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The New Member

The Attack

Noortje’s POV

I woke up to a terrible headache and stinging in my arm. I rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. What! It was already 5pm? I shot up straight. What the fuck? Where did time go? Dizziness took over and I suddenly felt a need to throw up. Shit. No, no, no. Just take deep breaths, it will pass. Ok, no. Bathroom it is.

I ran to the toilet and hung over it. Tears started pooling in my eyes. I didn’t want to do this, I’ll do anything but vomit. I felt a hand on my back and saw Tony standing next to me. He moved his hands so he could hold back my hair.
“Just let it out.” He said, using one hand to rub my back.
I kept my mouth tightly shut and shook my head. The tears had slowly started rolling down my cheeks. I felt my body try to heave, but I went against it.
“It’s ok.” Tony tried again.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore and all the alcohol left through my mouth. My throat burned and my vision was blurred. After finally expelling all that was in my stomach, I rested against the wall.
“I’m never ever getting pregnant. That would be a nightmare.” I groaned.
“You don’t want kids?” Tony said with a look in his eyes that I couldn’t decipher.
“I don’t know… Maybe. I’ll first probably have to get over my fear of vomiting though. Or I might be lucky and be one of those rare cases that has no morning sickness.”
Tony hummed and sat next to me, “Now, let’s talk about what happened. Whenever you drink there’s something up.”
“I don’t know really,” I shrugged, “My insomnia was playing up again, and-”
“You have insomnia! What!... I’m sorry carry on.” Tony exclaimed
“Yes, but that was 3 years ago. But anyway, I started overthinking everything and I realised I wasn’t exactly who I wanted to be. So I went out to get the tattoo and nose piercing. I always used to walk by the store and think about going in… But on the way there I saw a bar and thought ‘Why not? I got nothing to lose’.” I explained
“That’s not true.”
“What?”
“You do have things to lose. You have me, Vic, Jaime, Mike, and even your brother to lose. And I know we’ve only be together for, like, 4 days. But I don’t know what I would do if you wouldn’t be here. I really like you that much. Please don’t ever leave me… please don’t ever leave me.” Tony said with tears forming in his eyes.

I looked at him and started sobbing. Did he really mean all of that? I felt stupid, stupid that I actually thought nobody was there for me. Part of me still believed this though. Everything suddenly hit me. My parents were complete and utter assholes, even though I have denied it all those years. Tony was actually serious about liking me. And I? I was pathetic. I was just a plain old girl who was crying about something that was such a small problem. There were actual people who had problems that were much, much worse than mine. Why did I think this? Well, because it was true. Ask anybody, and they will tell you the same.

My heart started pounding rapidly and I felt like it was going to bounce out of my chest. I lost control of what was happening around me and my breathing shortened. Shit. Was this another one of my rare anxiety attacks? I suddenly felt like I was watching myself from afar; that I actually wasn’t in my own body. The numb feeling was overtaking me. Was I dying?

My peacefulness was interrupted by a muffled voice. I couldn’t seem to figure out what it was saying. All I could hear was slight differences in pitch and the voice getting louder and louder. I tried concentrating on it, hoping I could find out what it was trying to tell me. The blurry sounds slowly became more clear.

“Can you hear me. Come on…. Back…. Listen.” The voice was fading in and out.

It was taking up so much energy, but I was set on finding out what it wanted. I felt a strong beat flowing through my hand and focused my attention on that. The beat was sure and certain, I knew that I could trust it. I tried to get my heart to follow it. My heart was no longer pounding in my chest, but it was nowhere near the speed of the foreign drumming. I knew I had to calm down my breathing, but I couldn’t. Air just wouldn’t fill my lungs.

My breathing suddenly stopped. There was something blocking my mouth, not letting oxygen enter through it. It suddenly started moving. I knew what it was. It was Tony. He was trying to control my breathing by kissing me. I kissed him back, but was soon out of breath. I pulled away and rested my head on his chest. I could breathe again.

This might have been a nice moment, if it weren’t for me being covered in tears and sweat, or me just having a panic attack. Maybe the fact that we were on the bathroom floor also didn’t help, but that besides the point. All I wanted was to take a shower and wash away the bad feelings.
Tony soon answered my internal request, “Do you maybe want to take a shower?”
I nodded my head as Tony helped me up and pulled me into a hug.
“Ok.” Tony smiled at me and placed a kiss on my forehead
He went to walk out but I grabbed his hand.
“Stay,” I mumbled, “I don’t trust myself right now.”

