About six hundred miles away and three days later, I was lying awake in my bed again. I hadn’t slept for five days now, I was feeling like a total wreck, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw blood, and death, and fear... The fear that if I fall asleep, I might never wake up again. This was ridiculous, of course, I knew that, I wasn’t going to die now, because I had two more months left, but late at night shadows look darker and everything seems possible.

I had seen what happens to people, who don’t sleep. Once I saw a film about it. It’s horrible, they have hallucinations, start losing their hair and fingernails, nasty stuff like that. I didn’t want this to happen to me, but no matter how hard I tried, the nightmares would always come back. Sometimes they were just normal nightmares. Other times they were from the really terrifying ones, the ones from my childhood, the memories I was so desperately trying to forget.

So, afraid to blink, I kept lying there, staring at the ceiling. I could hear Vic’s steady breathing as he was calmly sleeping in his bed. What was he dreaming of? Was he really having nice dreams, or nightmares were hiding behind this mask of peace? It was impossible to tell. But it was obvious he was doing better than me. At least he was sleeping.

I don’t know for how long I stayed there, staring at the empty space, but a few hours later I was still just as wide awake as I was five days ago. At some point, everything started irritating me, the pillow was too thick, the mattress was uncomfortable. The blanket seemed too warm, so I kicked it away, but without it I felt cold. Even the silence wasn’t comforting anymore, now it seemed annoying and it made me even more nervous. In the end, I gave up. I slipped out of bed and quietly walked to the window, trying not to wake Vic up.

The window was facing the road, but we were staying out of town, so there wasn’t much traffic outside, especially at this time of night. The neon sign, letting the few tired drivers passing by know that there’s a motel here, had lost some of its letters, so now it was mysteriously saying “M EL”. Lamps were illuminating the parking lot, but otherwise it was dark out there. A bat flew around one of the lamps and cast a big shadow, like a King-Kong-sized vampire, attacking the few cars parked down there. Why, though? Cars don’t have blood. Probably that vampire liked petrol.

I yawned. Damn, I hated that feeling... I was so tired, and yet, I couldn’t rest at all. In the morning I’d have to drive again, and I wasn’t sure I can do that. I was afraid I might fall asleep on the wheel and hit the van somewhere. What a stupid way to die that would be... so... not heroic. I leaned my forehead against the glass and smiled bitterly. Not that dying from a disease with an unpronounceable name was that heroic either, I just wanted it to be. I wanted it to be like in the movies – the main character, seeking for revenge, wants to fulfill his last wishes before he dies, does lots of badass stuff, and in the end has a sad, dramatic death. But it was far not that easy. In the movies the main character was practically fearless. And I, well... I was so afraid... I didn’t want to die, not now, not like this, but time seemed to pass even faster when I thought about it. I had only a month and twenty-eight days... How short that time seemed now. Especially when I had someone to share it with. Victor... At first, when he joined me, I thought he’d make things easier. But it was the opposite, he made it all harder, because even though I knew him only for a week, now leaving him seemed painful, almost impossible. What would happen to him when I’d be gone? The police would be still after him, no matter that he didn’t do anything, and running alone was much more difficult than having a partner. Where would he go? I was worried that they might catch him, and if they did... He didn’t deserve this, it was me who deserved to go to jail, not him... And still, although I wanted to, I couldn’t stay and protect him, at some point he’d have to deal with this alone.

I didn’t fully understand why he chose to be my friend. He could be my enemy just that easily, he could get away and call the cops, telling them where I am, but he never did that. For some reason, he was on my side. He understood me... And yeah, we were going down, but we were going down together... I smiled a little.

The giant vampire shadow appeared again, dancing like a ballerina on the parking lot, making graceful figures with its ghostly, dark, almost transparent wings. I wished I could somehow absorb everything I see, every moment, every picture, because I knew that soon all I’d have left would be those memories. Now everything seemed so perfect and beautiful, when I knew I’d lose it in a little more than a month. The way the moonlight fell on the building, reflected in the smooth surface of the windows, the wind in the few trees around, even the poor confused bat, which kept flying around the lamp, trying to catch the moths in the light.

And even when I’d be no longer on this earth (yeah, because I’d be a few feet under it), they’d be still here, all those beautiful things. The nature didn’t give a shit for just another dying human being. No one would even notice I’m gone, and the world would keep going, saying, from time to time, “Hey, remember that bastard, who killed his boss, kidnapped a guy and robbed a pastry shop? What happened to him? ...Oh, you don’t care? Neither do I.” I wasn’t important, my death wouldn’t be a big loss to anyone.

I sighed and my breath slightly dimmed the window. I carefully wiped it with my sleeve.

“...Kellin? What are you doing?”

I turned around. Vic was sitting in his bed, watching me. The moonlight was entering the room through the window and falling on his face, making it look deadly pale. His big brown eyes, though, were deep and warm, like hot chocolate, and now slightly worried.

“Nothing... I just couldn’t sleep.”, I said, my voice a bit raspy from not using it for hours.

“Oh...” He tilted head. “When was the last time you slept? The last few nights I noticed you didn’t stay in bed much either.”

I stared out of the window again, silent for awhile.

“Five days, I think.”, I finally said and coughed, to clean my throat. “You know. Nightmares... Flashbacks... Nasty things like that. Even if I manage to fall asleep, I wake up a few minutes later.”

“Damn, I’m sorry... Don’t sleeping pills help?”

“No, I’ve tried that. It gets worse this way, ‘cause I still have nightmares, but I can’t wake up. I think I must have Posttraumatic stress disorder or something like that.” I sighed and smiled sadly. “...But you don’t, so go back to sleep.”

