Is Love at First Sight Real?

Please read authors note
TRIGGER WARNING (SELF HARM AND ABUSE INVOLVED)
*Delilah's Pov* "How could she?! How could she just embarrass me like that? Treating me like a child?" Tears were leaking from my eyes I can't handle it anymore.
I felt numb I don't know what to do anymore. Oh sweetheart, you do know what to do just go up to your room. "You know you're right" I said agreeing with the demons inside my head and got out of the car. I walked up to my room not sure if I even closed the front door, I opened a small drawer searching for my friend. I had stopped self harming years ago, but recently it's been really bad, our whole family is broken ever since that as asshole came into our lives it's completely ruined us. I looked at my wrists and saw the new cuts, anger right away filled my veins and I had to get it out. She treated you like a child she doesn't care about you she just wanted to embarrass you. I sliced through my wrist, blood started to leak from the new opening. He had to come and beat your daughter until she was unconscious. Three new lines were formed. It's your fault your whole family is broken you denied him. The number kept increasing it was up to seven now. Why don't you go deeper honey the kids are with Sophia. I finally reached ten new cuts. I-I can't. I just can't. I can't leave them alone knowing he will hurt them again...I can't. I started to cry, laying in a fetal position. Pain and agony washed over me, I just couldn't handle it anymore. My body was frail and weak, I had cut a little deeper than usual, and I hadn't eaten anything for days, all of my energy was drained. I didn't have the energy to get up. A few minutes later, I heard my name being called but I was too tired to speak but she eventually found me.
"Delilah! Are you okay?!" She sounded worried.
I looked down at a small pool of blood and dried blood on my wrist. I was okay I wasn't dead, and I didn't cut too deep where I could have actually died. I nodded my head saying I was okay.
"I'm going to get something to clean you up okay" I nodded once again.
Moments later Sophia Came in grabbing my wrist again, she was being careful. I really appreciated what she was doing for me. I realized that she wasn't trying to embarrass me and treat me like a child, she wanted me to be safe, she wanted what's best for me. She was like the mother I never had. In that moment I was no longer mad at her.
"I'm sorry Sophie, I listened to my demons"
"It's okay Delilah, but I thought that you were over your demons? I thought they had become quiet?"
"Yeah they were silent for a few years but ever since he came into our lives they've gotten louder, to the point where they're yelling at me"
I had come from a broken family, my mom 'died' while giving birth, well that is what I thought until she came looking for me when I was in middle school. I really thought that we would be a whole family once again, but that never happened. She left and never contacted me ever again. She had forgotten about me...again. My dad was abusive, he was always yelling at me and beating me. He once choked me, lifting me off the ground and throwing me to the wall. I was really terrified of him growing up. When he found out that my mom and I would meet, he got really mad and started to yell at me, he grabbed a cord and started to beat me with it he was dragging me by my hair and slammed my head against the fridge that was the worst beating I ever got. I was yelled at so much that I have problems when people raise their voice at me.
"Ever since who came into your life?" She seemed concerned about who this person was.
"Adrian" I bluntly said.
"What!! When did he come?! What did he do?" The last question was soaked with anger.
"He came the night the girls got attacked. He asked for forgiveness and he wanted to be apart of our family once again"
"What? How could he?! He wasn't even a part of Juliet's life for three years and then he makes Emma and leaves!! What the fuck is wrong with that guy!?" She was agitated, angry and yet, sad.
"I told him that he couldn't be apart of our family. He had his chance to do that years ago. He was angry and he...yelled at me. I curled up in a corner and he took that as an advantage. He beat me and when he saw that I wasn't going to do anything he left angrier" I guess he wanted to fight. He wanted to be entertained.
"I'm so sorry Delilah. This shouldn't have happened to you...Wait!! Did HE attack the girls??"
"Yes, I was really worried that he would get to the girls. When they didn't show up, I was panicking and apparently my assumptions were right, he did get to the girls. I looked for them all night but didn't come across them. A few days after Juliet woke up from her coma I got a call from the police station they said they had caught the man who attacked the girls and they wanted me to come in. When I got there I saw him being taken away and it scared me. The police officer told me that was him, he was drunk the night he ran across them and...beat Juliet until she was unconscious" My voice weakened as I said the last part. "The police told me that I should be calm now. He was going to be in jail for a few years" I looked down at my wrapped wrist holding back tears.
"That's good, he'll be away from you and the girls for a few years. Why are you not calm?"
"I was originally calm but then I got a letter from him threatening our lives. That's when I started to worry about the girls and their safety"
"Honey then you can't do anything stupid. You can't self harm. What will happen when you cut deeper? You can die and then what will happen to the girls? The custody will go to Adrian, or they'll go to an orphanage. Then what will happen to them? Sweaty you need to think about the girls"
"What am I supposed to do then? I can't stay here waiting for him to come out of jail"
"Why don't you just move then? Move to another country! You've always wanted to go to England!" Happiness was clear in her voice.
