“Good,” Ama turned to me to say that, then looked at Jaime again; once she saw my phone, though, she came right back to me. “Hey, I’m glad you took that out, give it to me.”
I attempted to shelter my phone from the woman’s vicious clutches and clearly evil intentions but it didn’t work.
“That was for her and for you,” she said in a much softer tone after she put Violet’s number in and gave it back to me. “It would do you both some good to have someone to talk to, even if that’s as far as it goes.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that. “If you insist… thanks, Ama.”
About twenty minutes, the party seemed to be over. Vic had helped the two intoxicated monkeys into the backseat of his car and drove home, Casey and Zach had disappeared, and Nicole and I were helping Ama and Jaime clean up. Ama wiped down the counters and kitchen table while I put the food and what was left of the beer away. “I try not to get too much into Violet’s business like that, you know,” Ama said, sounding slightly embarrassed. “Normally, I wouldn’t have done that, wouldn’t have taken matters into my hands. It’s her business, not mine.”
I hummed every so often as she spoke to let her know I was listening.
“But I know her, and better than she knows herself sometimes…” she said as she moved about the kitchen and dining room. “She tries not to wear her heart on her sleeve but sometimes it doesn’t work. She cares for others to the point where she really won’t talk about herself, she wants to hear what others have to say.”
It made sense, what she was saying. “I actually got that vibe from her. I felt bad because I was interested in what she had to say but I don’t know, I think we found a balance.”
Ama chuckled. “You clicked, for sure.” A few moments passed before she said anything else. “Nah, a lot of what she’s into gets shut down by other people, so I think it did a lot of good for her to talk to you. She might have been a little uncomfortable at first, but if she sat and talked to you for that long, I promise you she wasn’t at the end.”
“Good to know,” I said quietly. “So maybe she doesn’t think I’m a total loser or anything.” There’s that word again.
Ama sighed, tossing the washcloth to the side and leaning her elbow on the counter. “Look, between you and me, she hasn’t smiled like that in a while. I think you two might have a lot more to say to each other, but if all you ever end up being is friends, then that’s what happens.” She shrugged it off like it was nothing and went back to work, picking at a stain on the counter with her nail, then wiping it away. It was obvious, though, there was something deeper. That, along with the comments made about Violet’s lack of attendance at these kinds of events, concerned me. I didn’t even know her, but God, I wanted to. It really was something to wonder about, how our mutual friends were so close but we ourselves had never met.
“I know you’re a nice guy,” Ama continued, “and I trust what Violet thinks… but just do me a favor, will you?”
Where was this going? “Sure.”
She seemed to be mulling over her words a little bit. “Just be honest,” she finally replied. “If you want to be more than friends, tell her. If you’re content with just talking, let her know. Be open with her. Okay?”
Her tone suggested someone had failed to do that for Violet in the past. “You’ve got my word on that.” That was a no brainer.
“Appreciate ya,” she smiled, rinsing the washcloth and draping it over the side of the sink to dry. “You can head out whenever you’d like, we’re pretty much done cleaning. You didn’t need to help clean, by the way, but I appreciate it.”
“Ah, you’re welcome,” I obliged, looking at my phone. “Yeah, I should get going.”
“Well, thanks for coming,” Ama smiled, leaning in for a hug. “Means a lot to Jaime to have you around for sure. That man gets so hyper and restless when he’s bored, and having you guys around keeps him sane.”
“Oh, no problem,” I laughed, hugging her. “Thanks for inviting me over, I needed to get out of that damn apartment.”
“You leavin’, man?” Jaime asked, shutting the sliding glass door and closing the blinds.
“Yeah, it was good to see you though.”
“Yeah, man, thanks for coming,” he said, coming over to stand next to Ama and put an arm around her. “You got the track I sent you, right?” He asked me. “I forgot to ask you earlier.”
“Oh, yeah,” I remembered. “I’m gonna sit down and listen when I find the time. Probably later this week. I’ll get back to you.” I played with my keys as we spoke. “What did they think about it?”
