Outcast
11. Celebrate the way night hides scars
In the morning I woke to the alien feeling of being awoken by someone gently kissing all the way up my neck and over my cheek with lips as light as feathers. It was pleasant and lovely to say the least; and so much better than the way I used to wake up at home.
I giggled without opening my eyes when those lips grazed the area behind my ear, tickling me slightly. Then, I pried open one of them and was met by a pair of brown eyes that gazed at me from slightly above, the face they belonged to as handsome as ever framed by slightly curly, just-got-out-of-bed hair.
“You should do that more often. That sound is a delicious way of starting the day.”
I blushed furiously and buried my face in the pillow, trying to hide my red cheeks from Vic. It worked until I felt his fingers at my sides, tickling me. I laughed and he joined me seconds later.
“Ahh! S-stop! Please!” Another fit of laughter and he finally stopped his attack. It took a little bit for my breathing to calm completely.
“I love it when you laugh. You look so much more your age, so young and carefree; it makes you... brighter.” Vic said, grinning at me. Blood ran to my cheeks again, but there was no hiding in the pillow again, because he leant down and trapped my lips between his in a slow, tender kiss. When he pulled back, he stayed only a few inches away, staring straight into my eyes. “Good morning.”
“Good morning.” I muttered with a little voice. I was entranced by his eyes, leaving only able to stare into them hopelessly waiting for him to release me from his binding gaze.
“You start work today, don’t you?” Vic asked, a smirk edging on his lips. I nodded, and he hummed in thought. “How’s this? I make breakfast and you get ready, then I’ll walk you there. I’d drive, but my bike’s still at the park –“
A dark expression flashed through his face, so I cut him mid-sentence. “It’s cool. Walking is good; activates your circulation, you know?” Vic stared at me with a bemused expression for a moment, but surprised me when he laughed loudly.
“Where the hell does that come from? Activates your circulation...” A chuckle escaped his lips as I gazed at him, puzzled. “Anyway, come on, sleepyhead or you’ll be late.”
Vic slipped out of bed and kissed me quick but deeply before disappearing out into the living room. I was left there, staring at the ceiling, without knowing what to do. I was dumbfounded by this whole new situation, and all these new sensations and feelings inside of me all at once. I analysed them as I made my way to the shower.
First of all, I found a new fluttery feeling I had never felt before, located in my stomach, but it only appeared when Vic was around. I quite liked those butterflies, as they made me all giddy and giggly inside.
Secondly, I noticed that in the time laps between the afternoon of the day before and this morning, I’d been laughing more than I’d probably have in a whole week if I’d been at home. And that too, once again, was due to Vic.
As I waited for the water to heat up, my eyes landed on the small wooden box that contained all my favourite weapons. I approached it slowly and picked it up with shaky hands from the white china sink. I hadn’t even remembered it – well, not after my conversation with Vic – and I was surprised when I noticed I had spent almost twenty-four hours without even thinking about cutting. And now that I thought about it, it was because last night, I had been truly happy again after two years. The dinner with the guys had been fun, and then dancing around with Vic, just acting like fools had felt like the last two years had never happened and like there was still hope for me to be happy.
But now, looking down at the carved wood of the lid, the temptation was too big to ignore it. I couldn’t set the box down, even if I tried, I couldn’t. I opened it and looked inside at the twistedly beautiful collection held inside. It went from small razors, from pencil sharpeners, to big ones, that should’ve belonged anywhere but there. I picked one up, one that looked new judging by its clean silvery shine. Sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet, I set the box aside and closed my eyes, breathing heavily. It was as if the piece of metal in my hand was urging me to do what my mind knew was wrong and what my heart didn’t want to do because it knew how disappointed Vic would be if he found out. But I couldn’t stop it, the impulse drove my fingers down and, without the need of permission from my brain, pressed the cool metal against the already scarred skin of my wrist and dragged it across it, making a cut that soon enough started oozing small beads of blood. I repeated the action, horizontally, vertically, in diagonal, cuts going over cuts, creating a beautifully macabre piece of art. I was like in a haze, not realizing what I was doing until the first couple drops of blood fell onto the tiled floor, breaking its white spotlessness.
The red dots against the white surface seemed to have an awakening effect on me, as I woke up from that haze and the reality of what I’d been doing hit me across the face.
“Shit.” I muttered to myself, looking around frantically for toilet paper, or a towel, or something to stop the bleeding. “Shit, shit, shit.”