Tony turned back towards me and looked at me with understanding eyes. He grabbed my face and kissed me again. I placed my hands on his chest, enjoying the feeling of his chapped lips on mine. He rested his forehead against mine, wiping away tears that were still on my cheeks. We pulled away and Tony walked over to the shower to turn on the water. He came back over to me and slowly started taking off my clothes. Nothing about this felt sexual; it all felt caring and affectionate. He put his hands underneath my top and pulled it over my head, leaving me in my bra and jeans. Next he travelled to my jeans and helped me step out of them by kneeling in front of me and guiding my feet out of them. Soon after my underwear was also taken off, and also Tony stood naked.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me along towards the shower. He let me step in first and hesitated.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded and pulled him in. He wrapped his arms around my waist and trailed kisses along my neck and shoulder blade. I could tell that he was trying to show me that I was, in fact, loved. He let me go, so I could stand underneath the water, and grabbed the shampoo bottle. As soon as I step away fromt the water, he turned me around so my back was facing him again. My head was massaged and lathered. Tony took the shower head and used it to rinse all the bubbles out of my hair. When he was finished he turned off the water and placed it back.
“What about you?” I questioned.
He shook his head, “No, this is about you, not me.”
Tony got out and wrapped a towel around me. It was warm to the touch and hugged around me comfortably. Since Tony had avoided the water, he was only wet on his legs. He dried them off and put back on his clothes.

While he was doing that I decided to get changed changed, there was no way I was putting on those clothes again. I wrapped the towel around myself tighter and stepped out of the steamy bathroom. My eyes adjust to the light difference and I was met with Vic sitting on the bed. I jumped and screamed.
“Holy shitting fuck!” I yelped, “You fucking scared me!”
My breathing shortened again and I begged that I wouldn’t have another panic attack.
Tony came running out of the bathroom and looked at Vic with wide eyes before running over to me.
“No, no, no, no, no. Look at me.” Tony said while lifting my head to look at him, “Breathe.”
I closed my eyes and concentrated. After what felt like hours, I was able to stop the attack from happening. I guess I was still easy to trigger right now.
“Ok, good.” Tony smiled as I open my eyes again.
I turned to Vic, “How long have you been here?”
“Umm… just before you had your anxiety attack. Mike, Jaime and I walked in to check on you. I wanted to help, but Jaime and Mike said that Tony would have it under control. I stayed out of it, but insisted to be here when you came out.”
That was actually sweet of him, even though I was embarrassed that he was sort of there to see my anxiety attack. I just hoped he knew nothing about Tony and I kissing, and Tony helping me in the shower.
Vic looked at Tony and back at me, “Did you guys shower together?”
Tony jumped in, “Umm… no. I stayed seated on the floor. Noortje just didn’t want to be alone.”
I sighed out in relief. Tony was actually able to cover and not make it sound like a complete lie. First time in forever. I guess certain situations made it easier for him to come up with lies.
“Oh, ok.” Vic stood up, “Well, now I know you’re ok, I can leave.”
“Thank’s for checking up on me, Vic.” I thanked, “I would give you a hug right now, but I’m just in a towel and it would be really awkward if it fell off.”
Vic walked over to the door and waved before walking out.

“That was close.” Tony breathed out.
“At least he didn’t interrupt us this time.” I remarked.
“Well, he wanted to… Jaime and Mike just stopped him this time.”
I giggled and Tony smirked.
He locked the door so nobody could walk in and moved over to me. He grabbed hold of the towel and made it drop off me. I looked into his admiring eyes and he leaned forward and kissed me hungrily. Promptly after that we fell onto the bed.


Notes

I feel like the quality of my writing in decreasing.


- DSN

Comments

@Nickyvlxx
Hahaha, thank you. You can totally see how my writing has developed in this story; the first chapters are written so bad. I'm excited for our story as well.

Yaaaaay I read it all! I finished it! I loved it, babe. You're an amazing writer and I'm happy I get to work together with you :) ♡

@Nickyvlxx
Thank you so much. I remember writing chapter three when I was in a really weird mood; I was so confused about everything. I'm Dutch as well, but (as I recall you saying somewhere at the beginning of the story; I have a really weird memory for weird things) English is my first language because I've been speaking it a lot more than Dutch since I was very young. But this wasn't the reason I chose to make her Dutch, I wanted something European and put some random countries in a hat (well, on a website, but same thing) and it came out. So yay!

I have read 3 chapters now and I honestly love it! You have a beautiful writing style and the story is really unique! I also kind of relate to Noortjes feelings. I have the same problems with reality. And I like it a lot that she is dutch because I am too :p

I'M STILL READING!!

Candy_Monster Candy_Monster
12/5/15