To Love Preciado

Well, now that Jaime and I are together, we can go on dates, kiss, cuddle, all that fun stuff. It's been a few hours since he asked me and I'm still shocked. I haven't had a boyfriend in a long time, so this is pretty exciting for me.

I'm very picky when it comes to guys, I can't just open up to anyone. Being in a relationship is inviting the other to join you in your journey, it grants them a spot in your life either temporarily or forever. Since I don't exactly have a normal life, accepting people into my world is dangerous.

Not only do I not date often, I also don't have close friends anymore. If I had friends they would want to come over and that can't happen. Questions would pop up and I wouldn't be able to supply them with answers. It's not a trust problem when it comes to friends as it is with boys, it's the fact that friends don't last. Throughout the years I've had many good friends, I thought they'd be there forever. Wrong. After many heartbreaking splits I decided to become a lone wolf, that's the best option for a girl like me.

Do I get lonely? Of course. Seeing couples or groups of friends laughing together spawns an empty feeling within. There's a dash of jealousy and anger that accompanies this emptiness. I try to keep in mind that forming relationships with others will just hurt me in the end. Seeing these people make me wish I had a normal life, a normal family.

Throughout the days questions always generate in my head. Questions like, why me? Will it ever get better? What's going to happen to my mom when I leave? Will my dad's violence ever get discovered and put him in jail? What would happen then? The constant flow of questions I ask myself put me in a bad state of mind. Towards the end of a school day the anxiety builds up, my final question before leaving is: what's going to happen when I get home today?

I'm constantly worrying, there's always the possibility that my father will take things too far. But when I'm with Jaime my mind can relax, the stress slips through my fingertips. I feel safe for the first time in forever when I'm in his presence.

Still in his bed, I looked over at him. His eyes were fixed on the tv screen, a Playstation controller in his hands. "Do you want to go for a walk at the beach?" I asked.

He paused the game, a smile formed on his face. "Yeah, let's go." He jumped out of bed and put on his flip-flops. He was out the door before I could even get up.

I stood up and took off my socks, there was no need for shoes at the beach. I then ran down the stairs after him. I found him in the kitchen scooping vanilla ice cream into a waffle cone. "Would you like an ice cream cone?" he asked.

"Yes!" I skipped over to him, accepting the cone he held out for me. He made another for himself and we walked over to the beach.

The sun was low in the sky, the water shimmered ever so slightly. No one seemed to be on this side of the pier so the only noises were the ocean and a few birds in the distance. The fine sand hugged my feet, it wrapped around my toes. I bent down and rolled up my jeans. With an ice cream cone still in one hand, I used the other to grab Jaime's free hand. I tugged him over to the large stretch of wet sand, indicating it was high tide. The icy water ran up the sand and engulfed our feet in a steady rhythm. The sun was beginning to set, painting a once light blue canvas with pinks and oranges. We kept sluggishly walking down the shore as night began to creep up on us. The scene was beautiful, creating an absolute perfect moment.

Out of nowhere Jaime spoke, "It's amazing how beautiful you are. You wear no makeup, you don't fix your hair, yet you are one of the most gorgeous girls I have ever laid eyes upon."

"Thank you." I wasn't sure what else to say. His words made my heart melt like butter and butterflies flutter within my stomach.

He stopped walking, making me stop as well. He pulled me a little closer so I was now facing him. As cheesy as it sounds, his eyes sparkled like the stars that blanketed the sky overhead. "I am so lucky to have you." he said softly, leaning in. Once again our lips met, bringing the same feelings as before. Kissing him seemed so enchanting, especially here in the moonlight with the water still rushing at our feet. I lost myself in his kiss. In that moment it was just us, him and I. No thoughts, no worries, no problems; just the simplicity of two humans expressing their feelings to one another physically.

Our lips separated, but we did not pull away right then. Instead, he rested his forehead upon mine and whispered, "You should probably head home, I don't want you staying out too late and getting in trouble."

"I guess you're right."

He kissed my forehead, grabbed my hand, and led me back to his home. We approached my F150 and said our goodbyes. I drove away as he disappeared into the house.

I placed my keys on the counter when I got home. It was only 8:00 but my father was already passed out on the couch. I ran up to my room, thankful that I don't have to deal with him for the rest of the night.

I threw myself into my bed, the blankets and pillows taking me in. Comfort was found and I began to reflect on the day. My eyelids grew heavier as the minutes passed me by. I then closed my eyes and kept them shut, drifting off into sleep with Jaime being the last thing on my mind. Another day has been spent with an amazing guy I plan to keep by my side for a very long time.

Notes