So Lock and Load
Currents Convulsive
Vic’s POV
It happened so fast. I felt the soft pair of perfect lips on mine and it took me a second to process what was going on. Kellin was kissing me. So once I realized this I began to kiss back, moving my lips in sync with his. And just as fast as it started it stopped. Kellin slowly pulled his face away from mine. He looked at me with wide eyes.
“Oh my god, did I just do that? I’m so so so so so sorry,” he said shaking his head.
“Why?” I asked “I know very well that I didn’t pull away,” I said, the sassy gay boy within me poking through a little.
“Well now I have dragged you into it,” he sighed and leaned back on the wall opposite to me in the small grey stall.
“Again how did you get here?” I asked biting my lip in curiosity at how he got to the school and managed to make his way into the stall.
“Again, not important,” he said running his hand through his hair. I just shrugged.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed.
“Don’t be, stop apologizing,” I said, a little frustrated.
“But I am,” he said. At this point I was a little mad at him for apologizing. I leaned across the stall floor and pushed my lips against his. He almost immediately kissed back and once again our lips moved together. It felt right. Like I belonged there. After what felt like forever but was probably just a minute we pulled away for air.
I looked into his eyes and he stared back, his blue eyes were like an ocean, big and beautiful I could just stare at them for hours.
“I have to go,” he said slowly. “I’ll text you,” he winked at me and got up and left the stall. I just sat there for a second.
I stared at the spot Kellin was sitting in for a second before finally standing up. I looked at my phone and saw it was lunchtime. I wasn’t hungry, so I decided to go to the art room considering I left my binder in there like the idiot I am, but I was having a mental breakdown so….
I walked through the empty hallways on my way to the art room to get my binder, hoping to whatever god was out there that Mr. Way was there or it was unlocked, I know he doesn’t put things in the lost in found he just makes a small pile in the back of the room. My black vans slapped against the tile as I neared the door. I looked in and saw Gerard with his hands around a man’s waist and their foreheads where together and it looked like they were talking. The man was short and had black hair that was spiked up in the back, but I couldn’t see much of his face from what angle I was at. Mr. Way’s head shot to the door where I was standing and he looked at me.
“Oh, hey Vic, you left your binder,” he smiled at me. The other guy just stood there awkwardly.
“Oh, this is Frank, my fiancé,” he said motioning to the guy. I smiled and nodded at him.
“You better not be a homophobe,” Gerard mumbled. I just smiled and shook my head.
“Me of all people is not a homophobe, see you tomorrow. Nice to meet you Frank, you guys are cute together,” I said smiling at them as I left the room. I saw Frank blush.
My encounter got me thinking. What were me and Kellin? We aren’t really boyfriends, considering all we’ve done is kiss, nobody asked anybody out officially but, we were definitely more than friends. I walked over to my locker and after quickly putting in the combination I had memorized a while ago. 8-12-32. I swung the door open causing a small breeze to brush my face. I threw my binder into the small top-locker that was painted in the same boring pale blue color that made me slightly sad to be honest. I decided that since I had missed half of the day already that I would just skip the rest of the day, I’ll just face benny’s wrath when I he gets home from his trip.
I walked out of the school doors and quickly started running before I was noticed. After I was about a block away, I decided it was safe and began walking. I could hear the wind blowing through the trees accompanied by my vans hitting the concrete as I walked. I wondered why it was so quiet, it was a really nice day, and walking through the neighborhood I didn’t see anybody outside. They were all inside or at school too wrapped up with whatever they’re doing to really take in their surroundings and notice the good things in life. Then again some things are a little harder to forget even for a second, some things follow you.
Kellin’s POV
I should have listened to Matty. I should have listened to Matty. Matty is always right, and I should have listened to the ginger I know and love. I should have listened. Why can’t I just not be a stubborn little ass and listen to him.
I’ve already done it there isn’t any going back. Matty’s going to be pissed when I get home. Wait.
What if Vic finds out? If he knows he’ll hate me. He will either be scared or really pissed off. He can’t find out.
But Vic. His eyes, his hair, his body, he was so perfect and I broke him. He was so normal, just a normal kid in San Diego with a normal fucking family and a normal life until I destroyed it. I broke him, it’s all my fault. He might not be like Justin, Justin was really understanding, or maybe he was just scared of me. They all are eventually.
