If I Were You, I'd Put That Away.
Without You, There Is No Me
Jaime's POV
“Get the fuck on your knees you Cock Slut.” He yells in my face. Before I can do as he says, he pushes me down to my knees as the tears stream down my face. He yanks his pants down and grabs the back of my head, forcing his dick down my throat. I instantly gag at the feeling, but he continues to push and pull my head back and forth.
“Yeah you like that don't you, you little fucking faggot.” I clench my eyes as he pushes my head closer to his dirty body. Suddenly he pulls my head away from his body and yanks my head back to look at him. I refuse to look him in the eyes, causing him to slap me across the face. “LOOK AT ME YOU STUPID FAGGOT!” I glance up at his sweaty face and I feel more tears fall from my face. “Yeah, you do as I say you fucking dog. You're a little piece of shit, you hear me? Say it after me. Piece. Of. Shit.”
“I.. I'm a... P-piece of s-shit.” I whisper to him. He starts laughing as he releases his grip on my hair and I begin to scurry away to the bed. Before I can reach it, he gets a hold on my wrist and pulls me to my feet. I feel his grip on my wrist tighten as he reaches into his back pocket with his unoccupied hand. Before he grabs what he was looking for, he pushes me down to the bed and sits on my lap. He suddenly retrieves a large knife out of his back pocket and begins to take off the cover.
“You like pain, don't you. You like this. You're enjoying yourself, huh?” I don't say anything as he begins to press the knife to my already torn up chest. My breathing picks up as he drags the blade up to my neck and presses down a little harder than before. “I bet Vic never did kinky stuff like this.” I glance up at him and feel the anger pulse through my veins. I would have hit him right there if I was strong enough to get him off of me. He begins laughing as more tears escape my eyes and he takes the blade from my neck. “You might as well forget about him, Jaime. You're never leaving this barn... well, not alive at least. I can't have you telling everyone, can I?”
~
I shoot up from where my head was resting against the pillow and let out a blood curdling scream. I hear shuffling in the next room over before the door bursts open and Mike is running over to the bed.
“Jaime, what's wrong? Did you have another nightmare?” He asks in a panicked voice. I quickly nod my head and tears begin to fall from my eyes. “Please don't cry. It wasn't real.” I shake my head as he says this and he puts a sympathetic arm around my shoulder. If only those nightmares weren't real. If only it was my imagination and not vivid flashbacks to what Kellin did to me. My thoughts are interrupted when Mike begins to speak again. “I guess we should start getting ready for school. It's almost 6...” I slightly nod before he gives me a light hug and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him. I fall back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling until I hear the water start in the bathroom.
It's been 4 days since the accident happened. Vic is still in the hospital with stitches in his side, while I sit here uninjured. That shot was supposed to be for me. I should be the one laying in that god damn hospital bed.. or better yet, a morgue. I hate myself more than I ever have for doing that to him. I've caused him so much pain this past year, and it all started with a fucking kiss. Do I regret kissing him that day? No, of course not, but I do regret being alive to do it. He probably hates me now. I bet he doesn't even want me to be here when he gets back tonight. As soon as I think that, I know it's true. I jump off our bed and grab a piece of paper and a pen from the desk and sit down to write something for him.
“Dear Victor Vincent Fuentes,
I love you so much, and I really hate doing this to you, but it's for the best. I have caused you so much pain this past year, and I can't stand to do that to you anymore. I'm not going to leave you with a few sentences and no explanation, so just hear me out, okay?
I love you, Vic. I love you so fucking much, and seeing you in that hospital bed made me realize that. Sometimes you have to let the ones you love go for their own good, and that's exactly what I'm doing for you. I love you too much to hurt you anymore than I already have. You deserve so much more than I can give you. You might be wondering why exactly I think leaving will be the best option. Well, it's because I've been having worse and worse flashbacks recently. I've been waking up in the middle of the night for the past month or so because the things Kellin did to me have been permanently sewn into my mind. I can't seem to get it out of my head, and no one will ever be able to help me. I'm too fucked up and I'll just keep bringing you back down to the bottom. That's one of the reasons I was going to kill myself. That shot was supposed to go to me, not you. It was meant for me, and I hate myself so much for putting you in that hospital bed.
