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The New Member

The Mental Breakdown

Tony’s POV

I sat on the floor of the back lounge and put my head in my hands. Salty tears slowly ran down my cheeks as I desperately tried to keep them in. I’ll be honest here and I’ll tell you I had no idea what to do anymore. I cared for that girl some much and she does this in return to me? She probably has no idea what she’s doing to me.

I had to push her away. I couldn’t let my feeling get stronger. She’s just my best friend and that’s all she ever will be. We will never be more, but we might be less if I act on my feelings. My mind and heart where in a conflict and it was tiring me out.

I was full out sobbing now, but was still trying to hold it back. I wasn’t going to cry over some girl… But she wasn’t just some girl. She was Noortje, she was beautiful and funny and just overall astonishing. I laughed through my tears and shook my head. She was going to be death of me.

I was pulled from my thoughts by someone sitting next to me. I thought I locked the door, how did they get in? I was about to ask, but they answered before I could even open my mouth.
“Key.” They said.
I nodded and took a deep breath, still looking at the floor through my hands.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” They nudged me.
I looked to my left and saw a smiling Mike next to me.
I stared back at my lap, “I’d rather not.”
“Oh, come on. You can talk to me.”
I shook my head no and began crying again. This time I couldn’t hold anything back. I was running my fingers through my hair, pulling at it, and was bawling my eyes out. I probably looked crazy, even I thought I was crazy right now. I expected Mike to walk out, but he didn’t. He just sat with me and let me cry.

“You know what Tony?” Oh god, here it comes, he’s going to call me crazy, “Life fucking sucks. Life's a bitch. But you gotta get over it, just like everyone else, just like me, just like Jaime, Vic and Noortje. And I know it might not help much, because I have no clue what’s going on with you, but that’s all I can tell you.”

He was right. Noortje had so much to go through. Sure I had my fair share of shit as well, but she’s been raped and she still seemed to figure out how to life with it. I’ll learn how to get over my feelings and I’ll continue with my life.

I nodded and wiped away the tears, “I’ll try.”
“Good,” He hit my leg and stood up, “It’s already 9, everybody’s out in the front. Why don’t you come join us?”
“I’ll be there soon, you go.”
Mike smiled and walked out, closing the door behind him. I stayed seated. I waited a few minutes and walked out the back lounge and into the bathroom. I looked like shit. My face was red and blotchy, and my eyes were bloodshot. I turned on the tap and splashed water in my face. I looked back up and saw that anybody would still be able to clearly see I had been crying. Oh well, they probably heard my mental breakdown anyway.

I shuffled towards the front of the bus and saw everybody talking and laughing. Nobody looked at me, they were probably trying to give me space. I sat down at the small table and Noortje glanced at me and smiled.

“Hey Tony come over here and join us.” She insited.

I stood up and sat next to her and Vic, opposite to Mike and Jaime.

Noortje turned around to look at me and said, “This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world.” What? Why was she bringing my sister into this? Jaime grinned at her as she continued, “As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

“Dude! How did you just do that!” Jaime screamed out.
Noortje shrugged, “I had to memorize it in freshman year of high school for theater class. I guess it kinda stuck.”
“That is so impressive! You still remember it from like 14 years ago!?!” He said with mouth agape
“Yep. I don’t remember what I’ve learnt in history class, but ask me to quote Marilyn Monroe and I got your back.” She laughed.
“Wait, that whole thing was a quote?” Vic exclaimed.
“Yes get over it. I memorize the weirdest stuff ever.”
“Like what?” Mike challenged.
“Mhm… let me think. A crappy song I wrote when I was 11 for music class. I never looked at it since I wrote it. Oh, and a list of like 50 french words. I can recite them in order they were.”
“Prove it.” I smirked.
“Ugh! Are you serious!” She complained.
“If we haven’t seen it, it isn’t true.” Mike argued.
“Fineee!” She whined.
“Start with the words!” Vic shouted out.
“Ok, I’m just going to do 20 words though, I don’t want to bore you. You’ll just have to believe me.” He sighed and started, “La poussière, le bord, l’ oeuf, l’électronique, l’énergie, l’exercice, chère, éclater, le visage, célèbre, un supporter, le ventilateur, la ferme, rapide, nourrir, combattre, un incendie, plat, un étage, voler.”
Vic looked at her skeptically, “You could have just made those words up.”
“If I do them backwards, will you believe me?”
“Go for it.” Jaime challenged.

She said the whole list backwards and we all looked at her surprised.
“H-how did you do that!” I squeaked.
“Oh, you know, just parents that force you to learn french. They wanted me to learn lists of words at a time. I never really learned the words and their meanings, I just remembered them in order. But it fooled my parents, so yea.”

“Now the song!” Vic giggled.
“Ok. It’s played on the piano though, so you’ll just have to do with shitty singing. I am not responsible for any ear damage.”

She started of the song and her voice was beautiful. She sounded like an angel. Not just any angel, but an unique angle. I had never heard such a voice before. She started off really shy but as the song progressed her singing became better and better, if that was even possible. She finished the song and looked down at her lap. Vic started clapping.

“Your voice is amazing!” He remarked, “The lyrics, on the other hand, are complete and utter shit.”
I started laughing.
“Oh… umm…. thanks. But I’m not good at singing. I’m just happy I cheered up Tony.” She smiled and stood up.
“No seriously, your singing is awesome!” I repeated.
“Thanks, Tone. But it really isn’t special. I probably sound like a screeching cat.” The grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and sat back down.
I saw in her eyes that she actually believed she sounded terrible. It wasn’t something she said the get more compliments. She was never the person to ask for compliments anyway.
I gave her a questioning look, “Why don’t you believe us.”
She shrugged, “I’ve been told my whole life that I shouldn’t sing because I sound horrifying. I was always told to ‘stop that awful noise and do my work’.”
“Who told you that?” I uttered.
“My parents.”


Notes

We got to know a bit about Noortje's parents. Are they really as supportive as she says they are?

-DSN

Comments

@Nickyvlxx
Hahaha, thank you. You can totally see how my writing has developed in this story; the first chapters are written so bad. I'm excited for our story as well.

Yaaaaay I read it all! I finished it! I loved it, babe. You're an amazing writer and I'm happy I get to work together with you :) ♡

@Nickyvlxx
Thank you so much. I remember writing chapter three when I was in a really weird mood; I was so confused about everything. I'm Dutch as well, but (as I recall you saying somewhere at the beginning of the story; I have a really weird memory for weird things) English is my first language because I've been speaking it a lot more than Dutch since I was very young. But this wasn't the reason I chose to make her Dutch, I wanted something European and put some random countries in a hat (well, on a website, but same thing) and it came out. So yay!

I have read 3 chapters now and I honestly love it! You have a beautiful writing style and the story is really unique! I also kind of relate to Noortjes feelings. I have the same problems with reality. And I like it a lot that she is dutch because I am too :p

I'M STILL READING!!

Candy_Monster Candy_Monster
12/5/15