Strength
Don't Let Me Go
I heard a faint cry in the distance as I stood alone in the empty, dark room. I walked ahead in the dark abyss as I tried to find the source of the cry. As it became louder and louder I knew I was getting closer. I started to see a figure up ahead and I froze as I tried to get a better look. It was a girl, that’s all that I could tell as I stared at the ground up ahead where she rested up against the wall with her head drawn to her knees. Like the room I was in before everything here was dark but somehow I could see her clearly. I took a couple steps closer to her before getting down to her level. I raised my hand but stopped as it was just above her trembling shoulders as she continued to cry. I slowly brought my hand down to console her and I felt her freeze at the sudden touch. She lifted her head slowly to look at me but all I could see was the curtain of her dark brown hair that covered her face. I heard her sniffle as I slowly brought my hand closer to her to move her hair aside. I hesitated as I felt her eyes on me and I backed up a bit before I noticed her lift her own hand to move the hair herself. I heard a slight gasp escape from my lips as I stared at the familiar face in front of me and into her deep blue eyes that were bloodshot from all the crying. I see her tears trail down one by one down her pale skin as we sat in silence, looking at one another. I felt something at the pit of my stomach and I knew something bad was coming. I opened my mouth to speak and felt my lips moving but no sound came out. I notice her look down to her hands and I look down as well to notice the little fist on top of her lap. She catches me looking at it before raising it up and turning it over and opening up her fist. I stare at the crumpled plastic bracelet in her hand before slowly taking it in my hands. I look down at the bracelet and turn it around to see his name printed in the center. This couldn’t be happening. I feel a tear drop hit my lap and I bring my hand up to my now dewy cheek as the new tears continue to roll down. I look up to the girl but she was gone and I found myself sitting in her spot crying as the image of her face,my face haunted my mind.
I felt my heart nearly pop out of my chest as my eyes open to see Jaime laying right beside me, fast asleep. It was only a dream, or rather a nightmare. I let out a sigh of relief as I feel my heart slow down to its normal pace. I lean over to place a kiss on Jaime’s cheek before getting up to check on the baby. I walk over to the door and turn to take one more look at him before walking away. I walk down the hall and take a peek inside the baby's room to find Junior looking through the rails as he waited for me.
“Hi baby.” I tell him as soon as I reach his crib. He lifts his arms in excitement and I pick him up to take him to the changing table. I quickly change his diaper and as soon as I’m done I bring him back into my arms and grab one of his bottles before settling down on the rocking chair. I uncap the bottle and place it in the baby’s mouth as I hold him in my arms. I feel him place his little hand on my fingers and hold on to them as he stares up at me with his big brown eyes. He looks so much like his dad. I watch him just as he’s about to finish his bottle and I feel myself start to get emotional with just his presence. I remove the bottle from his mouth as he finishes drinking and lift him a little higher to place a kiss on his little head. I feel him rest his hand on my cheek and I stop to stare at my son as my eyes start to cloud over with flashes of the dream still in my mind. I feel myself in the midst of a breakdown and I sit him up to burp him but instead hug him as the fresh new tears start to fall down my cheeks.
~~~
As soon as I have Junior settled in his playpen I make my way back into my bedroom. I walk into the room and walk straight to the window to open the curtains to let some light into the room. I turn back around to the bed and am surprised to still see Jaime laying down as it was nearly eleven-thirty, he was usually up a little after I would go check on the baby. I sit down next to where he laid and I call out his name to wake him up but I get no response. I place a hand on his side to shake him a bit but pull my hand back when I notice the temperature of his body. He was burning. I see his eyes open up a bit and that’s when I finally notice how pale he was looking. I hear his labored breathing as he tries to speak to me but nothing comes out from his dry lips. I shake my head as I start to feel some tears start to form but before I can let them escape my eyes I get up on my feet and grab the house phone. I start to dial and make myself turn away from Jaime as I feel myself get sadder with every glance.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“I need an ambulance for my husband..now!” I quickly say as I hear Jaime start to cough behind me. When I finish with the lady on the phone I hang up and rush back to Jaime’s side.
“Babe.” I hear him say in a raspy voice as he searches for my hand. I take his hand in mine and I feel him give it a weak squeeze as he looks at me. He notices the tears running down my cheeks and I see him frown. “Don’t cry, everything will be ok.”
“I’m scared Jaime.”
“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” I hold his hand in both of mine and bring it up to my lips as I feel my tears rushing down my cheeks. “I promise I won’t leave you.” I place a kiss on the back of his hand and just nod at him as I don’t have the strength to speak without breaking down any further. I look away from him and lean to grab my cell phone from the nightstand, without letting go of Jaime’s hand. I unlock the phone and press the screen to send a text to Tommy. The keyboard comes up and I fumble trying to text with my shaking hands. ’Can you and Emily watch the baby? It’s an emergency.’
Within a minute I feel the phone vibrate in my hands and I look down to read the message. ’Yes of course. Is everything ok?’
