Noortje’s POV

I don’t know what happened between Tony and I, but ever since we finally had sex again, he seemed to be distant and sort of ignoring me. Honestly, I didn’t know whether I did something wrong or not, and if I did, what it was that I did wrong. All I knew was that I was getting worried. What if he wanted to break up? What if he found another girl, there were so many girls that were so much prettier and more talented than me. I seriously didn’t know what I would do if that were true; I actually thought he was the one.

We were playing our last show today. Of course we were always tired and happy to go how for a bit, but it was always a bummer as well. First thing tomorrow we would be getting on a plane to get back home… if Tony still wanted me to live with him. I had never been this nervous before. Everything seemed to be going by so quickly and my mind was a haze. Nothing made sense anymore.

I was wondering backstage, trying to find Tony. It was really difficult to find somebody who didn’t want to be found, especially if they were determined. I was about to give up and accept my fate when I finally saw Tony going around the corner at one of the ends of an empty hallway. This was my chance. I was about to call out his name and run after him when I got stopped by somebody grabbing my wrist. Vic.

“Noortje, I really need to talk to you,” Vic begged.

“I’m sorry, Vic. Not right now. I have some other problems right now,” I went to run in the direction where I had seen Tony, but Vic turned me around.

“You don’t understand.”

“All I know right now is that I need to talk to Tony-”

Vic crashed his lips against mine. I didn’t need time to register what had happened, I knew exactly what he was doing. He was kissing me, and I did not like one bit. I had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend, and I really didn’t feel about him that way. I quickly pushed him off of me not even a second later. Vic looked shocked, not because of his actions, but because of mine.

“What the shit, Vic!” I screamed.

“I- I-” Vic seemed lost for words, “I love you.”

“No you fucking don’t. Don’t ever do that again! Just fucking don’t!”

I ran off. I didn’t care if I had hurt Vic’s feelings. He must have known I didn’t like him in that way, he also knew that I was madly in love with Tony. What had even gone through his mind? He didn’t love me, he never did. Why would he make this ever more difficult than it already was. If anybody would have seen him kissing me, shit would go down. Most of the crew members knew about mine and Tony’s relationship, so I would be accused of cheating and betraying Tony. I would never do anything like that, if anything I would have to worry about Tony, and he would never do anything like that either. This was all messed up. My friendship with Vic was definitely ruined.

Tony was nowhere to be seen when I turned the corner. Great. At least he didn’t hear my conversation with Vic, so I guess that was something good about this. But I still wasn’t able to talk to him. There was nothing I wanted more than to make things right with him. I could only feel like I was the reason why he was ignoring me, I mean why else would he ignore me specifically? Everything was going wrong!

I entered our green room, luckily Vic wasn’t there, unfortunately Tony wasn’t either. Only Mike and Jaime were both seated and both had their phones out. There were being social, weren’t they? I could survive without my phone, but other people obviously couldn’t This world really was messed up. I sighed, which caused both of them to look up at me.

“Are you ok?” Mike asked as I walked over to my bag.

“Yeah,” I breathed out, “everything's fine. It’s just- It doesn’t really matter.”

I took out my water bottle and took a large drink out of it. The least I could do was stay hydrated so I would add any pain to the headache I was getting from overthinking.

“You seem very, umm, stressed,” Jaimes pointed out.

“That’s because I am,” I retorted with a roll of my eyes.

“And why’s that?”

“Well, because-”

The door opened and Vic walked in. I glared at him, really not having needed him on top of all my problems. Vic looked very embarrassed and he opened his mouth the apologize, but I wasn’t going to have any of it. I didn’t need him to apologize, I just didn’t want him around me right now, so I cut him off before he could start.

“I gotta go find Tony,” I stated bluntly before rushing out of the door, not making any eye contact with Vic anymore. This was a really shitty situation: not being able to be around your best friend because they just confessed their love and both you and your best friend are in good relationships.

“He went to the bathroom!” Mike called out.


Thank god. Finally somebody was actually helping me. Whenever I had asked around I had always gotten a response along the lines of ‘no sorry, I’ll tell him you were looking for him though’, which was no fucking use. Tony wasn’t going to come find me, he would only find more ways to avoid me. But this time he couldn’t. I saw him coming out of the bathroom and he was walking in my direction. We made eye contact, there was no was he was getting out of this one.

“Tony, there you are,” I ran up to him.

“Umm, hey,” he mumbled back.

“Hey,” I tried looking in his eyes, but he didn’t seem to notice and kept looking away.