“Who, Vic and Mike? I didn’t ask Jack Daniels – I mean, Mike, but Vic said he thinks we can do something with it. We’ll all have to get together and figure something out.”
“Hey, just let me know. I don’t get a lot of free time but I usually have one day during the week completely free.”
“Will do, man, have a good night.”
“Good night, Tony,” Ama said.
“Night, guys,” I said, and let myself out.
On the drive to my mom’s, I got to thinking and of course my mind wandered back to Violet. She had a way about her that stuck with me. That smile, and the way the lights in her eyes danced when she spoke about her passions and dreams. People like that can captivate an audience, can lure people in. It was only now that I remembered I’d have to discuss this afternoon’s events with my mother and the stress it brought me; that was how much Violet distracted me. I also took in consideration what Ama said, about honesty and all of that. One conversation wasn’t enough to decide anything except that I would like to have another. Of course, all it took was one look for her to take my breath away. I’d never liked the feeling before now – it usually signaled nausea and an anxiety attack – but I hadn’t minded tonight. No matter how much conversation scared me, I decided I was going to text her, and at least try. I also decided that if it turned out she would only ever be just a friend, I was content with that. Besides, how foolish would it be to get my hopes up now?
Good God, does your brain ever shut off?
A notification appeared on my phone, and I checked it at a stoplight (because I’m a responsible adult and a safe driver.) It was a text from my mom: “Did you eat?”
“Yeah,” I responded. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. I just wondered if I should heat something up for you. On your way?”
“No, don’t worry about it. Yeah, I’m almost there.” At another stoplight, I sent, “Could I stay the night? I’ll be out early in the morning for class. My roommate and I might kill each other if I go back.”
She replied nearly instantly. “You don’t have to ask. Your room is the way you left it and you actually still have clean clothes here. Is everything alright?”
I decided not to reply; we’d talk about it when I got there.
I got another text, but I didn’t check it until I pulled into the driveway. It was from Ama: “Did you text her yet?”
I rolled my eyes. “Ama, I swear to God…” I sent back, “No, I just got home. Let me stress about it for at least an hour first.” I put my phone in my pocket and walked up to the door. My key still worked, but I knocked a few times to notify my mother before I actually opened the door. “Hey, Mom.”
“In here, son,” she answered, and I turned the corner to see her sitting at the kitchen table. “Hello,” she said quietly when she saw me. “How are you?”
“I’m alright. Is Becca asleep?”
“She’s laying down. Come sit,” she said, and nudged the chair next to her with her foot. “I feel like we hardly ever get to see you anymore.”
“Hey, you’re the one that wanted me to go to college,” I sighed, placing my phone on the table and sitting down. She was in her pajamas, her reading glasses and a book on the table in front of her. She waited up for me; I hated when I made her do that. “It’s probably going to be even harder to come by when classes pick up – especially if I have to get another job.”
“Do you mean a new job entirely or pick up a second?”
“Pick up a second.”
“Tony, you already work full time and go to school. How the hell are you going to do this and why do you need to?”
This was the scary part. “Because I need to kick my dumbass roommate out.” Then, I realized something, and said more to myself than to her, “although I guess I’d manage, he doesn’t pay rent anyway.”
My mom tossed her hands up in confusion and squinted at me. Ah, the ‘mom stare.’ “This is news to me.”
My eyes averted. Here we go.
“How come you didn’t tell me any of this?”
“Well, I just came to the conclusion today that he’s either gonna get kicked out or he’s gonna move out. I had a meeting with the landlord today and I argued with the roommate today. That’s why I wanted to come over here because if I have to see that douchebag again tonight…” I didn’t finish.
When I looked up, she was frowning. “I wish you would have told me about this.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t wanna worry you,” I said softly, and averted my eyes again.
She was silent for some time, then she sighed and said, “Well, I’m sure something good happened today. You went to that bonfire, right?”
“I did, it’s Jaime and Ama’s anniversary and they celebrated that way.”
“Jaime and Ama, huh? Is she the really tiny and pretty one he’s been with since high school?”
