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Hold My Hand & Jump

chapter two - count the moments - violet's pov

“You really are lucky, you know that?”
The girl on the other line scoffed.
“No, think about it,” I argued, shifting under the covers. “You know what they say about high school relationships. Plus, you saw the girls that went to our high school. Do you realize how much of a gift a real man is these days, let alone that he’s been with you for four years? I mean, at this point, he’s probably not going anywhere.”
I don’t think it’s that I’m lucky, I think it’s that he knows I’ll hunt him down and stab him fifty times if he leaves me.
“Yeah, you’re right, that’s it. I forgot.”
Ama erupted into laughter. “Oh, Violet, but you’re right. I am lucky. He’s so good to me. You don’t have to tell me twice that he’s a real man, or a gift.” We fell into a comfortable silence, then she murmured, “God, it’s been four years.
“Well, congratulations,” I said with a smile. “You really deserve it.” Unable to find a comfortable position, I forced my body out of bed and paced the room. “But why a bonfire? Why not go out and have some time to yourselves?”
If this is your way of telling me you don’t wanna come –
“Oh, no, I do,” I interrupted her. “I just don’t understand, if I was with somebody, and it was our anniversary, especially our fourth-fucking-year anniversary,” I shrugged as if she could see me through the phone, “I would just want to be with that person, I wouldn’t wanna share it with anybody.”
I definitely agree,” Ama said. “To be honest, Jaime’s been super lonely. They cut his hours for a little while so he’s not been at work, and it’s been a while since we’ve hung out with any of you. And you’re right,” she sighed. “This is kind of a big deal for us, and we want to share it. You know?
“Mm.” Pacing wasn’t doing it for me, so I collapsed on the bed, my chest right on the edge and my head hanging over.
Why not invite our friends, who might not be doing anything fun tonight otherwise, over for drinks and laughs and a good time?”
“I feel like that might have been a personal jab at me, Amabella.” I chuckled.
She laughed as well, and there was another comfortable silence before she sighed. With that one sigh, I knew I had opened up a big can of worms. “Okay, but when was the last time you got out of bed, other than to go to school?
I bit my lip and thought. “Just now. I was pacing the room.”
Oh, Jesus, Violet.
“I get up to use the restroom, too.”
Yeah, but your room is right across the hall. Although I guess it’s good that you’re leaving your room, but Violet, besides college, when was the last time you left the house?”
I rolled your eyes.
Don’t roll your eyes at me, babe.
“Jeez, you know me well. Too well.” I groaned, rolling over. “Yeah, I mean, I see your point – oh, shit, head rush.” My head fell back onto the pillow when I tried to sit up, and I crawled under the covers again. Suddenly, my bed seemed nothing but comfortable, and leaving it – leaving my house – seemed like a terrible idea.
I know this month is hard for you,” Ama spoke in a soft voice filled with concern. “But it’s over, it’s basically over, there are what, three days left in July?” Amabella fell quiet again, letting that sink into my brain. “And you made it through another one. You always think you’re never gonna make it through, and look at you.
The corners of my lips turned up at that. “I guess,” I whispered.
There’s a smile!” Ama squealed. “Come out tonight. Eat some good food. Laugh at Jaime’s stupid jokes. Come watch the stars with me. Come drink soda with me and Jaime, otherwise we’ll be the only ones not drinking.
“Okay, okay, woman, you already had me convinced.” I slid off the bed and leaned my back up against it.
Yeah, but knowing you, you’re looking for ways to get out of it. And you can’t. So there.
“Why am I friends with you?”
Because you love me. I’ll see you at eight?
“Don’t say that like it’s a question, you and I both know it’s not a question.” Ama giggled in response, and I sighed. “Yeah, I’ll see you at eight.”
Yay! Hey, you know I love you but I got a couple more phone calls to make. Text me when you’re on your way, okay?”
“I will. Love you too, bye!” I pressed the ‘end’ button and tossed my phone to the side. It strangely took a massive amount of strength, more than usual, to get my body up and back onto the bed. It took strength that I didn’t have, so I opted to relax in the position I was in for what felt like forever. Ama’s words bounced around in my head, forming dents in the sides of my skull. She was right, July always brought back awful memories, days that were impossible to get through. Three years ago this month, on that summer day, I didn’t even think I’d make it through the night. I sure as hell didn’t want to. Yet, here I was. That was supposed to mean I was strong, right? Strong enough to keep him out of my head?
It hit me so hard I jolted straight up. The covers were tangled around my limbs and I was sweating. I didn’t remember falling asleep; I didn’t even remember getting back into bed. I must have had one of those falling dreams. Every time I had one of those, it felt like I jumped ten feet in the air and knocked over everything around me. However, that wasn’t what shook me.
Don’t think about it. He only gets in your head if you let him.