Standing up from the toilet, I reached for the cabinet where the first aid kit and grabbed it, opening it and taking out the bottle of peroxide. The clear liquid stung like transparent fire on my skin, but it must be done, so I bit my lip and went on with it.
Once it was done, I cleared up everything – floor included – making sure that there were no traces left behind. Then, I hopped inside the shower in hopes to clear my thoughts and wash away the guilt that was eating me. As the warm water calmed my muscles, tears hotter than the stream of water started rolling down my cheeks, unperceivable in the steamy wet shower. I was a failure, because I had promised Vic I wouldn’t cut again and I hadn’t been able to keep that promise for more than a few hours. I was selfish, because I had felt so happy when Vic had told me he wanted to help me and I accepted his help, instead of refusing it like a normal person would have done, because I wanted- I needed him to be there, and how selfish was that?
Summing up, I was a horrible person, and I knew I would drag those around me down with me, but I was too much of a selfish person to push them away for their own good. That was the reason I stood there, in the shower, crying my eyes out until they were raw and dry.
When I stepped out of the shower, I wrapped a fluffy white towel around myself and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red-rimmed and it was noticeable I’d been crying, so I splashed some cold water against my face. It did some good, but my eyes were still red. Well, I could only hope for Vic not to notice.
I left the bathroom for the bedroom to get dressed. Luckily, near the sea it was a bit chilly, so I could still wear a thin cardigan and no one would look at me weird. I slipped on a pair of black shorts, a white tank, my gray cardigan, and, for my feet, my beloved purple Doc’s. When I was ready, I breathed in and out shakily and walked into the living room.
Vic was at the kitchen counter, battling with the wafer pan. There was already a plate stacked with a lot of waffles beside him and it smelled truly amazing.
I sat on one of the stools and he turned to flash one of his smiles at me for a brief moment before returning to the cooking.
“I’m afraid you don’t have any chocolate syrup, so we’ll just have to stick to sugar.” Vic said, as he sat down, a minute later, on his stool in front of me setting the waffle plate between us both. He motioned for me to grab one and so I did, although I didn’t have much of an appetite.
“It’s fine, they look amazing. I’m sure they’ll taste just the same.” I reassure him, trying to put as much enthusiasm in my voice as I possibly can, but it doesn’t fool Vic, who is staring at me with concern in his eyes.
“Hey, is something wrong?” He asks with a gentle voice, as his eyes searched for mine trying to lock gazes, but I couldn’t bear look at him, not after what had just happened.
“Yeah, yeah, everything’s cool. I’m just nervous, first day, you know?” I lied, and put a piece of waffle in my mouth to avoid having to speak any more. Incredibly enough, my answer fooled Vic, who smiled with that fondness in his eyes that filled me with guilt, and he reached for my hand to give it a gentle squeeze.
“Is that all? Don’t be nervous, I’m sure you’ll do just fine!” I smiled back at him and we finished our breakfast, leaving shortly after.
The weather outside was humid and still pretty cool due to it being only ten in the morning, so I was glad I had my cardigan with me. Nevertheless, a shiver ran through my spine as the cold sea wind hit us harshly. I shrunk a bit, trying not to be too obvious, to try and not lose the little body heat that I had left. Vic, however, noticed and wrapped his arm around me, rubbing his hand up and down mine, warming me up efficiently, both inside and outside because, freaking hell, how cute was that?
When we got to the tattoo parlour, I still had a good ten minutes until I had to start, so I turned to face Vic and tell him so only to find myself being pressed against the brick wall next to the parlour. Vic’s whole body was pressed against mine and, fucking fuck, did it turn me on; luckily, soon enough, Vic’s lips were on mine, devouring them like they hadn’t before, with hunger and need, leaving us gasping for breath when we pulled apart.
“Fuck, what was that for?” I asked, chuckling shakily due to the lack of breath. He smirked really cockily, and as I had my arms around his neck, I pulled at a lock of his hair that was intertwined between my fingers.
“Ow! It was just a good luck kiss. Although it might have created a little problem...” His words made me notice the bulge that was starting to form in his pants, pressing against my leg. Oh, how I was going to tease him with this.
“Oh yes? You’re getting turned on? What if I do this?” I asked in a low voice in Vic’s ear, and then kissed just below it. I smirked against his skin when I felt him shiver. I kept leaving butterfly kisses down his jaw until I reached his lips again and kissed him softly, but he wasn’t having any of that. He pushed me harder against the wall and kissed me harder that before, asking for entrance almost right away, which I gladly granted, our tongues fighting in a heating battle to find out who was stronger.
