This Love Was Out of Control
Fuck You, Marfan
*Vic’s POV*
“When you have no other choice in life, all you want to do is kill yourself to end all the pain. This world is hazardous, rude, and cold. I’m happy I’m with God now. I literally hated who I was down there. Up here, I have friends, people who actually care about me when I’m sad. They cheer me up so much that…that...I’m happy I’m dead. Down there, in the real world, I was nothing, but up here, I’m something.”
I finally understand her now. People are such assholes, and I can’t believe I used to be one of them. I used to be the biggest bully to everyone and I wouldn’t give a shit about anyone except myself and my brother. I still can’t fathom the fact that I used to hurt Kellin, not physically, but emotionally.
“I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve helped you in some way.”
“You did, Vic. You did help me, and I’m so thankful for you. I’ve been going to concerts all my life, but Pierce the Veil really hit my heart. It made me feel whole. If only you guys started sooner, I’d probably still be living.”
“I know, Liv. I know.”
Great, another dream about Olivia that I won’t be able to get out of my mind. I thought taking a cat nap would help me relax a little bit, but instead, I’m stuck in the past. I just wish I could’ve helped her more.
I rolled out of bed and rubbed circles around my eyes. It was about 5:30 in the afternoon when I smelled a strong scent of Mexican food coming from the kitchen. I quickly sprinted towards the kitchen and saw Mike and Tony chowing down on Quesadillas, loaded with hot sauce.
“Fatasses,” I chuckled. Typical Mexicans.
Mike flipped me off, just as he shoved a huge mouthful of his food into his mouth.
-@piercethevic: Hello twitter friends! Who likes Quesadillas?-
“Where’s Jaime and Copeland?” I questioned.
“He took her out for some ice cream,” Tony said.
“She can’t eat ice cream, she’s only four months!”
“Okay, he took himself out for ice cream and took her with him. They should be back any minute.”
Just as I was about to sit down with them, my beautiful angels popped through the door.
“Toeyyy!” Copeland tried to say Tony’s name. She has no clue how to say Mike’s name at all, which kind of makes me laugh because she doesn’t even try for his name. She quickly flicked her eyes on me and pointed. “Paaaapaaaa!”
“There’s my princess!” I got up and lunged forward, taking her in my arms and kissing her face a million times.
~~~
I was playing with Copeland on the couch when Jaime walked in with his hands in his pockets, face facing the floor, and a depressed expression on his face.
“Vic?”
“Yeah?”
“We uh…we need to talk.”
“Hm, you don’t sound like you’re joking. Are you being serious?”
“Yes,” he gasped, barely audible. He fixed his posture and pulled his hands out of his pockets. “There’s something I’ve been keeping from you for months now.”
I lost my smile and placed Copeland in my lap. “Are you…” I gulped, “cheating on me?”
“God no, nothing like that.”
“Oh good, because I was worried that it might be that,” I chuckled.
“It’s worse than you think.”
Now my heart was beating out of my chest. “Copeland, go play with your tio Tony.” Even if she can’t talk the “right” way, I knew from day one that she understood me. She wasn’t budging. Instead, she smiled at me and tried to hand me a doll she was playing with, before Jaime came into the living room. “I said go play with Tony!” I screamed, pointing towards the hallway.
Now she obeyed me. She hastily crawled wherever Tony was and left me and Jaime alone.
I stood up and kept my distance away from Jaime, thinking he did something terribly bad.
“If…if you didn’t cheat on me, what could be worse than that?”
I could tell he had a lump in his throat, but couldn’t seem to get it out.
“Remember how I kept having accidents on stage with me passing out and my heart stopping?”
“Yeah?”
“And remember how when Kellin’s dad knocked us out and we all had to go to the hospital to fix our wounds and all?”
“Yeah, but how do those two scenes fit together?”
“Well, the day we were in the hospital, you stayed with Kellin the whole time so you didn’t really know what was going on in my room. The doctor ran a couple tests on me to check how my health was and…my heart…is not in good condition.”
“No shit.”
“I’m serious, Vic. I um…” He started to freeze up. “I have Marfan syndrome.”
“So? A lot of people have heart problems. Austin’s mom had it.”
“And she died.”
“Okay? You’re acting like you’re going to die from it. It’s not like you‘re gonna die.”
*Jaime’s POV*
I swear my heart almost stopped right there. God, I can’t fucking say it, it’ll break his heart. The jokes were completely gone now.
“Jaime…you’re not gonna die…right?”