My life has been going in a downward spiral ever since those 3 days and I just can't get a grip on reality. It's getting to the point where I can't even tell if I'm dreaming or not. Whenever someone touches me, I flinch. Every time someone looks at me, I can just tell that they're judging me. I need to get out of this town for good. I promised you and Mike that I won't kill myself, so this is the next best thing, I guess. I'm trying as hard as I can to keep this promise for you, the love of my life, but I don't know how long I will be able to. All that matters is that right now I am alive and I'm trying to save myself.
I don't know what your reaction to this letter will be, but I just hope you keep in mind that I will never let you go. You will always be in my heart. You were my first love. I don't want you looking for me, Vic. Please don't look for me. It will be best for the both of us to never see each other again.
I love you so much, Vic. So fucking much, and that's why I'm writing this right now. Please don't do anything because of this. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was to come back and you weren't here.
I love you,
Jaime Alberto Preciado”
I finish writing my goodbye to Vic and wipe the tears that are streaming down my face. I leave the paper laying on the desk and slowly make my way to the closet. I begin putting all of my clothes and anything else that is mine into a bag and I hear a little knock at the door.
“Jaime, I'm getting a ride with my friend, okay?” It's Mike.
“Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you at school, okay?” I lie. I'm not going to school.
“Okay, bye. See you there.” and with that, he walks down the stairs and out the door.
I wait until I hear the front door close and a car drive away before I continue packing the rest of my stuff into the bag. What am I doing? Where am I going to go? I look over at my phone and see that it's lit up. I walk over to it and open the text from Tony.
From Tony: Hey, dude. Are you going to be at school today? I need to talk to you.
To Tony: uh... no. I'm not going to be at school. I'm leaving.
Without thinking, I press send. I really shouldn't have done that.
From Tony: What do you mean you're leaving?! Where the fuck are you going dude?
Well, I guess it's out now.
To Tony: I uh... I can't stay here anymore. It's for the best.
He instantly replies.
From Tony: I'm not going to try to change your mind, but can you just stop by my house before you go?
To Tony: I guess. Aren't you going to be at school?
From Tony: No, not now. I need to talk to you.
I sigh and put my phone in my pocket. I sling the strap to the bag over my shoulder and look around the room for the last time. I slowly descend down the stairs and glance back one last time before walking out of the house for good.
“Get the fuck on your knees you Cock Slut.” He yells in my face. Before I can do as he says, he pushes me down to my knees as the tears stream down my face. He yanks his pants down and grabs the back of my head, forcing his dick down my throat. I instantly gag at the feeling, but he continues to push and pull my head back and forth.
“Yeah you like that don't you, you little fucking faggot.” I clench my eyes as he pushes my head closer to his dirty body. Suddenly he pulls my head away from his body and yanks my head back to look at him. I refuse to look him in the eyes, causing him to slap me across the face. “LOOK AT ME YOU STUPID FAGGOT!” I glance up at his sweaty face and I feel more tears fall from my face. “Yeah, you do as I say you fucking dog. You're a little piece of shit, you hear me? Say it after me. Piece. Of. Shit.”
“I.. I'm a... P-piece of s-shit.” I whisper to him. He starts laughing as he releases his grip on my hair and I begin to scurry away to the bed. Before I can reach it, he gets a hold on my wrist and pulls me to my feet. I feel his grip on my wrist tighten as he reaches into his back pocket with his unoccupied hand. Before he grabs what he was looking for, he pushes me down to the bed and sits on my lap. He suddenly retrieves a large knife out of his back pocket and begins to take off the cover.
“You like pain, don't you. You like this. You're enjoying yourself, huh?” I don't say anything as he begins to press the knife to my already torn up chest. My breathing picks up as he drags the blade up to my neck and presses down a little harder than before. “I bet Vic never did kinky stuff like this.” I glance up at him and feel the anger pulse through my veins. I would have hit him right there if I was strong enough to get him off of me. He begins laughing as more tears escape my eyes and he takes the blade from my neck. “You might as well forget about him, Jaime. You're never leaving this barn... well, not alive at least. I can't have you telling everyone, can I?”
~
I shoot up from where my head was resting against the pillow and let out a blood curdling scream. I hear shuffling in the next room over before the door bursts open and Mike is running over to the bed.