“Yeah, that’s her. Four whole years.”
“That’s so sweet. Most high school relationships go up in flames after a while. Was it nice, did you have a good time?”
“Yeah, it was good. It was nice to see them happy ‘cause I know he’s been pretty bummed out lately. He didn’t get laid off but he hasn’t been working as much. And, um…” My cheeks caught fire, embarrassingly enough, when my mind steered in Violet’s direction. Hey, if anyone could offer advice on this, it was my mom. “I met one of Ama’s friends there, and I… couldn’t stop talking to her all night.
My mother had just put her reading glasses back on and was skimming her book; at the word ‘her’, she lowered her glasses and raised an eyebrow. “A girl, huh?”
“Don’t overthink it, Mother, we just talked.”
“My son finally met a girl?”
“Mom.”
“Who is she? What’s her name? What does she do? Is she pretty?”
“Mom.”
“Well, is she?”
I chuckled to myself, leaning back and covering my face with my hands. “Mom,” I laughed, dragging my hands down my face and then crossing my arms. “I’m in college. I see a ton of girls every day.” I chose my next words carefully. “But her? She took my breath away.”
I swear, my mom squealed. “Oh, this is fantastic!” She exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “Tell me about her.”
“Your excitement about this frightens me.”
“I’m not as young as I used to be. I want grandkids at some point, Tony.”
“Really, Mom?”
She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “Fine. But could you at least tell me about her?” I didn’t respond right away and she followed it up with, “You seem to like her, though. Your face is all red.”
“Oh, jeez…” I muttered. “Anyway, her name is Violet. She goes to Miramar but she’s taking art classes, so I’ve never seen her before.”
“Interesting. A pretty name, too,” she hummed. “Go on. What’s she like?”
The more I talked, the more I felt the smile spread across my cheeks. “She was quiet at first but I think she found her niche in the conversation and she just, like, lit up. We’re into a lot of the same stuff, and we just talked about music and college for a long time.”
At this point, my mother was leaned forward, resting her chin on her palm, clearly absorbed. “That’s so nice,” she smiled. “You said she was pretty, do tell.”
“You’re gonna find this hilarious, but she’s got long, wavy purple hair, and – ”
“Oh, that’s adorable,” my mom smiled.
“ – and like, bright green eyes, like, the kind you don’t see very often. She’s super short, too, and she’s got a really pretty smile.”
My mother just kept smiling until she realized I was done – then she looked ultimately distraught. “What, that’s it? That’s all you’re gonna give me?”
“You want her full name, address and social, too?”
She rolled her eyes and slapped my knee. “Come on, Tony, you never talk to me about girls. This is the first time you have since you were in high school.”
“Mom, the only girl I ever talked to you about was Amabella, and she was only a friend,” I sighed, standing up and placing my phone in my pocket. “You never know, you might get to hear more about her. Ama gave me her number.” My mother stood up too, hooking her reading glasses on her shirt and putting her book under her arm. “Are you going to sleep?”
“Yeah, I probably should. I have to take your sister school shopping tomorrow.”
“Shit. You have a fun day ahead of you.”
She rolled her eyes again. “You should turn in too, didn’t you say you have class tomorrow morning?”
“Yeah, I’ll be out at 4:45. I’ll be back at around 8 to do some laundry and take some of my things back to my apartment.”
“Just don’t forget the spare key, one should still be hanging by the door. Also, only lock the bottom lock when you leave for class. The key only unlocks the bottom one, remember?”
“Mom, I let myself in. I have a key. And yes, I remember, it hasn’t been that long since I lived here.”
She smiled, and patted my shoulder before heading into her bedroom. “Goodnight, son. Thanks for stopping by.”
“Night, Mom. Sleep well.”