My eyes began to fill with tears, but I didn’t dare to blink.
Vic’s eyes widened. “R-Right? Y-You’re not gonna…”
I couldn’t hold them back anymore. A wet tear escaped my eye and slid down my cheek.
He slowly walked up to me. “Jaime…how long…” A tear finally left his eye. “How long do you have left?”
“The doctors say I…they say I won’t live past 20.” I started to cry now.
“20?! B-But you’re 19th birthday is next week! No, I won’t let God take you so soon. It’s not happening! No no no.”
“Vic, please-”
“No! No, I’m not letting Him take you away from me! You’re not gonna die!”
“Vic-”
“SHUT UP!” He burst out into tears and fell to the ground. I know he doesn’t really mean to tell me to shut up, he’s just upset.
I bent my knees and lowered myself to the ground, pulling him into my lap. “Vic, don’t cry. Everybody’s gotta die sometime.”
“I don’t want you t-to leave m-m-me.” He cried into my neck.
“Hey, I won’t ever leave you, okay? You know why?”
He shook his head.
“Because I’ll always be in here.” I touched his heart with my index finger. “Forever and always.”
~~~
Today's my birthday and I'm so excited to celebrate it with my family and friends. Of course, there was no way we could have a party in our bus, so I asked Kellin if we could have it at his club. It was no surprise to me about having a party. I didn't want it to be a surprise where everyone jumps out at you and then you have a good time. I want it to be where I already know everyone who's coming. I just want my main squeezes to be there, and some family. My family, meaning my band mates. Copeland can't go because she's a baby, and Kellin said he was too busy writing a song today, so he's gonna take care of her while we're all out partying. I wanted him to be with us, but he was busy.
“So who’s on the list?” I asked Mike.
“Uhhhhh…we got all of Pierce the Veil, McDougall, Stamey, Carlile and Ashby, all of Sleeping with Sirens, except Kellin, ummm…Gaskarth and Barakat, Caesar and Frenchi…”
“Anyone else?”
“Nope. That’s it.”
Vic walked into the room and smiled at me.
“Hey, babe!”
“Hay is for horses!”
“Really, asshole?” I told him.
“I’m just messin’ with you, damn. We‘re gonna have fun tonight!”
“I hope when you say fun, you don’t mean sex,” Mike blurted.
“Shut your ass up, bro. Wasn’t talking directly to you anyway.” Vic turned to me. “I’m excited for your birthday! Who’s coming?”
“Well we got-”
“Here,” Mike interjected. “Just look at the list.”
~~~
Everything was going so well. Everyone was having such a good time, but I missed having Copeland around to cuddle up with. It’s kind of odd how Kellin doesn’t mind taking care of her when we’re busy. He’s like our own personal nanny…okay, not really.
I know this wasn’t the perfect time to tell everyone, but I told them about my heart condition and how I won’t live past 20. They took it well, but I got a lot of hugs and 'omgs'. They didn’t like the fact that I was going to leave them.
A giant birthday cake was coming my way. It was filled with colorful sprinkles and chocolate frosting, topped with sparks shooting out of the cake. It was finally set down in front of me. I swear, I was already drooling.
“Who made this?” I questioned, obviously stunned.
“Jack and Jesse,” Tony told me.
“Enough talk, we’re hungry for some cake! Shall I start the mini countdown?” Jenna suggested.
I nodded at her and they began.
“And three, two, one…”
They all started singing Happy Birthday to me, while I sat there looking like a dumbass, smiling too widely at my cake. It’s twenty seconds of awkwardness for the birthday boy, that’s me. They all cheered at the end, clapping and laughing.
“We wish you a happy birthday and many more years t-” Justin quickly stopped talking, realizing what he was saying.
Everyone gawked at him, giving him death stares and shaking their heads with disapproval. I was waiting for him to finish his sentence, but then I finally got the clue he was gonna say “and many more years to come.” I don’t have many more years to come, with the heart condition that I have.
I kept my smile while everyone lost theirs. I abruptly turned my head to face Vic, but he left the table.
“Uh guys? Dig in to some cake. I’m gonna go find Vic,” I told them, getting up from the table. Now, I have no clue where the bathrooms are in this club, but I have a hunch. I walked around through the disco dancing section, almost joining the people, but I remembered I was busy looking for my man.