I looked up at the church. This is where it started. I looked at the cemetery.
I should be there. I should be dead, but it’s too late now. Now I’m stuck with it all, this is what he meant when he said keeping me alive was my punishment.
I slowly walked over to the church opening the creaky wooden door that sounded like it would fall off the hinges if you weren’t careful. It was completely empty and dusty in there. Why? Because of me.
~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK TIME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Thou shall not lay with another man,” the preacher said looking around the room full of people and their families.
His words made me uneasy; I looked down at my suit. I’m going to hell. I looked across the room to see him. Brandon. The one whose very existence made me question me entirely. Why did he have to be so perfect? Why couldn’t he be just my best friend?
I was in a room full of people who are disgusted by me. People who are completely nice and peaceful until they find out, they find out, they disown me. That’s why nobody can know. Hell I don’t even know.
People finally started filing out of the church, I told my family I’d catch up. All of them in their dresses and suits walked out, unaware of what would happen the next day. If I knew I would have joined them and walked out, but I didn’t.
Soon enough the church was empty and I was standing alone. Or at least I thought.
“Hey,” his voice, Brandon. He was so perfect in every way. Too perfect.
“I can’t do this,” I finally managed to choke out. His face fell.
“Why?” he asked, he sounded crushed.
“Because, someone’s bound to find out. My family means everything to me and you know that they would hate me, Brandon, I love you but I can’t let that happen,” I said, tears running down my face. He caressed my cheek.
“We won’t let anyone find out, Kellin. Please,” he whispered the last please to me. I watched as a tear fell from his face.
“I’m sorry,” I said hugging him. He didn’t hug back he just stood there frozen. “Can we be friends?” I asked. He just shook his head.
“I wouldn’t be able to handle that,” He said before walking away.
The rest of that day was hell for me. I remember it so vividly the crushed expression on his face. Because of me.
The next day was the day I found out. I heard the screaming. His mom came running into our house screaming tears streaking her face. That house doesn’t exist anymore.
“IT’S KELLIN’S FAULT, MY BABY, MY BABY HE’S GONE!!!!” she yelled. That was when I realized what she meant. Brandon, my Brandon was dead.
I ran down the stairs, past the woman having a mental breakdown being comforted by my mother. I ran down the street to his house. There were people surrounding it, staring. I pushed past them all and fought them as they tried to restrain me as I ran into his house. I ran up the stairs and into his door and saw it. all of the blood, it was covering him and the bed and everything in the room. I looked at the note on the door.
Dear whoever the hell finds this,
I’m sorry. I couldn’t live with myself anymore. He was the only thing keeping me here. Kellin, I love you and I’m sorry. I hope you have a nice life being a normal straight kid. Without me that will be a little easier, huh? I love you Kellin. Goodbye.
And with that I collapsed on the ground next to my dead ex-boyfriend.
Well how about that? Little gay boy killed himself because other little gay boy wouldn’t except he was a little gay boy.
There was a deep voice ringing through my ears. I looked around to see nobody.
How about I strike a little deal with you? The deep invisible voice said again.
I’ll change everything back. He will be alive and well, if you cease to exist...
“What?” I asked
You won’t be dead of course; you’ll just have to leave. And of course bring me 50 souls. You must not affiliate with anyone in relation to these souls. I looked around and saw a clocked figure in the corner of the room. He pulled back his hood. He had long black hair and bright pale blue eyes, he was really skinny and had tattoos all along his arms. He smirked at me. I looked at him confused.
“Do we have a deal,” he asked in the same deep voice. “Immortality is your punishment for killing him of course. But I could bring him back he just won’t know who you are and you won’t be able to see him, this will have never happened,” he said holding out his hand to shake. “just have to kill 50 people,”
I reluctantly stood up and walked across the bloody room and shook his hand. He smiled at me.
“You have just made yourself a deal with the devil, but please call me Andy,” he chuckled before disappearing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK FOR KELLIN HERE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It happened so fast. I felt the soft pair of perfect lips on mine and it took me a second to process what was going on. Kellin was kissing me. So once I realized this I began to kiss back, moving my lips in sync with his. And just as fast as it started it stopped. Kellin slowly pulled his face away from mine. He looked at me with wide eyes.
