Love Amongst Destruction

Seemingly out of nowhere I was suddenly jolted awake and aware.
I shot up and found myself sitting on a couch.
Taking a few second I looked up and down my body making sure I was alright, and I checked my surroundings.
“What the hell?” I gasped, jumping back, and accidently hitting my head as seeing Tyler right in front of me gave me a major scare.
“Hey, hey, hey, it’s ok. It’s ok, I promise.” He whispered, slowly extending his hand to me.
“No, don’t touch!!!” I screamed, backing away even further than I already was.
“Bella, it’s me sweetheart, it’s ok.” He softly said.
“Don’t fucking call me that! I should have never come here, Chance was right. I need to go.” I said with a shaking voice.
I went to go and exit the bus, but Tyler quickly stopped me by running in front of the door.
“Bella, it’s absolutely insane out there with the weather. It’s not safe for you to be out there.” Tyler warned me.
“I need to go back to Chance.” I whispered panicked.
I tried reaching around Tyler’s body to open the door, but he was a solid wall.
“Just relax, Bells. Once the storm dies down , feel free to head on out. I can’t let you go out now though, that would be extremely irresponsible of me.” Tyler said.
“No, no, no, no, no. Danny said I could leave, that’s what I want.” I growled out.
“I’m not saying that you can’t leave Bella, I’m just saying that right this second isn’t safe for you.” He told me once more.
“Fuck you!” I suddenly screamed, a whole ton of rage coming out of me.
Silence shouted throughout the whole entire bus.
I took a huge step back, and took a deep breath.
“I hate you…..I hate you so much.” I growled.
“Yet you came back…..” Tyler pondered.
“Not for any of you. I came back for myself, to show myself I still had some control over my life.” I hissed back at him.
“Then you should stay, and see that Danny really was telling the truth.” He whispered.
I shook my head.
“You don’t get it, do you?” I chuckled to myself.
“I don’t think I’m getting what you’re trying to get me to get.” Tyler softly admitted.
I took a quick little calming breath in just to steady myself.
This was Tyler.
It wasn’t Chris, Danny, or anyone else, just Tyler.
Even if I was the best liar in the world, I couldn’t lie about the fact that Tyler and I connect on a level like no one else.
“Hold on.” I quickly mused, walking to the back of the bus.
I saw a look of sudden questioning pop onto Tyler’s face and I quickly extended my arm, signaling for him to stay where he was.
I instantly knew that we were in Escape the Fate’s bus when I first woke up, and that’s why I knew exactly where to go in order to find the big umbrella I was looking for.
I grabbed the umbrella from the back lounge room and made it back up to a curious and waiting Tyler.
“Walk and talk?” Tyler asked.
“Well if you think we should.” I teased him a bit, lightening up the mood.
He unlocked the door for us, grabbed the umbrella and once he took a step out of the bus he opened up the umbrella and the both of us quickly got under it.
We walked in step with each other away from the crowds of people stuck in the tents and towards a humongous field with some small nature trails along the sides of it.
“So….what do I not get?” Tyler asked me.
“What do you mean?” I asked back, confused.
“Before we left the bus, you told me that I just didn’t get it. So what do I not get?” Tyler replied.
“You said on the bus that if I stayed I would be able to see that Danny was telling the truth. He told me on the phone that he would let me go after today, that I was free to leave.” I started explaining.
“Ok...and you are free to go whenever you want.” Tyler stated.
“No! See, that is where you’re all wrong. Everyone thinks that I got out and am actually able to leave, but that’s all bullshit!” I exclaimed.
A huge strike of lightning lit up the sky and with that I was able to see even more of Tyler’s face.
“Keep going, I still haven’t fully caught on.” Tyler said.
“I’m physically out, yes. You and I and anyone else in the whole world could agree on that. However, mentally…….it’s like I can’t get away. I go sleep, and I’m right back where I left off at that house. I close my eyes for a few minutes or walk from the parking lot back to the room we’re renting for that night and all I can think about is making sure I don’t see one of you. My dreams transport me right back into the hell my brain refuses to let go off. I’m not free……...I never will be. Even when I’m miles and miles and miles away I’m still locked in that fucking house.” I told him, my voice dropping with disappointment.