All he did was stand there awkwardly while I tried to get him to look at me and at least say something. But he didn’t. I was left to find the words myself. I softly placed my lips on to his, but he barely kissed me back. This was all so weird.

“Tony,” I whispered still trying to get him to stop looking at his feet and at me instead.

“Hmm?” He didn’t move.

“Did that kiss mean anything to you?” I was terrified of the answer. This could be the end of my best relationship ever; this could be the end of us.

“Yeah, I guess…”

“Tony, please. You’ve been avoiding me for the past week and a half. I can’t just live with that. I just-”

“You just what? Are you going to go off and be happy with Vic instead?” He burst out.

“What? No! I don’t have those feelings for Vic.”

“Well I saw you two kissing.”

“That is so not true.”

“I saw it with my own eyes, Noortje!”

“Vic kissed me, but I immediately pushed him off. I already got mad at him for it.”

“Are you sure about that?” Tony lost his patients.

“Of course I’m fucking sure about that! You’re just using this as an excuse! You’ve been acting weird for way longer!” Tears were now streaming down my cheeks. Luckily I wasn’t wearing any makeup, or I would have had black streaks running down my skin. But Tony didn’t seem fazed by it at all.

“You know what, fuck this. I need some space!” He went back into the bathroom and slammed the door closed, the sound echoing up and down the white deserted hallway.

This was it. It was just like the first time we broke up, but this time it hurt so much more. I knew Tony wasn’t telling me the truth and he obviously didn’t want me to know, nor would I ever get to know. Breakups fucking sucked. You know you just lost the most important person in you life, but there was nothing to do about it. I was about to break down in tears when my emotions suddenly turned into anger.

I banged the door to the green room open to find three guys looking at me with terrified faces. There were two I didn’t care about, only the one in the middle was the one I was targeting. I looked him in the eyes and I knew he knew exactly what he had caused.

“You fucking asshole!” I screamed and went to hit him, maybe even add a punch and a hairpull in there as well.

But Mike pulled me away before I could do anything. He dragged me out of the room and rested the against the wall next to the door. As much as he was trying to calm me down, I didn’t want to. I was too worked up and there was too much adrenaline flowing through me.

“Ok, calm down, and tell me what happened, “ Mike tried to steady me.

I took a deep breath, “I fucking quit, Mike. I thought it would be fun playing music with my best friends, but it really isn’t. There’s too much drama.”

“What do you mean?” Mike held on to my arm so I could leave without him letting me go.

My anger had disappeared completely and all that I was left with was sadness and the feeling that I could be sick any moment. I just wanted to be left alone with my own thoughts and not any somebody always trying to figure out what was going on in my life. The only person who could do that was Tony, but he obviously wasn’t a part of my life anymore.

“Go play that show and have fun, I’m going to sit this one out,” I took his hand off of my arm and walked away calmly. Mike didn’t call me, nor did he run after me. It was exactly what I wanted, but it still felt lonely and upsetting.

I found a dark closet that didn’t have a door and I decided to slide down on to the floor in there. Nobody seemed to come here, so I let the tears and sobs come freely and loudly. My life was a fucking mess. My boyfriend broke up with me, and I didn’t have my best friends anymore.

----

Tony’s POV

I went over how I ended my conversation with Noortje. I knew exactly what it sounded like, but I didn’t mean it like that. The words just came out of my mouth in that way and I couldn’t take it back. I honestly needed some more time to think. There had been something I wanted to ask her for so long now, but I had been over thinking and thought of all the bad scenarios that could possibly happen. I needed to set my thought straight and get the courage to ask her. Apparently I had been ignoring Noortje, but I didn’t realise. I guess I was lost in my thoughts.

I quickly ran into the green room, hoping Noortje would have made the choice of going there and realising I didn’t mean what I said. But of course she would do that. Mike, Jaime, and Vic were all looking at me with wide eyes as the door hit the wall loudly.

“Is anybody going to treat that door with respect?” Jaime exclaimed.

I ignored im and immediately started rambling, “Have you guys seen Noortje? I said something and I just realised what it sounded like. I didn’t mean it and I need to find her. I really fucked up.”

“She came in here a few minutes ago and looked furious. She called Vic an asshole and Mike escorted her out before she could hurt him,” Jaime explained.

I snarled at Vic, “He is a fucking asshole. Don’t ever do that again, you fucking understand!”

Vic looked ashamed of himself, yet it still didn’t look like he hadn’t meant to kiss her. I swear to god, if he ever touched Noortje again in that way, I would beat him up myself, as much as I don’t like using violence.

