So Lock and Load
I'm so sorry
I sat in class, drifting off into my own thoughts.
Kellin, doesn’t really like you, nobody does, you’re a murderer
The voices took control of my head once again. I tried to push them away but that’s a little easier said than done. Mr. Way was talking about giving cartoons and non-realistic things human characteristics and personalities. I tried to focus on this above everything else. I don’t need to have another mental breakdown in art.
Fag
Kellin’s probably straight and messing with you.
You’re a murderer; you don’t deserve Mike, Jaime, or Tony.
You should die.
And it was all true but I wasn’t going to let myself listen for now, I could go sit and cry in my own self-pity and guilt later. I can make it through one fucking class.
“Hey, vic. Are you alright,” Jaime whispered tapping my shoulder with a pencil from beside me. I nodded and faked a smile to prove it. He looked at me uneasily but didn’t press on the matter, which I was thankful for.
Eventually the bell rang for third period. I didn’t hesitate to spring out of my seat, causing a few whispers and looks across the room, but I didn’t care. Gerard looked at me worried and so did Tony and Jaime as I ran out the door. The hallway was empty but was quickly filling with highschool students going to their classes. I quickly made my way to the boys bathroom. I made my way to the very first stall I saw and quickly ran in and locked the door of the pale grey stall. I slid down the wall and held my knees to my chest, crying softly. I shut my eyes as tight as possible as I remembered everything about that night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Victor, I’m terribly sorry for your loss. would you like a ride to your uncle’s house, it would be best if you left this house so we could investigate,” a cop with lots of tattoos and long spiked up hair said.
“I’m not leaving,” I said simply as I sat in a fetal position on the floor, still covered in my own parent’s blood, drying and causing my shirt to cling to my slim body.
“Kid, I’m really sorry. But we really need you to leave. If it helps you can get some stuff that you value. As long as it doesn’t affect the crime scene so you could grab a few items from your room,” he said kneeling down next to me.
“My mother died when I was 12 years old, trust me, Vic. It gets better,” he said grabbing my arm and pulling me up. I felt as the blood unstuck from some part of my skin as my clothes peeled from the motion. It made me shiver. I looked over and saw the pool of blood still sitting there. If I had been there sooner, that puddle wouldn’t be here. The cop looked at me sympathetically and led me out of the house I grew up in too the cop cars outside, the lights still flashing, blinding me a little. It all reminded me that this was happening and I will never talk to my parents ever again I will never see them and I will never touch them again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~flashback over~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was like reliving it again. My hands began to shake and I was probably really sweaty and gross from crying in a bathroom stall for almost an hour. Every emotion I was feeling that night, the guilt, the feeling of emptiness and loneliness was back. It was like I was there again. I stayed there on the bathroom floor hold my knees close to my chest as all the voices decided this was the best time to attack. I was so vulnerable and weak.
Fag
I already told you it’s your fault
You should’ve died not them, they didn’t do anything wrong
They were wonderful people, Vic. You killed them
You killed them. That one sentenced rang through my head over and over again causes my head to throb and more tears to slide down my cheeks. Over and over again the images just flashed through my mind. I felt hands on my shoulders shaking me, but I didn’t move. I just sat there and stared into space as more and more tears fell from my eyes, while the person shaking me and calling my name probably saw the mess I was. I just didn’t give a fuck.
“Vic,” the voice repeated, that beautiful voice. Kellin. I couldn’t move. I just stared straight ahead blankly, it didn’t even process in my mind why he was at my school when I knew he didn’t go here.
I just felt dead. If only I was.
Kellin’s POV
“VIC!” I screamed at the boy I was kneeling in front of. He just sat and did nothing.
“VIC!” I screamed again. I knew I shouldn’t be here, but I saw it happening and I had to come help this beautiful broken boy.
“VIC!!! VIC! Please.” This was all my fault. I caused this to happen. He blamed himself for my actions and now I’m paying for it.
“Ma,” he whispered, not looking at me.
“NO VIC!!!! Its Kellin, snap out of it, please.” I was whispering by the end of the sentence. Why did I have to cause this, why couldn’t I have just died when I was supposed to? “please” I whispered voice cracking as tears began to roll down my face.
“Kellin?” after a good twenty minutes of sitting there crying I finally heard Vic’s beautiful voice speak a little raspy, but he was still perfect.
“vic” I whispered and wrapped my arms around the fragile boy I broke.
“How did you get here?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed at my presence. I realized I didn’t go to this school.
“Not important,” I said “What’s important is that you’re okay,” I breathed. Tears slipped down his cheeks.
“I don’t deserve to be,” he mumbled. By this point I had had enough of him putting himself down because of me.
I stared into his beautiful brown eyes and after staring at his beautiful face for a minute. I leaned in and crashed my lips to his hoping to the god that hated me he wouldn’t pull away.
Kellin, doesn’t really like you, nobody does, you’re a murderer
The voices took control of my head once again. I tried to push them away but that’s a little easier said than done. Mr. Way was talking about giving cartoons and non-realistic things human characteristics and personalities. I tried to focus on this above everything else. I don’t need to have another mental breakdown in art.