After three minutes of walking around, I finally spotted the bathroom. I had to ask myself why I didn't just go up to someone and ask them where the bathroom was. I walked inside and stayed quiet, hoping I would hear Vic. I heard extremely soft weeping coming from the end of the stalls. I bent down to see who it was and I know for a fact it was Vic because I noticed his black Vans.
“Vic, let me in.”
He didn’t hesitate. He opened the door and pulled me through.
I placed my finger under his chin to lift his head up. “Why are you crying, babe? Why did you leave the table? Don‘t you want some cake?”
He shook his head.
“No?” I cupped his cheeks with my hands. “I know you want cake. Is this because of what Justin almost said?”
“Y-Yes.”
There was a short pause.
“Jaime, I can’t lose you.”
“You’ll never lose me, Vic.”
There was disbelief in his eyes. “But Copeland? She won’t see her daddy anymore. I won’t see you anymore.”
“Dry your tears, Vic. Don’t cry over me. You know I’ll always love you no matter what. Now c'mon, have some cake with me. Jack and Jesse really know how to bake a cake. They didn’t want anyone to know that they were actually good at it,” I winked.
He chuckled at me.
“There’s that beautiful smile.”
~~~
-@piercethevic: My life won‘t be the same anymore-
I popped up Twitter and that was the first thing I saw on it.
-@ptvjaime: Neither will mine-
-@piercethevic: You won‘t have one anymore-
-@ptvjaime: “@piercethevic: You won‘t have one anymore” ur my life. Be strong-
For Vic’s next tweet, he wasn’t talking to me, but to the fans.
-@piercethevic: You guys mean everything to me. I don‘t know what I would do without you. Pierce the Veil wouldn‘t exist without your love and support. You give us hope, and that‘s exactly what I‘ll need specifically from you all…in time-
I heard Vic come into the room. “Where’s Copeland?”
“Still at Kellin’s place. He called and asked if she could stay the night.”
“Oh, okay. Can I lay next to you?”
“Um, yeah? It’s your bed too,” I giggled.
He snuggled up to my side. I wrapped my arms around his waist.
“I love you so much,” I told him.
“Scream it to the world.”
I smiled. “I love you so fucking much, Vic,” I whispered in his ear.
“Why did you whisper it?”
“Because you are my world.”
“When you have no other choice in life, all you want to do is kill yourself to end all the pain. This world is hazardous, rude, and cold. I’m happy I’m with God now. I literally hated who I was down there. Up here, I have friends, people who actually care about me when I’m sad. They cheer me up so much that…that...I’m happy I’m dead. Down there, in the real world, I was nothing, but up here, I’m something.”
I finally understand her now. People are such assholes, and I can’t believe I used to be one of them. I used to be the biggest bully to everyone and I wouldn’t give a shit about anyone except myself and my brother. I still can’t fathom the fact that I used to hurt Kellin, not physically, but emotionally.
“I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve helped you in some way.”
“You did, Vic. You did help me, and I’m so thankful for you. I’ve been going to concerts all my life, but Pierce the Veil really hit my heart. It made me feel whole. If only you guys started sooner, I’d probably still be living.”
“I know, Liv. I know.”
Great, another dream about Olivia that I won’t be able to get out of my mind. I thought taking a cat nap would help me relax a little bit, but instead, I’m stuck in the past. I just wish I could’ve helped her more.
I rolled out of bed and rubbed circles around my eyes. It was about 5:30 in the afternoon when I smelled a strong scent of Mexican food coming from the kitchen. I quickly sprinted towards the kitchen and saw Mike and Tony chowing down on Quesadillas, loaded with hot sauce.
“Fatasses,” I chuckled. Typical Mexicans.
Mike flipped me off, just as he shoved a huge mouthful of his food into his mouth.
-@piercethevic: Hello twitter friends! Who likes Quesadillas?-
“Where’s Jaime and Copeland?” I questioned.
“He took her out for some ice cream,” Tony said.
“She can’t eat ice cream, she’s only four months!”
“Okay, he took himself out for ice cream and took her with him. They should be back any minute.”
Just as I was about to sit down with them, my beautiful angels popped through the door.
“Toeyyy!” Copeland tried to say Tony’s name. She has no clue how to say Mike’s name at all, which kind of makes me laugh because she doesn’t even try for his name. She quickly flicked her eyes on me and pointed. “Paaaapaaaa!”
“There’s my princess!” I got up and lunged forward, taking her in my arms and kissing her face a million times.
~~~
I was playing with Copeland on the couch when Jaime walked in with his hands in his pockets, face facing the floor, and a depressed expression on his face.
“Vic?”
