So Lock and Load
i see the smoke
Kellin’s POV
“WHY!?” I yelled at the empty church walls, knowing that nobody could hear.
“WHERE’S YOUR FUCKING GOD NOW!?!?” I yelled again at the empty walls. “WHERE WAS GOD WHEN BRANDON DIED?!?!?” I continued yelling at the empty walls knowing nobody could hear my breakdown. “WHERE WAS HE?!?” tears were streaming down my face as I dropped to my knees on the same gross dusty carpet. “FIFTY FUCKING YEARS OF NOTHING BUT PURE HELL FOR ME, AND WHERE WAS HE?!?!” I kept screaming throat becoming sore.
“I’m sorry okay?” I whispered voice becoming raspy. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. It felt like being here after so long punched a huge hole right through my stomach. All of the memories flooded back. And suddenly I felt empty. And like the pathetic fag I was, I sat and sobbed on the church floor.
Vic’s POV
As I walked down an unknown street in an unknown neighborhood I jumped as I felt a buzz in my pocket. I pulled out my phone and read the text from Jaime.
Where r u?
I quickly typed out my reply.
I’m skipping, and don’t use text language with me.
I was a little surprised at how fast he replied.
You should’ve told Mike or something, he was worried. Are you okay?
I sighed at the text, imagining what Mike might have been thinking. I typed my reply
Yeah I’m fine. Don’t worry, see you tomorrow.
He took his time to reply this time so I continued my walk, and my phone buzzed after a few minutes.
See you.
I felt bad for pushing them away. It wasn’t their fault.
I found myself walking towards the shopping center. Why not? I remembered the small path and the church next to the cemetery I saw the first time I came here. Should I? What harm could it do?
I looked at the small dirt path partially concealed by bushes. I slowly stepped towards it and walked down it trying not to slip because it was a little steep. Due to the nice weather some of the headstones seemed to sparkle. I looked around and saw that the old neglected church’s door was open. A normal person would’ve dismissed it and walked away, not giving it a second thought. I’m not a normal person.
I walked closer to the church and as I neared it I started hearing a faint sound. The closer I stepped it got a little louder. It was clear that there was a person in the church just by hearing it but, instead of walking away I let my curiosity get the best of me.
I looked in the cracked door making sure not to touch it in fear whoever was in it would hear it. there was a boy in there. It was Kellin. He was crying, like full on sobbing.
I didn’t know what to do so I just stood and watched while a thousand thoughts ran through my head at once. Should I approach him? Maybe he needs to let it out and I’d be interrupting him. I had no idea what to do. He sniffed and looked up making eye contact with me.
He didn’t look so good. He was still beautiful, don’t get me wrong. His eyes were red and puffy, his black hair messy. He looked sad to see me.
“Vic?” he asked eyebrows furrowed. I opened the door all the way making it clear I was there.
“How long have you been here?” he looked worried while asking.
“Just a few seconds,” I said in a quiet voice.
“How did you know this was here?” he asked.
“I saw it while I was walking,” I said. “W-Why were you crying?” I asked with a worried expression cursing my stutter mentally.
“Nothing,” he mumbled.
“Obviously it’s not nothing,” I said walking over and kneeling down next to him.
“I’m sorry,” he said. I looked at him confused. Tears pricked at his eyes as he began to speak again.
“I didn’t know they had kids,” he said. Now I was really confused.
“I’m sorry for ruining your life,” he said.
“How did you ruin my life?” I asked looking at him confused.
“Why did you move here?” he asked in an emotionless tone.
“My parents…” I trailed off a little bit more confused.
“It’s my fault,” he whispered.
“What? How? That makes no sense, Kellin. That was all the way in San Diego,” I said.
