CHAPTER FOUR.

I was lying awake in bed, watching the List. Even in the weak light coming from the moon outside and the lamp in the bathroom, I could clearly read what was written there. Not like I needed to – I knew the List by heart, I could recite it word by word, damn, I knew it so well that I could even recite it backwards. The List had become my life, the path to my death, and this path was all covered in flowers and dead bodies. I had planned it all so carefully, every detail, for the last couple weeks, ever since they told me the news… Ever since-

“What are you doing?”

I looked up, startled by the voice. I thought Victor was asleep, but it seems he had been just silently watching me.

“…Why aren’t you sleeping?”, I answered him with a question.

“How about you?”, he asked stubbornly, then he sighed. “…Nightmares. I can’t sleep.”

“Oh… I’m sorry. I’d offer you some sleeping pills, but I left them at home...”

Vic waved his hand.

“Nah, I’m fine, I’m fine.” He sat up. “What were you reading?”

I looked at the List in my hands.

“A… thing? It’s just something I wrote down earlier.” I looked at him like a student, caught copying homework and trying to think of a convincing lie that could deceive his teacher.

Vic stared at me for a few more moments, then shrugged and lied back down.

“Riiight. Okay then. I mean, why would you tell me anyway, I’m just your prisoner after all.” He sighed. “Goodnight, Kellin.”

“Night, Vic.”

I went silent again and stared back at the List. The letters seemed to blur in front of my eyes as my mind drifted away, thinking back of the time, when I didn’t know that my life would be so short and so miserable…

“…It’s a list.”, I heard myself saying.

After a moment Victor sat back up and looked at me, interested.

“…Yeah?”

A deep sigh escaped my chest.

“…Do you really want to know? It’s a really fucked up story, I don’t think you’d wanna hear it…”

“No, go on. I’m a good listener. What list?”

I just lied like that for awhile, my eyes still fixed at the List. Vic was waiting patiently for me to continue.

“…A list of all the people I want to take revenge on before I die.”, I finally said quietly, almost inaudible.

I didn’t get a reply. For a moment I thought he didn’t hear me and looked up, and our eyes met. He was watching me curiously, waiting for me to continue. I looked away.

“Two weeks ago I felt sick, so I went to the hospital, to run some tests. A few days later the doctors called me and said they urgently need to talk to me. So I went there, and it turned out I’m seriously ill… It’s some rare sickness that I can’t even pronounce, one in a thousand people has it, or something like that. It’s incurable and, unfortunately, fatal…” I looked up. “I have two months left to live.”

“What?” Vic’s eyes widened. “Only two months?”

“Yeah… Two months, three days and…” I looked at my wristwatch “…about twelve hours, but it can’t be calculated precisely.”

He shook head silently. Oh no, I thought, don’t start feeling sorry for me now. It sucks enough anyway, even without all that pity.

“Oh, God… That’s… That’s horrible, I’m so sorry…”

“No, don’t-” I frowned and raised a hand to stop him. “Don’t. I’m not saying this to make you feel sorry for me or something like that. I said it because you asked me.”

“I never said otherwise.”

“Right…”

We both went silent, each one of us lost in his own thoughts.

“So, this list…”, Victor started again. “You put all the people who did shit to you in it, right? And you’re planning to kill them all before dying?”

“Not exactly, no.” I sat up as well. “What I do to them is exactly what they did to others. I just give them what they deserve.”

Vic’s eyes widened again.

“So Mr. Terrence killed people? Really?”

“No, he didn’t, not directly.” I shook head.

“If not directly, then how? And how didn’t we know about it?”

“Well,” I started, “I don’t know for how long you’ve had this job, and I don’t know how much you know about Jeffrey Terrence himself, but before buying our company, he had a large corporation, which had… a lot to do with weapons. Thing is, it wasn’t exactly legal. It’s a long story, but a lot of people died because of him, because of a deal he made with another company, and I accidentally found out about it. The big problem is that he found out that I found out, and things got shitty. He paid me 10,000 dollars to keep my mouth shut, and then, to make sure I won’t talk anyway, he started blackmailing me. Shortly said, he turned my life into hell.”

“So that’s with the briefcase full of money.”, Vic nodded to himself. “And… Terrence, did he know that by accepting this deal you mentioned, people would die?”

“I believe he did, yeah, but I don’t think he cared at all. Y’know, he’s from that kind of bastards, who don’t give a fuck about other people’s lives.”

“Well”, he crossed arms, thoughtful “if by doing this he realized he’s actually signing people’s death sentences, then shooting him seems pretty fair to me.”

I raised eyebrows, truly surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. I think you did the right thing, Kellin, even though in this case the right thing is considered wrong by the law. This surprises me, too, but I’m on your side here.” He smiled a little at my stunned expression. “Oh, come on, don’t be so shocked. I have brain, I have feelings, so I understand your motives, and all I can say is that I’m sorry I ruined your plan. Really sorry.”

“You didn’t.” I looked back at the List. “No matter what happens, I’ve decided to finish this. Then, once I’m done, I’ll spend all my money on expensive stuff I don’t need, have more fun than I’ve ever had in my life, live like a king for a day, and then die. That’s the plan, as simple as that.”

“It’s a good plan…” Vic smiled sadly. “Hey, Kellin?”

“Yeah?”, I looked up once more.

“Question… if you weren’t going to die before you get caught, would you still do all this?”

Yeah, that was a good question… I knitted eyebrows, thinking.

“…Mm, no, I wouldn’t, probably not. Because there would be aftermath; I’d go to jail and what’s worse is that no one would care. I’d spend my life in there and die. What’s so fun about that? But knowing I don’t have long left gives me a purpose, and makes the whole idea… really entertaining.”