Throughout high school I would always talk to her about going to England. I really liked their accents and wanted my children to grow up there but as you can see that never happened. England was just beautiful it rained constantly and I always loved when it rained.I pondered the decision for a while. The girls would be safe away from harm but I don't want to take them away from the life they have right now. I want to live my dream and go to England but the girls, what if they hate me for bringing them to England? What about school? They can't start in a new school when there's only a few months of school left.
"Delilah?? Hello? Are you okay?" She frantically waved her hand in front of my face
"huh? Oh, umm, yeah I'm fine, I was just thinking that's all"
"Well, are you going or...?"
"I want them out of harm's way so I would love nothing more than move to England and leave this all behind but what about the girls? what if they hate it in England? What if they hate me for taking them away from this life? I can't take them away from the lives they have now. What about school? What if they get bullied for being Americans?! Then they'll really hate me and I don't want that" I let myself cry into her shirt as she rubbed circles on my back. Your so pathetic why are you crying? Your showing her that you're weak. You can't be trusted to be alone. You're going to take them to England just so that they can have a worse life there, just so Juliet can commit suicide? You really are pathetic aren't you? ha ha ha why are you still alive? Just kill yourself, no more fighting your demons, you'll live peacefully. No I don't want to die I have to stay alive for the girls. I was defiant towards my demons something I don't do. KILL YOURSELF YOU'RE WORTHLESS!!! DO IT! NO ONE WILL MISS YOU, THEY'LL BE GLAD YOUR GONE.
"STOP!!! JUST STOP!!" I shot up pushing Sophia to the side she was scared, shocked, and hurt. "Sophia please tell them to stop I don't want to die!" Tears leaked from my eyes uncontrollably. "Please tell them to stop" My voice softened.
"Come here" She extended her arms signaling me to hug her and I did, once again crying into her shoulder.
"Shhh it's okay. What were they saying to you?" she rubbed circles on my back once again
"They were telling me to kill myself. That I was worthless and no one will miss me"
"That's not true don't worry, we all love you" She started to pet my hair, it was a mess but I was a bigger mess on the inside. "Stay strong okay? Juliet and Emma need you, I need you, we all need you. can you stay strong for us?" I looked up at her since I was laying on the bed and my head was moved to rest on her lap.
"Y-Yeah I can try"
"Okay how about we feed you shall we?"
A small smile appeared on my face, "Okay but first" I trailed off getting up and walking towards my drawer, "Here. If I plan to do better for the future of the girls as well as mine I have to give this up right?"
"Delilah" She seemed surprised, "Are you sure you want to give this up?"
"Yeah I'm sure"
"I'm glad you chose to give them up. Wow you're really serious about this aren't you?"
"Yeah I am..." Sophia just stared at me with a sympathetic smile. "Umm Soph can you please take them my arm is getting tired"
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you were holding them out" she giggled slightly taking the blades from me.
I was glad that I gave them away but I felt cold the moment they left my hand I felt numb the second they lost contact with my skin. I was more alert, anxious as if something bad was going to happen. Was I really that attached to them?
"Here. Keep this one so that you have one at least" her voice was soft and sweet.
"Are you sure? I mean what if I use it?"
"We all need to release our emotions at some point. It's not good to bottle them up it slowly kills you from the inside. I don't agree on self harm but a release is a release" She said handing me a small blade. "Just as long as you don't bottle up your feelings"
"Thank you" I smiled shyly
"Yeah no prob Bob"
"Bob?"
"Yeah I don't know...let's go eat something"
"I want pie" I simply stated.
"I want chocolate"
"Chocolate pie!!" We said at the same time.
"Okay let's go get food" We walked out of my room "There's a really good pie store a few streets down wanna go?"
"Umm Yeah, you don't have to ask just feed me" I was really glad to have Sophie as a friend.
We walked to her car and drove to the small store
*****Time lapse*****
"Okay well I hope you sleep well tonight call me if you need anything"
"Yeah I'll do that.Thanks for the pie it was really good"
"Yeah no problem it was fun. we basically had to whole store to ourselves. I think we annoyed the employees"
"Hey It's not our fault that we laugh so loud"
"I think I even saw a few laugh at us" She lightly laughed.
"I think I will move to england" I randomly said
"Really I thought you didn't-"
"Yeah I know what I said but I'm going to talk to them about moving to england and see if they want to move or not"
"Are you going to tell them the reason why you're going to move"
"I don't know if I should I don't want them to panic"
"They need to know eventually"
"I know but I want them to move because they want to move not because 'Shit I might die so I have to move' I don't want to force anything on them"
"Do you want me to talk to them about it?"
"No I want them to hear it from me"
"Okay I can respect that"
"It's about to be 1:00 you should go home and sleep" I remind her.
She needed her sleep and I was being selfish by keeping her awake and not letting her go home to sleep.
"Okay call me if you need anything okay?"
"Yeah Thanks for your help and the pie"
"Yeah no problem. Good night" She said walking off to her car.
"Goodnight" I whisper.
