The Only Medicine

Monday comes far too early and I feel even worse than the morning before, if that’s even possible. Except rather than feeling hungover, I’ve got a sense of impending dread tightening my chest. I’m going to see Mike again today and it’s going to be awkward and Jane will probably be there and I hate school and everything sucks. I have to convince Mama to let me drop out.

I head downstairs into the kitchen, but Mama’s already left for the day. She’s a surgical nurse and generally works throughout the day, but she often gets late shifts, like last night. I grab myself a bowl of homemade granola, apple slices and almond milk and try not to think about how awkward the car ride to school will be. I contemplate whether actually just telling Vic would make it easier, but I know it would ruin him and probably ruin the band and I just can’t envisage my life without Vic there.

A horn blares outside, letting me know that Mike is here. I quickly rinse my bowl in the sink, grab my bag and run out the door. Mike’s up the driveway in Vic’s car, blasting Blink-182 and wearing sunglasses and looking cool and effortless. A cigarette hangs out the corner of his mouth. My heart snags in my throat a bit. He actually is very good-looking, in a debaucherous, James Dean kind of way; I actually can’t believe that I slept with him. I mean, we were both very drunk and I’m sure he regrets it, but it happened.

“How’s it going?” he says as I hop into the front seat. The car reeks of cigarette smoke.

“Vic’s going to kill you for smoking in his car,” I reply, tossing my bag into the back seat.

Mike just shrugs. “I’ve got the window open.”

I fiddle with my plugs while we drive to school. I’ve just got a plain wood pair in, but a couple of teachers gave me grief about them last year—one teacher, my math teacher, insisted I take them out, then shrieked in shock at my naked lobes.

“Does it hurt?” Mike asks.

I look over at him. “Huh?”

“Stretching your ears. Does it hurt?”

“Uh, no. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong.”

He smirks. “That’s what she said.”

I just stare at him. The joke doesn’t quite make sense, but at least he’s making an effort to not be awkward. Things could be going back to normal.


I sit and wait at our usual table for Mike to arrive at lunch time. We didn’t have any classes together in the morning, but we’ll be heading to English class together after lunch. I watch the door while picking at the sandwich I packed for lunch—peanut butter and apple on Ezekiel bread. Mike saunters in, a cute blonde girl that I don’t recognise walking next to him. She’s laughing about something and he grins back. She waves and heads over to a table filled with people and he keeps walking toward me.

“Who was that?” I ask, taking a bite of my sandwich.

“Who, Jessica? She’s just a girl from my Biology class,” Mike says, sitting down opposite me. He looks over to the table where Jessica is sitting, then pulls out his wallet. “I’m gonna go join the line. Do you want anything?”

I shake my head. The cafeteria food is pretty disgusting and pretty non-vegan—I always pack my own lunch. Mike gets back up and heads over to the lunch line, leaving his bag with me. I watch him go, trying not to be perplexed. I’ve never seen this girl before or heard him talk about her. I mean, Mike has had plenty of girlfriends before and I should be pretty used to him parading girls around, but … wait. Why is this bothering me?

“You all right, Mia?” Mike asks, coming back to the table with a tray full of food. He’s got some kind of dead animal stew, limp steamed vegies and mashed potato.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Was just thinking about the Battle of the Bands,” I lie.

“Oh, yeah. I can’t believe Vic. I was really looking forward to practising.”

“I wonder if he’s called around about it yet?”

“Who knows. Why don’t you text him?”

I shrug and take a sip from my thermos of green tea. Mike peers over at my sandwich.

“What exactly is in that?”

“Peanut butter and apple.”

“You’re so weird,” he chuckles, digging into his stew. I wrinkle my nose up.

“You’re the one that eats dead animals.”

“And they are delicious.”


The bell rings not long after and Mike and I grab our things to head to English class. To my surprise, he stops me before we get out the door of the cafeteria.

“Wait a sec, Mia. I’m just gonna see if Jessica wants to walk with us—she’s in our English class, too.”

I stare at the back of his head incredulously as he walks over to her table, where she’s getting to her feet and pulling her bag on. Mike is going to fuck this girl. Mike is never like this with anyone unless he wants to fuck them. The idea shouldn’t bother me, but it does.

“Jessica, this is my friend, Mia. She’s my brother’s best friend,” he says, introducing us as they head back over.

“Hey,” I say, forcing a smile that I hope looks effortless and not fake. She smiles back genuinely.

The two of them talk to each other exclusively for the rest of the walk, and then she goes and sits with her friends when we get to class. We sit at our usual desks.

“You’re unbelievable,” I mutter.

Mike just laughs. “Hey, I can’t help it. She talked to me first.”

I just roll my eyes and pull my binder and pencil case out of my bag. My binder is plastered with stickers and pictures of bands; there’s also a section dedicated to Ville Valo from when I was obsessed with him, including one picture where you can almost see the base of his dick. I had to cover that one as per the teacher’s request.

“Hey,” Mike says. I look up. He pauses. “If it’s weird for you, I can stop. But I just thought that … you know …”

“Hey, no, don’t worry,” I cut him off. “It’s totally fine.”

He smiles. “Thanks, Mia.” He leans down to pull his gear out of his bag.

I told him it was fine, but why do I feel like it’s not?

Notes