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Mibba

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I'll be the Brightest, You'll See

You're an Angel

It felt like I was being made to start my life over again. The qualities I had 5 years ago were surely faded into nothing and now all I really have is some memories of what I could’ve had and the constant reminder that my parents were the sole reason that I lost EVERYTHING. My therapist told me not to blame my parents, that they were just doing what they thought was best for me. BULLSHIT! They were just so interested in doing what suited them. They couldn’t handle the fact that their daughter wasn’t going to lie down and take everything that was thrown at her.

So now, I’m 23 and have nothing but the silence of my future. Maybe it’s not the worst thing that could’ve happened to me. I mean I learned to control my anger and mood swings. I’m on medication to control my bipolar disorder. That’s gotta be a positive in this whole messed up situation?

But as much as I want to forget my past, one thing keeps sticking out at me. I’m a mother without a child. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and fell in love with her instantly. Only to have her ripped away from me and flogged off to someone else. I hope the family she ended up with is good to her, I couldn’t give her a good life when I was locked up in a looney bin, but now I am free and maybe it’s time to get my daughter back. There’s only one really big problem. Do I tell Vic?

My heart is telling me yes but my head is saying no. If I tell him he will be so angry that I kept it from him for all these years. If I don’t tell him he might hate me when he finds out, because no one can keep secrets forever. What if he doesn’t want a child? And there is no guarantee that I’ll ever find her. My mom made sure to keep me completely out of the loop when it came to the adoption process. The odd thing is I never signed any official documents giving permission to have the child put into adoption. That confuses me a lot because what happened? I keep telling myself that because of the situation I was in that maybe they didn’t need permission from me, that my mom would be able to give consent.

The whole situation is problematic. No matter what someone is going to get hurt and maybe it’s for the best that no one finds out. After all Vic is in a band now, that’s what he does for a living. I highly doubt finding out he has a four year old daughter is going to be helpful. He is enjoying his life being single and free to do whatever he wants. I don’t wanna ruin that for him.

“Scarlett why are you being so mopey today?” Oli asked me, bringing me out of my daydream.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff.” I mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

“What stuff?” He frowned; I could see it from the corner of my eye.

“I just feel really, lonely. You’re going away soon and I feel like I don’t have anything to do with my life. Everyone else has it all figured out by now. I haven’t. I didn’t get to graduate from high school or go to college. I spent my last 5 years in an institute with people who were doomed and are never getting out of there. I just hit it lucky!” I ranted at him.

“Scarlett, look at me. I was in that place for the best part of a year and now look at me. I have things sorted out. I know I was in there a fifth of the time you were but I still know what it’s like in there and I do know that getting back into a routine is the most difficult part.” He said reassuringly. I looked at him as we sat on my bed. He was on the other side with his back against the head board.

“You’re right… I just need time I guess.” I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

I could see Oli looking at me from the corner of my eye. I decided to ignore it but it confused me. “Scarlett?” Oli suddenly asked.

“Mhmm.” I replied, not looking away from the TV screen.

“I can stay longer if you want.” He told me. I tore my gaze away from the screen and looked at him.

“What?” I asked in disbelief.

“If you want me to stay, I will.” He had a strange look on his face. He sat up straight and looked at me. “I will stay as long as you want, if you ask me to.” He stared straight into my eyes.

I didn’t know what to do or say. Oli was always there for me but this felt different. This felt, intimate. “Stay.” I whispered.

Suddenly he leaned in and kissed me on the lips, my breath hitched in the back of my throat and I felt butterflies in my stomach. Something I haven’t felt in years. But I didn't stop it and a part me seriously wondered why. I've never really thought of him in that way but here I am, kissing him.

He placed his hand on the back of my neck and stopped kissing me, leaning his forehead against mine. "I'll stay as long as you need." He mumbled. I felt bad, it's like my mind wanted him to stay to keep me company because I'm too scared to face the fact that now I'm free, I'm stuck without any real idea of what to do with my life.

-

I sat on my porch, smoking yet another cigarette. The hard hitting fact that I am just losing my mind, slapping me across the face. There is always going to be something wrong with me and it doesn't matter how hard I try or how my life turns out. I'll always be mentally ill. "What's on your mind?" I heard Mike ask from beside me.

I looked at him and took another drag if the cigarette. I blew the smoke out and smiled to myself. "I can't believe I'm finally back on track, kinda and I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself." I mumbled, looking at the cigarette between my fingers.

"Everything will be fine. Yes it seems really grim right now but that's only because you've got to give it time." Mike said softly. "Don't try to run before you can walk." He pulled me in for a side hug. I finished my cigarette and threw it away.

