"Yo, dreamy eyes, quit checking out your man, we have work to do," Dylan said in his joking, yet "let's get down to business" way, slapping me on the back and taking me out of my trance.

The guys were on stage playing their set and I guess I spent a minute too long staring at them. Well, at Vic, mostly. I couldn't help but smile to myself like an idiot. Things with Vic were absolutely amazing, though I could never shake that nervous anxiety in the back of my mind that constantly reminded me that this was bound to end up in a mess. I guess I was so on-edge after Jeff and that entire experience, that I couldn't quite allow myself to get as entirely immersed in this as I wanted to. There was always that little voice in my head that said- "You were once this sure about Jeff; he made you this happy once upon a time. Look how that ended up." But as always, I tried to push these thoughts to the back of my mind and enjoy the moment.

As of right now, I couldn't afford to think much since I had been slacking off majorly at this show. So, I tried to make up for it in the last half an hour by working as hard as I could, hoping Dylan would be satisfied with my performance. About ten minutes before they were done playing, all the crowd around the merch tent had died down and we packed up, heading back to the bus. I had just about caught my breath when the boys walked on to the bus, all sweaty and drained out from the show.

"Hey, you," I greeted Vic with a kiss, wiping the sweat off his face with a paper towel.

He put his arm around me and squeezed me really tight, ensuring that I was absolutely enveloped in his sweat. What was it with these boys and wanting to spread their bodily fluids all over the bus?

"You're evil," I joked, sticking my tongue out at him.

He giggled, pulling me down towards the seating area on to his lap. He rested his head on my shoulder, "I'm so tired," he said, softly.

I put my arm around him and stroked his back, "Why don't you eat something and go to bed?" I suggested, kissing his forehead.

I nodded, "Yeah, I don't wanna move, though..."

"Come on," I said, pulling him up.

After we had all eaten dinner, the boys had a new life about them. Turns out they weren't as fatigued as hungry and cranky. Jaime very emphatically suggested that we all go out for drinks.

"Come on, let's go," he said, pulling me and Vic off our feet and out of the door.

"Ah, what the hell," Vic said, winking at me as we walked out together.

I pulled a leather jacket over my white wife-beater and leggings as it was rather chilly outside. We all trudged towards the nearest pub that Jaime had Google Map-ed on his phone. Just as we were about to go inside, I remembered that I had to call my mother, so I told the guys I would meet them inside. Just as I was about to dial her number, my phone vibrated. I had received a new text message. From Jeff. For some reason, my fingers trembled a bit as I opened it up.

[i]Hi, Niki. I don't even know if I deserve to call you that anymore, cause that's what all your best friends get to call you and I don't know if I have that privilege anymore. Seeing you that day at the party really shook me up, more than I can even explain. Seeing you there, so strong and beautiful and funny as ever...I just sort of realized everything that I threw away so hastily. Not to mention how much I probably hurt you, though I'm sure you're doing just fine. I don't even know what the point of me sending this text is, I tried thinking this over for weeks and this was the best I could come up with. I guess I just want to say, again, how truly sorry I am and if there was ever a sliver of hope in the world that you'd give me another chance. Take care. Love, Jeff.[/i]

I just blinked down at my phone for a few seconds, letting that message sink it. It was so funny how timing was everything. It was so funny how I had waited more than a year to receive this message and never did. And it was absolutely hysterical how now that I had received this message, I didn't give a flying fuck about it. I exited out of the message and called my mom.

Once we had done the entire run-down and I had assured her that I was eating a lot of protein and oiling my hair and whatnot, she finally let me go. I hung up and walked into the pub. The air inside was thicker and the place was pretty crowded, considering it was a week day. Was it a week day? Damnit, I'd slipped into the tour funk again. I had no idea what day it was, or what city we were even in, for that matter. I digress, I thought, as I looked around for Vic. He was sitting at the bar with a shot of whiskey. I went up and sat beside him.

"What do you want?" he asked me.

"Mmm, I'll just have a whiskey, neat," I said, addressing the bartender who gave me a acknowledging smile back.

"How's your mom? Is she still worried that you don't get enough protein?"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, some things never change. So, I lied to her and told her that I've been eating lentils every day."

Vic laughed, "Yeah, yeah. The lies we all tell our parents. My mom still thinks I only drink once in three months, or so."

I shrugged, "Sometimes it's better they don't know, you know? I just feel like sometimes its better to leave certain things unsaid," I said, realizing that I wasn't quite talking about my mother anymore.

Vic nodded as the bartender placed my drink on a coaster in front of me. Jaime and Mike showed up from either side and plopped down beside us. The rest of the night passed in drunken banter and comic tomfoolery. Around 2 A.M. we stumbled back into the tour bus, and this time the guys were way too exhausted to do much else but sleep.

Vic and I climbed into bed together and cuddled, falling asleep almost instantly. Though, for some reason, something kept annoying me. Why had I not told Vic about the text? Didn't he deserve to know? Not that he'd even care, because he was chill as far as boyfriends go, but that was besides the point. It was only right to tell him, was it not? Then why hadn't I?

I grabbed my phone from underneath the pillow, my sudden movement causing Vic to stir a bit. I stayed still for a few seconds until he started snoring lightly again. Then I unlocked my phone and stared at the message again, realizing that funnily enough, I still did care. How could I not? Jeff was the first person I'd ever truly loved...how do you ever get over that entirely?

That was the cold, hard truth, wasn't it? You never really get "over" someone. It isn't as easy as building a bridge, or whatever else people equate it to. Sometimes people screw you over and you love them despite and inspite of it and you always will, at least a little part of you will. Those feelings will always remain in you, ready to be rekindled if ever the opportunity presented itself...and it seemed like the opportunity was presenting itself, so what was I to do?

Suddenly, Vic jostled around in his sleep, moving closer towards me and putting his arm around me. His body felt so comforting and warm next to mine. I decided I would tell him about the text in the morning.