“1852 north circle,” he said. Now I was a little scared, that was the house I grew up in and the house they…
“It was at 3 a.m. all of the lights were on. They were in bed. He woke up and I killed him. She woke up from the noise and screamed at me and then I killed her. I give their souls to Andy and my debt was paid. Then I saw you and left. I’m sorry. I didn’t know they had kids, I double checked,” he was sobbing by the end. “I want to go to prison and bring justice to them, but I can’t die. I want to more than anything but I can’t die. You get death, it erases it all and you get relief. I have to deal with the guilt of killing 50 people for the rest of eternity. Do you know how much that hurts?” he ranted. I was taken back. How could he not die, why did he kill 50 people?
“Everyone dies, what makes you different?” I asked trying to ignore the fact he killed my parents.
“I made a deal with the devil, Vic. I’m 66 years old. I don’t age, to bring back Brandon. I’m not a vampire or some shit,” he said looking at me.
“Bullshit, prove it,” I said.
“I went to this church 50 years ago when it wasn’t a piece of shit,” he said “follow me,”
Hesitantly I followed Kellin. We came to an old abandoned looking house.
“This is Brandon’s old house, he was my boyfriend. One second,” he said and walked into the house. He came back with a picture. “After Andy or Satan I guess brought him back fifty years ago. He forgot who I was so when he went to church I took a picture of myself with him because to everyone there I didn’t exist. I wanted something to remember him, he was really confused and didn’t know who I was but I took it and hid it in the basement. Fifty years ago,” he handed me the picture and I looked at it. It was him and a boy but the important part was that there were all kinds of people on the church and it wasn’t dusty, it looked brand new.
Kellin’s POV
I was really nervous as he looked at the picture. I was honestly really surprised that he hasn’t left and got really pissed. Which I was thankful for.
“Okay, I believe you,” he whispered. “at least you owned up to it,” he said walking away, leaving me with my thoughts which are never a good thing.
Oh Kelly-bear I thought you learned your lesson about telling people with Justin.
Oh shit. I hate that voice.
“WHY!?” I yelled at the empty church walls, knowing that nobody could hear.
“WHERE’S YOUR FUCKING GOD NOW!?!?” I yelled again at the empty walls. “WHERE WAS GOD WHEN BRANDON DIED?!?!?” I continued yelling at the empty walls knowing nobody could hear my breakdown. “WHERE WAS HE?!?” tears were streaming down my face as I dropped to my knees on the same gross dusty carpet. “FIFTY FUCKING YEARS OF NOTHING BUT PURE HELL FOR ME, AND WHERE WAS HE?!?!” I kept screaming throat becoming sore.
“I’m sorry okay?” I whispered voice becoming raspy. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. It felt like being here after so long punched a huge hole right through my stomach. All of the memories flooded back. And suddenly I felt empty. And like the pathetic fag I was, I sat and sobbed on the church floor.
Vic’s POV
As I walked down an unknown street in an unknown neighborhood I jumped as I felt a buzz in my pocket. I pulled out my phone and read the text from Jaime.
Where r u?
I quickly typed out my reply.
I’m skipping, and don’t use text language with me.
I was a little surprised at how fast he replied.
You should’ve told Mike or something, he was worried. Are you okay?
I sighed at the text, imagining what Mike might have been thinking. I typed my reply
Yeah I’m fine. Don’t worry, see you tomorrow.
He took his time to reply this time so I continued my walk, and my phone buzzed after a few minutes.
See you.
I felt bad for pushing them away. It wasn’t their fault.
I found myself walking towards the shopping center. Why not? I remembered the small path and the church next to the cemetery I saw the first time I came here. Should I? What harm could it do?
I looked at the small dirt path partially concealed by bushes. I slowly stepped towards it and walked down it trying not to slip because it was a little steep. Due to the nice weather some of the headstones seemed to sparkle. I looked around and saw that the old neglected church’s door was open. A normal person would’ve dismissed it and walked away, not giving it a second thought. I’m not a normal person.
I walked closer to the church and as I neared it I started hearing a faint sound. The closer I stepped it got a little louder. It was clear that there was a person in the church just by hearing it but, instead of walking away I let my curiosity get the best of me.
