A War in My Head

Tony's P.O.V

A day in the life of Tony Perry you say? I don't really have a life. I get up, go to school and come home. A part of me wonders why I feel so damn lonely. And then I remember that my social anxiety makes it near impossible for me to make any attempts with a girl.

Oh and to top it all off, I'm already pretty sure I'm in love with someone who doesn't even want me. But I can't have her and never will. This life isn't for me getting what I want and losing my friends in order to get it isn't something I'm up for. She'll just always be out of reach to me.

I climbed off my bed and ran my hand through my longish brown hair. Everyone makes fun of me for having long hair but I like it. Vic and Mike have long hair too but somehow it makes them attractive. I went over to my mirror and traced my hand over the reflective glass, this is me? No wonder no one wants me. I'm plain, boring and just damn ugly.

"Tony! You're going to be late for school" My mom called upstairs. I grabbed my backpack and threw it over my shoulders. The first chance I get, I'm out of here.

Walking to school alone is just another addition to my sad life, Jaime always asks me if I want to walk with him but I fear it's out of pity and I can't deal with pity from my friends. I walked past her house. She's probably not inside it anymore but she lives there, her day starts off there.

My feet urged me on, I didn't have much further to walk, but the idea of going to school and seeing the girl you're in love with, with another guy is heart breaking. For me I can't understand it at all. She doesn't even know the truth at all. It would ruin everything if I told her but maybe I could be her saviour?

"Hey Tony?" I heard a voice call from behind me. I turned around and saw Lynn standing a few feet from her house. She jogged up to me and smiled. "I didn't know you walked this way" She smiled at me.

"Yeah I do sometimes, change of scenery" I laughed, not sure what to say.

"I'm just about to leave for school, do you want a lift?" She asked me. I didn't know what to say, it was really polite of Lynn to say the least.

"Sure, thank you" I shifted my bag to my other shoulder.

"Come on, I need to get a few things first so you can wait in my room if you like" She said walking off, I followed her into her house. She led me to her bedroom, it was really neat.

I looked around her room, she likes good bands but I didn't realise how many she likes. Its pretty cool seeing Lynn's room actually, it fits her personality. I noticed her closet open slightly and a dress hanging up. I walked over and looked closer. It's her prom dress. I backed away, feeling like I've invaded her privacy. "So do you think it's nice?" I heard her ask. I turned around and looked at her with sorrow.

"I wasn't snooping I swear, I just saw it and wanted to see it all" I explained. She just smiled and shook her head.

"I'm not angry, I actually wanted a male opinion. Do you think Vic will like it?" She asked. A small pang of jealously shot through me. Even though Lynn was going to prom with me, I wish it wasn't just a pity date.

"He'll love it" I told her, unsure how else to word it.

----

I sat on the couch, a red solo cup full of beer in hand. Watching everyone around me happily make out with other people. My head was filled with nonsense, slurs of what I feel. This party sucks, everyone abanonded me for no reason, I don't understand why. "Tony what's wrong?" I looked up to see Lynn standing in front of me.

I got up off the couch and looked at her, she was wearing a crop top and black skinny jeans. "Everyone left me" I told her. She made an annoyed face and grabbed my hand, leading me through all the people.

She took me outside where there was no one around. "Are you okay?" She asked, concern written all over her face.

I nodded and drank the rest of my beer. "I'm great" I lied. I've drank way to much already tonight.

"Tony you don't look so great" She put her hand on my arm, why is she so nice to me.

My mind went blank and my alcohol driven body was in control, making the worst decisions for me. I leaned in and kissed Lynn on the lips, not thinking about the consequences. She immediately pulled back in shock. "I'm so sorry" I shook my head. She blinked a few times and looked at her feet.

"Why did you do that?" She asked, her eyes filled up with tears. I honestly can't think of a better time than now.

"Because I'm 100% in love with you" I blurted out. "I can't think of any better reason" I shrugged.

"Tony I don't know what to say" She said softly, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"There's nothing you can say, I'm an idiot. I fell in love with my best friends girlfriend. It's my own fault for being so stupid" I scolded myself.

"You're not stupid Tony. Okay?" She wiped away her tears and walked away. Before completely going out of sight she turned to look at me. "I won't tell Vic" She told me, then left.

I felt empty, broken and useless. But its better to feel weightless than weighed down. A day in the life of Tony Perry isn't worth shit.

Notes