Noortje’s POV

Tony and I had woken up at 7 am to go to my appointment. I made sure to drink a lot of water and not to go to the bathroom, because the doctor told me I had to have a full bladder so he could take a clear look to make sure nothing was wrong. Because of my past implications, he didn’t want to accidentally miss anything, even though he thought the morning sickness was still completely normal. It was assuring know that he checked everything and didn’t just assume things and said everything was fine. Dr. Smit had given us new pictures that we could give to Tony’s mom and his sister. I made sure to wear comfortable clothes so I wouldn’t have troubles with my clothes during the ultrasound. Tony had given me one of his sweatshirts to keep me warm and to cover up my bump, and I had worn a pink maternity tank top with a bra underneath it that secured my breasts that had already gone up 2 cup sizes. Unfortunately my normal joggers didn’t fit anymore, but my brother had surprised me with a new pair that fit.

We were now in the car to his mom’s house. The plan was to be there at 11:30, so we headed there immediately after the scan. But I had made a terrible mistake; it was a really bad decision. How could I have been so stupid!

“Tony,” I panicked and tried not to focus on my problem.

“Hmm?” He took a left turn into the neighbourhood close to where his mom lived.

“I really have to go to the bathroom.”

Tony thought for a while, “I can’t do anything about that. Why didn’t you go at the hospital?”

“I don’t know, Tony,” I whined, “I swear I’m going to pee right here right now, and it won’t be on purpose.”

“Well, there’s no where I can pull over. We are nearly at my mum’s house. Can you wait a couple more minutes?” He took another turn and I started to recognise where we were.

“Oh my god! Stop moving!”

“I can’t stop moving! If I stop we will never get anywhere!”

“No, not you! Spud’s kicking again!” I put my hand on my stomach to try and calm the baby down, “I swear to god you’re going to make my bladder explode! Tony, please hurry up.”

“I don’t want to get in a car accident!”

“Tony!”

“I’m not going to risk our lives right now!” Tony shouted back.

“This seat will be ruined, I can’t help it!”

“Fucking calm down, Noortje! You’re driving me crazy! I swear to god! Just shut the fuck up for once!”

That got me to stop. Tony had never gotten mad at me like that. I could feel my breath getting unsteady, but I wasn’t going to let Tony notice; I wasn’t going to cry, I wasn’t going to cry. This was just my hormones, I could hold the tears back. Tony pulled up in front of his mom’s and got out before I could. He waited for me and when I finally caught up, he tried to hold my hand. But I quickly pulled away.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I growled and walked past him to the front door. I wasn’t going to cry.

Tony’s sister, Isabel, opened the door and grinned when she saw me. I smiled back and ruffled her hair, “as much as I would like to hug you, I really have to go to the bathroom. Like seriously, I feel like I’m going to internally combust here.”

She stepped aside and gushed, “sure, be quick, though, I have so much to tell you!”

“I can’t wait to hear it,” I casually stepped past her and then hurried into the downstairs bathroom. While I was on my way I heard Isa screaming out Tony’s name happily. She was always so excited to see her older brother. Luckily, we had also built a great bond, so she didn’t mind sharing Tony with me.

I did my business and instantly felt relieved. After washing my hands, I looked into the mirror. Tony’s words kept repeating over and over in my head. He had never told me to shut up in that manner. This was the first time he burst out with anger. Was he going to do that more often? Would he do it to our child? What if he did? I wasn’t going to cry.

I went into the very familiar living/dining room. Isabel, Tony, and Tony’s mom, Claudia, were all seated at the table. I wanted to join them, but I made I contact with Tony. There was no way I was going to hold back now. A single tear fell from my right eye and Tony notices.

“Do you mind if I talk to Noortje for a second?” Tony stood up and looked at his mom. She shook her head and Tony took me into the hallway. Just before we closed the door I could hear Isa and Claudia talking.

“Mom, what’s wrong? Are they going to break up?” She said in a hushed tone.

“I don’t know, darling. They probably won’t break up, though,” Claudia replied and the door finally closed.

I broke down right in front of Tony. Was Isabel right? I tried hiding my face by turning slightly and looking down, but Tony had already wrapped me in a tight loving hug. As much as I wanted to push him away, I really needed him. I let myself cry into his shoulder without any shame.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I immediately regretted it after it came out of my mouth; I shouldn’t have said it. I so so sorry,” he cooed and rubbed my back, reminding me off how painful it was.

“Why did you say it then?” I cried.

“It’s just- I’m terrified of how Isabel and my mom are going to react. What if they don’t want this?”

“At least you can tell your family, I can’t tell mine. This baby will only grow up with one grandmother, one aunt, and an uncle. It’s too dangerous to tell my parents or sister. Why can’t I just have a normal family?” I slowly slid down on the floor and started sobbing. For the first time in my life, I said it out loud. I never cried about this matter, let alone talked to Tony about it. I had been bottling it up my entire life and I was finally letting it all out, my hormones not helping at all.

Tony got down beside me and put my head in his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair as he tried to calm me down, “We will be much better parents, I promise. We won’t let our baby go through this.”

The door opened and Isabel came out, “Hey, guys what going… on?” She saw me crying in Tony’s lap, “Noortje, are you ok?”

I felt her kneeling in front of me, making me sob even louder. Why couldn’t I have a sister that cared about me as much as Isabel cared about Tony? I knew Isa was like family, but it was still different. Why wouldn’t people who shared blood with me hate me and abuse me?

“Isa, I don’t think this is the right time,” Tony panicked.

“Mom!” Isa called out.

“No, Isa, I don’t think-”

But it was too late, Claudia had already joined us, “oh, Tony, what’s going on here? Noortje, dear, is everything ok?”

“Everything’s fine,” Tony interjected, “just give us a moment, we’ll be with you in a sec.”