Vic slowly nodded, like I gave him a correct answer, but not the one he expected to hear.

“Can I see that list now?”, he said after a minute.

“Oh? Yeah, sure…”

I hesitated before handing it to him, because the List was something personal, something that since that horrible Tuesday two weeks ago now meant everything to me. Giving it to someone else felt… weird, almost wrong. But for some insane reason I trusted Victor more than I’ve trusted anyone for years, so after a moment, I got up, sat on the edge of his bad and reached the small piece of paper out to him, carefully, as if it was something very fragile. He took it just as gently and looked at it.

“Nice handwriting.”, he murmured as he started reading.

“Thanks, I hope it’s readable…”

“It is, no worries.”, he waved is other hand at me, to show it’s all alright and kept reading. I remained sitting there with my legs crossed, waiting for him to say something. Watching him read made me somehow nervous, and for a moment I regretted for even telling him about this, but I let him finish. After awhile, he looked up at me and put the List down on his lap, his fingers still holding it lightly. “That’s it?”

“Yeah. What, you expected more?”, I tilted head and grinned slightly.

“Well, the way you put it, it sounded like you’re going to take revenge on lots of people, it was almost scary. And those are… only a few.”, he shrugged and grinned back. “I don’t know, man, it’s kinda disappointing.”

“Don’t underestimate me, I can always add some more.” I grabbed the List from his hand, still grinning, a bit wider now. “Hmm, let’s see… Telemarketers! I should call them all the time and make them buy things they don’t want until I annoy them to death. Same with door-to-door salesmen. Oh god, I should so do that. Do you have a pen? I’m adding them.” I giggled.

Vic chuckled too.

“Are you really gonna do that?”

“Mm.” I made a thinking face. “Nope, probably not. I mean, it would be fun, but I won’t have time to do it.”

“Well, if you do, call me. I’d really like to join.”, he chuckled again.

“Suuuure.” I poked his shoulder lightly. This time he didn’t flinch, just giggled some more. I smiled, glad he finally stopped fearing me. Things would be much easier now…

Vic took sheet from me again and looked at it.

“So, who’s the second guy on the list? Ross Lester… Who is that?”

My smile vanished, replaced by a bitter grimace.

“My ex-wife’s husband.”

“Oh.”, he raised eyebrows and nodded. “I see.”

“No, no, it’s not like that, it’s not like I’m jealous or something, I mean, I loved my wife, I guess, but it was long ago, and things between us weren’t so perfect… I still care about her, though, and loving and caring are two different things.”

“Yeah, I understand… I can relate.” He sighed. “…And, if it’s not that, then what is it? What did this guy Ross do?”

“To me, nothing… He hurts her, though, he often beats her… I found out awhile ago, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Not that my help is asked for anyway. Jenny wants me to stay out of this, she says she’s alright, but I think she just wouldn’t accept any help from me, no matter what happens.”

“If he’s so horrible, why doesn’t she leave him? She could, and everything would be fine.”

I shrugged.

“It’s not that simple. I don’t really understand why she stayed. She says she loves the fucker. But I personally think she’s just afraid he’d beat her more if she tries to leave. He wouldn’t let her go.”

“Shit…” Victor nodded understandingly. “I see. So what are you going to do to him? Kill him, like you killed Terrence?”

I shook head. “No, no way. I’m not killing any more people. I’ll give the little shit exactly what he deserves. I’ll beat the crap outta him, I’ll beat him so much that he’ll never be able to hurt anyone anymore. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Vic stared down thoughtfully, quiet for a little longer than usual, but I decided to give him some time to think, waiting for his reaction.

“…Awesome.”, he finally said. “When are we doing it?”

“We?” I straightened up and looked at him. “What do you mean, we?”

“By ‘we’, I mean ‘we’, of course.”, he sighed and rolled eyes. “Kellin. Isn’t it obvious what I’m trying to say? I’m wanted all over the state, I’m a suspect for a murder, for God’s sake! I can’t go home, I can’t move on with my normal life, what else can I possibly do except helping you with your plan? The situation sucks, I know, for both of us, but until we think of something better, I think we’re in this together. Besides, I don’t mind kicking some stupid asses. The fun is worth the risk.”

I opened my mouth to object, but I realized that Vic is right. Probably taking him with me would be the safest possible thing to do, for both of us. We had much bigger chance to get away together than separated.

“Well, I don’t think we have a choice anyway. Let’s do this.”, I finally nodded. In the meantime we’ll think of a way to show the world you weren’t initially a part of this and get you back home. Okay?”

“Alright, that’s my point.” He hesitated. “Thank you, Kellin.”

“No problem.” I patted his shoulder. “Now, I think you should go to bed, we must leave early tomorrow, before the people in this hotel realize who we are.” I attempted a smile.

“Mkay. Goodnight, again.”, he smiled back, then he slipped back under the bedsheets.

“Goodnight, Vic.”

I went back to my bed, but I knew I wouldn’t sleep. I couldn’t. So I just stared at the ceiling, thinking… thinking of the past, the present, and the future, though the life ahead me was short, way too short…

…Thinking of Vic… Why did I trust him, after all? Why did I let him get closer to my personal thoughts and feelings than anyone else? Yeah, he was a good guy, but I didn’t even know him…

Befriending your hostage is a horrible idea, I reminded myself.

But, on the other hand, you could always befriend your partner… I smiled slightly in the darkness.

Soon I heard Victor’s steady breathing. He had fallen asleep, and hopefully he wasn’t having any more nightmares. And tomorrow, well, I thought, we’ll see about tomorrow…

END OF CHAPTER 4