I walked into my house locking the door behind me. I fell face first on to the couch letting the welcoming feeling of sleep take over me. It was a little cold so I got up to retrieve a blanket and heading back to the couch. My room was right next to the closet where I got the blanket but for some reason I didn't want to sleep in my room I wanted to sleep in the couch. I wrapped myself in the blanket like a burrito and was quite happy with how I ended up. At Last sleep overcame me and I slipped into a peaceful sleep.
*****
The next day I woke up feeling happy. I walked to the kitchen to make some coffee when I noticed my wrapped wrist as the blood was seeping through the wrap. Immediately a frown took over my features. I hate when I self harm but I loved doing it. It helped me cope with things by helping me release my emotions but I hated the scars as it reminded me of what I did, reminding me of why I did it, reminding me of the hatred I have for myself. I guess that makes me a hypocrite how could I hate what it does to me yet love they way it makes me feel in that moment. I helps me in that moment when I'm so weak. When I'm in my worst state of mind I feel like I don't have another option I'm so overwhelmed That I don't know what to do in that moment. When I feel so numb I feel like self harm is my way of having emotions, of knowing that I'm alive I see it as a good fix to my problems, but self harm is never a solution to my problems self harm just increases my hatred towards myself. Self harm reminds me of why I cut in the first place. I put my thoughts aside while I made myself breakfast making a bit of Bacon along with some scrambled eggs. I sat on my table and ate my breakfast in complete silence I don't like the silence it gives me space to think. Thinking about life and that usually is never good.
I ate my breakfast but I didn't quite enjoy it millions of thoughts ran through my mind. What if he found us? What if something bad happens to us? What if we don't like it there? What will we do then? I went to lay back down on the couch looking up at the ceiling. I was just laying there my mind finally blank with nothing to think about anymore. I looked down at my wrapped wrist the blood had started to leak so I decided to go change my wraps. This usually never happens but then again I did cut deeper than usual I felt bad if I cut a vein what would have happened to the girls. Suddenly I felt a pang of guilt. When I left Juliet at Sophia's house Emma came running towards me hugging me, she was happy to see me but I gave her a disapproving look her smile quickly turned into a frown running away from me. I'm suppose to be their for them I'm suppose to be their mom and dad yet I was messing up everything. How could I be so damn selfish why did I give her that disapproving look she did nothing wrong. I guess I was mad because I didn't know where she was she didn't tell me where she was going a mother can't help but worry especially when someone is trying to hurt them. But that gives me no excuse for me to be harsh on her I'm a horrible mother.
I finished wrapping my wrist I got in my car and started driving towards Sophia's house it was about 2:00 and shouldn't leave them with Soph as they are not her responsibility. I knocked on her door but got no response I knocked once more and this time the door opened on the other side of it was Emma. She avoided eye contact with me; who could blame her though.
"Hey sweetie" I smiled towards her but she just kept quiet walking towards the couch were a sleeping puppy was.
"Hi" her voice was barely above a whisper
"Sweetie I'm sorry I was mean to you yesterday I didn't meant to. I promise I'll be a better mom" I wasn't lying I was actually going to try and be a better mom.
"Okay mommy. I love you please don't be mad at me anymore" she threw herself onto me.
"It's okay. I love you too and darling I'm not mad at you."
"Good" she said with a smile. I realized how much I loved that smile and hoped that it would never go away.
"Where's Juliet?"
"With Tony upstairs in his room"
"What are they doing there? Where is Sophia?"
"I dunno I've been here with Bella this whole time"
"Let me go get Juliet and we can go home okay?"
"Okay mommy"
I walked up the stairs but I didn't know which room was Tony's so I checked every room until I heard faint whispers.
"Juliet you have such a beautiful personality and I....really like you" Aww he likes Juliet
"I like you too Tony" she giggled. Oh my stars they like each other.
"Juliet...will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?"
"hmm why yes I would like to give you that honor" I was so happy for them I decided to walk back down stairs to find Sophia.
It didn't take long she was in the kitchen cleaning up. I could barely contain my excitement they were so cute.
"Fifi! You won't believe what just happened"
"What?" She said looking up at me.
"Tony just asked out Juliet!!" Her face showed surprise
"That's not good" okay not the reaction I was hoping for
"What do you mean?"
"Don't you see now she won't want to leave. Judging by your excitement I guessing she said yes you can't separate love Lilah she'll want to stay."
"Oh" damn it she was right now how am I going to get her to leave I can't risk them getting hurt if we decide to stay I have no other choice but to tell her why we'll be moving. I didn't want to tell so quick this is not what wanted.
"What should I do then I don't want to tell her just yet"
"I have a plan" she gave me a determined look.

Notes

Hey umm so this chapter has to do a lot with self harm. I'm sorry about that. the reason why it was focused on self harm was because I wanted Delilah to be shown as an emotional wreck. Delilah's character is based around me as well so some of the beatings she got when she was growing up really did happen to me but I live with both my parents so not everything happened to me. Anyway I hope you liked this chapter. Please ask me if something doesn't make sense.