The Only Medicine

We walk in silence like that for a while, his arm around me, my face buried into his chest. Gradually the tears stop and I manage to slow my breathing.

“I made her come, like, half an hour ago,” I mutter, slipping out from under Mike’s arm. “And she just latches onto the drunkest girl she can find in order to please guys that are more simian than human.”

Mike clears his throat. “I’m pretty sure she does it for attention.”

“It just means I’m not good enough,” I sigh, dragging the heel of my palm across my cheek.

“Hey, no. Fuck her. You’re plenty good enough,” Mike says, stopping me. “She’s just a dumb bitch who can’t see what’s in front of her eyes.”

“You sound like Vic,” I say, the corners of my mouth twitching into a smile.

“Well, we know our shit,” Mike shrugs.

“I just really like her,” I admit glumly, tucking my hands into my shorts. “And like I was saying to Vic earlier, she just likes the way having a female lover makes her look.”

He nods, absently rolling up the sleeves of his flannel shirt. We’ve managed to walk quite a fair way—we’re coming up to a playground that’s only down the road from Vic and Mike’s house.

“Do you mind if we just stop here for a bit and I smoke this?” he asks, pulling a hand-rolled cigarette out of his shirt pocket. Oh, wait. That’s a blunt.

“Um, won’t we get in trouble?”

“Naw, I come here all the time.” He takes my hand and leads me into the park. There’s a single lamp post in the centre of the playground, casting yellowish light over the equipment. It’s kind of creepy—I’d hate to be here by myself. He sits down on one of the too-small swings, his lanky legs almost by his head. I take a seat on the one next to him and rock back and forth while he lights the blunt pinched between his forefinger and thumb. He takes a hit and leans back, letting the smoke slowly drift out of his mouth.

“Why do you smoke that?” I ask randomly, gesturing to the joint.

He chuckles slightly. “I take it you’ve never tried it before.”

I shake my head.

“It just takes the edge off,” he says, taking another drag. He holds it in his lungs for a bit and then exhales up into the sky. “Do you want to try some?”

I let the words hang between us while I think it through. Vic would not be happy, because he hates weed, but I suppose I can’t knock something until I’ve tried it. Plus, Mike said it takes the edge off, which I need right now.

“Um … maybe just a little bit.”

He leans over and passes me the blunt. “You just suck it into your lungs, hold it, then breathe it out.”

I hold it between my thumb and forefinger like Mike did and put it tentatively between my lips. I suck in as much as I can and try hold my breath. God, it burns. It feels like it’s burning my lungs. I cough it out, a deep, chesty cough.

“I did what you said!” I wheeze.

Mike laughs, taking the blunt back. “Yeah, I forgot that you’ve never smoked anything before. Sorry.”

“I can’t even feel anything. It just hurts my lungs.”

He simply holds the joint toward me, his eyebrows raised inquisitively. I grab it and take a few more deep puffs, which sends another tremor of coughs racketing through me.

“Is it working?”

“No,” I rasp. “But now I just don’t care.”

“Close enough,” he laughs. He finishes it off and drops it into the bark, crushing it beneath his Vans, then pulls a small, flat bottle of Jack Daniels out of his back pocket and hands it to me. I take it and have a quick swig.

We sit in comfortable silence on the swings, taking turns sipping from the bottle, the night still around us.

“I should text Vic and explain what happened,” I murmur, handing him back the bottle and reaching into my pocket for my phone.

“I don’t think we’ll be seeing him until morning,” Mike replies. “He was pretty wasted, last I saw of him.”

I send Vic a brief text anyway. “hey, Mike and I left. Jane made me feel like shit. talk when u get home.”

Once I send the text, I look up to see Mike staring at me, smiling. “What?”

“I was just thinking about when you walked in on me the other night.”

“Ugh, come on. Not this again. It was an accident!” I insist.

“No, not like that. What I meant is that we’re kind of even now,” he says, chuckling softly. “You walked in on me taking my clothes off and I walked in on you putting your clothes back on.”

