The World Tour

Vic’s P.O.V

Somehow things are going well, I don’t understand why though; I have the worst luck. Jenna is unaware of my past with Lynn as far as I know and that is something I would like to keep. She doesn’t need to know anything about it. I might be being a bad boyfriend for the lack of honestly but it’s not like I’m lying either, I’m just witholding information.

Okay that is a really dickish move on my part, but it’s not worth fucking up my whole relationship. It’s not like I still have feelings for Lynn anyway, it was a silly high school relationship that ended eight years ago. Things happen and people grow up.

What difference does it make anyway, I asked her to sing with me on stage and it felt like we were two different people, living two very different lives. She isn’t the same, she’s much more damaged than when I last saw her. Maybe I influenced that in her with how I betrayed her but something has definitely changed the way she looks at life. Every single song on the White Noise album reflects it. Which makes me wonder; were any of those songs about me? Not to sound presumptious but maybe one of them is about me? I know at least 3 of the songs that PVRIS have are from her high school life but some others aren’t.

I swear My House sounds like it could be about me, but who really knows? Infact who really cares.

“Vic what’s wrong?” Jenna asked. I looked at her and smiled fakely.

“Nothing, just thinking” I told her, nothing specifically was wrong but nothing was right either.

Now begs the question, do I even want to be with Jenna anymore? I don’t know. Our relationship has been going downhill ever since this World Tour started in November last year. I don’t really understand why to be honest. We’ve only been a couple for about a year now and I’m not even sure why, she’s lovely but very boring.

She’s a model, which means her whole life is based around looking amazing all of the time.It’s rare that I ever see her without make-up on or designer clothes. She’s from New Jersey and moved out to LA to get famous. She’s not exactly famous and her only real known claim to fame is dating me, not to sound cocky. I guess I was just bored when I met her; a tall hot blonde who is interested in me? Of course I was going to date her, but I think it has maybe ran it’s course. My life yearns for something a bit more interesting. Maybe I’ve been hurt so much that I attract heartbreak but honestly, who knows man.

“What’s going to happen once you’re done with the tour?” Jenna brought up. I felt my stomach turn, I don’t wanna have this conversation when I’m feeling this uncertain.

“I don’t know. We won’t be back in San Diego until like, halfway through April” I shrugged. “Well, not permanently. I’ll be back home for a week” I shrugged. She nodded.

“What I mean is, about us” She sat up in my bunk. I looked at her and sat up too, turning my small light on. “It’s just we live on the opposite sides of town and thing’s are really good I think. We should move in together, don’t you think?” She suggested confidently.

That horrible feeling in my stomach came on much stronger now. “Oh, that’s what you meant” I laughed nervously. “Well, I don’t know it’s a lot to think about and we have a new album to finish off and then tours and Warped Tour. There’s just so much that’s going on right now, you undertstand right?” I tried to find so many reasons why I don’t wanna talk about it right now, but she keeps looking at me with disappointment.

“Oh, okay Vic. Let me know when you grow up and start acting like a grown up in this relationship” She rolled her eyes and climbed out of my bunk.

I climbed out of my bunk, slipping my vans on and walking through the bus. I need some air and time to think, away from everything. My feet led me to the side of the venue where we were playing tomorrow night, the place looked so dead. It’s odd being in a band like mine, we’re so popular in some ways but then there’s so many others out there who don’t even know my name, or my friends’. We are known for the music we make and that is the most important thing but sadly, I don’t get to know everyone who knows me. That’s what I hate about this job.

If I could remember ever fan I meet then it would be great, because every single one I meet has so much time for me and I just have to smile politely and pretend like I’ll remember everything they say, and on the odd occasion I do remember. But I can’t remember everyone.

My eyes wandered over to the PVRIS and Issues bus, they’ll probably be asleep. But I can’t help but want to hang out with them. They’re such nice people.

The bus door opened and Lynn walked out, her eyes were puffy like she had been crying. She looked around and then noticed me standing around like a goon. She wiped her eyes and waved at me so I walked over to her. “Hey what’s wrong?” I asked her, she looked at me with teary eyes.

“It’s nothing, just a shitty argument” She wiped the tears from her face. I felt my heart break for her, it reminded me of that day in the park when she inspired me to write Hold on Till May.

“Please don’t cry, you’re too pretty to cry” I told her, she looked up at me confused.

“Thanks” She said softly. My face broke out into a smile, she never fails to make me smile.

“Do you wanna go for a walk and we can talk about it?” I suggested, she smiled and nodded.

“Okay let’s go” I held my arm out for her to hook hers through it. We began walking around the parking lot. “So what happened?” I asked her again.

