No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hell to the no. I’ll be sassy if I have to, I will not go to school. I’m not ready yet. I can’t and I won’t. What if it’s like my old school and they figure out I’m gay and tease me again, what if they pity me for my parents dying. That’s the last thing I want is more fucking pity, I’m sick of the ‘I’m sorry for your loss’s and the ‘my deepest condolences’ I don’t want pity. It could go so wrong in so many ways and I will not go.
“Vic c’mon you can’t stay at home forever, you have to get out and make new friends” Benny encouraged as I pretended to still be asleep though he knew I was awake.
“Why?” He asked, seeming frustrated.
“I’m not ready yet” I mumbled, I don’t like lying but I will do anything to not go.
“You and I both know that’s not true, now tell me what’s going on,” Benny sighed “C’mon Vic unless you’re on your period, there is nothing wrong with you; are you nervous?” he pressed. I laughed at his comment and finally sat up.
“What if they find out?” I breathed.
“About what?” he urged me to continue.
“That I like boys, or that ma and papa died, they’ll tease me or worse, pity me” I said and hung my head down.
“People are stupid” he said simply and patted me on the back as he stood up “now get your ass ready and you’re going to school” he said and shut my door.
I sighed and stood up. I walked over to my closet and picked out a band shirt, and pulled on some skinny jeans. I went into the bathroom and ran the straightener through my hair and put on a beanie. I looked at myself in the mirror again and opened the drawer and picked out my nose ring and slipped it in the hole in my nostril before going back to my room and putting on some grey vans. I brushed my teeth and heard a yell from downstairs.
“Vic let’s go, get your skinny ass down here” Mike yelled. I smiled and ran down the stairs and grabbed a backpack. “Let’s go” I said and suddenly felt a little uneasy. This is going to suck. We pulled up at hell *cough* I mean high school. I slowly got out of the car and me and mike walked to the office to get our schedules. I read through it and left the office. I have no idea where Mike went, I had math first, okay. Wait. I had no idea where the fuck that was. I didn’t want to go back in the office that would be embarrassing. Shit. I decided I’d go to my locker. I looked at the numbers on the ones that were near me and looked to see it wasn’t very far. I followed them until I found it. I put in the combination on the paper and put my backpack in it. I heard footsteps and turned around, to find nothing. You’re going mentally insane Vic, I thought to myself. I deserve it though, I deserve every little bad thing that happens to me, and I deserve pain. Of course I wouldn’t hurt myself; people say that, that makes it better for them. I don’t want to feel better, I deserve pain, to sit and rot in my own guilt.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by somebody waving their hand in front of my face.
“Hey, I haven’t seen you around are you new?” A boy who was a little taller than me, but let’s face it everyone is taller than me, with dark spiked up hair with a piece that was bleached at the front, he smiled showing he had dimples. I nodded at him and he kept smiling.
“well your first class is right down the hall, the last door on the right” he pointed after grabbing my schedule from my hand
“Thanks uh…” I said.
“Jaime” the boy said smiling “I’ll see you around” he waved at me and walked away.
I liked how hyper he was. I followed Jaime’s directions and sure enough found myself at the math room. I slowly knocked on the door peeking in the window.
A middle aged man walked over to the door with a bored expression he asked “Who are you?” he raised his eyebrows.
“Um… Victor Fuentes, I’m uh…new” I stuttered and cursed myself mentally for being so pathetic.
“Well, have a seat over there next to Mr. Perry” he pointed to a boy sitting in the back with his head down, he looked up and looked at me before putting his head back down, I noticed he had large gauges and a dermal piercing, that suited him well. I walked over and sat in the empty seat next to him.
“Hey,” he whispered.
“Hey” I whispered back.
“Do you need directions around the school or anything?” He looked scared as he waited for my answer, like I would hit him or something, he looked a lot tougher than me, and if I hit him he could probably flick me away like a fly.
“Sure, Thanks” I smiled at him “I’m Vic” I held my hand out to him.
“Tony” He said back and shook my hand “but my friends call me turtle”
“Why?” I asked.
“I like turtles” He shrugged and put his head back down, he seemed really shy. I shrugged and paid little attention to what the teacher was saying as I looked out the window.
The bell finally rang and I rose out of my seat to go find my next class.
“Hey what do you have next?” Tony asked as I stood up and looked at my schedule.
“oh, you have art with me and Jaime, you might have seen him, he’s loud, weird hair?” He said.
“Yeah he helped me get here,” I said with a nod.
“we’re not exactly popular around here, well, popularly hated would be a better way to put it, so if you want now’s the time to turn back and not be our friend” Tony said with worry in his face.
“Don’t worry” I said and he smiled and led me to the next class, I was a little excited, I like to draw, if I do anything after school it will definitely be graphic design, so I was a little happy I had art.
We struggled through all of the kids staring at me and insults that were thrown at us. We finally arrived at the class and in a flash Jaime jumped up on Tony’s back and was yelling.
“HEY WHATTUP MY TURTLE?!?!” he sing-songed as Tony threw him off of him.
“The ceiling” he said with a serious expression. Jaime and he did a handshake while I just stood there awkwardly.
“Oh this is Vic,” Tony said, finally remembering my existence. Jaime sighed dramatically grabbing his chest.
“Oh, thank god, you seemed nice, they haven’t eaten you yet!” Jaime said patting my shoulder. It’s funny how much different Tony was around Jaime, he opened up more, he seemed really shy.
“Boys, you’ve already corrupted the new kid haven’t you?” I heard a man’s voice say from behind us, we turned around and I saw what I assumed was the art teacher.
“I’m mister Way, but some students, including stupid hair and turtle call me Gerard” the teacher held his hand out to me, he seemed nice, and he looked really young I might have mistaken him for a student. “Try not to get him into too much trouble” Mr. Way said to Jaime and Tony before walking to the front of the class.
“Okay kids, take a seat.” He said I sat next to Tony and Jaime in the back and we listened as Gerard/Mr. Way talked about one point perspective, my thoughts drifted off, because I already knew how to do this.
You don’t deserve to be happy.
It’s all your fault.
They could still be here if you weren’t such a fuck up.
You’re a disgusting pathetic fag.
You killed them.
the thoughts rang through my head along with the images of that night.
Blood, so much blood
I started breathing heavily and gripped the table trying to hide it. I was having another panic attack. The words kept ringing through my head and it felt like the longer they were there the louder and louder they got. My breath got shallower and shallower.
“Dude are you okay” Tony whispered from next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head no and pushing his hand away, I ran out of the class and to the nearest bathroom. I slid down on the wall and broke into tears.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, mama I’m so so sorry papa” I whispered to myself, wrapping my arms around my knees and holding them to my chest. I felt a hand pat me on the back and looked up to see nobody there.
It’s not your fault I heard an unrecognizable boy’s voice ring through my head.
“I’m going insane” I said aloud to myself.

Notes

I'm sorry if this sucked.
do me a favor and comment that would be great, and uh... you have a nice day now.