The World Tour

The anger within me was unbarable if I’m honest, but I don’t understand why. It’s not like Vic is mines and I’m technically in the wrong because I let him kiss me, twice. But I can’t help but feel annoyed that his girlfriend thinks she has the right to try and hit me. Pushing me to the ground is not on, that’s why she got a well deserved punch to the face. “Lynn?” I heard my name being called as someone walked onto my bus. I looked up and noticed Jaime and Tyler walking onto the bus.

“Yeah?” I shot back, anger evident in my tone. They looked at each other and shrugged, clearly shocked by my angry tone.

“Are you okay?” Jaime asked. I looked at him again and sighed loudly, exasperated and annoyed at the whole situation.

“I don’t actually know Jaime, I’m really pissed off that she tried to hit me. Violence is never the answer but she pushed me to do it. I don’t like what I done” I paced in front of them. “Okay what happened once I left?” I asked, standing still for a minute.

“Okay so she really tried to go after you but Vic held her back, she tried to punch him in the process but yeah then he let her go, they argued for a good ten minutes and then they made up... I don’t understand it” Jaime shook his head. “I don’t want them together anymore, I want things to be nice, peaceful even on the bus” He groaned.

“So all of that was for nothing huh?” I shook my head laughing, tears beginning to form in my eyes. “You know for a minute I thought he’d wise up and get rid of her because he has told me, on more than one occasion that he doesn’t love her or even want to be with her but here we are, he isn’t going to break up with her after being caught” I paced around, arms flailing as I ranted. “He better not come near me again, not a chance” I shook my head.

Tyler stood up and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I lay my head there and cried silently, letting myself become completely vaulnerable for the first time in forever. I never let anyone get this close, not ever. The only time I’ve ever broken down in front of anyone was in high school the night I slept with Tony, it was the only time I ever felt emotional enough to show anyone and the funny thing is, Vic was the cause of it both times. Granted this time isn’t really his fault, he’s just being stupid. “Don’t worry about it Lynn” Tyler whispered to me.

----

I took another shot. It doesn’t matter right, everyone else was doing it. The bar was filled with people, mostly the guys from tour but a mix of others too. No one wanted to deal with me anymore, I was a burden to those who wanted to have a good night. I’m so lovesick it’s disgusting. And he didn’t even want me back right? If he did then he wouldn’t be sitting with her right now, arm around her shoulders and making out with her. It’s like she forgot what happened, not a word has been said to me. She walked past without even a touch. Have I become invisible? I’m not asking for a punch but at least that would be a reminder that I’m relevent, that was happened was real. Because now, all I am is nothing. And he must want it that way.

Another shot down my throat and the burn is the only reminder that I’m still here. “Whoa calm down there” I heard a voice say to me. I looked up to see Tony standing behind me, my head took a few seconds to process what he had said.

“Oh, hi Tony” I mumbled and took another sip of my Vodka and Orange juice. He sat down on the bar stool next to me and ordered a drink.

“Why are you drinking so much tonight, you got so wasted a few nights ago” He chuckled lightly. I shrugged and took another sip of the liquor, enjoying the burn.

“Why not, everyeone else is” I told him. He nodded and looked around.

“Yes but everyone else is with their friends Lynn, you’re sitting here on your own drinking way too many shots. Please come sit with us?” He pleaded. I caught his eyes and I felt the instant guit wash over me.

“How can I sit with them Tony, he kissed me but can’t let her go. Why?” I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. “Tony I love him so much, all these years have just proven that to me and to have him fuck around with my head like this is just painful, I can’t do it anymore. I need to go” I muttered as I stood up to leave. I lost my balance and Tony caught me.

He stood up and held me upright. “No, you’re not going anywhere Lynn, you’re better than this. I never thought I’d see you again the day you left but here you are, on tour with me and it’s amazing. Please don’t go” He begged, my eyes couldn’t hold back anymore tears. I glanced over towards Vic and noticed him look in my direction, concern written all over his face. I looked back at Tony and shook him off.

“I’m so sorry Tony” I mumbled, pushing past him. I walked towards the bathroom but bumped into someone, I looked and noticed it was Kellin. He looked at me and pulled me to the side.

“Don’t lie and tell me you’re fine” He mumbled. I looked up at him with annoyance but my features went from angry to sad.

“You’re right Kellin, I’m not alright. I’m heartbroken and the saddest thing is that it’s all my own fault. I fell for someone years ago and I ruined it myself. Now I have to watch him with his new girlfriend and pretend like I’m not in love with him anymore. Do you know what that’s like Kellin?” I spewed it all out onto Kellin. His expression was soft, he felt sorry for me. Disgusting. I don’t want pity. I want him.