“My boyfriend was supposed to be coming out in a week but he cancelled for no reason whatsoever and we ended up arguing about it. I’ve got no idea what the Hell I’ve done to make him just cancel like this. The argument was pretty horrible too. He said I care more about my band now we’re “Getting famous” As he put it” She ranted. I felt bad for her, her boyfriend sounds kinda shitty. “I don’t know what to do, things were going great until the band got a record deal and now he’s just constantly pissy about the whole thing, as if I am being selfish or something. You get that right?” She looked up at me, I nodded to show I understood. “I just don’t get it” She sighed.

“Maybe he’s jealous that you’re getting so much attention now, maybe he can’t deal with it” I suggested, she looked at me as we walked. I think she’s unsure what to think.

“Maybe he doesn’t trust me?” She asked as if I’d know the answer.

“I don’t know, does he have any reason to not trust you?” I asked her. She looked at me and frowned.

“I’ve never cheated on him, I wouldn’t cheat ever” She said quietly. “I always feel awful for how things ended with us but things just didn’t work out at all and that night I was so angry. I didn’t intend to sleep with Tony, it just happened. I’m so sorry about it” She told me. I felt awkward, I wasn’t hinting towards that at all but it’s nice to know she’s sorry about hurting me.

“No I didn’t mean it like that but thanks” I said softly. She nodded as she stared straight ahead.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ve pissed him off or something” She was getting herself so worked up about it. I could see the tears beginning to form in her eyes again.

“Look he’s obviously overreating about something, don’t take it to heart right” I stopped her and faced her. “Guys get touchy about things they can’t control sometimes. I know for a fact that if my girlfriend was travelling the country with a b unch of dudes that I didn’t know personally that I would feel a bit insecure but I wouldn’t hold it against her, so it’ll probably be okay” I explained to her. She bit her lip and stared at the ground.

“Thanks, I don’t really deserve your friendship in hindsight, but I’m glad that you’re not completely angry with me” She looked up and smiled, her eyes were much happier with a smile on her face.

“It’s kinda hard to stay angry at you” I said sighed.

“Why?” Her eyes were always so questioning.

“You always just have such an welcoming vibe, it’s nice” She smiled even more at that comment.

“You’re not too bad yourself Fountains” She grinned up at me.

“Wow it’s been awhile since I’ve heard that one” I laughed, it brought back so many memories for me. It’s nice though.

“The funny thing is, that since PVRIS have gotten recognition people really do struggle with my name so I’ve began using the name Gunn instead. I kinda thought it was fitting, and it was little nice little reminder of good times” I smiled at how cute it was. She uses my nickname for her, how can I not think that’s cute.

“I think that’s awesome. I can’t believe I never clicked on about your band being on this tour though” I laughed. We began walking again. “I never heard from you again so I kinda forgot about your band, and then when I seen the name I just didn’t click.

“Thanks bro, forgetting my mind” She faked being hurt.

“You know what I mean Lynn, a lot has happened since high school” I looked on in front of us.

“Like what?” She asked. I looked at her for a second and she had a concerned look on her face.

“Relationships, being cheated on more than once may I add. I’m starting to think it’s me that’s the issue here. And now I’m a perfectly normal, healthy relationship but I’m not happy. She asked me if we could move in together when we go back home after the tour and I froze. I came up with multiple reasons why I couldn’t discuss it at this moment in time. I don’t know if I’m just scared of commitment now or I’m being stupid. I don’t know” I told her. She looked at me and nodded.

“Why did you get cheated on so much then?” She asked. It sounded harsh but I can understand what she means by it.

“Probably because I’m a million miles away half of the time. I commit myself to the music I make and making my fans happy that I forget about the people I’m supposed to love, and let that be a warning to you Lynn, this life isn’t easy and it sure as Hell won’t be a walk in the park” I explained. She nodded along. “I’m just stupid I guess, I push people away and I find it hard to trust people when it comes to my love life now. So much has happened to me and I find everything scary, that’s why I’m screwing up this relationship and the saddest part is I really don’t care. She is important to me but as the days go on, I’m losing interest. I feel like such an asshole” I sighed loudly. My head was beginning to hurt, all this talk about my relationship was good because Lynn is awesome to talk to but it’s difficult but she’s just making me realise that every wrong turn in my relationships have been product of our failed romance.

“I’m sorry to hear that, I wish things could be better for you” She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I slowly wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her back, it was nice having her back in my life. As she was pulling back slowly she looked into my eyes. “You’re special Vic, don’t settle for anything less than perfect” She looked straight into my eyes, something in me couldn’t deal with it. I leaned in and kissed her quickly before I changed my mind. She didn’t move, nor did she react. Just nothing. After about five seconds of regret she kissed me back, but it wasn’t like it used to be. It was different. And it ended just as quickly as it began, and made way for the biggest regret of our lives.

Notes