"I've missed you so much." I mumbled to myself. I knew he heard it but I was thankful that he didn't make a big deal out of it.

"I missed you too." He sighed, leaning his chin onto the top of my head. "Please don't leave us ever again." He stated. It broke my heart to think that my departure affected my friends.

The worst part is that Pete and Patrick moved on. They didn't forget me, but they weren't allowed to visit me and so, I guess they all just moved onto different things. "What ever happened to Pete and Patrick?" I asked curiously.

"They actually moved to Chicago together. I don't know why but they did." Mike explained.

"Amber and Lewis?" I asked.

"They got married and moved to England, I think they have a kid now actually." Mike laughed, I looked up at him and smiled. I'm glad they made it together.

"And what about you Mike?" I asked him with a small smile.

"I had an amazing girlfriend until touring began to slowly rip us apart. It was short lived but she was amazing." Mike sounded so happy but there was a hook to it, he was hurting still.

"And Vic?" I asked, heart pounding in my chest.

Mike sat back and looked away from me. "You really wanna know?" He questioned.

"Yes and no." I sighed, there is nothing in this world that will prepare me for this but I can't be a hypocrite. An hour ago I was kissing Oli and now I'm begging to know what Vic's dating life was like.

"He didn't date anyone." Mike said softly. I looked at him completely shocked.

"No one at all?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Not even a single kiss." Mike said proudly.

"Why?" I asked with confusion engulfing me. I broke up with him.

"He was too heartbroken to even really get close to people. He had a lot of friends who were female but the second they got close to him he cut it off." Mike explained. "Don't tell him I told you this okay." He warned me.

"I just don't get it, it's been 5 years and he didn't sleep with anyone?" I frowned.

"That's just what I know, he didn't tell me specifically. He could have for all I know." Mike shrugged. It made me frown, but like I said. I can't get angry at him.

"What are you guys talking about?" Me and Mike both looked in the direction that the voice came from. Vic stood in front of us, a completely bewildered look upon his face.

"Oh, we were just um.." I looked at Mike for help.

"I was telling Scarlett about that um album cover idea." Mike lied. He was so obvious though.

"You guys suck at lying you know." Vic rolled his eyes.

"You suck in general." Mike said childishly. I smiled happily, the worst part of being away was missing out on the small moments like this.

Vic sat down on the porch next to me. "I gotta go call Tony about something." Mike excused himself, leaving me alone with Vic.

The silence was pretty awkward, especially after what I told him a few nights ago. "So..." He said casually.

I looked at him and laughed nervously. "So..." I breathed out.

"Wanna make out?" He said, exactly like he used to. Whenever we would be sitting on the porch or the couch or something like that he'd turn to me and confidently ask if I wanted to make out. It always made me laugh and 90% of the time we didn't even make out.

"It didn't work 5 years ago Fuentes, what do you think the odds are it'll work now." I said rolling my eyes.

"I'm a rockstar now." He grinned at me. I just nudged him playfully.

"So what brings you to my neck of the woods?" I asked, looking at him carefully.

"I wanted to invite you and Oli to a party at mines on Friday." He told me. I nodded and smiled.

"Sure, I mean why not." I smiled.

"Scarlett?" Vic asked me, a scared look on his face.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Are you and Oli... Together?" He frowned as the words left his mouth.

"No." I said quickly.

"Then why did he cancel a tour to stay here with you?" Vic asked softly.

"He asked me if I needed him and I said yes." I explained.

"Oh." He sounded so hurt. "I mean you could have asked me. I'm not touring for another 8 months at least." He looked off into the distance.

"Vic, things are difficult right now. I didn't wanna complicate it." I tried to explain.

"It's not that complicated. You need someone, I am here. That seems really simple to me." He huffed. I just rolled my eyes at his immaturity and stood up.

"One day you'll understand why things are so difficult and I hope you don't hate me for it. But for now please just be patient." I sighed. I didn't wait to hear his reply or argument. I needed to get away from the situation before I confessed my secret.

Notes

I love this story so much

Comments

@Colourfultears
I love all of your stories you're such a talented writter whatever u wanna do I won't protest

freedom_writer freedom_writer
3/29/17

@freedom_writer
I have been thinking of like redoing it - spice it up abit

Colourfultears Colourfultears
3/29/17

I re-read this all the time it's my fav fanfic still to this day

freedom_writer freedom_writer
3/29/17

WE NEED ANOTHER ONE AH

RestInHellx RestInHellx
11/8/15

What the fuck.!!!! Her parents did it again.!!! And two years.! And what.! It was really good.!