A War in My Head

I looked at my watch for what felt like the 100th time. I really shouldn't have come here, they're not gonna turn up. And if they do what if this was all some joke? I'm not exactly sure they even really like me yet. I don't understand why I feel so suddenly unsure of myself. The sun was beginning to set over the trees and empty streets of San Diego, my eyes scanned across the park and noticed a tree not so far away.

I walked over to it and looked for anyway to climb it. A small branch stuck out, indicating a way up. My legs and arms pulled my body up the tree onto a branch sturdy enough to hold my body. "Oh you're killing me right now, I think it's time you burn me down" I sung to myself. The words wrapped around me and filled the silence. "Don't wanna open my eyes" I sung even louder this time. "Yeah, oh you're killing me right now"

"Hey that was good" A voice startled me from my own little world. I lost my balance and slammed to the ground.

"Ahh!" My loud scream shot through the park. This is it, I'm dead. I looked up and seen Vic standing in front of me. He kneeled down and checked me over. "Am I dead?" I whispered.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" He asked frantically. I began laughing hysterically, grateful I wasn't hurt. I mean the fall did bust my ass but nothing was broken, thankfully.

"I'm fine. Actually I'm great, that was oddly fun" I laughed. Vic looked at me like I had just died. "I'm okay" I laughed. He nodded and I guessed he accepted it.

He held his hand out for me and helped me up. We stood awkwardly for about 30 seconds still holding hands. "Sorry" Vic mumbled and pulled his hand away. A part of me felt really sad that he did, I don't understand why though. I don't like him that much to even feel anything yet.

"Hey guys!" Jaime strolled up to us and threw himself on the ground next to our feet.

"Jaime, what you doing?" Vic looked down at him with confusion. Jaime shrugged his shoulders and got back up.

"Where's Mike?" Jaime asked? "And Harley?" I looked away at that point. Unsure of how to act about it all.

"He's running late and Harley, I don't really know. Why should I?" Vic answered awkwardly.

"I dunno, I thought you guys were a thing?" Jaime laughed. Vic just looked away.

"I don't know what's going on there" Vic looked so uncomfortable with it all so I tagged him quickly.

"Tag you're it" I screamed and ran.

"Oh shit" Jaime screamed after me as we both ran for it.

"Wait that's not fair" Vic yelled after us. I looked behind me and he began running for us. I looked forward and seen Mike and

Tony walking towards us slowly, with a very confused look on their faces. "We're playing tag, Vic is it" I said extremely quickly.

They both ran in opposite directions and Vic groaned with frustration. "You guys suck"

I kept running until I found a tree to hide behind. I peeked out to see if Vic noticed me but he didn't, luckily. I heard footsteps stamping on the ground near me so I dashed from behind the tree and collided with another body.

"FUCK!" I screamed loudly. Vic was sprawled on top of me awkwardly.

"I think you'll find, you're it" He grinned at me. Our faces were like 2 inches apart, making my heart race.

"Well fuck" I breathed out. He just laughed and got up, pulling me with him. We both sat on the grass and waited for everyone else to come and find us.

"So have you spoke to Taylor much today?" He asked randomly. I picked at the grass, unsure of how to deal with the conversation.

"Not really, she text me earlier but I ignored it. She isn't happy with me at the moment. Oh well" I laughed. He frowed at my reaction.

"It's like you're not allowed to live your own life man" He shook his head, annoyed at the situation.

"I know but I think I'm getting more confident with things. Oh well" I looked up and smiled at him.

"I'm glad to hear it" His smiled beamed at me. I noticed the sun was almost gone.

"I never realized how quickly it got dark" I said, making some conversation.

"Yeah me either" He laughed. A moment of silence fell between us. "So are your parents okay with you being out late?" He asked. I shrugged.

"They don't really care if I'm honest. It's not like they don't like me but they trust me so they never need to check up on me or tell me to be home. I dunno it's nice but also sad. It's like I'd like them to notice a bit more" I sighed. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Hey don't cry" He mumbled, I noticed him move over and wrap his arm around my shoulders.

"It just means we can go for late walks and chill whenever we want. I like the sound of that" He whispered. I looked up at him and our eyes locked.

"90% of the time, everything is amazing but there's just that 10% that holds me back sometimes. It hurts" I said softly.

"Don't think about the past, it's just a waste of your time" He smiled softly. I nodded and he pulled me into his arms for a hug.

"Thank you Vic" I mumbled into his chest.

"You're always welcome Lynn" He replied softly. We pulled apart and I could hear voices.

The guys were on their way over and Harley was with them. She sat down next to Vic, closer than I would to just a friend. I looked at Jaime and he shrugged.

"So what's the plan?" Mike asked, sitting down next to me.

"I've no idea" Tony shrugged and sat across from me.

"We could go to the kids park?" Vic suggested.

"Yeah that sounds good" Tony jumped to his feet, I followed suit and walked over to him.

We led the way and to make things less awkward I struck up conversation. "So how are you Tony?" I asked him.

"I'm good. Yourself?" He smiled softly at me.

"I'm really good actually, I feel happy to be out with friends and not worry about stupid things like makeup and hair" I laughed. Tony nodded in agreement.

"Taylor isn't very nice to me" Tony sighed.

"Wait what? What does she do?" I asked, my heart began racing. Tony is so sweet, how could anyone be mean to him.

"She makes fun of me a lot because my dad died. She also used to tell everyone my name was Antonio Perry so all the teachers called me that for the whole of Sophomore year" He explained.

"Oh my God, what the fuck?" I was so shocked.

"That's why I wasn't sure of being friends with you, Incase you told her or were in on her jokes" He sounded so scared.

"No way Tony, I wouldn't ever do that. I'm gonna ask her about this" I stopped Tony and hugged him. When I pulled away he was smiling so much.

"Thank you for being a good friend Lynn" He beamed at me.

"You're worth being friends with" I told him. We continued chatting until we reached the small play park. Jaime came WHIZZING past us and into the park.

"I call swings!" He screamed. "What a dork" I laughed.

I walked over to the other swing and sat down. Vic walked over and began pushing me on the swing. The higher I got, the more weightless I felt. "I'm so happy" I said out loud. And for once, I genuinely did feel it.

Notes