When we both were out of breath again, we pulled back and I notice his “problem” was much more obvious now, which made me laugh loudly. He noticed the cause of my laughing and blushed furiously.
“Shut up, it’s all your fault, you freckled little demon.” Vic grunted, and pulled his t-shirt a bit lower so it would cover up that... area. I laughed again at how hilarious all this was.
“Crap, look at how late it is, I have to go inside! I think we’ll have to finish this later.” Before he could say anything else, I kissed him briefly and rushed towards the door of the parlour. Before going inside though, I turned and saw Vic standing there, looking confused and utterly cute. I winked at him and shouted, waving, “see you tonight!”
The inside of the parlour was just like the afternoon before, and Austin was behind the cash register, doing something on the computer. When he saw me, he flashed me a big grin before turning back to finish what he was doing on the computer.
“Morning, Austin.” I greeted him as I left my messenger bag behind the register. I stood in front of him, on the other side as he looked around some designs for some works.
“Morning, honey.” He looked at me and smiled and then back at the papers until he found the one he was looking for. “Take a look; this will be your first work. The guy should be here soon.”
It was a big tattoo, intricate and with a lot of colours, but it was just what I needed: a challenge. Oh, this was going to get my mind working and it would probably keep me busy until lunch time.
The guy I was going to ink came about ten minutes later and we got straight to business. As I had predicted, only that tattoo had me busy until lunch time, although I had worked pretty fast. When he left, the guy was actually very happy and satisfied with the job and left 50£ tip.
“Wow, impressive. First tattoo and a fifty quid tip. You’re worth gold, girl!” Austin joked as we left the parlour to grab a sandwich at the deli around the corner for lunch. We ate it there and, when we came back, we re-opened the parlour and started preparing the studio for the next customers when two men walked inside, their faces covered by black balaclavas, followed by two other men who pulled the metal blind down and closed the door behind them.
Two of the guys produced guns from under their clothes, one pointing at Austin and one directly between my eyes.
“Don’t say a fucking word. This is a hold-up. Give us everything you have, and we’ll consider sparing your lives. Or maybe not...”
I giggled without opening my eyes when those lips grazed the area behind my ear, tickling me slightly. Then, I pried open one of them and was met by a pair of brown eyes that gazed at me from slightly above, the face they belonged to as handsome as ever framed by slightly curly, just-got-out-of-bed hair.
“You should do that more often. That sound is a delicious way of starting the day.”
I blushed furiously and buried my face in the pillow, trying to hide my red cheeks from Vic. It worked until I felt his fingers at my sides, tickling me. I laughed and he joined me seconds later.
“Ahh! S-stop! Please!” Another fit of laughter and he finally stopped his attack. It took a little bit for my breathing to calm completely.
“I love it when you laugh. You look so much more your age, so young and carefree; it makes you... brighter.” Vic said, grinning at me. Blood ran to my cheeks again, but there was no hiding in the pillow again, because he leant down and trapped my lips between his in a slow, tender kiss. When he pulled back, he stayed only a few inches away, staring straight into my eyes. “Good morning.”
“Good morning.” I muttered with a little voice. I was entranced by his eyes, leaving only able to stare into them hopelessly waiting for him to release me from his binding gaze.
“You start work today, don’t you?” Vic asked, a smirk edging on his lips. I nodded, and he hummed in thought. “How’s this? I make breakfast and you get ready, then I’ll walk you there. I’d drive, but my bike’s still at the park –“
A dark expression flashed through his face, so I cut him mid-sentence. “It’s cool. Walking is good; activates your circulation, you know?” Vic stared at me with a bemused expression for a moment, but surprised me when he laughed loudly.
“Where the hell does that come from? Activates your circulation...” A chuckle escaped his lips as I gazed at him, puzzled. “Anyway, come on, sleepyhead or you’ll be late.”
Vic slipped out of bed and kissed me quick but deeply before disappearing out into the living room. I was left there, staring at the ceiling, without knowing what to do. I was dumbfounded by this whole new situation, and all these new sensations and feelings inside of me all at once. I analysed them as I made my way to the shower.
First of all, I found a new fluttery feeling I had never felt before, located in my stomach, but it only appeared when Vic was around. I quite liked those butterflies, as they made me all giddy and giggly inside.