“Yeah?”
“We uh…we need to talk.”
“Hm, you don’t sound like you’re joking. Are you being serious?”
“Yes,” he gasped, barely audible. He fixed his posture and pulled his hands out of his pockets. “There’s something I’ve been keeping from you for months now.”
I lost my smile and placed Copeland in my lap. “Are you…” I gulped, “cheating on me?”
“God no, nothing like that.”
“Oh good, because I was worried that it might be that,” I chuckled.
“It’s worse than you think.”
Now my heart was beating out of my chest. “Copeland, go play with your tio Tony.” Even if she can’t talk the “right” way, I knew from day one that she understood me. She wasn’t budging. Instead, she smiled at me and tried to hand me a doll she was playing with, before Jaime came into the living room. “I said go play with Tony!” I screamed, pointing towards the hallway.
Now she obeyed me. She hastily crawled wherever Tony was and left me and Jaime alone.
I stood up and kept my distance away from Jaime, thinking he did something terribly bad.
“If…if you didn’t cheat on me, what could be worse than that?”
I could tell he had a lump in his throat, but couldn’t seem to get it out.
“Remember how I kept having accidents on stage with me passing out and my heart stopping?”
“Yeah?”
“And remember how when Kellin’s dad knocked us out and we all had to go to the hospital to fix our wounds and all?”
“Yeah, but how do those two scenes fit together?”
“Well, the day we were in the hospital, you stayed with Kellin the whole time so you didn’t really know what was going on in my room. The doctor ran a couple tests on me to check how my health was and…my heart…is not in good condition.”
“No shit.”
“I’m serious, Vic. I um…” He started to freeze up. “I have Marfan syndrome.”
“So? A lot of people have heart problems. Austin’s mom had it.”
“And she died.”
“Okay? You’re acting like you’re going to die from it. It’s not like you‘re gonna die.”
*Jaime’s POV*
I swear my heart almost stopped right there. God, I can’t fucking say it, it’ll break his heart. The jokes were completely gone now.
“Jaime…you’re not gonna die…right?”
My eyes began to fill with tears, but I didn’t dare to blink.
Vic’s eyes widened. “R-Right? Y-You’re not gonna…”
I couldn’t hold them back anymore. A wet tear escaped my eye and slid down my cheek.
He slowly walked up to me. “Jaime…how long…” A tear finally left his eye. “How long do you have left?”
“The doctors say I…they say I won’t live past 20.” I started to cry now.
“20?! B-But you’re 19th birthday is next week! No, I won’t let God take you so soon. It’s not happening! No no no.”
“Vic, please-”
“No! No, I’m not letting Him take you away from me! You’re not gonna die!”
“Vic-”
“SHUT UP!” He burst out into tears and fell to the ground. I know he doesn’t really mean to tell me to shut up, he’s just upset.
I bent my knees and lowered myself to the ground, pulling him into my lap. “Vic, don’t cry. Everybody’s gotta die sometime.”
“I don’t want you t-to leave m-m-me.” He cried into my neck.
“Hey, I won’t ever leave you, okay? You know why?”
He shook his head.
“Because I’ll always be in here.” I touched his heart with my index finger. “Forever and always.”
~~~
Today's my birthday and I'm so excited to celebrate it with my family and friends. Of course, there was no way we could have a party in our bus, so I asked Kellin if we could have it at his club. It was no surprise to me about having a party. I didn't want it to be a surprise where everyone jumps out at you and then you have a good time. I want it to be where I already know everyone who's coming. I just want my main squeezes to be there, and some family. My family, meaning my band mates. Copeland can't go because she's a baby, and Kellin said he was too busy writing a song today, so he's gonna take care of her while we're all out partying. I wanted him to be with us, but he was busy.
“So who’s on the list?” I asked Mike.
“Uhhhhh…we got all of Pierce the Veil, McDougall, Stamey, Carlile and Ashby, all of Sleeping with Sirens, except Kellin, ummm…Gaskarth and Barakat, Caesar and Frenchi…”
“Anyone else?”
“Nope. That’s it.”
Vic walked into the room and smiled at me.
“Hey, babe!”
“Hay is for horses!”
“Really, asshole?” I told him.
“I’m just messin’ with you, damn. We‘re gonna have fun tonight!”
“I hope when you say fun, you don’t mean sex,” Mike blurted.
“Shut your ass up, bro. Wasn’t talking directly to you anyway.” Vic turned to me. “I’m excited for your birthday! Who’s coming?”