‘Ambulance is coming for Jaime.’
‘I’ll be right there.’
“The ambulance will be here in a little.” I tell Jaime as I look back at him. I see him nod his head before he tries to lift his arm to bring me closer to him. I lay besides him and he wipes away the stray tears that linger on my cheeks before he cups my face in his hands. “I love you Lauren so much. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” He tries to bring me in closer but I finish the distance for him just as he gives me a small soft kiss.
“I love you too Jaime.”
“Please don’t cry. I’m ok, I’ll be back here with you and the baby before you know it just wait and see.” I nodded at him for his effort as he tried to make me feel better but deep down I knew this time wasn’t like all the other times. He looked so weak and ill that I just knew his cancer had gotten worse. I felt the same pain in the pit of my stomach that I had dreamed of and I just hoped that he will make it and be here like he said he would. I hear the doorbell ring before the front door opens.
“Lauren!” I hear Tommy yell out and I get up from the bed to go out there to meet him. “They’re here.” He says as soon as I meet him in the hallway and sure enough I spot two EMTs make their way to us with a stretcher right next to them.
“This way.” I tell the EMTs and lead them back to the bedroom where Jaime was at. I stand back as they get him up from the bed and onto the stretcher. Once he’s all strapped in they lead him out of the room and I follow them out of the house. I stop right before stepping out and turn to walk back where Tommy stood in the living room.
“Don’t worry about us, go.” He pushes me out and I nod before running outside. I make my way to the ambulance just as they finish putting Jaime inside and one of the EMTs helps me get in. I sit in my seat in silence as I watch them put on a breathing mask over his mouth and connect him to a monitor. I see Jaime struggle to keep his eyes open as he turns to look at me. I see his hand fall off the side of the stretcher and I reach out to grab it as I try to hold in my tears. I feel him give me a weak squeeze just as I hear the monitor start to beep and I feel the world freeze over as I see Jaime’s eyes close.
Within a few minutes I feel the ambulance come to a stop and the doors open up as another pair of EMTs wait outside and start to unload the stretcher. I step out of the ambulance and follow them as they start to rush him inside the hospital. I hurry after them but one of the nurses stops me just as they push the stretcher farther down the hall.
“Lauren!” I hear my name and I turn around to see Tommy making his way towards me.
“Tommy what are you doing here?”
“I came here to be here for you. What’s going on?”
“They just took him.” I look back to the hall to look for Jaime but it was empty.
“Lauren is that you?” I hear a familiar voice say and I turn to face them.
“Christina, do you know where they took Jaime?” I ask the nurse.
“This way.” She quickly leads us down the hall and turns the corner to reach one of the rooms. I try to walk in but again I am stopped as nurses and doctors rush in to check on Jaime. They close the door on my face and I stare into the small window as they connect him to different monitors. I feel Tommy as he comes to stand next to me and brings me into his chest for a hug. I struggle for a moment but Tommy doesn’t resist and pulls me away, knowing that I shouldn't be looking at the scene inside. I give in and feel my forehead make contact with his chest as I start to breakdown.
“It’s going to be ok.” He says softly as he runs his hand down my hair but as many times as he repeated it deep down I knew and felt Jaime slipping away from me.
I felt my heart nearly pop out of my chest as my eyes open to see Jaime laying right beside me, fast asleep. It was only a dream, or rather a nightmare. I let out a sigh of relief as I feel my heart slow down to its normal pace. I lean over to place a kiss on Jaime’s cheek before getting up to check on the baby. I walk over to the door and turn to take one more look at him before walking away. I walk down the hall and take a peek inside the baby's room to find Junior looking through the rails as he waited for me.
“Hi baby.” I tell him as soon as I reach his crib. He lifts his arms in excitement and I pick him up to take him to the changing table. I quickly change his diaper and as soon as I’m done I bring him back into my arms and grab one of his bottles before settling down on the rocking chair. I uncap the bottle and place it in the baby’s mouth as I hold him in my arms. I feel him place his little hand on my fingers and hold on to them as he stares up at me with his big brown eyes. He looks so much like his dad. I watch him just as he’s about to finish his bottle and I feel myself start to get emotional with just his presence. I remove the bottle from his mouth as he finishes drinking and lift him a little higher to place a kiss on his little head. I feel him rest his hand on my cheek and I stop to stare at my son as my eyes start to cloud over with flashes of the dream still in my mind. I feel myself in the midst of a breakdown and I sit him up to burp him but instead hug him as the fresh new tears start to fall down my cheeks.