Kellin’s gaze raised above my head and looked behind me. I slowly turned around to see Vic standing about a metre away. I felt the blood rush to my face and the panic set in. I didn’t mean for this to happen, I wanted to drown my sorrows in Jack Daniels and cry. But no. Drama seemed to follow me everywhere I go on this tour. My mind told me run and my heart told me I’m going to be sick, so being the idiot that I am, I puked. In front of said man that I love. Kellin pulled me into the girls bathroom and pushed me into a cubicle. “Lynn calm down” He told me. I couldn’t stop crying.

“Kellin you’re in the girls bathroom” I choked out through the tears. I heard him chuckle then kneel down in front of me.

“Are you okay?” He mumbled, grabbing some paper towels and wiping my puke covered face. I looked down at his face as I sat on the toilet, feeling shame and embarrassment creep over me.

“This is why your parents tell you not to drink too much right?” I laughed bitterly. He nodded and put the paper towel in the bin. “I just threw up in front of the guy I’m in love with after confessing I’m in love with him and him over hearing it. What the fuck?!?!” I pretty much screamed.

“Look, I ain’t gonna lie you fucked up right there but at the end of the day, it’s not going to stop the feelings he could have for you. Just don’t get too worked up about it okay” He told me. I looked at him and nodded. “Let’s get you out of here okay?” I stood up and wobbled around a little but steadied myself before I made an even bigger mess of myself.

Kellin opened the cubicle and let me out, we walked out of the bathroom and avoided my puddle of sick. Vic wasn’t standing there anymore. I obviously put him off. “I need another drink” I mumbled to Kellin, he just shook his head and took me over to the bar. I ordered three shots and waited patiently.

“You’re gonna make yourself sick again” He told me sternly. I looked at him with sadness on my face.

“What else do I really have to lose? I’m a mess anyway” I sighed, looking towards the bartender who placed my shots infront of me. I paid and took them one by one. “Perfect” I turned to leave when I noticed Vic standing behind me, Kellin leaaned in and whispered in my ear.

“Go talk to him” He mumbled. I looked up at him and shook my head no, fearing what the conversation could lead to. So I ran this time.

I pushed through the bodies of the club and out into the cold air. The air hit me like a ton of bricks slapping me across the face. My lungs filled with fresh air and my heart began beating rapidly. I need to go, get out of here. Right now everything was a mess because of me. “Lynn, Lynn wait up” I heard my name being called but I ignoed it. The light rain that fell onto the ground before turned into a heavy downpour. My long cut off shirt began clinging to my body and my knee high socks were drenched.

I didn’t stop though. Not until he grabbed onto me and stopped me himself, turning me to face him. “What?!” I screamed at him. He looked at me with hurt filled eyes, something I couldn’t bare to see.

“Lynn you need to stop” He told me, his voice firm. I pulled out of his grip and pushed myself back. The rain was slowly but surely consuming us.

“No Vic you need to stop, you need to let me go and never speak to me again” I slurred, the last three shots finally making their way through my system. I pushed myself back and began walking again.

“I know you don’t mean that Lynn, I heard everything you said to Kellin” I stopped and turned back to him. “You still love me, and you can deny it all you want but those feelings are still there” I stared him down, the rain pouring down my face.

“Why does it matter to you Vic, you have a girlfriend” I shot back. He just stood there. “You know for a fact you could have me but I think you like this better, watching me break because I broke your heart right?” I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. The rain jumped off the pavement around us.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY BESTFRIEND LYNDSEY!” He screamed out of nowhere. I flinched at the shock of his words. “You betrayed me with the worst thing you could ever do, and you honestly expect me to just forget it? Nope” He shook his head.

“You used me for a bet, you broke my heart for twenty five fucking dollars. Vic. Drop dead” I turned on my heel and walked as fast as I could. I heard him follow me but this time I ignored it.

“Lynn you can’t ignore this forever” He called after me. I beg to differ.

“I can ignore it as long as you don’t come anywhere near me” I said as I walked on through the rain.

“I love you too!” He shouted loudly. I stopped and turned to him slowly in time for our lips to crash together. The shock hit me like ten thousand bolts of electricity, the pain was just what I needed.

His hands tangled in my hair as he forcefully kissed my legs, begging for more. I couldn’t let him in though, I couldn’t do this again. I pushed him back and gaspped for air. “Stop!” I cried. He looked at me with fear in his eyes. “I can’t do this, not anymore. Vic you need to make a decision now, me or her. This is it” I said softly, walking backwards and then broke out into a run. I seen the buses in the distance ran as fast as I could. My heart breaking in the process.

Notes