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Don't Want to Loose You Now

I stared blankly at the grey wall in Jaime’s room as I lay in his bed unsure of how I was feeling at the moment. I felt the bed dip besides me as he sat on the bed then moved over so he can lie besides me. I grabbed his hand as he looked at me then looked down at both our hospital bracelets making me remember the events from earlier that day.

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I blinked a couple of times to clear my vision. When I was able to see I noticed the hospital walls around me and I look to my side confused as I felt something on my arm. I moved the sheet away to find my arm connected to the IV standing by the bed. I hear a yawn coming from the opposite side and I turn in that direction to see Jaime lying on an extended chair. He rubs his eyes then turns around to look at me.
“Are you feeling better? You scared me out there.”
“What happened?” I ask him as he starts to sit up. Before I can get the answer from Jaime the door opens and in walks in the doctor.
“Mrs. Smith, you’ve woken up.” She says as she walks up to me and checks on the IV besides me.
“What happened?” I ask again.
“You fainted. Jaime here told me what happened shortly before you fainted and it seems like the overwhelming events along with a bit of dehydration would be the one to blame for that.”
“Yes, but you are all better now. Baby is looking healthy and you can head home once we get this off you.” I nodded my head but then stopped as I replayed the doctor’s words back in my head. I turned to look at Jaime who looked just as confused as I felt.
“I’m sorry but did you say baby?!” I said in disbelief.
“Yes. You didn’t know you were pregnant?”
“Um, no this is the first time I’m hearing this.” I stared down at the sheets as I shook my head. “Are you sure?”
“Wait how is this possible? I thought I couldn’t have kids because of the treatment I’m in.” Jaime said, finally getting up from his seat.
“Chemotherapy can make a man’s testosterone levels drop but it’s rare. It doesn’t always affect your sex life.” Jaime sat back down and drew his head to his hands. I looked away from him and faced the doctor who started to remove the IV from my arm. “You’re all set.”
I gave her a small smile to thank her before she left the room. I let out a sigh and swung my feet over the bed to get up. I spotted my clothes folded on the small table besides me and I grabbed them before making my way to the restroom. I quickly changed out of the gown and into my clothes and slipped on my shoes. I stopped in front of the mirror as soon as I was finished and stared at my reflection. A moment later I slowly lifted my shirt up to look at my stomach. I didn’t see a change assuming I was barely going on a month but deep down I knew that this was real. I was pregnant with Jaime’s baby.

I stared at Jaime and finally saw what I failed to notice before. His eyes looked hollowed out with the barley visible bags he had underneath making him look frail and tired. I couldn’t believe I couldn’t see it, everyone knew. Christina knew, even Tommy knew and I was too blinded to even notice anything wrong with him. Jaime moved his hand closer to wipe away at my tears before interlacing our fingers together again.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” I asked him when I was finally able to speak. He looked away from me and down at our hands giving me my answer. I slowly let go of his hand and sat up in his bed. I drew my knees to my chest and crossed my arms over them before placing my chin on top. Jaime got up from the bed and walked over to my side so he can sit in front of me.
“Lauren I wanted to tell you it’s just that-“he hesitated as he shook his head.
“What Jaime?”
“I was scared that I was just going to push you away. When I’m with you, you help me forget about all this. With you I’m able to be the Jaime I was before I even got melanoma. I didn’t want to loose you Lauren, you have to understand.” I bit down on my lip as I tried to hold back the tears that I felt coming.
“How do you think I feel Jaime? How do you think I felt when I saw you on that chair getting chemo?!” I pushed myself off the bed and walked over to the window a couple steps away. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked down at them as I let the tears spill over. I hear Jaime’s breath closely behind me before I feel his hand on my arm.
“I’ll understand if you don’t ever want to see me again.” I spun on my heels and pushed him away frustrated with what he just said. I started o hit his chest a couple times as the tears kept streaming down while he stood there taking it all. I gave him one last weak hit before I drew my head to his chest and let myself breakdown. I felt him wrap his arms around me as my body shook from all the crying.
“Why does something always have to happen to the people I care about?” I said into his chest when I was finally able to speak. I feel his hand move up and down on my back before I raise my head to look at him. He has a couple tears in his eyes as well as he looks at me.
“I’m sorry I brought you into this. I jus-“
“No Jaime, this isn’t your fault.”
“I wish I could go back and just get rid of this thing in me. I wish I would have met you in different conditions.” I shook my head at him and wiped away his tears.
“If you weren’t at the hospital that day getting treatment we might have never met at the cafeteria.”
“I know but-“
“You will get through this.” I said interrupting him. “I’m going to be here right next to you every step of the way ok.”
“Lauren are you sure about this?”
“I promised you I wouldn’t leave you and I meant it. I love you Jaime and nothing is going to change that.” I took his hand in mine and placed it on my stomach before meeting his eyes. “We will get through this together.” He met my eyes before letting go of my hand. He brought me into his arms in one swift movement and wrapped them around me, holding me tightly. He then buried his face in my neck as I felt his tears hit my shoulder. I brought my arms around him and felt his back shake as he cried into my neck.
“I love you Lauren.”


OMG this is soo amazing, my feels are completely all over the place, keep at it and update soon please.
I'll post a chapter or two for you in a bit :)
neverendinghope neverendinghope
Please update soon this is amazing.