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Turbulence.

And I know I need your comfort,

I laid in her bed, taking in her room, how it's a new room but it still screams her name, how she's so different yet I can pick out small parts of her that are the same. It's weird how it's only been a year, but almost everything about her is different....
She might have everyone else fooled, but not me. She's not happy like this. I remember when her smiles were true. But of course, they were always true around me. They were caused by me. But what about now? Is her sadness also caused by me?

Lydia stirred in her sleep, rolling over, laying her head on my chest and her arm over my stomach. She had a slight smile on her face. I truly believe her smiles are the best thing ever. Her smile was so contagious, especially when I used to be the reason behind them.

Am I the reason for this one?

"Are you awake?"
I looked down at Lydia, her sleeping voice slightly startling me.
"Yeah... I can't sleep."
She snuggled up closer to me as I wrapped my arms around her. There's no harm in cuddling. I'm not taking advantage of her... I mean, even though if she was sober she probably wouldn't be so close, let alone be letting me in her bed.
"Why? What're you thinking about?"
"Truthfully, You and me...."
"What about us?"
She spoke to me so calmly, most likely still half asleep.
"The way it used to be. I miss you so much. Your smile, your laugh, how when you get nervous you start to fidget. It hurt today... you know? Because it used to be me making that happen. But today, It was Mike.... I had to watch Mike make the girl that I lo-- like... smile, laugh and blush. Why couldn't that have been me?"
I felt her shrug against me and mumble. Clearly asleep but trying to talk to me. Her words came out nothing but moans and noises. I bet she just felt my heart speed up. How could I be so careless and almost let it slip that I love her? She feels nothing for me except for hatred and here I am like a fool, in love with the girl. I've fallen in love with her again, haven't I?
Is that why I decided to come here? I decided to carry her to bed when she couldn't stand?
Why I haven't stopped thinking of her since the night I saw her with Mike at Shaka's?
How could someone as perfect as her want someone like me?
And because of that stupid question I made the biggest mistake. I thought that the only way she could ever be with me was to have someone on the side. That all her stupid excuses were her going out to cheat on me.
Of course, she was telling me the truth, everytime.
Her mom was making her move out as soon as she graduated. This job that she had, it was real. It wasn't some other job.
Why was I so stupid and insecure back then?
But what if I'm not in love with her again? What if I get her back and I'm not happy? That she's not what I want and I'm just infatuated with her.
Maybe that's all this is. Maybe all that I'm feeling is jealousy. The jealousy is trying to convince me that I'm in love with her. What if I just want her to forgive me and nothing else?
No. That can't be it. I know what I want. I want her to forgive me and to realize that I'm not the same. I understand that it's only been about a year, but I really have changed.
I want to make her tea and watch Disney movies with her when she's having an anxiety attack. I want her to tell me about her bad days and her good days. To go to the beach with her and have to pretty much throw her in the water because she won't go without me.
But does that mean I want her on a romantic level? The things I just described they could be just a regular friendship.

"Lee-Lee... I just want you to stop hating me. That's all. I think my life would be perfect if you stopped."
Her breathing started to get deeper, relaxed.
Great. Now I'm talking to myself. Hell, I'm already arguing with myself in my head whether or not I love her.
"I promise, Dee. I'll be better than before."
I sighed and lightly ran my fingers over her skin, goose bumps rising up under my fingers.
"Starting in alittle. The sun's coming up, soon. I'm going to make you a nice breakfast or take you out, whatever you want. And I'm gonna prove it."
I closed my eyes and kissed the top of her forehead before letting my self drift into sleep filled with dreams of her.
In my dreams I was happy but of course I woke up unsure of my happiness.
~

I kept my promise. Once I convinced her to get out of bed, she took a shower and got ready. She sat quietly in my car as we drove, the humming of the wheels being the only sound surrounding us.
"You know, If you don't want this, we don't have to go. I can take you back to your place then leave if you want."
She placed her hand ontop of mine, very lightly, the feeling of her skin on mine was like electric.
Man, what is going on with me? I need to stop.... She's with one of my friends.
Yeah. She's Mike's. Here I am debating whether or not I'm in love with her meanwhile she's dating one of my friends. But that's the thing, they're not dating. They're fucking.
I shouldn't feel anything for her!
"No. Tony. I agreed to this. When we're fine and not arguing, I enjoy your company. And also, I wanted to make it up to you for having to deal with my drunk ass."
I was starting to feel my anger rise. But I can't let it show. Lydia wouldn't understand why I was suddenly angry. In her mind, I'm all fine and dandy because of the fact that she's going with me.
"Well hey. Just like in high school. You were the one taking care of Me, Jaime and Brandon. It's only fair I return the favor."
She just smiled at me and looked out the window, taking her hand from mine and leaving it cold.
I kept asking her to put her hand back on mine, hoping somehow she'd hear my thoughts and do it, but of course, I was left without her touch.
We pulled up to my place and I told her I'll be right back that I'm just gonna get changed. She nodded and turned up the radio.
~*Lydia's POV*~