“Jaime, what's wrong? Did you have another nightmare?” He asks in a panicked voice. I quickly nod my head and tears begin to fall from my eyes. “Please don't cry. It wasn't real.” I shake my head as he says this and he puts a sympathetic arm around my shoulder. If only those nightmares weren't real. If only it was my imagination and not vivid flashbacks to what Kellin did to me. My thoughts are interrupted when Mike begins to speak again. “I guess we should start getting ready for school. It's almost 6...” I slightly nod before he gives me a light hug and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him. I fall back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling until I hear the water start in the bathroom.
It's been 4 days since the accident happened. Vic is still in the hospital with stitches in his side, while I sit here uninjured. That shot was supposed to be for me. I should be the one laying in that god damn hospital bed.. or better yet, a morgue. I hate myself more than I ever have for doing that to him. I've caused him so much pain this past year, and it all started with a fucking kiss. Do I regret kissing him that day? No, of course not, but I do regret being alive to do it. He probably hates me now. I bet he doesn't even want me to be here when he gets back tonight. As soon as I think that, I know it's true. I jump off our bed and grab a piece of paper and a pen from the desk and sit down to write something for him.
“Dear Victor Vincent Fuentes,
I love you so much, and I really hate doing this to you, but it's for the best. I have caused you so much pain this past year, and I can't stand to do that to you anymore. I'm not going to leave you with a few sentences and no explanation, so just hear me out, okay?
I love you, Vic. I love you so fucking much, and seeing you in that hospital bed made me realize that. Sometimes you have to let the ones you love go for their own good, and that's exactly what I'm doing for you. I love you too much to hurt you anymore than I already have. You deserve so much more than I can give you. You might be wondering why exactly I think leaving will be the best option. Well, it's because I've been having worse and worse flashbacks recently. I've been waking up in the middle of the night for the past month or so because the things Kellin did to me have been permanently sewn into my mind. I can't seem to get it out of my head, and no one will ever be able to help me. I'm too fucked up and I'll just keep bringing you back down to the bottom. That's one of the reasons I was going to kill myself. That shot was supposed to go to me, not you. It was meant for me, and I hate myself so much for putting you in that hospital bed.
My life has been going in a downward spiral ever since those 3 days and I just can't get a grip on reality. It's getting to the point where I can't even tell if I'm dreaming or not. Whenever someone touches me, I flinch. Every time someone looks at me, I can just tell that they're judging me. I need to get out of this town for good. I promised you and Mike that I won't kill myself, so this is the next best thing, I guess. I'm trying as hard as I can to keep this promise for you, the love of my life, but I don't know how long I will be able to. All that matters is that right now I am alive and I'm trying to save myself.
I don't know what your reaction to this letter will be, but I just hope you keep in mind that I will never let you go. You will always be in my heart. You were my first love. I don't want you looking for me, Vic. Please don't look for me. It will be best for the both of us to never see each other again.
I love you so much, Vic. So fucking much, and that's why I'm writing this right now. Please don't do anything because of this. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was to come back and you weren't here.
I love you,
Jaime Alberto Preciado”
I finish writing my goodbye to Vic and wipe the tears that are streaming down my face. I leave the paper laying on the desk and slowly make my way to the closet. I begin putting all of my clothes and anything else that is mine into a bag and I hear a little knock at the door.
“Jaime, I'm getting a ride with my friend, okay?” It's Mike.
“Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you at school, okay?” I lie. I'm not going to school.
“Okay, bye. See you there.” and with that, he walks down the stairs and out the door.
I wait until I hear the front door close and a car drive away before I continue packing the rest of my stuff into the bag. What am I doing? Where am I going to go? I look over at my phone and see that it's lit up. I walk over to it and open the text from Tony.
From Tony: Hey, dude. Are you going to be at school today? I need to talk to you.
To Tony: uh... no. I'm not going to be at school. I'm leaving.
Without thinking, I press send. I really shouldn't have done that.
From Tony: What do you mean you're leaving?! Where the fuck are you going dude?
Well, I guess it's out now.
To Tony: I uh... I can't stay here anymore. It's for the best.
He instantly replies.
From Tony: I'm not going to try to change your mind, but can you just stop by my house before you go?
To Tony: I guess. Aren't you going to be at school?
From Tony: No, not now. I need to talk to you.
I sigh and put my phone in my pocket. I sling the strap to the bag over my shoulder and look around the room for the last time. I slowly descend down the stairs and glance back one last time before walking out of the house for good.
You should make a sequel!
1/7/14