Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...

The reoccurring noise painfully greeted me as I fell back into consciousness, informing me I wasn't dead. Still stuck in this wasteland, I thought to myself. I groaned loudly into my pillow before rolling onto my back. My eyes flickered open to reveal the all too familiar hospital room that I was welcomed back to time and time again, usually due to the previous attacks as like what happened a few hours ago. It was a few hours ago right? I couldn't have been out for so long.
I've also been here after my suicide attempt about two weeks after my father committed suicide. The pills I took weren't strong enough, just simple but managed to give me kidney failure in one of them, luckily I had a kidney transplant but that isn't the point, is it?
Shortly after being released from the hospital is when I started to self harm. That's another reason why I hate myself; I feel the need to take pain out on myself. It's a constant reminder to know I'm still here. Still alive.
I rolled my eyes over to examine the rest of the room and noticed a small figure making it's way over towards me, soft footsteps overtaking the beep's besides me.
I noticed it to be a boy, a very familiar boy. Kellin? No, of course it wasn't. Why would he be here. He didn't care about me that much to be visiting me, we'd only just met this morning.
"Good afternoon," he said with a small laugh. It was Kellin, I'd recognize that angelic voice anywhere. I could feel the colour rising to my cheeks, but I could only think, why? What was he doing here? I must have given him a puzzled look whilst lost in my thought because he continued without letting me answer.
"Urhm...how you feeling?" he asked. Was that concern in his voice?
"I've been better," I said jokingly.
I sat up slowly, ensuring not to let the blood rush to my head too quickly which would most definitely make me pass out, and crossed my legs, patting to the empty space in front of me. Kellin took the hint and sat down before me.
"What are you doing here," I asked him curiously. Of course I was curious, wouldn't you be? The kid you've just met is sat on your hospital bed asking how you were. I'd realised I had snapped at him once I saw the small pained look on his face.
"That's no way to speak your rescuer," Kellin replied jokingly. "I was worried about you. I thought you were dead," he mumbled under his breath.
So many questions started to reel through my head. My rescuer? He saw me in the state that I was in? He saw me unconscious? Or was I dead and the doctors revived me? Was he really worried about me, or was he just pretending?
I shook my head lightly.
"You should have just left me there," I finally said, looking away from him as I did so. I just couldn't bear to look into those blue eyes of his, they made me feel weaker than I already was.
Kellin tapped my hand with his with a frown plastered on his face, "Why would you say shit like that Vic? You're lucky I found you when I did."
The small tap of the hand was enough to send a small shiver down my spine, sending goosebumps all over my body.
"Because I know no one of cared. I was ready, you know?" I was whispering now. I had to bite back my tongue before I let slip how I truly felt. About my past. About Myself. About the present. He'd think I was such a freak.
I began to mess with the sleeves of what looked like a new jacket, had I been out for longer than a few hours? I wasn't really too sure.
"I'd of cared," he replied sheepishly.
"No you wouldn't," I retorted. "We've only known each other for less than a day."
Shaking his head, he quickly corrected me, "You've been here for a week, Vic. So really, I've known you for a bit more than a day."
A week? Fuck me, that was so long. A week I'd missed out on spending with Kellin.
Looking back to him, I smiled weakly. "So you've come back to see me?"
"Of course I have. I wasn't just going to leave you alone in here, whether you could hear me or not." I watched as he bit his lip back. He looked so fucking sexy when he did that.
I began to felt bad, even though it wasn't necessarily my fault. Or was it my fault? He'd talked to me, told me stuff he probably wasn't going to repeat.
"You can tell me now," I suggested with a soft smile, only to frown when he shook his head.
"I...I c-can't," he stuttered. What was he so nervous about?
"Why not?"
"Because some of the stuff I told you was pretty embarrassing," he explained.
"I'm not shallow, I won't judge you."
"I know, but-"
"But what?"
Now, I understand we've only talked for less than a few hours on the first day back, but if he'd been sat with me for the remainder of the week and already spilled everything to me, why wouldn't he tell me again?
"I'm scared," he replied.
"Of what?"
I watched him intently as he bit his lip again. This boy was starting to send me crazy and I haven't even known him for that long. Does love at first sight really exist?
"That you'll think I'm a freak," he said in a small cry.
Had he not heard a word I had just told him? Did he not just hear that I wouldn't judge him?
"I'd never think that."
Kellin crossed his legs to face me before lowering his head and messed around with his fingers.
Now, call me crazy if you wish, but I swear I heard him say, "I'm scared you'll reject me." Crazy right? How could this beautiful and perfect person have feelings for me? No, I'm sure I'd misheard him, or if I hadn't misinterpreted what he had said. Either way my mind did a flip. It made me that much more crazier about him.
Don't be such an idiot, Vic. He's not gay. Look at him.
"Please?" I sounded like I was begging now.
I place my hand under his chin for him to look at me and noticed he had a small tear falling down his cheek. Quickly, I tended to it wiping it away.
Kellin bit his lip once more before moving in closely to me. This time it was my heart doing flips.
Was he.... Was he going to kiss me? No, of course he wasn't but when I felt his hot breath collide with my own I questioned myself again. Kellin's nose rubbed against mine and I couldn't bear it much longer. I moved in, closing the space between us, our lips crashing against each others.
Kellin didn't pull back but only deepened the kiss as he ran his fingers through my long, brown hair. His fingers trailed down my side, resting on either side of my waist. I did the same but decided to explore some more of him as I pushed my hand up the front of his shirt feeling his warm stomach.
I felt him push me back slowly against the bed, being sure not to hurt my already fragile body and grinded his hips ever so gently against mine, our tongues now doing the tango in one anothers mouths.
I let out a quiet moan to which Kellin responded with a grin and bit down on my lip as he pushed himself against me more firmly.
"Ah, Kellin. Fuck me..." I said much too loud.
"Don't tempt me," he replied in a teasing tone, slightly breathless. I understand why he didn't though. For a start, why would he? Who would want me? I was sure he was just fucking around with me, which hurt me on the inside. Secondly, even if he did want to, I don't think the nurses would be too happy if they walked in on us. The thought made me giggle.
I felt Kellin push away, making me pout as I felt the cold air gush to the space where Kellin once was, and sat back to face me. I, too, sat up.
There was a silence before I asked, "Will you tell me now?"
"Jesus Christ, Vic. What do you think that was?" I just shrugged, I didn't know if he was just messing around with me. I half expected some people to run here laughing, taking him away from me.
Kellin didn't seem like the gay type, anyway. But then again, what was the gay type?
"I really like you, Vic. I've only known you for a week and the majority of that time you've been unconscious. Yet, somehow, I've fallen for you so hard," he blushed as he said this which made his eyes shine ever more brightly.
"So where does this put us?" I asked. I could feel the heat rising to the surface of my tanned skin tone.
"I want you to be mine. I want us to be together," Kellin responded as he leant in and placed his lips against mine once again.