~~~
As soon as I have Junior settled in his playpen I make my way back into my bedroom. I walk into the room and walk straight to the window to open the curtains to let some light into the room. I turn back around to the bed and am surprised to still see Jaime laying down as it was nearly eleven-thirty, he was usually up a little after I would go check on the baby. I sit down next to where he laid and I call out his name to wake him up but I get no response. I place a hand on his side to shake him a bit but pull my hand back when I notice the temperature of his body. He was burning. I see his eyes open up a bit and that’s when I finally notice how pale he was looking. I hear his labored breathing as he tries to speak to me but nothing comes out from his dry lips. I shake my head as I start to feel some tears start to form but before I can let them escape my eyes I get up on my feet and grab the house phone. I start to dial and make myself turn away from Jaime as I feel myself get sadder with every glance.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“I need an ambulance for my husband..now!” I quickly say as I hear Jaime start to cough behind me. When I finish with the lady on the phone I hang up and rush back to Jaime’s side.
“Babe.” I hear him say in a raspy voice as he searches for my hand. I take his hand in mine and I feel him give it a weak squeeze as he looks at me. He notices the tears running down my cheeks and I see him frown. “Don’t cry, everything will be ok.”
“I’m scared Jaime.”
“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” I hold his hand in both of mine and bring it up to my lips as I feel my tears rushing down my cheeks. “I promise I won’t leave you.” I place a kiss on the back of his hand and just nod at him as I don’t have the strength to speak without breaking down any further. I look away from him and lean to grab my cell phone from the nightstand, without letting go of Jaime’s hand. I unlock the phone and press the screen to send a text to Tommy. The keyboard comes up and I fumble trying to text with my shaking hands. ’Can you and Emily watch the baby? It’s an emergency.’
Within a minute I feel the phone vibrate in my hands and I look down to read the message. ’Yes of course. Is everything ok?’
‘Ambulance is coming for Jaime.’
‘I’ll be right there.’
“The ambulance will be here in a little.” I tell Jaime as I look back at him. I see him nod his head before he tries to lift his arm to bring me closer to him. I lay besides him and he wipes away the stray tears that linger on my cheeks before he cups my face in his hands. “I love you Lauren so much. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” He tries to bring me in closer but I finish the distance for him just as he gives me a small soft kiss.
“I love you too Jaime.”
“Please don’t cry. I’m ok, I’ll be back here with you and the baby before you know it just wait and see.” I nodded at him for his effort as he tried to make me feel better but deep down I knew this time wasn’t like all the other times. He looked so weak and ill that I just knew his cancer had gotten worse. I felt the same pain in the pit of my stomach that I had dreamed of and I just hoped that he will make it and be here like he said he would. I hear the doorbell ring before the front door opens.
“Lauren!” I hear Tommy yell out and I get up from the bed to go out there to meet him. “They’re here.” He says as soon as I meet him in the hallway and sure enough I spot two EMTs make their way to us with a stretcher right next to them.
“This way.” I tell the EMTs and lead them back to the bedroom where Jaime was at. I stand back as they get him up from the bed and onto the stretcher. Once he’s all strapped in they lead him out of the room and I follow them out of the house. I stop right before stepping out and turn to walk back where Tommy stood in the living room.
“Don’t worry about us, go.” He pushes me out and I nod before running outside. I make my way to the ambulance just as they finish putting Jaime inside and one of the EMTs helps me get in. I sit in my seat in silence as I watch them put on a breathing mask over his mouth and connect him to a monitor. I see Jaime struggle to keep his eyes open as he turns to look at me. I see his hand fall off the side of the stretcher and I reach out to grab it as I try to hold in my tears. I feel him give me a weak squeeze just as I hear the monitor start to beep and I feel the world freeze over as I see Jaime’s eyes close.
Within a few minutes I feel the ambulance come to a stop and the doors open up as another pair of EMTs wait outside and start to unload the stretcher. I step out of the ambulance and follow them as they start to rush him inside the hospital. I hurry after them but one of the nurses stops me just as they push the stretcher farther down the hall.
“Lauren!” I hear my name and I turn around to see Tommy making his way towards me.
“Tommy what are you doing here?”
“I came here to be here for you. What’s going on?”
“They just took him.” I look back to the hall to look for Jaime but it was empty.
“Lauren is that you?” I hear a familiar voice say and I turn to face them.
“Christina, do you know where they took Jaime?” I ask the nurse.
“This way.” She quickly leads us down the hall and turns the corner to reach one of the rooms. I try to walk in but again I am stopped as nurses and doctors rush in to check on Jaime. They close the door on my face and I stare into the small window as they connect him to different monitors. I feel Tommy as he comes to stand next to me and brings me into his chest for a hug. I struggle for a moment but Tommy doesn’t resist and pulls me away, knowing that I shouldn't be looking at the scene inside. I give in and feel my forehead make contact with his chest as I start to breakdown.
“It’s going to be ok.” He says softly as he runs his hand down my hair but as many times as he repeated it deep down I knew and felt Jaime slipping away from me.
Notes
This is the last chapter to Strength but there is in fact a sequel that is currently active right now. I don't know yet if I will be posting it on here but you can find it on mibba! :) Sequel is called Starting Over.Thank you so much for your intetrest in this story! :)
5/24/13