I Still Think You're Beautiful
1
“We are the unholy! We are the bastard sons of your media culture our minds eyes and bodies were born of your exclusion an illusion you sacrifice you don’t love a god you love you comf-“I grabbed my phone and turned my alarm clock off.
“Come on Sam. Time for school.” My grandmother’s soft voice rang through my bedroom walls. “I’m up grandma. I’m getting ready.” I put on my outfit. “Have a great day sweetie. Try and make friends!” She kissed my cheek and watched me as I rushed off to the bus.
I got on the bus and noticed an empty seat in the back so I took it. I put my headphones in and started writing. I didn’t notice someone sitting by me until they tapped my shoulder. “Yes?” I looked at this guy with a bunch of fucking tattoos and a labret piercing. “I’m Mike.” So the tattooed dude had a name? “Cool, I’m Sam.” I was about to put my head phones in when someone else started talking to me. “I’m Vic his older brother.” This tallish skinny guy with a nose ring smiled.
“Awesome.” I didn’t want to be rude and ignore them so I decided to pause my music and listen to what they had to say. “So are you new here?” Vic asked. “Yea, I’m a junior.” I sighed. “Cool you and Mike are in the same grade.” Vic smiled and grabbed my phone before I could stop him.
“Wow, you listen to some pretty good music.” Vic kept scrolling through my music until we pulled up at the school. “Can I have my phone back now?” I demanded bitterly. “Sure.” He handed it and I noticed he added his and his brother’s number.
I rolled my eyes and went to the office to get my schedule. “I’m Samantha Blair I’m new here.” I told the secretary. “Oh yes. Here’s your schedule and a map of the school.” She smiled as I took the papers. I walked out and nearly ran into someone. “SAM!” I heard Vic’s voice from behind me.
“What?” I looked at him. “Come over here I want to introduce you to some people.” He smiled as I joined him and his brother. “Okay this is Jamie and Tony is somewhere around here. You, Jamie and Mike are juniors and Tony and I are seniors.” Vic announced proudly.
“Hi Sam!” Jamie smiled. I waved and looked at my classes. I had Math first period YAY ME! Note that was sarcasm. “What do you have first period?” Mike glanced down at my schedule.
“Cool. You, me and Tony have the same class first period, You have second with Vic, and the rest with either me or Jamie.” He patted my back and led me to where first period was.
“We normally sit in the back. You can sit by Tony because no one sits by him.” Jamie hugged me and sat down infront of me. “Okay class we have a new student. Miss Blair come up to the front and introduce yourself.” Mr. Brown watched me closely as I stood up at the front.
“Hello I’m Samantha Blair. I hate all of the fucking preps and jocks here already so fuck you.” I smirked and went back to my seat. “That was very rude.” He bellowed and went to teaching the class about algebraic equations.
“I’m sorry I’m late!” Some kid rushed in breathless like he’d been running from someone. “Mr. Perry, that’s a first tardy of the semester make it the last.” He looked at this Perry kid. I didn’t know who he was until Mike said something to him. So this is the Tony that they keep talking about? “Hi I’m Tony. You must be Samantha.” He had a cute smile.
“Hey Sam you want to come over and hangout with me and Vic after school?” Mike wondered. “Sure.” I was so happy to be making friends, the friends I had back in Texas weren’t the nicest people to be around, they’re the reason I got started cutting and not really eating and when I do eat I feel fat so I force myself to throw up.
I feel so damn worthless all the time and I can't stand it.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. “Hey are you okay?” Tony asked worriedly. I shook my head and sobbed uncontrollably. “Miss. Blair, Mr. Perry is there a reason you two are talking?” Mr. Brown looked at us. “She’s crying you fucking prick!” Mike barked patting my back in reassurance that it would be okay.
“OUT OF MY CLASS ALL OF YOU!” He hated me already? Sweet one more teacher on my hit list if I had one. I’m just kidding here trying to lighten the mood. “What’s wrong?” Mike asked sitting beside me. “I can’t tell you.” I couldn’t tell them that I was a worthless girl who has an eating disorder and cuts herself. They'll think I'm a fucking freak if I do that.
"Just tell us when the times right." Tony hugged me. I never got this comfort by anyone of my friends back home they made me feel worthless, they're really accepting.