Huffing and puffing, I sat up and wiped the sweaty strands of hair from my face. “What time is it?” I whispered to myself after realizing it was darker than it was when I fell asleep. “How the fuck is it six o’clock already?” That’s what I get for not sleeping through the night. That’s what I get for letting the monsters in.
I got in the shower to avoid letting them in again. When I entered the hallway, I took a quick peek around the corner to make sure that no one was home. To my relief, there wasn’t, and I stepped across the hall and shut the bathroom door behind me. I stood facing away from the mirror as I undressed, but I couldn’t avoid seeing it on my body with my own two eyes. It left me upset, like it always did, but the ice cold water always seemed to calm me down. It was cold enough to almost hurt, just enough to leave my skin red from the pelting water, and to leave me numb. I used to think it was strange that I could only stand the cold, but the only real way to cure pain is to add a little more. Everything new distracts the old. That’s all it was; the shock and the breathlessness were distractions.
My phone vibrated on the counter, probably indicating a text or email notification. I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and turned off the shower. After wrapping one towel around my body and one around my hair, I checked the notification: it was a text from Ama. “You’ve never met Jaime’s friends, have you? His bandmates?”
I tiptoed quickly across the hall before I replied. “I’ve met Zach, but he’s not one of their bandmates, right? I know one of them went to high school with us, though.”
“Right and right,” she sent back. “But the names Vic, Tony and Mike don’t ring a bell?”
“Not even a little one.”
“Oh, well, you get to meet them tonight. I think you’ll like them! Jaime’s brother and my sister will be here too.”
“Awesome, I’ll let you know when I’m on my way” was what I sent back, but in my head, I was thinking, Awesome, new people that are gonna think I’m fucking weird. Anxiety’s a bitch to live with. “Hey, this isn’t formal, is it?”
“I mean, I wouldn’t go in my pajamas if I were you, but no, it’s not formal.”
I did a little happy dance. I hated dressing up. That was what got me into trouble in the first place.
Thirty minutes later, I was dressed, and thirty minutes after that, I was almost finished with my hair and makeup. “You need to stop worrying about standing out,” I said to myself. “When you have hair as purple as you do, you’re the first thing anyone looks at in the room.” Maybe I’ll put a beanie on, I thought. I didn’t do anything drastic with my makeup; I just dabbed a little foundation on to hide the bags under my eyes and penciled in my eyebrows to make it look like I had my life together. I left at 7:30 on the dot; it was an easy getaway because neither my dad nor stepmom were home. I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing. It meant that I didn’t have to face them now but I’d surely have to when I got home. I wasn’t sure which was worse, but I guess it all depended on how well my dad was reacting to his medication today.
The San Diego weather was crisp, too chilly for it being the end of July, but it wasn’t bad so I drove with the windows down. It was a five-minute drive, but the wind blowing through my hair was relaxing, sending tingles scattering across my scalp. The gravel crunched under my tires as I pulled into Jaime’s driveway. “Oh, Ama got her Jeep fixed,” I noticed. “Oh, shit, I forgot to let her know I was on my way. Nice one, Violet.”
Turns out I didn’t have to; I could hear her screaming from all the way across the yard. “Best friend is here!”
“How does someone as tiny as you scream that loud?”
I could hardly finish my sentence, the woman tackled me, pinning me up against my car, leaving me no choice but to hug her back. It certainly wasn’t a chore, Ama knew just how to warm my heart. “Hi, best friend!” Her squeal was muffled, as her face was pressed into my shoulder.
A smile warmed my cheeks. “Hey, best friend.”
She let go of me to stand on her tiptoes and kiss my forehead. “Come on,” she said, grabbing my hand. “There are only a couple of people who aren’t here yet, but there’s still tons of food.” I followed her in through the front door, turning right into the kitchen, where Jaime was leaning on the counter, drinking a Pepsi.
“Dude, love yourself and drink Coke,” I commented. “That’s just gross.”
“Shut up, Violet, you drink Dr. Pepper,” Ama retorted, slapping my arm playfully.
“That’s actually true. Hi, Jaime, how the hell are ya?”
He grinned, extending an arm to hug me with. “Doing just fine,” he replied; Ama stood at his side and they smiled at each other. “How are you? Glad you could make it!”
“I’m doing okay,” I smiled. “Happy anniversary to the both of you.”
“Thanks,” Ama blushed as she spoke. She wrapped both arms around her boyfriend, and he put his arm over her shoulder. “Really, thanks for coming. It means a lot that you’re here.”
“Oh, anything for my two most favorite people on the planet.” I reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a soda. “Who both look just absolutely dapper at the moment.”
“Yeah, he cleans up well, don’t he?” Ama giggled, kissing Jaime’s cheek. They both looked so classy in black; he donned a button-up and dark jeans, while she amazed in a form-fitting top with lace at the hems and high waisted shorts with gold buttons.
