Worlds Over, Time to Die. Nothing Left but our Souls Inside.

I don’t know what day it is. I honestly don’t care what day it is. Every day is a blur. Every day has been a blur. Every day continues to blur as it passes. It feels like it’s been a year, but it probably hasn’t. I don’t know when the last time was that I ate. I don’t know when I last slept a full night. I don’t know when was the last day I went without crying…maybe it will be today. I don’t know when the last time I last was clean and felt clean. I don’t even know when I last felt good about myself.

Wait….no I remember when I stopped feeling good about myself. It was when everything started happening with Mike. Especially when I found that he slept with Danielle. That crushed me. Why couldn’t I just be enough for him? I always thought that I looked good and I was a good person. So why couldn’t I keep Mike? And why did he kill himself?

Well…today isn’t the day I won’t cry. It’s already starting. The tears always come when I think about Mike. They also come in my sleep and when I wake up. I fear going to sleep. He’s in every dream. I can’t escape him.

When I found out that he killed himself, I lost myself. I literally lost myself, completely. I followed the guys to where they buried him and laid at his grave crying after they left. I couldn’t stop crying for the longest time. Then I just had to pretend to be okay so nobody worried. I couldn’t bring myself to write. Now that I finally have the notebook again, I couldn’t help myself. I looked back and found his last entry. There were a few blood splatters on the page.

I read through it all and cried. Once I stopped, I started writing and now I’m back at it again. He wasn’t a fuck up and he wasn’t a bad guy at all. He was the best. He made me feel so good about myself. He was my best friend. I loved him to death…I still do. Some days I wish I hadn’t gotten close to Kellin. Maybe if I hadn’t, Mike wouldn’t have killed himself. Maybe if I hadn’t he wouldn’t have slept with Danielle. I should have just given him attention, but this fucked up world clouded my mind.

I thought I might like Kellin, but now I’m not o sure. I might, but I really don’t know. I can’t think straight whatsoever. It’s hard to think when you barely sleep. Danielle barely sleeps, but that’s mainly because she has a baby to take care of. I just keep dreaming of Mike. Not the Mike I love though. This is a different him. He kills me every night. I don’t mean emotionally, that too, but I mean he physically kills me. I’m blamed, then hunted down and killed all while I beg for him to tell me why he’s doing that.

I wake up drenched in sweat and tears. I can’t escape it. I just can’t escape it at all.

It’s times like that, that I wish we switched places. He deserves to live, while I deserve to be dead. But I’m alive, so I might as well fight for the safety of the others. Even at the cost of my life.

Notes

Alysha is not feeling good at all right now. What do you think will happen next?

Hope you enjoyed this, gonna write another thing really quickly for a different character because all of us got a bunch of motivation recently and I've decided to just follow my ideas, so hopefully you all like it.

-Rose