Not ten minutes had passed after I had turned the light off and settled under the covers before I remembered. My phone in my pocket had never felt so heavy, and my nerves had never felt so fried. Although, I’d always deemed it easier to communicate through text; that way, there’s no face-to-face hesitation or embarrassment and I could come back to the conversation later if I didn’t know what to say right away. I had tried not to show it, but talking to Violet was easily the most terrifying thing I’d done in a while. I’m a listener; it’s not that I’m not comfortable in social situations, I’m just much more comfortable when I don’t have to talk.
I must have written the message a thousand different ways. My shaking fingers finally found a happy medium and sent, “Hey, Violet, it’s Tony.” Commence the frightened waiting, in which I’ll regret my decision and worry a million times more than I should.
It actually wasn’t long before she replied. “Oh, hey! How are you?”
I figured I could overanalyze, but this time I didn’t. I was just stoked that she responded. “I’m alright, what about you?”
“I’m doing alright,” she sent back. “Not that I mind, but can I ask – was it Ama that gave you my number?”
I laughed out loud at that. “She insisted.”
I received two messages at once; one was from Violet, the other from Ama. I ignored Ama’s and just focused on the conversation. Apparently, I was feeling brave – I felt detached from my body as I watched my fingers type out, “She said it would be good for us to get to know each other, and I agree. I enjoyed talking to you tonight.”
This response was slightly delayed. “That’s sweet of you to say. I felt the same way. I’m still wondering why we haven’t met before. Ama tells you’ve been friends for a long time.”
“I met Jaime first,” I replied, “and I think he and Ama got together the year after that. They’re kind of a package deal. They never really went anywhere without each other, so I got to know her.”
“You’re spot on calling them a package deal. The more you get to know her, the more you get to know him.”
Grinning like an idiot, I sent back, “I feel like we should have met a long time ago. What do you say we catch up on all those years we could have been friends and get to know each other? If I’m being honest, I’d love to see you again.”
After I pressed send, regret sunk so far into my skin, it became a part of me. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have said it like that. Why did I do that? My thoughts were plagued with worry. “Way to go, Tony,” I said to myself. “Scared her off. Nice.”
It was a few minutes, but my phone buzzed, and I’ve never opened a text so fast. “I wouldn’t mind that at all.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. My mind was screaming at me not to take any more risks, to let my pounding heart have a break, but there was this tiny part of me that told me to keep going. It would be foolish of me to let this opportunity slip. “Are you free Tuesday night?”
I wanted to leap into the sky when I read her response. “I have class from 4-6:30pm but after that, of course.”
I got an idea; my mind pushed it down, but my heart was louder. Do it. Don’t let this one slip. “Would you be interested in seeing a movie with me, and maybe grabbing dinner afterward?” I read the words again, then again and again, before I hit send. The last thing I wanted to do was come off too strong, or be pushy. God knew I didn’t know how to flirt, let alone ask a girl out.
A couple of minutes later, she sent back, “That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Honestly, I felt like a little kid who just walked into a candy store with a hundred bucks in his hand. I had to laugh at myself a little bit. My phone buzzed again, and I saw that Violet sent, “Sorry for the late replies, I’m starting to fall asleep. But no, that sounds great!”
It was hard to keep that smile off my face. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll let you sleep, though, we can work out details later.”
I didn’t expect a response; one came about five minutes later, though. “Goodnight, Tony. And hey, thanks for texting me. I don’t have that kind of courage to initiate conversation. It was nice to talk to you tonight.”
“You too.”
After a while of just sitting there in disbelief, I finally plugged in my phone and set it to the side. It was tempting to keep looking back at the conversation, just to convince myself that it really happened. I had to laugh at myself; I don’t think I’d ever felt this way before. My fingers were still in tremors.
Before I fell asleep, I remembered something, and unlocked my phone to look at Ama’s text. “Well?” It read.
Amused, I sent back, “Well, you win.”

Notes

this next chapter is going to be sexually graphic. there are parts of it that are relevant to the story, and everything you need to know comes before they do the nasty, so if it makes you uncomfortable, you can stop at any point. it doesn't just jump right in, you'll know when things will start to pick up so you can stop. from now on, all chapters that are sexually graphic will have ** in the title so you know.