Vic ignored me.

“But Kellin... You can’t stay awake forever. You must sleep.”

“I know, but I can’t, okay?”, I frowned. “I tried. It just doesn’t work.”

“Yesterday you fell asleep on the table in that cafe.”, he reminded me.

“Yeah, for, like, five minutes.”, I rolled eyes.

He didn’t reply and we both went silent again. After a few minutes, I spoke up again:

“It could be worse, you know.”

“Hmm?”, he looked up at me. “What could be worse?”

“The sickness... I mean, it doesn’t hurt, at least not while I keep taking my pills. It doesn’t affect my normal life much, I keep eating, and drinking and all. Besides, I won’t die in agony... It’s gonna be a quiet death, I’ll just, like, fall asleep one night and never wake up. No one’s gonna miss me much... So I guess I’m fine. Yeah. I’m fine.”

“No, that’s not true... I’m gonna miss you.”, Vic said softly. “But if you say you’re fine, I believe you. I just...”, he hesitated, then continued, but I had the feeling he didn’t say what he intended to at first, “...think you really need to get some sleep. Okay? You know that some people die from staying awake for too long, and I don’t want you to die...”

“But I will.”, I interrupted him.

He sighed.

“I know. But not yet.”, he smiled weakly, then added: “Don’t make me tie you to the bed, Kellin.”

I smiled a bit.

“You don’t have any rope, you jerk, how are you going to do that?”

“Exactly.”, Victor grinned. “Makes you wonder, hm? I bet you don’t wanna find out. So go to bed. Now.”

“Don’t be the annoying parent, Vic.”, my smile widened.

“Then don’t be the stubborn teenager, Kell.”, he replied, grinning.

“Alriiiiiight, mom.”, I let out a deep, fake sigh. “Going to bed now.”

“Good boy.”, Vic chuckled a bit and lied back down.

“Yeah, yeah, right.”, I murmured. I walked back to my bed and theatrically crumbled on it, picking up the blanket from the floor. “...Goodnight.”

I heard him yawn.

“...Night...”

...I went back to watching the ceiling. The silence returned, even heavier and thicker than before. I turned to the side and settled my head on the pillow, trying to find a comfortable spot, and closed eyes, but no matter how tired I was, it was impossible to fall asleep. I was feeling too uneasy, too many thoughts were crossing my mind, keeping my brain awake and in action. I kicked the blanket away again, but then I regretted doing that and took it back. The whole time I was trying to stay as quiet as possible, but every movement I made seemed loud as hell. On the other hand, all the other noises startled me and I kept stirring around, unable to relax completely.

After about half an hour, I heard the other mattress creak. Oh crap, I had woken Vic up. I closed eyes, and a thousand apologies crossed my head, ready to use them in case he asks me why I’m still not sleeping. He didn’t, though, instead, his mattress creaked again and quiet footsteps approached. Then I felt him sit on the edge of my bed, and after a moment of hesitation, he slipped under the blanket, wrapping his arms around me. A bit startled, I opened eyes and turned my head to look at him.

“Vic... What are you doing...”

“Shh.”, he murmured, his eyes closed. “Just sleep.”

I blinked, confused and kind of awkward. “Okay...?”

Victor just nodded slightly, still gently hugging me. Not understanding why he did that, I closed eyes as well, and even though I didn’t like to admit it, feeling him next to me felt good, it somehow comforted me and helped me calm down. His warm, steady breath was lightly tickling the skin on the back of my neck, but it wasn’t unpleasant, just the opposite. After a minute of silence, he started humming something softly. I didn’t know the song, I wasn’t even sure if it was a real song or he was just inventing the melody right now, but that didn’t really matter. I smiled a little and snuggled closer to him, listening to his voice.

“Vic...?”, I murmured softly, half-opening one eye.

The pretty melody stopped.

“Mmm?”

“I’m sorry for being such a coward...”

Vic’s hug tightened a bit.

“We’re all cowards, Kellin... Everyone’s afraid of something, and some people’s fears are sillier than others’. Your fears, though... they aren’t pointless, they make sense, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of them. If I was at your place, I don’t think I’d find the courage to do all those things you do. Besides, I’m scared, too, even though I’m not the one, who’s dying.”

“I know... But, not gonna lie, you’re doing pretty well so far.”

He moved a bit and when he spoke, I could feel he was smiling.

“...Thanks. I’m trying my best.”

“Obviously.”, I smiled back, although I knew he couldn’t see me.

The silence came back. Victor’s breathing went steadier, and I almost thought he went back to sleep, when he spoke up again.

“Kellin?”

“Yeah?”, now I opened my eyes completely.

He hesitated.

“...If the circumstances were different... I think you’d be the best friend I have right now. One of the best ones I’ve ever had.”

“Well...”, I smiled, kind of sadly. “...I can still be your best friend, if you want... And don’t rush it, it’s never too late for me to turn out to be a psychotic maniac. You never know.”

“Okay, then, I’ll be prepared.”, he chuckled softly.

“Mhm, you better be...” I yawned again.

Vic just sighed softly and went silent once more. After a few moments, he started humming again, this time a different melody, which I slightly recognized, but I couldn’t remember the words. Surprisingly, my eyelids refused to stay open, as I began to slowly fall asleep.

The last thing I remember before sinking into my dreams, was hearing Victor murmur: “Everything will be alright, Kellin... I promise...”

And this time... This time I believed him.

END OF CHAPTER EIGHT.

Notes

...Lay me down,
And tell me everything will be alright
Things will be alright...

This chapter's inspired by Let Love Bleed Red by Sleeping With Sirens.