I sat in Tony's black 2007 Ford Fusion with the windows up and air on. AFI was playing and even though I'm not a big fan of them, I found myself enjoying the current song alot. Three songs had passed before Tony ran out of his front door, hopping on one foot trying to get his second shoe on.
Finally he decided to just lean against the car to put it on.
He's still so much like his old self. He swears up and down that he has changed and that I should give him a chance. But what if all that work I did was for nothing? I pushed our friends away, cut ties. I spent months trying to get over him, hell, I was still trying to convince myself that I'm over him. I need to push him away again until I'm positive all old feelings are gone.
I made a face at myself, disagreeing with my latest though.
No. I can't do that. I already told myself I was going to be friends with him, for Mike's sake. I have to just bite the bullet and get through this.
"Sorry about that."
He flashed me a smile then backed out of the parking space.

Somewhere inside of me, I know I'm exited for Tony to be back in my life. But another part is terrified of what's in store. Because what if this does turn into me not being over him? I don't want to be with him again. I want to be over him and I want to move on with people who care about me.
I let the thought slip my mind as I thought about now. Now.
Right now, Tony and I are going out for a bite to eat. I still want to stab him in the eye and walk away. But I am going to be as civil with him as I can. I still dislike him, hell, I might even hate him, but I will put those feelings aside for Mike.

"TONY! HOLY SHIT! HIT THE BRAKES!"
The car came to a abrupt stop and I clinged to my locked seatbelt and the 'oh shit' bar above the window. My heart felt like it was in my throat and I was soon going to pass out. Pass out or throw up. I wasn't sure which would be happening first.
Why did I agree to this?
"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. Mom's never really home to teach me... You know, If you don't want this, we don't have to."
"No... I told you I was gonna help you pass this stupid driver's test. You're too embarrassed to ask your guy friends, so I'm not gonna turn you down. I'm your only hope."
He smiled.
"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."
"No. Don't you start quoting Star Wars on me, sir."
"Fine, Fine."
I let out a breath and watched as the stop light turned from red to green. Tony slowly let off of the brakes and tried to get up to the speed limit. Which was either 45 or 50. I had him drive up to the Wal-Mart that was only 10 minutes away from my house, then practice in the parking lot. He does good on empty roads, but as soon as there's alot of cars, he freaks out.
"CHINESE FIRE DRILL!"
He quickly put the car in park and got out of the driver's seat then ran around to my side. I stood there shocked before it registered what he was doing. I just climbed over my center console and buckled myself in.
"What was that for?"
"I can't do it right now. Can we try again maybe later.... As in like, 2am when the roads are empty."
I nodded and when the light changed, put the car in drive and accelerated.

[center[~

Tony and I sat in my bedroom, he was drawing goofy pictures for me to hang up in my room since I was complaining about needing more pictures for my walls.
My favorite one he's drawn me so far, is me in a tree with a Koala, and him sitting on a turtle.
He was like a little kid, laying down on his stomach, on my floor with colored pencils surrounding him. His feet were in the air, waving side to side then back and forth. At one point he even started hum him own little tune.
Where as for me, I was doing our math homework, waiting for time to pass by so we could go out driving.
"So you're just gonna chill out here until two? Won't your parents care?"
He shrugged and continued coloring.
"It's about ten now. Mom probably fell asleep. She has to wake up early for work."
"What about your dad?"
He shrugged and set down the coloring pencil.
"He, uh, died a few years back."
I tried to say 'oh' but nothing came out. I just stared down at my paper full of sloppy written numbers.
"Hey. It's fine. I didn't really know him. He died when I was young."
I just nodded as he tried to give me a reassuring smile. Of course, I was feeling really shitty for bringing it up.
"Lee, look it's fine. I promise you. You didn't hurt me by bringing it up. Buuuut you are hurting me by acting like this."
Tony sat next to me and hugged me tight.
"If you say so. Hey, let's go get a late dinner. I'd rather die when you're driving with a full stomach."
He sarcastically laughed and stood up, pulling me up after he was steady on his feet.


"So.... Idunno if Mike has told you, but him and Vic are in a band....'
"Yeah. Pierce The Veil. I know."
He nodded and gripped the steering wheel tight. Something about him made me feel uneasy. Maybe it was because he was nervous? I never had to deal with him being nervous, It was always me as the nervous one.
'Well, uh, Vic asked if Jaime and I would be down to play a show with them. So for the past week we've been learning a few songs to play a local show. "
"You take so long to ask me things. If you want me to go, I'll see about it."
"Well. That was easier than I thought."
He chuckled and with his right hand reached up above my head in the CD holder attached to the visor for a stack of CDs. He then handed them all to me.
"You know, I remember you being good with words. Once in your life you were a ladies man."
"Yeah. Then I met you and all my smooth talk and coolness flew out the window."