Secondly, I noticed that in the time laps between the afternoon of the day before and this morning, I’d been laughing more than I’d probably have in a whole week if I’d been at home. And that too, once again, was due to Vic.
As I waited for the water to heat up, my eyes landed on the small wooden box that contained all my favourite weapons. I approached it slowly and picked it up with shaky hands from the white china sink. I hadn’t even remembered it – well, not after my conversation with Vic – and I was surprised when I noticed I had spent almost twenty-four hours without even thinking about cutting. And now that I thought about it, it was because last night, I had been truly happy again after two years. The dinner with the guys had been fun, and then dancing around with Vic, just acting like fools had felt like the last two years had never happened and like there was still hope for me to be happy.
But now, looking down at the carved wood of the lid, the temptation was too big to ignore it. I couldn’t set the box down, even if I tried, I couldn’t. I opened it and looked inside at the twistedly beautiful collection held inside. It went from small razors, from pencil sharpeners, to big ones, that should’ve belonged anywhere but there. I picked one up, one that looked new judging by its clean silvery shine. Sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet, I set the box aside and closed my eyes, breathing heavily. It was as if the piece of metal in my hand was urging me to do what my mind knew was wrong and what my heart didn’t want to do because it knew how disappointed Vic would be if he found out. But I couldn’t stop it, the impulse drove my fingers down and, without the need of permission from my brain, pressed the cool metal against the already scarred skin of my wrist and dragged it across it, making a cut that soon enough started oozing small beads of blood. I repeated the action, horizontally, vertically, in diagonal, cuts going over cuts, creating a beautifully macabre piece of art. I was like in a haze, not realizing what I was doing until the first couple drops of blood fell onto the tiled floor, breaking its white spotlessness.
The red dots against the white surface seemed to have an awakening effect on me, as I woke up from that haze and the reality of what I’d been doing hit me across the face.
“Shit.” I muttered to myself, looking around frantically for toilet paper, or a towel, or something to stop the bleeding. “Shit, shit, shit.”
Standing up from the toilet, I reached for the cabinet where the first aid kit and grabbed it, opening it and taking out the bottle of peroxide. The clear liquid stung like transparent fire on my skin, but it must be done, so I bit my lip and went on with it.
Once it was done, I cleared up everything – floor included – making sure that there were no traces left behind. Then, I hopped inside the shower in hopes to clear my thoughts and wash away the guilt that was eating me. As the warm water calmed my muscles, tears hotter than the stream of water started rolling down my cheeks, unperceivable in the steamy wet shower. I was a failure, because I had promised Vic I wouldn’t cut again and I hadn’t been able to keep that promise for more than a few hours. I was selfish, because I had felt so happy when Vic had told me he wanted to help me and I accepted his help, instead of refusing it like a normal person would have done, because I wanted- I needed him to be there, and how selfish was that?
Summing up, I was a horrible person, and I knew I would drag those around me down with me, but I was too much of a selfish person to push them away for their own good. That was the reason I stood there, in the shower, crying my eyes out until they were raw and dry.
When I stepped out of the shower, I wrapped a fluffy white towel around myself and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red-rimmed and it was noticeable I’d been crying, so I splashed some cold water against my face. It did some good, but my eyes were still red. Well, I could only hope for Vic not to notice.
I left the bathroom for the bedroom to get dressed. Luckily, near the sea it was a bit chilly, so I could still wear a thin cardigan and no one would look at me weird. I slipped on a pair of black shorts, a white tank, my gray cardigan, and, for my feet, my beloved purple Doc’s. When I was ready, I breathed in and out shakily and walked into the living room.
Vic was at the kitchen counter, battling with the wafer pan. There was already a plate stacked with a lot of waffles beside him and it smelled truly amazing.
I sat on one of the stools and he turned to flash one of his smiles at me for a brief moment before returning to the cooking.
“I’m afraid you don’t have any chocolate syrup, so we’ll just have to stick to sugar.” Vic said, as he sat down, a minute later, on his stool in front of me setting the waffle plate between us both. He motioned for me to grab one and so I did, although I didn’t have much of an appetite.
“It’s fine, they look amazing. I’m sure they’ll taste just the same.” I reassure him, trying to put as much enthusiasm in my voice as I possibly can, but it doesn’t fool Vic, who is staring at me with concern in his eyes.
