It was a beautiful Sunday morning and my toes were curled under the covers, as I stretched and readied myself for the day to come. Mentally, I went over a list of things that I wanted to get done today, luckily, none of them involved work as such. It was mostly a "me" day as I had a lot of things to get done. Being a girl on tour involved a lot of neglect towards your body and things that would usually get done, don't. So I decided today I would just walk around Des Moines (the city we were currently in) and pamper myself a bit.

As usual, I was one of the first few people up. I got out of bed, got ready and ate two slices of toast before deciding to leave. I left a note on the kitchen counter that said "Out for a girl's day at the spa! Love, Niki".

I walked around the lively city, stopping for a latte at Starbucks, visiting a few book stores and reading for a few hours. Then, I went to a spa and got a pedicure and facial. Finally, I went and had a quiet lunch at a quaint Greek restaurant that had a really cozy atmosphere. I really needed this. Sometimes things move so fast on tour that you forget who you are and what you're here for. I needed these quaint Sunday "me" days to recede into myself, or I'd totally lose it. After walking around for a bit more, I decided to head back to the tour bus and see what the boys were up to.

By the time I had gotten back to the tour bus, it was around 03:30 and the guys weren't up to anything in particular. Mike and Jaime were both engrossed with their laptops, either on some form of social media or perhaps watching a show. Tony was outside, walking around and talking to his girlfriend on the phone. Dylan, as usual, was nowhere to be found.

When I walked in, Vic was staring at the open refrigerator with a frown on his face. He groaned, "Why do we never have anything appetizing to eat, ever?" he asked to no one in particular.

He looked up and saw me, I waved at him, "Where the hell have you been?" he snapped.

I pointed to the post-it note that was still stuck to the counter, "Didn't you read the note? I went out for a bit. Want me to make you something?"

He looked up at me, hopefully. I laughed, "Lasagna?" I asked, I knew he loved my lasagna.

"Yes, please, I could really use some soul food right now," he said, patting his flat tummy.

"I'll get right on that," I said, tying my hair up and washing my hands in the sink. Luckily we had most of the ingredients in the kitchen cabinets (courtesy of your's truly) and Vic popped out and bought extra cheese from a store nearby.

By around 6:00 P.M., we were all seated around the kitchen table together like a beautifully dysfunctional family, digging into dinner. I had managed to make lasagna, while Vic made some salad and a few pieces of garlic toast.

"I mean," Jaime said, unattractively shoveling salad greens into his already full mouth, "All I'm saying is I don't get why they even do that, you know?"

"Sweety, you know no one's really listening to you, right? We're all mortified at your table manners," I joked.

He smiled, "It's not my fault! This lasagna is killer!"

Mike nodded beside me, "Yeah, it's always amazing when you cook for us, Nikstar."

I smiled, "You guys make me feel so loved."

"Hey, aren't we in your home town tomorrow?" Mike asked.

"Kinda, I'm from Springfield, y'all are playing in Chicago, but close enough," I replied.

"So, is anyone coming out to see you?"

"Yeah, pretty much all my college friends moved out to Chicago, so I'll probably catch up with a few of them," I replied, "So, count me out of post-show drinking sessions."

"Say," Vic said, his face breaking out into a cocky smile, "Doesn't Jeff live in Chicago now?" he said, spitting the name out as if it were venomous.

I groaned, "Stop."

"Who's Jeff?" Mike inquired.

"He's an ex, and that's all you need to know about that," I said, snarkily, hoping Vic wouldn't harp on the matter.

Mike looked at him questioningly, "What's the whole story?" Then he looked at me and elbowed me, "You'll tell [i]him[/i] and not me? What the hell, man?"

"I really don't like talking about it, Mikey, honestly..." I said, hoping he would drop it, but of course, he didn't.

"Just tell us, or we'll get it out of Vic, I mean we need to know whether or not to beat this guy up if we see him tomorrow," Tony chimed in.

I dropped my fork onto my plate and sighed, looking up to see all eyes at the table on me. "Fine, you know what? Whatever. So Jeff was my first serious boyfriend. We met in college, and I really really loved the guy. I probably still do, for all I know, I never really grieved our break up, I just sort of joined you guys on tour rather than dealing with it. He- uh, yeah he cheated on me with my best friend, Lexi."