My stomach dropped and I looked down at the cds, going through the small stack.
"Oh wow. You still have this?"
I stared at a cd that had two stick figures with stupid hair drawn out on it. The word 'Idiot' was written over the stick figure that was supposed to be me and 'Loser' was written above Tony's stick figure.
'Yeah, Why not? There's some good songs on that cd. Especially the last song."
He smiled at me and I felt my face instantly heat up.
"No. Is this the cd that the last song is us? You played guitar and sang with me?"
He nodded and took it from me after he ejected the AFI cd. He shoved the AFI cd in the cd case and put our cd in the radio.

"Hi. This is Lydia and Tony Perry is a faggot."
"No! You are! Asshole."


I laughed and covered my mouth as Less than Jake's 'Look what Happened' came on.
"I forgot I recorded the beginning of that CD!"
"Yeah. And in the middle of this song, and after this song. Also in the middle of other songs when they're not singing. Pretty much when ever you wanted. That's why I kept it. If it was just a normal cd, I would've thrown it out."
"Well I'm glad you kept it."
I was. I really was.
Tony and I sang along to the music, until Tony's voice came through the speakers.

"Fine. I may be a faggot, but Dee is a lesbian."
"VAGINA FOR THE WIN!"


He laughed at what we used to be and started to sing along. But soon the car pulled into the parking lot of a small diner.
"God... look what happened."
"Yep."
I took off my seatbelt and tried to unlock the door until he grabbed my hand.
'No. I mean, look what happened...."
I stopped in my tracks and stared at his hand that was holding mine. Here it comes.
"Nothing happened, Tony. That's the thing. Nothing happened and you can't seem to let it go. Now can we just get through this without fighting? Whatever memory you're thinking of, drop it. Nothing good ever comes from those."
I snatched my hand away and quickly walked away.

As I walked towards the front door I quietly cursed at myself. I didn't mean to sound like a total bitch. He just needs to quit that shit. We're friends. We made that CD back when we were a couple. If he thought of anything, it was back when we were dating. I don't want to know how he feels about it. It's always the same. He tells me, apologizes, makes me feel sorry for him, which in the end makes me angry. He fucked himself over.... He just happened to hurt me in the process.
~

I held tightly onto my styrofoam box that had bits and pieces of my left over food. Somewhere during the lunch, everything got awkward and quiet. We were laughing and joking then suddenly, nothing.
Tony pulled up outside of my house and parked the car, turning down New Found Glory's 'Hit or Miss'.
Tony and I sat in silence once again, the ending of our mean, the whole car ride, and now.
New Found Glory's song came to an end and Tony's voice came through the speakers one more time.

"Babe, Just sit infront of the mic. It'll pick you up. Well, as long as you sing louder than my guitar".
You could hear his fingers sliding along the strings. As he talked to me it sounded like we were in a empty room. The acoustics of the room sounded amazing.
"Okay. I just have to try to remember the lyrics."
Light tapping and quiet counting, then suddenly I was singing.
"Blame it on the weather, but I'm a mess."

My face was quickly in my hands and I knew for a fact my face was red.
"Oh god. I haven't listened to this song In forever. I don't even remember what made me want to sing that song."
Tony smiled and turned up the radio, tapping on the steering wheel along to my singing.
"Because you listened to it none stop, then finally I learned it on guitar for you."
I smiled at him and turned down the radio, hating everything about my voice.
"I'm really glad you kept the CD. Also, I'll think about going to your show. Most likely, Jaime's gonna call non-stop until I agree."
He nodded and unlocked my door for me. As I stepped onto the pavement, I forced myself to try to reassure him.
"I had a nice time. I really mean it."
"No. Dee, you don't have to lie to me. It was a shitty time. There's just so much shit between us. Am I stupid for wanting something with you?"
I stood up but quickly froze.
"Something with me? What does that mean? Like... what?"
He shook his head and put the car in drive.
"Nothing. I'll see you soon."
As soon as the door had shut, he was driving away.
I sighed and bit my lip, trying to figure out anything behind his words.

He wanted something with me? Why is it he can't understand that he's had something with me before but he fucked it up?

Notes

Title credit;;
Silverstein - Call It Karma.

Comments

@Erawr

Its fine, I just really love it /.\

@TheRosesOnYourDoor
At the beginning of this chapter, I got stuck. I had no idea what to do. Everytime I had started writing out the scene, I absolutely hated it. Aside from hating everything I wrote, I also had writers block. There was supposed to be alot more added on to the newest chapter, but I kept telling myself that I NEEDED to post something since it had been so long. So I cut it short, wrapped it up and posted it, just so there was at least something to read. I'm going to try and work more on the story, since last night I came up with a few more ideas, so hopefully it won't be months between updates. I'm so sorry about the wait!

Erawr Erawr
5/7/14

What happened?! U no update, for month ;-;

•-• what the actual fuck. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please UPDATE ;-;

Please update, I need to know what happens