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Tyler’s POV
With every word that came out of Bella’s mouth I saw pain flash through her eyes and the sadness and fear dripped out of her words.
She went completely silent and the loudest sound became the rain pounding the ground and the crazy thunder. Our pace came to a sudden stop as Bella stopped mid walk.
“So then in your mind Danny’s already lied.” I stated, making sure I understand her.
“Exactly.” She said, and once again I saw her face crumble with sadness.
“I know you way too well, Bella. You’re thinking of something else.” I told her.
“Can’t just leave good enough alone, can you?” She said, a tiny bit annoyed.
“You came back to the nightmare you claim to hate so much. There’s some deeper psychology to that.” I replied.
“The psychology of my levels of being fucked up is off the charts.” She stated, with this silly little smile on her face.
“Stop that.” I told her, breaking out the dominant voice I hadn’t used in weeks now.
Glad to know that it was still there.
I instantly saw her body stance change, it was somehow scared yet on defense as well.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, I saw the tears gently going down your face, you can’t lie to me that much.” I said.
“I’m not stupid…..and I may seem naive, but I promise you I am very far from that.” She stated.
“I agree, you’re not stupid at all…...so what is that smart brain of yours thinking about?” I inquired.
“I know the other guys, even if I go back today as promised…...I know soon enough that I’ll be back here. No matter how hard I fight, how fast I run, or how well I hide. Someone always manages to find me, and I know that’s what everyone wants.” She whispered, fully pained.
“What else are you thinking?” I gently asked.
“Is it worth fighting a fight that I know I’ll lose? Is it truly worth it to fully exhaust myself both mentally and physically fighting you when I know that alone will break me down to absolutely nothing? But on the other hand, if I just give in and stay…….all of my fighting will have been for naught. So what does one choose? What makes them happy, but will exhaust them to beyond their limit, or what makes them fucking miserable but will put an end to the wondering……” She pondered.
Holy Shit.
That’s not what I was expecting at all…….but in a wonderful way.
“How serious have you been debating that question?” I asked her out of curiosity.
“It passed my mind a few times in the hotel with Chance…..but now that I’m here…...I just don’t know. I’m a horrible fucking person for whatever I choose. I either destroy myself or destroy the man I love.” She responded.
“For once in your life Bella just take a second to think, ok? Think about yourself, and no one else. Think about what YOU want right now, don’t let anyone else’s wants or thoughts influence your decision. Just take some down time and think about it, ok? Not for me or for anyone else, but do it for yourself.” I told her.
“I’ll try.” She whispered.
“How does this sound? You and I go back to the bus, I’ll leave you alone for a few hours while everyone is still waiting out this horrendous storm and then you can go from there.” I suggested.
“I can deal with that.” She said.
Our pace once again started back up and we made our way out of the trail and back to ETF’s bus.
“You’re freezing cold.” I stated, as we walked into the bus and saw her shaking.
“It’s fine, it’s just from the rain. I’ll warm up.” She replied.
“Bella….don’t let your pride get in the way. You know we’ve got plenty of clothes in the back. Don’t get sick or freeze just because you’re too proud to borrow our clothes.” I said.
“Don’t tell me what to do.” She mumbled under her breath.
She then looked back up at me and said “I’m just going to head into the back and think for a bit.”
Bella made her quick exit from me, and I was left standing in the main area of ETF’s bus pretty shocked.
I didn’t realize the extent of the war in this girl’s mind.
No one honestly would have guessed what she was weighing in her mind while she was gone and with Chance.
Well, she’d be out of the back soon enough and then I’d at least be able to get a tiny bit of a clearer idea as to what she was leaning towards.
Boy oh boy was that going to be interesting.
I couldn’t wait.

Notes

Here's some more of Bella and Tyler! Hopefully this let you see more into Bella's mind so you can see what she's truly thinking, which only Tyler could truly bring out.

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Have a great day and stay warm and safe in the snow!