“Umm, she went down that corridor, but I didn’t run after her. It didn’t seem like she wanted me to. She said something about quitting and telling us to have a good show,” Mike changed the subject back to what I came here for.

“Shit.” I mumbled and ran out again. Did she mean quitting as in quitting the band, or quitting live. You never knew with Noortje, her sentences often had double meanings.

I ran up and down several hallways until I came to one which obviously had sobs coming from the end of it. My walking got faster and faster, I could only hope nothing bad had happened. The room was completely pitch dark had a strong smell of cleaning products and damp concrete. I couldn’t see Noortje, but I knew she could see me. Her sobs became muffled as if she had tried to quiet them down with her hand.

“Noortje, I’m so so sorry,” I said as my eyes adjusted to the lighting, making out a figure sitting against the right wall.

She didn’t reply. Her sobs still hadn’t stopped and she was still sitting in the position with one leg raised to her chest, while the other was lying down pointing straight forward. I really messed this up if she didn’t want to talk.

I slowly took steps towards her, “Noortje, please-”

“Don’t come near me,” she whispered and shuffled further away from me, but not without making a noise as if she were in pain.

“Baby, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t even mean what it sounded like. Please.”

“I- I didn’t mean to do it.” She kept mumbling over and over again.

“I know you didn’t mean to kiss Vic. You were right, I used it as an excuse. I heard you screaming at him…”

Her crying started again. And I felt hopeless. This time I really had hurt her; I had hurt her too much to fix this. I reached out for the light switch - why I hadn’t thought of it earlier will remain a mystery - and turned it on. What I saw was something nobody should ever witness. The leg that wasn’t pulled up to her chest was there for a reason. There was a long rip in her light blue jeans that had deep red fluid staining it. The blood was pooling underneath her leg, making the sight look even more horrifying.

I quickly rushed to her side, “W-what happened?”

“I didn’t mean to do it!” Her voice cracked in the middle of her sentence.

Was this what she meant? Did she do this to herself?

“Shh, it’s ok. Just tell me what happened so I can help you.”

“I- it fell from the- the shelf. I- I had to pull it out m- myself.” She shakingly pointed to a blood covered sharp metal object that was thrown to the other side of the room, “Nobody heard my screams.”

I looked back at her leg. The cut looked really deep and painful, this wasn’t anything like what she’d ever done to herself. It actually looked like the object had jabbed into her leg with much force, if it had actually fallen from the shelf, I did not know. But I was going to believe Noortje, even if it was more to comfort myself than to actually choose her side.

I hastily got out my phone and called Jay, yelling at him to come help me. This was terrifying, even more terrifying than when Noortje had her miscarriage. Somehow I knew she was going to be ok that time, but this time she was shaking like crazy, as if she was going to faint. Jay came in, Mike, Jaime, and Vic all trying to see what was happening. I watched as Jay inspected the wound. He didn’t have any medical experience, but he had more experience than either one of us in the band had. Jay was always the one that had to fix our broken asses.

“We have to call the hospital,” Jay hesitantly said looking at me and Noortje, “We will have to bring her closer to the entrance. Noortje, do you think you can walk.”

She shook her head and closed her eyes. The pain must have just started kicking in, because she looked like she was going to scream out. Why was it always that bad things happened to her?

“We’ll have to carry you then,” Jay looked at me, Vic, Jaime and Mike.

Vic was the first to come to help, but Noortje opened her eyes before he could do anything, “Don’t you dare come close to me.”

Vic looked upset, but slowly backed away while Mike was giving him a weird look. He probably didn’t know what his brother had done to Noortje, but it was as if he suspected something. This shit was all so confusing.

“I’ll just call the ambulance then…” Vic muttered and left the room.

I said that I would carry Noortje by myself, to which she and the others agreed. It wouldn’t have been helpful for other people to help anyway. I carefully picked her up, getting some winces out of her, and slowly walked to the entrance. The others followed me and didn’t say anything as I was trying to comfort her. Crew members gave us scared looks as they saw Noortje’s leg full of blood.

It seemed like ages, but the ambulance was here in no time. The only problem was that we would have to go through the crowded line outside the venue; there was no way for the ambulance to get to the back entrance. The paramedics managed to squeeze their way inside and put Noortje on a stretcher. Fans screamed our names, but I couldn’t hear Vic. I looked around to see he hadn’t come with us. Soon the screams turned into horrifing gasps when they realised the ambulance was for Noortje and that she was covered in blood. I held on to her hand as the was being carried the long way to the vehicle, but I had to let go just before she got pulled into the back. I wanted nothing more than to come with her; I felt responsible for this, but she stopped me.

