It was an early Tuesday morning and the sun was barely peeking out from beyond the horizon as I helped Mike and the guys load all of their bags onto their RV.

"God, Jaime, could you be more of a diva with your eight thousand bags?" I groaned, struggling to lift up one of his suitcases.

"Here, lemme help you with that," Mike said, lifting up the bag seamlessly with one muscled arm.

I frowned, "How are you so tiny and so strong?" I said, flexing to check out my own biceps. "Cassie promised me that kick-boxing would beef me up, this sucks."

"You're really, really weird...you know that?" he said, skeptically looking at me sideways.

I giggled quietly, "Yeah, yeah, so I've been told."

"Can you, uh, sit down for a second?" he beckoned, sitting down on the sidewalk and patting the concrete beside him.

I walked over and sat down and for a second there my heart almost skipped a beat, but I forced myself to hold it together.

Looking him in the eyes, I asked casually, "What is it?"

"I'm just really confused. I-I don't know what to do."

"Do about what? What do you mean?"

"About you, idiot. I just, I just know that I have to get on that bus and be away from you for months at a time and for once in my life, I don't want to get on that bus and leave my life behind."

I put my arm around him and, lifting his hat, kissed his head. "Well, this is your life, Mikey. It's who you are. Just don't worry about it for now."

"What do you mean don't worry about it now? I'm leaving in ten minutes!"

"Yeah, but we'll keep in touch. And you were so excited to get on the road again, to go all across the States, then Australia. This is gonna be great," I said, trying very hard to be encouraging.

He put his face in his hands and looked away from me, "You're annoying me, go away."

I laughed a bit, "Aw, really? Five-year-old Mikey came out to play?" I joked, pulling his face towards mine and smiling up at him.

He grumbled a bit and turned away. I sighed and put my head on his shoulder. I knew what I had to say was going to hurt me in numerous incalculable ways, but it had to be said.

"Look, Mike, I just want you to know that the last thing I want to do is tie you down in any way possible. I just want you to-"

"Stop," he said, turning away from me again, "Just don't."

"You're going to go on tour and shake this off and have a good time for the next eight months, Mikey. We'll see how things pan out when you're home for Christmas. There really isn't much else we can do..."

He turned back towards me and looked me straight in the eye and said, "Or you could just stop fighting this so hard, and trust what your gut is telling you."

"What's my gut telling me, oh great one?"

"It's telling you to shut the fuck up and just be with me, and leave everything else to fate. You know you want to."

I nodded, "Yeah, but what we want and what we should do are two different things, Mike. I just- I really can't have my heart broken twice-over. I've really meticulously held myself together all this while, but if it happens again I just don't know if I'll be able to bounce back again."

"And you're so sure that I'll break your heart that you're not even willing to bet on it?"

"I can't let myself bet on it, Mike. I'm sorry. It's selfish, and I know it is but there comes a point where you have to put your sanity before everything else and I really can't-"

"Fine," he said, abruptly getting up and walking towards the bus. He walked in and never looked back once.

Vic looked at me with an anxious look on his face, I just shrugged and threw him a half-smile. I hugged the guys nice and tight and bode them well for tour. They promised to keep in touch and promised me that Mike would come around.

"Liv, my brother's just hurt right now. Don't worry, his feelings for you are way bigger than his ego, he'll come around, I promise," Vic said softly, patting me comfortingly.

I nodded, trying to not look him in the face for fear of crying in front of them. "I just-I feel bad, you know? Like it's all my fault? Like maybe I was never ready to let someone in, but I did anyways and it was so selfish of me to do."

Vic shook his head, "No, Liv. He knew your story, he chose to pursue you despite it. He knew what he was getting himself into. This is neither of your's fault. It is just bad timing, what with the tour and all. Just hold on 'til December?"

I smiled, "Yeah, Vic. I'm holding on for dear life."