"So, we beat him up. Done," Tony said, decisively.

I shook my head, "No, no. It's not like that. There is no hostility between us, Tony. We still talk and he calls me a lot, he seems pretty sorry about it all...but you know, it's only made it that much harder for me to get over it. It'd be easier if he was just dickish about it, cause then I cou-"

"He [i]is[/i] dickish, Niki, he cheated on you with your best friend," Vic said, looking at me like he was my father, about to lecture me on my choices and whatnot.

I shrugged, "It's...hard to explain."

"I don't see how it's hard to explain," he persisted. "The guy was an asshole for throwing all of this away, and he screwed up your friendship with your best friend who'd been with you since middle school. I really don't see any redeeming qualities in him."

"I don't know, Vic. What we had was- it was pretty amazing. I mean, initially I was just so angry at him, I couldn't even think straight, but being away from home has made me think about it all so much more. He was drunk, it was a party, he made a mistake, you know? We all make mistakes, right?" I asked, looking around at everyone for a consensus.

Mike shook his head, "No, for me, if you cheat you're done. One and done, I don't give second chances when it comes to cheaters."

Jaime nodded, "Yeah, I'm kinda with them on this one."

I sighed, "Yeah, well, it doesn't really matter, anyways. I don't plan on meeting him. So," I said, stabbing my salad with my fork, suddenly feeling nauseated at the sight of food. I got up from the table, shoving my plate into the sink; it made a loud clattering noise.

"Someone else better do the dishes," I said, storming into the back of the bus.

*

"Niki?" Tony asked, gingerly walking up towards the couch in the back lounge and sitting down near my feet. I was stretched out on the couch, reading a book I had bought from the book store earlier in the day.

"Hmm?" I said, not looking up.

"Dude, I'm sorry we forced you to talk about Jeff when you didn't want to, we just didn't think-"

"That I'd be so emotionally distraught?" I interjected, "Yeah, I figured."

"Hey, come on, dude..."

I closed my book and put it down, "You know what, Tony? I'm just really sick of being everyone's "happy" friend who jokes and picks them up, it's like I'm not allowed to feel anything other than happiness."

"Why are you freaking out on me, Niki? I said I was sorry, I had no idea it would be such a big deal, you can grieve if you want, no one's gonna judge you" he continued.

"Whatever," I grumbled. "I'm sorry, I overreacted like a bitch."

"Yeah, that's cause you didn't even deal with this, you idiot. You just ran away from it, it's gonna bite you in the ass..."

"It already has, Tony," I said, looking into his face for the first time, realizing that I was tearing up despite myself.

As usual, people were so used to seeing me put-together and happy, that the sight of me sad and distressed always invoked the same awkward, scrambling response. Tony awkwardly moved closer and stroked my arm.

"There, there," he said, even more awkwardly, it was so funny that I snorted.

"Really, hon? That's the best you can do?" I said, starting to giggle.

His face broke out into a relieved smile, "There, that's the Niki I like to see. Keep smiling, okay? We all love you, so much. Just don't let it affect you. You're only there for a day. Then he's miles and miles behind you."

I nodded, "Yeah, just one day. I'll be fine," I said, reassuring myself.

*

"What? I can't hear you!" I yelled into my phone, as my old friend Kelly screamed back, trying to tell me how to find her outside the crowded venue.

After about fifteen minutes of hopeless yelling, I found her in the parking lot waiting outside her car impatiently.

"Kelly!" I yelled, running into her and almost knocking her over as I pulled her into a bear-hug.

After about fifteen minutes of unavoidable girl banter and squeals of "I've missed you!" we made our way to her car.

"Okay, so I'm not allowed to tell you where I'm taking you, so strap in," she said, as we both sat down in the car and she started the engine.

"What? Why? You know I hate surprises, just tell me," I groaned.

She shook her head, "Nope, you are not getting this out of me. Just know that you're in for a great night and a lot of throwbacks."

"Fine," I said, getting really inexplicable butterflies in my stomach, hoping that Kelly had gathered our group of college friends so that I could meet them all.

After a fifteen minute drive, we pulled up outside a cozy, yet pretty large house. I could hear the dull thud of music emanating from inside the house, so I figured my guess was right. It sure seemed like a party of some sort.