“Thought you said this wasn’t formal. I look like I just got out of bed,” I laughed nervously. “Doesn’t matter that it’s not far from the truth.”
Jaime shrugged. “Dude, Vic came in khakis. You’re good.”
“I did what, now?” I heard at the kitchen door. A young man, no older than 22 or 23, turned the corner to glare at Jaime. He then smiled at me and extended a hand. “You must be Violet,” he guessed. “I’m Vic.”
“I don’t blame you for assuming,” I laughed, shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“My brother’s around here somewhere. He’s the drunk one, you can’t miss him,” Vic chuckled. “I, however, am the designated driver, so if I could squeeze past you for a soda…”
“Oh, sure,” I obliged, stepping out of the kitchen so he could get past me.
“Are there no more out there?” Jaime asked him.
“There’s a few,” Vic answered. He opened a Sprite and took a couple of sips. “There’s not gonna be a lot of food left either if you guys don’t come out and get some.”
“Yeah, and it’ll be your fault,” Jaime laughed. They slapped each other on the shoulder as Vic walked out, presumably out to the backyard. Ah, the idiosyncrasies of men. “We’ll be out soon, we were waiting for her, and Tony should be here soon.”
“Ah,” Vic nodded, and turned to me. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Vi.”
Ama made a funny noise and Jaime said under his breath, “So who’s gonna tell him?”
I rolled my eyes, and explained to a seemingly confused Vic, “I’ve just always gone by Violet. Don’t let them make a bigger deal out of it than it is.”
“Knowing him?” He gestured to Jaime, then smiled and winked at me. “Gotcha.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you make that noise,” Jaime said, looking at Ama.
She smacked his arm. “Hey, even I don’t like it when people call her that. I know it pisses her off.” She turned to me and shrugged. “If it matters to you, it matters to me.”
“It pisses me off when people do it after I’ve explained to them that I don’t like it,” I shrugged. “But this is why I love you.”
“I’ll walk you out,” she offered, taking my arm. “He’s gonna wait for Tony.”
“Oh, okay. Yeah, I was about to ask why we’re still standing here when there’s food out there.”
“That’s a good question.”
When we got outside, I immediately regretted my decision. Being around Ama was always nice, but it was best when it was just me and her. We sat down with our plates of food; the couple owned a picnic bench, which was turned toward the fire pit, and there were several lawn and folding chairs set up around it as well. We chose the picnic bench, and I leaned in close, whispering, “You didn’t say that I wasn’t gonna recognize anyone here.”
Ama shrugged. “I mean, I kind of did. I told you everyone that was gonna be here.” I rolled my eyes for the thirtieth time since I’d arrived, and she giggled. “No, come on. You know Vic now, I think you two are gonna get along great. And you’ll like Mike when he’s not drunk.”
I looked over at the half naked man opposite me, and the blonde bimbo hanging off of his arm.
“I swear you will,” Ama reassured me. “Come on, I know you don’t like being around people, but I wouldn’t be friends with them if they weren’t the best group of people on the planet.”
Staring at my phone and occupying myself with tamales seemed to be a better option in my head, regardless of Ama’s encouragements. I knew it was rude, but I wanted to disappear…
“Okay, so,” Jaime announced from the door. “Violet, I cannot believe that given the amount of time you spend with us, you haven’t met these people yet.”
…and never return.
“That’s Casey,” Jaime pointed out, “one of my old coworkers.” A man I vaguely recognized for some reason smiled and waved at me. “Zach, who I have turned to the last four years for gifts for my girl, owns the jewelry store on 15th Street.”
“We met once before, but it was a long time ago,” Zach commented.
I had to think about that one. “Ama told me about you and I said we’ve met but I can’t remember to save my life.”
He waved it off. “Nice to see you again regardless.”
“You’ve met Vic already,” Jaime continued; Vic, standing at the grill, turned around anyway and acknowledged me again. “Don’t need to introduce you to my brother, don’t need to introduce you to Ama’s sister.” Nicole was sat on the opposite end of the yard, but she flashed me a genuine smile and waved; Chris was talking with Casey about something on his phone, but he looked up and waved as well. “Mikey Whiskeyhands,” He carried on, pointing at Mike. I didn’t need to wonder how he earned that nickname. “And…” Jaime just stood there, pointing at the girl next to Mike, clearly drawing a blank. “I mean, does Mike even know your name?”
I hoped it was nervous laughter that filled the air; perhaps I was just too uptight.
“And this is Tony.”
I looked to my left to see a man standing next to Jaime; he looked to be about his age and he appeared to be handmade by angels. Never mind how quickly my anxiety got the better of me, jamming my heart rate up to a level that would certainly leave me flushed. All of my regret just faded away like that. I was left counting the seconds in my head to try and stay focused. My attempt ended in surrender; I was captivated.
Oh, this is not good.

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