A War in My Head

We didn't tell anyone about the fight in the mall, nor the kids afterwards. It's almost like it didn't even happen. I mean yeah it was sudden, odd and extremely good but not a word was said. I half expected Vic to speak to me about it at lunch or when we studied but no, nothing. He treated me like it never happened. And maybe that's for the best because I don't know if I would want to do it again. Luckily it ended as quickly as it began before anything racy happened.

Tonight was the night of my show. It wasn't big, but it was good for us. We have been excited for this show for about two months. The guys were just as stoke as I am for the show, I was going out my mind with nerves. "Lynn it'll go great. We've done this before" Brian said. Shaking me outta my thoughts.

I watched the lights go down and out cue came to go on stage. I had my guitar around me and my stomach was so heavy it felt like it was gonna fall out my butt. I walked to the microphone and took a deep breath. "This isn't violence, this is just a war in my head. I give it time but it never seems to end" I strummed onstrumming my guitar so freely. "I feel the fire in the back on my throat so let's get covered in flames and play some games with the smoke" My gaze was drawn out into the crowd. I seen Vic standing, a huge grin on his face. Harley was by his side, cuddled into him. Jaime, Tony and Mike were there too. I was so lucky to have such great friends. The crowd wasn't big, maybe 4/5 rows of people. I call that a success, and the fact a few kids knew the lyrics was astounding.

A couple songs rolled on and I felt much more at ease. During St. Patrick I couldn't help but look at Vic, he made me feel at ease and our kiss played over in my head. "You are a miracle, no I'm not spiritual but you're a glimpse of bliss, a little taste of heaven" I sung out. My eyes danced over the crowd and I noticed Taylor there, with Jack and Zac. I smiled at her and she waved. Jack winked at me and I just rolled my eyes. "I said, ooh ooh oh you give me something to think about that's not the shit in my head. You're a miracle, a miracle" I screamed. "I know you're gone now but I still wait for you, wait for you" I sung softly and played out the last few chords.

I took a deep breath and smiled. "We're PVRIS and thanks for coming out. This is our last song, thanks again" I said softly into the microphone.

"Don't blame your death, on the shit in your head that you claimed ate you like a virus for days on end. Watched you decay, watched you waste away who'd you think you'd fool baby digging your own grave" I sang. "So go ahead yeah just drop dead and while you try to fool the whole world don't forget that you'll decay, and you'll waste away. You can't cheat death will you're digging your own grave" I noticed Jack looking over to Vic and laughing. Tony pointed at Jack then Vic shrugged. "You're out of line, burried yourself alive and expected to be just fine. You can't rewind when you're choking on your own dirt begging for your lifea" I looked around. "Your bridges are burning and all your tables are turning. You started a fire and now you're burning up up, burning up up yeah burning up up"

I took a deep breath and hoped nothing would happen but I thought too soon. "What you give is what you get and in your case that's nothing but guilt and regret. And all the flames that you kept in your brain, came out your lips and sent straight into your own grace" I noticed Jack, Zac and Taylor walking over to my friends. "You are a walking talking corpse at best and I swear I couldn't wait to get you off my chest" I watched as the conversation got heated between the groups. "And when you asked us why we couldn't look you in your eyes; it's hard to find life in something that's already died. UGH" Everything went blurry. A fight broke out and everyone just merged together.

"Stop" I said frantically into the mic. I seen Vic being pulled down into the crowd and Tony being pushed. I dropped my guitar and climbed off the stage into the crowd.

"You're an asshole!" Jack screamed at Vic as he punched him on the floor. Mike pulled Jack off Vic and pushed him away, in my direction. Jack knocked me to the ground, bursting my lip open. I felt the blood trickle down my lip and onto my chin. The security chucked everyone out, threatening to call the cops.

"Are you okay miss?" A security guard asked me, helping me up.

"Yeah I'm fine" I mumbled. He walked away and Alex and Brian came over to me. "Are you okay Lynn?" Alex asked, searching me over.

"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry about the set being cut short tonight" I apologised. They nodded in understanding. "I'll be back in a minute" I excused myself.

I walked out of the bar and outside into the miserable March night. I walked out to find Jaime, Tony and Mike standing there, calming Vic down. I searched him over and he had bloody nose. I felt so bad for him but he didn't have to fight at my gig, it was uncalled for. "Vic calm down, don't get so worked up" Jaime told Vic.

My feet guided me to them, they all turned their heads to look at me. "Lynn... I'm so so-"

"Save it. I'm not angry just don't ever come to a show of mines and fight again. I know they're assholes but please ignore it" I said sternly.

Vic stepped forward. "Are you serious?" He laughed, wiping away the blood from his nose. "They came over to us, they hit me first" Vic stared me down.

"And I'm sorry but that's no reason to continue the fight" I shrugged. He just laughed and shook his head.

"Nah, we're outta here. Evidently this friendship was a mistake" He spat at me as he walked past.

Tony walked over to me and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry Tony" I said through the forming tears in my eyes. Jaime and Mike nodded at me and walked off with Vic and Tony.

I was left there with nothing but regret and disgust. After two weeks our friendship was over.

Notes