Isabel and Claudia both went back into the living room. Tony had discretely, yet clearly told them to leave, and they understood. I was always crying here: when we stayed the night after I had just met Claudia and Isabel, and now again. Why was it always when we came to tell them news?

“Shh, baby,” Tony hushed, “you’ve got me, Isa, my mom, your brother, Luke, Vic, Mike, Jaime, and even Jay. You have a family, and we’re actually starting one together. Isn’t that exciting?”

I nodded and quickly wiped my tears away; I didn’t want to cry anymore, “I’m just embarrassing myself. We came here to share happy news. It’s just my hormones going crazy.”

“You’re not embarrassing yourself, it’s ok, you’re allowed to cry.”

“Do you think they’ll be willing to forget about what just happened?”

Tony nodded, “I love you so much, and Spud as well.” He rubbed circles on my stomach, causing Spud to give small kicks. He/she always seemed to get excited whenever Tony showed affection by rubbing my stomach, talking to it, or listening to it.

“I love you too,” I pulled Tony down so his lips met mine. It was only a quick, reassuring kiss, that was not going in any other direction.

“So, how about we go tell them the good news, then?”

I nodded and let Tony help me up, “my bag has the photo’s in them,” before I had the chance to pick it up from the place I had left it when I ran to the bathroom, Tony leaned over and got it for me. We entered the living room together with our fingers intertwined. I had to resist the urge to bring my other hand to my bump that was giving me kicks.

“Let’s start again,” I proposed, “I didn’t even get to say hello to you yet.”

Isabel grinned at me before running up and hugging me tightly. Luckily she was gentle (probably because I was crying before) and didn’t notice the movements coming from my stomach. Tony’s mom, however, eyed me after giving me a hug. She must have noticed something. We all took seats at the table again.

“So, ummm,” Tony started, “Noortje and I obviously came here for a reason, and not just because we just came back from tour. Because if it were for only that reason, we would have come later this week. We literally came back home quite late yesterday.”

“Oh my god, you guys are getting married!” Isabel exclaimed.

I chuckled, “no, not yet or any time soon.”

“Well…” Tony argued, making Isabel’s eyes go wide, but he disappointed her, “no, not anytime soon.”

“What! Why not!” Isabel pouted.

“Because that’s our decision, not yours.”

“Fine.”

“But, we still have some other good news,” I tried cheering her up and then rummaged through my bag to find the two envelopes, “we want you to open these at the same time.”

I handed them over. Isabel and Claudia both opened them before looking at each other and taking out the picture at the same time. They both reacted differently when they saw what is was, but it was still the same emotion. Tony had nothing to worry about.

“You’re pregnant!” Isabel jumped up from her seat and hurried over to hug me once again.

“Woah, be careful there,” Tony warned before turning to his mom. She was still sitting at the table with her hand covering her mouth and happy tears streaming down her face. It took her awhile to process things before standing up at well and hugging both of us as well.

“I’m going to have a grandbaby,” she laughed while wiping away her tears, “and I’m really glad it’s you and not Isabel.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!” Isabel quarreled, “I’ll have you know that I’m still a virgin.”

“I, for a fact, know that is true,” I backed her up.

“Wait. Hold on. You talk to my sister about sex?” Tony scrunched up his nose.

“Yeah, is that weird?”

“Yes!”

“What’s weird is knowing you guys had sex to make this cute little baby,” Isabel pointed out, “It never really occurred to me that you guys- I don’t even want to think about it.”

“You definitely don’t,” I laughed, “trust me. This baby did not happen first try.”

“It took us 8 months,” Tony added, trying to make his sister uncomfortable.

“I’ll pretend you didn’t just say that. Does the baby kick yet? Can I feel?” Isabel changed the subject and jumped around me.

“Yes, the baby does kick. I will have to lie down and see if Spud wants to kick, though.” I answered.

Isabel pulled on my arm, “come on then, go lie down on the couch.”

“Careful,” I slowed her down, “there’s a reason why I’m not coming on tour.”

“You’re not going on tour?!”

I shook my head and lied down on the couch, propping myself up slightly with a pillow, “The doctor doesn’t want me to. Tony’s going though. But it will mean you can visit me after school whenever you want. My brother will be here for another couple of weeks, and then I will have the other guys’ girlfriends, and Luke. This baby will need a lot of affection when Tony isn’t here.”

Isabel turned to her mother, “can I?”

Claudia nodded, “as long as you’re careful and Noortje is fine with it.”

I gave Isa a smile and took of the sweatshirt, “I can finally take this thing on. It’s so warm, how do you wear these, Tone?”

“I just do,” He shrugged and took the sweater from me.

“Wow, you’re so big already,” Tony’s mom gushed, “how far along are you?”

“19 weeks, so nearly halfway,” I told her as I pulled up my tank top so my stomach was exposed, “Tony, you may do the honer.”

Tony had managed to get Spud kicking once again. This time it took a bit longer than usual, so Spud was definitely shy. Only when Tony mumbled against my stomach, did the kicking begin. Normally Spud would already have been going crazy. Isabel was so infatuated by the movement and the fact there was a small human growing inside of me, while Claudia teared up again, making me cry as well. I was really becoming soft now that I was pregnant; I used to be able to watch the notebook without crying and Tony would be bawling his eyes out, but now the smallest cute things could make me cry.

Pregnancy really was weird.

Notes

I'm really having trouble writing chapters. For some reason I'm not that motivated to write anymore... I can't think of any ideas and my chapters are getting shorter and shorter (this one is pretty long though). I used to be able to write at least 3000 words per chapter, it has now turned into a mere 1000-1500 words. I feel like I'm letting anyone who's reading this down. I just don't get any inspiration anymore. I'm so sorry for letting you guys down.