I roll my eyes. “To be fair, I hadn’t even taken my clothes off, and Jane was fully dressed when you stormed in.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“So you just got her off and that was it? Seems pretty unfair.”

“It is really unfair,” I agree. “I did a really fucking good job of making her come, as usual, and doing everything she likes, and I didn’t get anything.” I pause. “Although she did offer, but then you ruined it.”

Mike clasps a hand to his chest, a look of mock surprise on his face. “I gave you blue balls?”

I laugh. “Well, yeah, kind of.”

Mike laughs too, then swings back on his swing, trying to get the momentum going. His legs are much too long for the swing but he gets a little bit of height. I watch him swing back and forth, my head feeling kind of heavy but kind of nice at the same time. He slows, dragging his heels into the ground to make him stop.

“Do you want to play a game?” he asks suddenly.

I smirk. “What sort of game?”

“We could play Never Have I Ever again.”

I push him playfully. “More like the ‘Mike wants to hear my sex stories’ game.”

“No, come on. It’ll be fun,” he begs.

“Yeah, sure. But I know you just want to hear about what kinky shit I’ve done.”

“So you’ve done kinky shit?”

I raise my hands, feigning innocence.

“First one to ten loses,” he says. “Because I’m already pretty drunk.”

“What happens to the loser?”

He just shrugs. “Okay … never have I ever smoked weed.”

I cock my eyebrow at him and take a sip.

He takes the bottle from me and has a quick swig. “Ooh, Mia. Such a naughty girl,” he teases. I poke my tongue out at him.

“Never have I ever done anal,” I say, cocking my eyebrow again sassily.

“Aw, come on! You can’t use one from earlier on.”

“Nope, that wasn’t part of the rules,” I tease. I pick up a piece of bark and flick it at him, but he dodges nimbly.

“Never have I ever sucked cock,” he says. One for me.

I try to think of something that he would have done that I haven’t. “Never have I ever watched porn when someone else is home.” One for him.

“Never have I ever used a vibrator.” One for me. Damn.

“Okay, gimme a sec …” I twist from side to side on the swing, trying to think of a good one. He twists his swing around so the chain wraps around itself, facing me. “Um, never have I ever wanted to fuck one of Vic’s girlfriends.”

“Oh, that’s low!” Mike exclaims, but takes the bottle from me and has a mouthful. He hangs back on the swing, letting it untwist itself. “Umm … never have I ever had a crush on my best friend.”

I screw my face up at him. “Come on! I wasn’t lying before.”

He holds his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay! I was just checking.”

“Never have I ever tied someone up.” One for him. Wow. I kind of didn’t expect him to lose that one.

“Never have I ever been choked.” Another one for me. I press my thighs together just thinking about it.

I’m running out of ideas—I have to just hope we both lose each round, since he’s got more than me anyway. “Never have I ever had a crush on one of my friends.” One for both of us.

“Never have I ever wanted to fuck one of my friends.” Another one for both of us. I meet his eyes quickly then look away.

“Never have I ever fucked someone with piercings.”

“Never have I ever fucked a girl in a playground.”

Suddenly my phone goes off, interrupting us. It’s Vic. I flick it open and hold it up to my ear. “Vic?” No answer, but I can hear noise in the background. It sounds like music and people talking loudly. “Vic?” I repeat, then hang up. “I think he pocket-dialled me.”

“We should head back, anyway,” Mike says, scratching the back of his head. He stands and tucks the bottle of Jack into the back pocket of his skinny jeans.

I get to my feet. My head swims a little from the weed and the bourbon—I didn’t think I’d actually drank that much. I grab Mike’s arm to brace myself as we walk and he pulls me to him. He’s the perfect height; his arm fits around my shoulders effortlessly. I look up at him and he smiles at me, his eyes a little bloodshot, then he leans down and kisses me. I kiss back, wrapping my arms around his neck, standing on my tiptoes to reach him.

“Let’s get home,” he breathes. I nod and he takes my hand.

Notes