“Well we got-”
“Here,” Mike interjected. “Just look at the list.”
~~~
Everything was going so well. Everyone was having such a good time, but I missed having Copeland around to cuddle up with. It’s kind of odd how Kellin doesn’t mind taking care of her when we’re busy. He’s like our own personal nanny…okay, not really.
I know this wasn’t the perfect time to tell everyone, but I told them about my heart condition and how I won’t live past 20. They took it well, but I got a lot of hugs and 'omgs'. They didn’t like the fact that I was going to leave them.
A giant birthday cake was coming my way. It was filled with colorful sprinkles and chocolate frosting, topped with sparks shooting out of the cake. It was finally set down in front of me. I swear, I was already drooling.
“Who made this?” I questioned, obviously stunned.
“Jack and Jesse,” Tony told me.
“Enough talk, we’re hungry for some cake! Shall I start the mini countdown?” Jenna suggested.
I nodded at her and they began.
“And three, two, one…”
They all started singing Happy Birthday to me, while I sat there looking like a dumbass, smiling too widely at my cake. It’s twenty seconds of awkwardness for the birthday boy, that’s me. They all cheered at the end, clapping and laughing.
“We wish you a happy birthday and many more years t-” Justin quickly stopped talking, realizing what he was saying.
Everyone gawked at him, giving him death stares and shaking their heads with disapproval. I was waiting for him to finish his sentence, but then I finally got the clue he was gonna say “and many more years to come.” I don’t have many more years to come, with the heart condition that I have.
I kept my smile while everyone lost theirs. I abruptly turned my head to face Vic, but he left the table.
“Uh guys? Dig in to some cake. I’m gonna go find Vic,” I told them, getting up from the table. Now, I have no clue where the bathrooms are in this club, but I have a hunch. I walked around through the disco dancing section, almost joining the people, but I remembered I was busy looking for my man.
After three minutes of walking around, I finally spotted the bathroom. I had to ask myself why I didn't just go up to someone and ask them where the bathroom was. I walked inside and stayed quiet, hoping I would hear Vic. I heard extremely soft weeping coming from the end of the stalls. I bent down to see who it was and I know for a fact it was Vic because I noticed his black Vans.
“Vic, let me in.”
He didn’t hesitate. He opened the door and pulled me through.
I placed my finger under his chin to lift his head up. “Why are you crying, babe? Why did you leave the table? Don‘t you want some cake?”
He shook his head.
“No?” I cupped his cheeks with my hands. “I know you want cake. Is this because of what Justin almost said?”
“Y-Yes.”
There was a short pause.
“Jaime, I can’t lose you.”
“You’ll never lose me, Vic.”
There was disbelief in his eyes. “But Copeland? She won’t see her daddy anymore. I won’t see you anymore.”
“Dry your tears, Vic. Don’t cry over me. You know I’ll always love you no matter what. Now c'mon, have some cake with me. Jack and Jesse really know how to bake a cake. They didn’t want anyone to know that they were actually good at it,” I winked.
He chuckled at me.
“There’s that beautiful smile.”
~~~
-@piercethevic: My life won‘t be the same anymore-
I popped up Twitter and that was the first thing I saw on it.
-@ptvjaime: Neither will mine-
-@piercethevic: You won‘t have one anymore-
-@ptvjaime: “@piercethevic: You won‘t have one anymore” ur my life. Be strong-
For Vic’s next tweet, he wasn’t talking to me, but to the fans.
-@piercethevic: You guys mean everything to me. I don‘t know what I would do without you. Pierce the Veil wouldn‘t exist without your love and support. You give us hope, and that‘s exactly what I‘ll need specifically from you all…in time-
I heard Vic come into the room. “Where’s Copeland?”
“Still at Kellin’s place. He called and asked if she could stay the night.”
“Oh, okay. Can I lay next to you?”
“Um, yeah? It’s your bed too,” I giggled.
He snuggled up to my side. I wrapped my arms around his waist.
“I love you so much,” I told him.
“Scream it to the world.”
I smiled. “I love you so fucking much, Vic,” I whispered in his ear.
“Why did you whisper it?”
“Because you are my world.”
Notes
heyyyyyyyyyyyy babies!wassup? okay no i'm not cool. but anyway, hows the chapter? leave me some love please! leave me a comment
i'm super excited (nope super sad) to say that there won't be many chapters left. Maybe like 4 or 5 or less? yeah:)
Would really like to see a sequel :)
7/4/15