I looked in the cracked door making sure not to touch it in fear whoever was in it would hear it. there was a boy in there. It was Kellin. He was crying, like full on sobbing.
I didn’t know what to do so I just stood and watched while a thousand thoughts ran through my head at once. Should I approach him? Maybe he needs to let it out and I’d be interrupting him. I had no idea what to do. He sniffed and looked up making eye contact with me.
He didn’t look so good. He was still beautiful, don’t get me wrong. His eyes were red and puffy, his black hair messy. He looked sad to see me.
“Vic?” he asked eyebrows furrowed. I opened the door all the way making it clear I was there.
“How long have you been here?” he looked worried while asking.
“Just a few seconds,” I said in a quiet voice.
“How did you know this was here?” he asked.
“I saw it while I was walking,” I said. “W-Why were you crying?” I asked with a worried expression cursing my stutter mentally.
“Nothing,” he mumbled.
“Obviously it’s not nothing,” I said walking over and kneeling down next to him.
“I’m sorry,” he said. I looked at him confused. Tears pricked at his eyes as he began to speak again.
“I didn’t know they had kids,” he said. Now I was really confused.
“I’m sorry for ruining your life,” he said.
“How did you ruin my life?” I asked looking at him confused.
“Why did you move here?” he asked in an emotionless tone.
“My parents…” I trailed off a little bit more confused.
“It’s my fault,” he whispered.
“What? How? That makes no sense, Kellin. That was all the way in San Diego,” I said.
“1852 north circle,” he said. Now I was a little scared, that was the house I grew up in and the house they…
“It was at 3 a.m. all of the lights were on. They were in bed. He woke up and I killed him. She woke up from the noise and screamed at me and then I killed her. I give their souls to Andy and my debt was paid. Then I saw you and left. I’m sorry. I didn’t know they had kids, I double checked,” he was sobbing by the end. “I want to go to prison and bring justice to them, but I can’t die. I want to more than anything but I can’t die. You get death, it erases it all and you get relief. I have to deal with the guilt of killing 50 people for the rest of eternity. Do you know how much that hurts?” he ranted. I was taken back. How could he not die, why did he kill 50 people?
“Everyone dies, what makes you different?” I asked trying to ignore the fact he killed my parents.
“I made a deal with the devil, Vic. I’m 66 years old. I don’t age, to bring back Brandon. I’m not a vampire or some shit,” he said looking at me.
“Bullshit, prove it,” I said.
“I went to this church 50 years ago when it wasn’t a piece of shit,” he said “follow me,”
Hesitantly I followed Kellin. We came to an old abandoned looking house.
“This is Brandon’s old house, he was my boyfriend. One second,” he said and walked into the house. He came back with a picture. “After Andy or Satan I guess brought him back fifty years ago. He forgot who I was so when he went to church I took a picture of myself with him because to everyone there I didn’t exist. I wanted something to remember him, he was really confused and didn’t know who I was but I took it and hid it in the basement. Fifty years ago,” he handed me the picture and I looked at it. It was him and a boy but the important part was that there were all kinds of people on the church and it wasn’t dusty, it looked brand new.
Kellin’s POV
I was really nervous as he looked at the picture. I was honestly really surprised that he hasn’t left and got really pissed. Which I was thankful for.
“Okay, I believe you,” he whispered. “at least you owned up to it,” he said walking away, leaving me with my thoughts which are never a good thing.
Oh Kelly-bear I thought you learned your lesson about telling people with Justin.
Oh shit. I hate that voice.
Notes
this seems a little short to me, but i am making progress with the whole updating thing :Dspecial thanks to
KingForADay
SoWrongItsLottie
your comments are amazing :D
so vic knows now...how about that huh?
comments appreciated, maybe subscribe ;D thank you for reading
I love this story so much :
12/31/13