The New Member

Why was I such a screw up? In the last week I have caused more drama than I had in the years I knew Vic, Tony, Jaime, and Mike. They probably thought I was more crazy than that one time when I decided to run home instead of taking the car… It was an hour long drive by car.

I seriously did not feel like being around the guys right now. I was confused and felt sick. Did I really do this to myself? I pushed the sick feeling down and made my way to my bathroom. There must be some evidence! The first major clue was the blood stained towel. What was once a fluffy white fabric was now covered in splotches of red. Great, I ruined a towel, I’ll have to pay Tony back for that. The next piece of evidence I found were several drops of blood scattered across the floor. I now knew for sure that I had done this to myself.

I needed something, and no, it was not just some water or juice, I needed strong. I walked past the living room where the guys were watching movies. I ignored their stares and went straight towards the cabinet. I looked around at the bottles before choosing a barely touched Jack. This was going to be just drinking from the bottle, I didn’t want, I didn’t need a glass. I was too fucked up for carefulness. Tonight I was reckless.

I took a few gulps before continuing my way back to my room. It took effect in no time; I hadn’t had anything to drink for years. I walked back towards the guys. They immediately looked back at me. I stopped for a second, swinging my bottle at them as if to say cheers. I shuffled away from them.

“Wait, was that a bottle of Jack?” a voice said.
“I think so, what the fuck?” another agreed.
“Why does she have alcohol?” a third added.
I stumbled on the stairs. There was no fourth voice to continue the conversation, instead I heard a pair of footsteps coming my way.
“What are you doing Noortje?” Tony asked.
“I don’t know.” I slurred, stumbling over my words at least 5 times.
“What do you mean you don’t know!”
“You know, this stuff is magical. It makes you forget!”
Tony gave the a concerned look, “What are you trying to forget, Noor?”
“You see, I don’t remember. I love this stuff!”
“Ok, let’s take this away from you.”
I shook my head and took another big gulp, “Nooo! It’s my teddy bear!” I proceeded to hug it closely to my chest.
“Then, we will have to bring you to bed.” Tony went to pick me up but I instantly started freaking out.
“Don’t touch me!” I screamed before letting out a loud screech.
Tony backed away in a flash. The others came running at the sound of the high-pitched cry.
“What the holy hell is going on?” Mike demanded.
I tried to climb the steps. I was trying to get out of the life threatening situation and threw the bottle against the wall. My vision was getting blurry and all I wanted was to run away and leave this place. The scenario kept replaying in my head over and over again.
Vic came over to me while Mike cleaned up the mess and Jaime tried to comfort Tony, “Here let me help you.”

He reached out his hand and it was immediately replaced my Rick’s hand.
“No!” I yelled again, “Don’t touch me! I don’t want to! Leave me alone!”

Just as Tony had done, Vic retracted his hand as soon as possible. Everybody turned to look at me and I ran up the stairs and locked myself in my room. Before I could register what happened, I blacked out.


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I woke up to a pounding headache and a fuzzy mind. Ha, the alcohol had worked, I should use it more often. I stood up and got completely lightheaded. Before I knew it I fell on the floor with a loud thump. Four guys that looked like they hadn’t slept the whole night came running in my room.

“Ouch.” I mumbled.
Mike stood next to me, “Are you ok with me touching you?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
They all looked at each other before helping me up.
“You don’t remember what happened last night?” Jaime asked.
“No… Oh god, I didn’t do something bad did I?”
“Umm… no?” Vic said in a questioning tone. It wasn’t a statement, but it also wasn’t a question.
“Then- Then what happened?” I was starting to get scared.
We all sat down on or around my bed and they started telling my the story.
“I’m so sorry guys, I really don’t know why I did that. Is the wall ok? Is the floor ok? Wait, are you guys ok?”
“Yeah, don’t worry.” Jaime said laughing a bit.
Everybody seemed to believe me, except for Tony. But ultimately he decided to go along with it. It was easier than asking more questions, and the others went along with it, so he followed the norm.

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After a while everyone decided to leave, except for Tony of course.
“Are you sure you’re ok?” he asked one last time. I simply nodded my head. I technically wasn’t lying. You’re always ok, as long as you’re alive. Your body it still working, so it’s ok. But the degree how how ok you actually were could differ a lot.
“Let’s go watch some movies. I’ll put on your favorites.” He suggested.
I didn’t feel like talking so I nodded back at him and he gave me a small smile.

He put on Edward Scissorhands first. It was a classic movie. You knew exactly what was going to happen, but it was just so good. Tony and I had started on the couch with me leaning in his side, but slowly and surely he wrapped his arm around me and he had also started to relax a bit more. When Kim had to say goodbye to Edward I started sniffling. I never got emotional during movies! What was going on with me? Tony’s reaction was to hug me tighter, and I didn’t complain. At the end of the movie he was lying down on the couch and I was on top of him. We had a fuzzy blanket around us. He stared right into my eyes and I stared right back at him. His eyes were so pretty, they looked exactly like the swirling hot chocolate. He slowly started to lean in and I copied the move. We were a few inches apart when his phone started ringing. We both pulled away and he reach over to the coffee table to answer his phone.

I placed my head on his chest and fell asleep to the quiet vibrations of his voice.

Notes