“Okay, when you’re ready.” Mike hugged me along with Jamie and Tony. I could tell these guys were going to be my best friends.
“Come on Sam. Time for school.” My grandmother’s soft voice rang through my bedroom walls. “I’m up grandma. I’m getting ready.” I put on my outfit. “Have a great day sweetie. Try and make friends!” She kissed my cheek and watched me as I rushed off to the bus.
I got on the bus and noticed an empty seat in the back so I took it. I put my headphones in and started writing. I didn’t notice someone sitting by me until they tapped my shoulder. “Yes?” I looked at this guy with a bunch of fucking tattoos and a labret piercing. “I’m Mike.” So the tattooed dude had a name? “Cool, I’m Sam.” I was about to put my head phones in when someone else started talking to me. “I’m Vic his older brother.” This tallish skinny guy with a nose ring smiled.
“Awesome.” I didn’t want to be rude and ignore them so I decided to pause my music and listen to what they had to say. “So are you new here?” Vic asked. “Yea, I’m a junior.” I sighed. “Cool you and Mike are in the same grade.” Vic smiled and grabbed my phone before I could stop him.
“Wow, you listen to some pretty good music.” Vic kept scrolling through my music until we pulled up at the school. “Can I have my phone back now?” I demanded bitterly. “Sure.” He handed it and I noticed he added his and his brother’s number.
I rolled my eyes and went to the office to get my schedule. “I’m Samantha Blair I’m new here.” I told the secretary. “Oh yes. Here’s your schedule and a map of the school.” She smiled as I took the papers. I walked out and nearly ran into someone. “SAM!” I heard Vic’s voice from behind me.
“What?” I looked at him. “Come over here I want to introduce you to some people.” He smiled as I joined him and his brother. “Okay this is Jamie and Tony is somewhere around here. You, Jamie and Mike are juniors and Tony and I are seniors.” Vic announced proudly.
“Hi Sam!” Jamie smiled. I waved and looked at my classes. I had Math first period YAY ME! Note that was sarcasm. “What do you have first period?” Mike glanced down at my schedule.
“Cool. You, me and Tony have the same class first period, You have second with Vic, and the rest with either me or Jamie.” He patted my back and led me to where first period was.
“We normally sit in the back. You can sit by Tony because no one sits by him.” Jamie hugged me and sat down infront of me. “Okay class we have a new student. Miss Blair come up to the front and introduce yourself.” Mr. Brown watched me closely as I stood up at the front.
“Hello I’m Samantha Blair. I hate all of the fucking preps and jocks here already so fuck you.” I smirked and went back to my seat. “That was very rude.” He bellowed and went to teaching the class about algebraic equations.
“I’m sorry I’m late!” Some kid rushed in breathless like he’d been running from someone. “Mr. Perry, that’s a first tardy of the semester make it the last.” He looked at this Perry kid. I didn’t know who he was until Mike said something to him. So this is the Tony that they keep talking about? “Hi I’m Tony. You must be Samantha.” He had a cute smile.
“Hey Sam you want to come over and hangout with me and Vic after school?” Mike wondered. “Sure.” I was so happy to be making friends, the friends I had back in Texas weren’t the nicest people to be around, they’re the reason I got started cutting and not really eating and when I do eat I feel fat so I force myself to throw up.
I feel so damn worthless all the time and I can't stand it.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. “Hey are you okay?” Tony asked worriedly. I shook my head and sobbed uncontrollably. “Miss. Blair, Mr. Perry is there a reason you two are talking?” Mr. Brown looked at us. “She’s crying you fucking prick!” Mike barked patting my back in reassurance that it would be okay.
“OUT OF MY CLASS ALL OF YOU!” He hated me already? Sweet one more teacher on my hit list if I had one. I’m just kidding here trying to lighten the mood. “What’s wrong?” Mike asked sitting beside me. “I can’t tell you.” I couldn’t tell them that I was a worthless girl who has an eating disorder and cuts herself. They'll think I'm a fucking freak if I do that.
"Just tell us when the times right." Tony hugged me. I never got this comfort by anyone of my friends back home they made me feel worthless, they're really accepting.
“Okay, when you’re ready.” Mike hugged me along with Jamie and Tony. I could tell these guys were going to be my best friends.
Uuuupppddaattee
7/27/15