Fag
Kellin’s probably straight and messing with you.
You’re a murderer; you don’t deserve Mike, Jaime, or Tony.
You should die.
And it was all true but I wasn’t going to let myself listen for now, I could go sit and cry in my own self-pity and guilt later. I can make it through one fucking class.
“Hey, vic. Are you alright,” Jaime whispered tapping my shoulder with a pencil from beside me. I nodded and faked a smile to prove it. He looked at me uneasily but didn’t press on the matter, which I was thankful for.
Eventually the bell rang for third period. I didn’t hesitate to spring out of my seat, causing a few whispers and looks across the room, but I didn’t care. Gerard looked at me worried and so did Tony and Jaime as I ran out the door. The hallway was empty but was quickly filling with highschool students going to their classes. I quickly made my way to the boys bathroom. I made my way to the very first stall I saw and quickly ran in and locked the door of the pale grey stall. I slid down the wall and held my knees to my chest, crying softly. I shut my eyes as tight as possible as I remembered everything about that night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Victor, I’m terribly sorry for your loss. would you like a ride to your uncle’s house, it would be best if you left this house so we could investigate,” a cop with lots of tattoos and long spiked up hair said.
“I’m not leaving,” I said simply as I sat in a fetal position on the floor, still covered in my own parent’s blood, drying and causing my shirt to cling to my slim body.
“Kid, I’m really sorry. But we really need you to leave. If it helps you can get some stuff that you value. As long as it doesn’t affect the crime scene so you could grab a few items from your room,” he said kneeling down next to me.
“My mother died when I was 12 years old, trust me, Vic. It gets better,” he said grabbing my arm and pulling me up. I felt as the blood unstuck from some part of my skin as my clothes peeled from the motion. It made me shiver. I looked over and saw the pool of blood still sitting there. If I had been there sooner, that puddle wouldn’t be here. The cop looked at me sympathetically and led me out of the house I grew up in too the cop cars outside, the lights still flashing, blinding me a little. It all reminded me that this was happening and I will never talk to my parents ever again I will never see them and I will never touch them again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~flashback over~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was like reliving it again. My hands began to shake and I was probably really sweaty and gross from crying in a bathroom stall for almost an hour. Every emotion I was feeling that night, the guilt, the feeling of emptiness and loneliness was back. It was like I was there again. I stayed there on the bathroom floor hold my knees close to my chest as all the voices decided this was the best time to attack. I was so vulnerable and weak.
Fag
I already told you it’s your fault
You should’ve died not them, they didn’t do anything wrong
They were wonderful people, Vic. You killed them
You killed them. That one sentenced rang through my head over and over again causes my head to throb and more tears to slide down my cheeks. Over and over again the images just flashed through my mind. I felt hands on my shoulders shaking me, but I didn’t move. I just sat there and stared into space as more and more tears fell from my eyes, while the person shaking me and calling my name probably saw the mess I was. I just didn’t give a fuck.
“Vic,” the voice repeated, that beautiful voice. Kellin. I couldn’t move. I just stared straight ahead blankly, it didn’t even process in my mind why he was at my school when I knew he didn’t go here.
I just felt dead. If only I was.
Kellin’s POV
“VIC!” I screamed at the boy I was kneeling in front of. He just sat and did nothing.
“VIC!” I screamed again. I knew I shouldn’t be here, but I saw it happening and I had to come help this beautiful broken boy.
“VIC!!! VIC! Please.” This was all my fault. I caused this to happen. He blamed himself for my actions and now I’m paying for it.
“Ma,” he whispered, not looking at me.
“NO VIC!!!! Its Kellin, snap out of it, please.” I was whispering by the end of the sentence. Why did I have to cause this, why couldn’t I have just died when I was supposed to? “please” I whispered voice cracking as tears began to roll down my face.
“Kellin?” after a good twenty minutes of sitting there crying I finally heard Vic’s beautiful voice speak a little raspy, but he was still perfect.
“vic” I whispered and wrapped my arms around the fragile boy I broke.
“How did you get here?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed at my presence. I realized I didn’t go to this school.
“Not important,” I said “What’s important is that you’re okay,” I breathed. Tears slipped down his cheeks.
“I don’t deserve to be,” he mumbled. By this point I had had enough of him putting himself down because of me.
I stared into his beautiful brown eyes and after staring at his beautiful face for a minute. I leaned in and crashed my lips to his hoping to the god that hated me he wouldn’t pull away.
Notes
Can you guess what Kellin is yet?sorry i took so long to update i've just been procrastinating and i started writing a new story i will post after this one that made me forget about this..... sorry
i was listening to of mice and men and when my mom walked into my room, she looked at me with such dissapointment, so...i turned it up louder. just thought i should share that experience cause it was funny as hell.
i really like comments, please subscribe too that would be great.
I love this story so much :
12/31/13