“Hey, is something wrong?” He asks with a gentle voice, as his eyes searched for mine trying to lock gazes, but I couldn’t bear look at him, not after what had just happened.
“Yeah, yeah, everything’s cool. I’m just nervous, first day, you know?” I lied, and put a piece of waffle in my mouth to avoid having to speak any more. Incredibly enough, my answer fooled Vic, who smiled with that fondness in his eyes that filled me with guilt, and he reached for my hand to give it a gentle squeeze.
“Is that all? Don’t be nervous, I’m sure you’ll do just fine!” I smiled back at him and we finished our breakfast, leaving shortly after.
The weather outside was humid and still pretty cool due to it being only ten in the morning, so I was glad I had my cardigan with me. Nevertheless, a shiver ran through my spine as the cold sea wind hit us harshly. I shrunk a bit, trying not to be too obvious, to try and not lose the little body heat that I had left. Vic, however, noticed and wrapped his arm around me, rubbing his hand up and down mine, warming me up efficiently, both inside and outside because, freaking hell, how cute was that?
When we got to the tattoo parlour, I still had a good ten minutes until I had to start, so I turned to face Vic and tell him so only to find myself being pressed against the brick wall next to the parlour. Vic’s whole body was pressed against mine and, fucking fuck, did it turn me on; luckily, soon enough, Vic’s lips were on mine, devouring them like they hadn’t before, with hunger and need, leaving us gasping for breath when we pulled apart.
“Fuck, what was that for?” I asked, chuckling shakily due to the lack of breath. He smirked really cockily, and as I had my arms around his neck, I pulled at a lock of his hair that was intertwined between my fingers.
“Ow! It was just a good luck kiss. Although it might have created a little problem...” His words made me notice the bulge that was starting to form in his pants, pressing against my leg. Oh, how I was going to tease him with this.
“Oh yes? You’re getting turned on? What if I do this?” I asked in a low voice in Vic’s ear, and then kissed just below it. I smirked against his skin when I felt him shiver. I kept leaving butterfly kisses down his jaw until I reached his lips again and kissed him softly, but he wasn’t having any of that. He pushed me harder against the wall and kissed me harder that before, asking for entrance almost right away, which I gladly granted, our tongues fighting in a heating battle to find out who was stronger.
When we both were out of breath again, we pulled back and I notice his “problem” was much more obvious now, which made me laugh loudly. He noticed the cause of my laughing and blushed furiously.
“Shut up, it’s all your fault, you freckled little demon.” Vic grunted, and pulled his t-shirt a bit lower so it would cover up that... area. I laughed again at how hilarious all this was.
“Crap, look at how late it is, I have to go inside! I think we’ll have to finish this later.” Before he could say anything else, I kissed him briefly and rushed towards the door of the parlour. Before going inside though, I turned and saw Vic standing there, looking confused and utterly cute. I winked at him and shouted, waving, “see you tonight!”
The inside of the parlour was just like the afternoon before, and Austin was behind the cash register, doing something on the computer. When he saw me, he flashed me a big grin before turning back to finish what he was doing on the computer.
“Morning, Austin.” I greeted him as I left my messenger bag behind the register. I stood in front of him, on the other side as he looked around some designs for some works.
“Morning, honey.” He looked at me and smiled and then back at the papers until he found the one he was looking for. “Take a look; this will be your first work. The guy should be here soon.”
It was a big tattoo, intricate and with a lot of colours, but it was just what I needed: a challenge. Oh, this was going to get my mind working and it would probably keep me busy until lunch time.
The guy I was going to ink came about ten minutes later and we got straight to business. As I had predicted, only that tattoo had me busy until lunch time, although I had worked pretty fast. When he left, the guy was actually very happy and satisfied with the job and left 50£ tip.
“Wow, impressive. First tattoo and a fifty quid tip. You’re worth gold, girl!” Austin joked as we left the parlour to grab a sandwich at the deli around the corner for lunch. We ate it there and, when we came back, we re-opened the parlour and started preparing the studio for the next customers when two men walked inside, their faces covered by black balaclavas, followed by two other men who pulled the metal blind down and closed the door behind them.
Two of the guys produced guns from under their clothes, one pointing at Austin and one directly between my eyes.
“Don’t say a fucking word. This is a hold-up. Give us everything you have, and we’ll consider sparing your lives. Or maybe not...”
@Turtle I've updated! Go read!! c;
2/5/14