“Oh my god, did I just do that? I’m so so so so so sorry,” he said shaking his head.
“Why?” I asked “I know very well that I didn’t pull away,” I said, the sassy gay boy within me poking through a little.
“Well now I have dragged you into it,” he sighed and leaned back on the wall opposite to me in the small grey stall.
“Again how did you get here?” I asked biting my lip in curiosity at how he got to the school and managed to make his way into the stall.
“Again, not important,” he said running his hand through his hair. I just shrugged.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed.
“Don’t be, stop apologizing,” I said, a little frustrated.
“But I am,” he said. At this point I was a little mad at him for apologizing. I leaned across the stall floor and pushed my lips against his. He almost immediately kissed back and once again our lips moved together. It felt right. Like I belonged there. After what felt like forever but was probably just a minute we pulled away for air.
I looked into his eyes and he stared back, his blue eyes were like an ocean, big and beautiful I could just stare at them for hours.
“I have to go,” he said slowly. “I’ll text you,” he winked at me and got up and left the stall. I just sat there for a second.
I stared at the spot Kellin was sitting in for a second before finally standing up. I looked at my phone and saw it was lunchtime. I wasn’t hungry, so I decided to go to the art room considering I left my binder in there like the idiot I am, but I was having a mental breakdown so….
I walked through the empty hallways on my way to the art room to get my binder, hoping to whatever god was out there that Mr. Way was there or it was unlocked, I know he doesn’t put things in the lost in found he just makes a small pile in the back of the room. My black vans slapped against the tile as I neared the door. I looked in and saw Gerard with his hands around a man’s waist and their foreheads where together and it looked like they were talking. The man was short and had black hair that was spiked up in the back, but I couldn’t see much of his face from what angle I was at. Mr. Way’s head shot to the door where I was standing and he looked at me.
“Oh, hey Vic, you left your binder,” he smiled at me. The other guy just stood there awkwardly.
“Oh, this is Frank, my fiancé,” he said motioning to the guy. I smiled and nodded at him.
“You better not be a homophobe,” Gerard mumbled. I just smiled and shook my head.
“Me of all people is not a homophobe, see you tomorrow. Nice to meet you Frank, you guys are cute together,” I said smiling at them as I left the room. I saw Frank blush.
My encounter got me thinking. What were me and Kellin? We aren’t really boyfriends, considering all we’ve done is kiss, nobody asked anybody out officially but, we were definitely more than friends. I walked over to my locker and after quickly putting in the combination I had memorized a while ago. 8-12-32. I swung the door open causing a small breeze to brush my face. I threw my binder into the small top-locker that was painted in the same boring pale blue color that made me slightly sad to be honest. I decided that since I had missed half of the day already that I would just skip the rest of the day, I’ll just face benny’s wrath when I he gets home from his trip.
I walked out of the school doors and quickly started running before I was noticed. After I was about a block away, I decided it was safe and began walking. I could hear the wind blowing through the trees accompanied by my vans hitting the concrete as I walked. I wondered why it was so quiet, it was a really nice day, and walking through the neighborhood I didn’t see anybody outside. They were all inside or at school too wrapped up with whatever they’re doing to really take in their surroundings and notice the good things in life. Then again some things are a little harder to forget even for a second, some things follow you.
Kellin’s POV
I should have listened to Matty. I should have listened to Matty. Matty is always right, and I should have listened to the ginger I know and love. I should have listened. Why can’t I just not be a stubborn little ass and listen to him.
I’ve already done it there isn’t any going back. Matty’s going to be pissed when I get home. Wait.
What if Vic finds out? If he knows he’ll hate me. He will either be scared or really pissed off. He can’t find out.
But Vic. His eyes, his hair, his body, he was so perfect and I broke him. He was so normal, just a normal kid in San Diego with a normal fucking family and a normal life until I destroyed it. I broke him, it’s all my fault. He might not be like Justin, Justin was really understanding, or maybe he was just scared of me. They all are eventually.
I looked up at the church. This is where it started. I looked at the cemetery.
I should be there. I should be dead, but it’s too late now. Now I’m stuck with it all, this is what he meant when he said keeping me alive was my punishment.
