Darling we, found love, right now

“Will that really work?”
“’Course it will, Shuggy Pie. It works every time. Boys are essentially all the same. They need you to do the thinking for them. Trust me, he’ll come around,” she says confidently. “You’re not bad lookin’, even if you are a pain most of the time.” Celia sticks her plate in the sink and says she’s going to the lake with Margaret and Kristi and Jake and everybody.
I hope she’ll invite me, but she doesn’t.
After Celia leaves, I call up Elaine. Nobody answers, so I call Tony next.
“Hey,” I say. “What are you doing?”
“Some of the guys are over here,” Tony says.
“Like who?”
“Just some of the guys—Vic and Kyle and Tommy.”
Ha! My first big chance to make Tony notice me, make him see me for the woman I am! I’ll make the whole room notice me! I’ll be the femme fatale I was born to be! I can see it now: me, slinking around the Perrys rec room like a real temptress, the boys, hovering around me like nervous little bees, eager to do my bidding.
“What are you guys doing?” I say, real casual-like.
“I don’t know. Just hangin’ out, playing video games and stuff,” Tony says distractedly.
“Can I come over?”
“If you want.”
“Okay, well, maybe I will,” I say. He says okay, and we hang up.
I put my dishes in the sink and go to my room. I’ve been to Tonys house a million times or more and not once have I thought about what I was wearing. But there are going to be guys over there, not to mention this new Mark. And if I am going to be the femme fatale, I’ve got to look the part.
I look in the mirror, and I am sorry to see it’s still just me there. Who was I trying to kid? I’m no femme fatale. I’m not the kind of girl boys like.
My hair is a lighter, less special version of my mother’s. It’s like dirty straw: There are no reds or golds, and it’s too fine to curl the way Celia’s does. It just sits at my shoulders and hangs. Elaine’s hair is long and coffee black, and I envy the dark richness of it, mine being just a pale imitation of someone else’s hair. My eyes are brown, the muddy kind of brown you get when you mix a bunch of watercolors together. My body is bony and stickstraight, not soft and curvy like Celia’s. I am tall, too tall for my age, and I have no womanly curves to speak of. I can’t fill a pudding cup with what I’ve got. But worst of all are my freckles. I have freckles scattered all over me, like sprinkles on a crummy cake no one feels like eating. No one else in my family has freckles.
I wonder if I’ll ever be pretty. Probably not. Not Mama and Celia’s kind of pretty, anyway. Daddy says I am like a baby colt, and that one day, I will be a real knockout. Don’t fathers know that you’re not supposed to say, One day you will be a knockout? Don’t they know that you’re supposed to say, You are a knockout right this very minute, just the way you are? Daddy’s just as bad as Tony; neither of them ever know how to say the right thing.
But Celia said I wasn’t bad lookin’, and that’s something. Maybe “not bad” is good enough for To y to like. Anyway, it’s not like he’s some prize. His feet smell like nachos half the time, and Mrs. Perry always cuts his hair too short in the back. Still, he’s Tony, and he’s mine.
Mama said to make love or make war. I know she doesn’t mean I should go and have sexual relations with him, but that’s about all I know. Should I just forget the femme fatale stuff and tell him that I am in love with him, and that he should love me too, or else? Or should I be coy like Celia said, and make him wildly jealous so he’ll come chasing after me? I knew Mama wouldn’t be any help. Come to think of it, neither was Celia.

Notes