“Go play the show, I promise I won’t leave without you,” She looked me in the eyes.

“Ok,” I hesitated and kissed her hand, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” The door slammed shut and the ambulance drove away, lights flashing and sirens turned on.

It was all I needed to hear. She still loved me. But, she also said she wouldn’t leave without me? What did that mean? Did she mean she wouldn’t leave the hospital without me, or did she mean she wouldn’t leave to go to the hotel without? Or maybe she wasn’t going to go back home without me. But it also could have meant the worst possible scenario: that she thought she was going to die.

----

Noortje’s POV

I had spent the entire show in the hospital, they didn’t want me to leave until they knew everything was alright with me. They said I had lost a lot of blood, which was pretty obvious, and they stitched up the wound. I actually didn’t think it was as deep as it actually was. The object, which I didn’t bother to identify, really got me hard. Now I was only to wear loose fitting pants until my stitches were allowed to come out.

I was sat on the bed of the hotel room Tony and I were going to share. Out of the whole tour, this was the only time there were only two to a room. But to be honest I didn’t care, I was actually pretty content with this arrangement. It meant I had as much time as I wanted to talk to Tony without getting interrupted. We really needed to talk; to talk about him and about today. It was all so hectic.

The door opened and I watched as Tony walked in with Mike behind him. Tony stopped mid sentence when he saw me. He immediately ran up to me and kissed me deeply. I heard the door close and I knew Mike had left, he probably only came with Tony to keep him company and comfort him. Tony and I pulled away and he promptly started asking me questions.

“I’m fine, Tony” I chuckled, “I stole a pair of your track pants though, all my stuff is too tight for my stitches.”

“That’s ok,” Tony sighed in relief, “Does it still hurt though?”

“Not really, only when I stand up.”

He nodded and kissed me again. I enjoyed it while I could, he hadn’t been intimate at all the last week, and I didn’t know how long it would still last for. I patted the bed besides me and Tony sat down. I climbed behind him so my legs were on either side of his. Surprisingly I didn’t hurt myself. I started massaging his shoulders, hoping it would get him to start to talk.

“You scared me so much,” Tony groaned as I hit the right spot.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled and kissed the back of his neck.

“You shouldn’t be sorry.”

I stayed quiet, but started laughing after a while.

“What’s so funny?” Tony asked with a slight nervous chuckle.

“This is just like the miscarriage all over again,” I laughed, “A lot of blood and pain. You being all worried about me and telling me I scared you, and then me being fine in the end. I just don’t feel as crap as I did then though.”

“I guess it is…” Tony said awkwardly.

I dropped my hands and rested my head between his shoulder blades. There were so many things I wanted to know and ask about.

“Before I ask about what I wanted to ask about for a while, I want to know if we are still together,” I whispered.

“Of course we are. I know what it sounded like when I said I wanted space, but I just meant for a couple more minutes. I’ve been wanting to ask you something for a while now, since a couple weeks before tour, but I didn’t think about it much until we scared Jay away. All I could think about were the bad ways it could go, I just needed to figure out if I really wanted to ask,” Tony explained.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and Tony placed his hands on top of mine.

“I guess that already answers my second question. But what was this thing you wanted to ask me. It must be pretty important if you have been thinking about it for a while.” I said, thinking it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

“It’s just, I-” He shook his head, “Nevermind, now’s not a good time.”

“When will it ever be a good time. You’ve had it in your head for a couple weeks now and you’ve never found the right time. I say now’s the perfect time. I’m prepared for anything.”

… Well, anything except for what Tony said next.

“I want to try for a baby,” He blurted out.

“Oh.”

Notes

So, that's the end of this story! But don't worry, it's not the actually ending of Tony's and Noortje's story. There will be a sequel! I just want to write a couple of chapters before up post them. So, I'm hoping sometime at the end of this week it will be out, it might be beginning of next week. I'll have to see. Anyway, I'll make sure to add a link here when it is out, so you guys can easily find it!

I remember starting this story, not expecting much of it at all. I didn't think people would actually read it, let alone that I'd write 65 chapters (my goal was to have at least 30)! There was even a time when it came on to the 1st page of the popular section. Later on that didn't happen anymore, but I didn't mind. It was only when the views were getting considerably low that I started to worry. I thought I did something wrong. But it all turned out pretty well.

So, I want to say thank you to everybody who read this story, even though I only know who a couple of you are. I had a lot of anonymous readers, but I'm like that as well. So don't feel bad. I hope you guys will join me for the sequel!

-DSN

PS. How do you think Noortje reacted to Tony asking her to start a family?