I slowly walked over to the church opening the creaky wooden door that sounded like it would fall off the hinges if you weren’t careful. It was completely empty and dusty in there. Why? Because of me.
~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK TIME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Thou shall not lay with another man,” the preacher said looking around the room full of people and their families.
His words made me uneasy; I looked down at my suit. I’m going to hell. I looked across the room to see him. Brandon. The one whose very existence made me question me entirely. Why did he have to be so perfect? Why couldn’t he be just my best friend?
I was in a room full of people who are disgusted by me. People who are completely nice and peaceful until they find out, they find out, they disown me. That’s why nobody can know. Hell I don’t even know.
People finally started filing out of the church, I told my family I’d catch up. All of them in their dresses and suits walked out, unaware of what would happen the next day. If I knew I would have joined them and walked out, but I didn’t.
Soon enough the church was empty and I was standing alone. Or at least I thought.
“Hey,” his voice, Brandon. He was so perfect in every way. Too perfect.
“I can’t do this,” I finally managed to choke out. His face fell.
“Why?” he asked, he sounded crushed.
“Because, someone’s bound to find out. My family means everything to me and you know that they would hate me, Brandon, I love you but I can’t let that happen,” I said, tears running down my face. He caressed my cheek.
“We won’t let anyone find out, Kellin. Please,” he whispered the last please to me. I watched as a tear fell from his face.
“I’m sorry,” I said hugging him. He didn’t hug back he just stood there frozen. “Can we be friends?” I asked. He just shook his head.
“I wouldn’t be able to handle that,” He said before walking away.
The rest of that day was hell for me. I remember it so vividly the crushed expression on his face. Because of me.
The next day was the day I found out. I heard the screaming. His mom came running into our house screaming tears streaking her face. That house doesn’t exist anymore.
“IT’S KELLIN’S FAULT, MY BABY, MY BABY HE’S GONE!!!!” she yelled. That was when I realized what she meant. Brandon, my Brandon was dead.
I ran down the stairs, past the woman having a mental breakdown being comforted by my mother. I ran down the street to his house. There were people surrounding it, staring. I pushed past them all and fought them as they tried to restrain me as I ran into his house. I ran up the stairs and into his door and saw it. all of the blood, it was covering him and the bed and everything in the room. I looked at the note on the door.
Dear whoever the hell finds this,
I’m sorry. I couldn’t live with myself anymore. He was the only thing keeping me here. Kellin, I love you and I’m sorry. I hope you have a nice life being a normal straight kid. Without me that will be a little easier, huh? I love you Kellin. Goodbye.
And with that I collapsed on the ground next to my dead ex-boyfriend.
Well how about that? Little gay boy killed himself because other little gay boy wouldn’t except he was a little gay boy.
There was a deep voice ringing through my ears. I looked around to see nobody.
How about I strike a little deal with you? The deep invisible voice said again.
I’ll change everything back. He will be alive and well, if you cease to exist...
“What?” I asked
You won’t be dead of course; you’ll just have to leave. And of course bring me 50 souls. You must not affiliate with anyone in relation to these souls. I looked around and saw a clocked figure in the corner of the room. He pulled back his hood. He had long black hair and bright pale blue eyes, he was really skinny and had tattoos all along his arms. He smirked at me. I looked at him confused.
“Do we have a deal,” he asked in the same deep voice. “Immortality is your punishment for killing him of course. But I could bring him back he just won’t know who you are and you won’t be able to see him, this will have never happened,” he said holding out his hand to shake. “just have to kill 50 people,”
I reluctantly stood up and walked across the bloody room and shook his hand. He smiled at me.
“You have just made yourself a deal with the devil, but please call me Andy,” he chuckled before disappearing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK FOR KELLIN HERE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Notes
this is really long. he deal might be a little confusing but it gets cleareri feel really bad for not updating as often as a lot of really good stories on this site and my only excuse is i am really lazy.
i added brandon, it's old brandon from sleeping with sirens, if you dont know who he is look him up on google images.
i wanted to add frank because well, what's gerard without frank right? is it bad i imagined satan as Andy Biersack? I'm sure he's not satan
thanks for reading and not getting bored of this piece of shit.i really enjoy comments.
I love this story so much :
12/31/13