"Come on," Kelly said, excitedly grabbing my hands and pulling me towards the house. She rang the doorbell and from outside we could hear the clacking of high heels on hardwood floor as someone wrung the door open.

"Nikita!" my old friend, Jane, stood on the other side, pulling me inside and wrapping me in a hug.

After about forty-five minutes of walking around the party and meeting everyone, I was slightly buzzed and very, very happy.

I pulled Kelly close and yelled in her ear, "Thanks for organizing this, Kel, this is so great! There's no way I woulda been able to meet all these people any other way, you're the best."

She winked at me, "Ah, but the surprises aren't over yet, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve."

I wondered what she meant, but someone pulled me by the waist and I got sucked into another conversation with another old friend, Brad. As I was talking to Brad and he was telling me about his new job and fiance, I was telling him about touring and the guys. We were having a good time, when the door bell rang. I could hear someone running to open the door behind me, so I didn't bother.

About five minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, surely enough, I saw Jeff staring right back at me. If this was Kelly's "surprise" then she surely bowled me over, alright.

"Uh..." was all I could muster.

"Hey!" he said, enthusiastically, as if meeting me was the highlight of his week or something. "Hi, Niki, sorry I'm late," he said, pulling me into a hug that I didn't really return.

"Wha-" I started, as Kelly pulled me aside, excusing us. She dragged me away and we locked ourselves up in the downstairs bathroom.

"Kel, what the fuck? What is he doing here? Is this your surprise?!" I screeched.

She shook her head, "No, no, no! I swear! I don't even know why he's here I didn't invite him, hell, I haven't been in touch with him since...well, since long before you left town. He must have heard from someone else and showed up! What are you gonna do?"

"Kelly, I can't, I just...I can't," I said, putting the seat down on the toilet and sitting on top of it, clutching my head. Suddenly, I felt a weird throbbing sensation in my head and I was painfully aware of how drunk I was.

Kelly came up beside me and rubbed my back, "Do you want me to go out and ask him to leave?"

"No," I said, "That'd just be really childish on my part. Just leave it. I will just make small-talk and move on. You don't mind if I leave a bit earlier than planned, do you?"

"Niki! The keg stand hasn't even gotten here yet," she complained. "Oh, that was your surprise. So much for reliving the old days, huh?"

"I'm so sorry, sweety. You know what? Fuck this! This is the first time in two years I'm seeing you guys and I wanna have fun, and you when I remember this night I wanna remember you, and everyone else, all the girls and Brad and getting sloppy drunk like we used to," I said, smiling and choking down tears.

"You sure, hon? I would totally understand if you couldn't..."

"No, I can do this," I said, getting up and pulling her up, "Come on, let's go get drunk!"

*

I was in really, really deep sleep when I felt my phone vibrating somewhere beneath my pillow.

"What?" I mumbled, annoyed, as I grabbed it and looked at the caller ID. It was Niki. It was also 4:30 A.M. and I was gonna kick her ass for waking me up this early.

I picked up, "Hello?" my voice was really scratchy and cracked from the strain of touring coupled with the usual scratchiness one has when they wake up from sleep.

On the other end I could hear Niki sobbing uncontrollably, "Vicky?" she called out, sounding like an innocent little girl.

I rubbed my eyes, getting worried, "What's wrong? Where are you?"

She continued to cry on the other end, saying a lot of incoherent things, but amongst all the incoherent words, one stuck out- Jeff.

I jumped out of my bunk and walked towards the door of the bus, "Where are you right now?"

"I don't know, Vic. Please come and get me...please," she begged, starting to hyperventilate.

"Okay, listen, Niki. I need you to calm down, okay? Just breath, I need you to take a deep breath, can you do that for me?"

"Vic- I can't," she said, and it sounded like she was choking on her own tears.

"Just calm down, I will be there in five minutes. I just need you to take deep breaths for me, alright? Just breath. And tell me where to find you."

"Please hurry," she whimpered.

"I'm on my way, but you need to tell me where you are," I said, cramming my feet into some sneakers and putting on some old, smelly jeans that weren't even mine. Grabbing the first hoodie I could find, I put it on, zipped it up, grabbed my wallet and headed out of the door.

