Worlds Over, Time to Die. Nothing Left but our Souls Inside.

It’s been a long time since I have written, because well I can’t get my thoughts in order. My mind is constantly racing, endless thoughts. How much longer do we still have to do this? I’m tired of running. I’m tired of not being able to sleep. I hate feeling like there isn’t anything worth living for. I can barely look anyone in the eye. Not Erin. Not my bandmates. I hate it. I hate me. My mind has become such a dark place. Mike had saved me from my gun that night, but who was going to save me from my mind.

We just keep moving, from here to there. We have barely any food, everyone is on edge, but we found a nice house with food and water and all got a chance to clean up. It was nice to relax for a few hours. But it couldn’t last, we had to start moving again. We piled into the SUV a bunch of us in the trunk. I was in the trunk with Erin I can feel her eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at her.

Jaime was driving, I don’t know where everyone else was sitting and I really don’t care. I just know we were almost out of California, which was our goal for a while. Who knows what will be outside of California. Everyone is hoping for something better. I am too, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t know if life will ever be the same. Will I ever get to play a guitar again, play with my pet turtle, or get to watch Star Wars again?

After a long silent I heard a small cheer come from Jaime, “We are officially out of California!” everyone let out cheers of excitement. You can feel the mood in the car lift just slightly. I took the moment of relief to look at Erin, she meet my eyes and gave me a small smile. I returned it giving her temple a kiss. I felt awful for being so distant to her, and my family lately. I needed to be there for them. I needed to find my way out of my dark thoughts, and I made a promise to myself to try and find myself again. I gave Erin’s hand a light squeeze looking out the trunk window it was dark out so it was hard to see if the roads looked different than they did in California.

I guess we would have to wait till morning to see if life would be different for us here.
We drove through the quick roads trying to find a place to stay, it took some time but we pulled into a neighborhood there were quick a few large houses so we parked the SUV, and all piled out stretching our limbs. We went into the nearest house, all holding out guns incase there was any kind of problems. We cleared all the rooms and found it empty, we locked the door and all decided we deserved some rest.

I laid down on the floor in the living room with Erin in my arms and tired to fall asleep and relax, but my mind was still restless as I tried to think of a hopeful future.

Notes

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