Niki just about managed to tell me where she was, and luckily I was able to catch a cab given the hour. When we pulled up to the street she had told me she was near, I could see her huddled on the side of desolate pavement, her body curled up and her head on her knees.

"Just gimme five minutes, alright?" I told the cab driver, who nodded disinterestedly as if he had been through this a million times.

"Niki?" I called out as I walked towards her, sitting down beside her.

She looked at me, her hair was all disheveled and her eyes were red and brimming with tears that had yet to flow.

"Vic," she said, her voice barely audible.

I put my arm around her and stroked her back as she put her head on my shoulder and cried for a bit. I just remained silent and let her release whatever she had to. When she stopped sobbing, I wiped away her tears with my sleeve and asked her what had happened.

"J-Jeff showed up to the party, no one knows how, but he found out somehow. And I just flipped, but I couldn't leave, Vic. Kelly had spent so much thought and time planning this out and getting everyone to come. Some friends of our's even drove down from Springfield to be there, I just couldn't leave...so I stayed and I pretended like I could handle it when I knew I couldn't."

"And then?"

She shrugged, "Well, I pulled it off, and then I said bye to everyone and as I was hugging him goodbye something just snapped in me. I don't know...I just couldn't take it, all of it. Luckily no one really noticed, I just kind of walked and walked and cried and then I called you..."

I rubbed her back and pulled her closer, "You've gotta be careful, dude. You can't just walk out in the middle of the night like that."

She nodded, "I know. Please take me home?"

"Come on," I said, lightly pulling her to her feet and we got into the cab.

On the ride home, she was mostly silent and she nuzzled into my neck and I felt her hot breath get slower and slower as she fell asleep. I paid the cab guy and then took Niki back to the bus, tucking her into bed.

She slept almost all day, probably because of all the crying, not to mention she was probably supremely hungover. I warned the guys about what had transpired last night, so they wouldn't crack any unnecessary jokes. She began to stir around four o' clock in the evening, so I took a bottle of water and some Aspirin to her.

"Morning, sunshine," I said, handing them to her.

"Thanks," she said, softly, downing the pill and finishing half the bottle of water in one gulp.

"Drink up, or you'll get a headache," I said.

She nodded and took another little sip. She went to the bathroom to take a shower and change, and I waited for her to come out. I distracted myself by watching the guys play FIFA on the XBox.

Once she was out, I took her out to eat at a nearby diner because she was starving and I was feeling a bit peakish myself. We didn't talk much until the food was in front of us and had each taken a couple of bites.

"Vicky, I know this goes without saying, but thanks for everything last night," she said.

"You know you don't have to thank me," I replied, smiling at her softly.

"Why are you so nice to me, Vic?"

I shrugged, "You're one of my best friends. This is what friends do for each other."

She smiled to herself and took a big bite of her pancakes. We sat in silence for a few minutes and then we started talking about normal things again, and she was mostly back to being her happy self.

"But really, a keg stand? What are you, seventeen?" I mocked.

She rolled her eyes, "Oh come on, it was sweet! She was trying to recreate our college lives."

"Fair enough, I never really went to college so I wouldn't know..."

"Do you ever wish you had?"

"Sure, I always like to think of what could have been, but I don't dwell on it too much," I said, realizing I meant that about many more things than just attending college.

"Why not?"

"It hurts too much, Niki. Those kinds of thoughts can kill you."

"Well, isn't it nice to fantasize? I like to think so, I always think about it. Like maybe, what if I'd never dated Jeff? What if we'd just have remained friends? I'd be so much happier right now, we wouldn't have hated each other, it wouldn't have come to this..."

"Yeah, but then you also wouldn't have felt the need to escape...you wouldn't have met us," I said, incredulously, a bit stung that she hadn't thought about that.

For a second, there was a look in her eyes that seemed to not care, like the possibility of being happy in Springfield with Jeff was a lot more appealing than the reality of being in a dingy diner with me right now.

Then her face broke out into a smile, "Oh, Vicky, of course I'm glad I met you. You idiot. Don't even say things like that," she said.

I laughed forcefully, looking down at my food. I tried my hardest to be normal for the rest of the day.