The Only Medicine

Morning comes, and with it the gut-wrenching feeling of guilt. I’m still buzzing from Mike confessing his feelings for me—I could barely sleep—but then I look over at Vic stirring awake and, oh my god, it is crippling, this feeling. Vic doesn’t know anything, but already I can feel the secret driving a wedge between us. I’ve always been able to talk to Vic about everything, and now I can’t, and I’m just making it worse. I told Mike that I wouldn’t sleep with him until he broke up with Jessica, but then what? We fool around behind Vic’s back? And then what?

“Morning, Mia,” Vic says drowsily from the fold out bed.

“Good morning, Victor,” I reply, smiling weakly.

He rolls over and props his head up on one elbow. “How are you feeling about last night?”

Ice flashes through my insides, but then I realise he’s talking about the Battle of the Bands. Of course he is. Vic doesn’t know about what happened between Mike and me.

“I can’t even believe that happened,” I admit, sitting up. I’m talking about both of the evening’s occurrences, but Vic doesn’t need to know that.

“We’re fucking awesome,” Vic grins, then yawns and stretches. “Anyway, what do you wanna do today?”

I shrug. “I dunno. What do you wanna do?”

“I dunno.” He leans back and pulls the curtain away from the window; it’s grey and drizzling outside. “Looks like shit outside. We could just stay in and hang out? Watch movies or something?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

We don’t even bother getting dressed; we just bundle up a bunch of blankets and take them upstairs to the living room. There’s a note on the dining table from Mama and Papa Fuentes, saying that they’ve gone to the farmers’ market.

“You want coffee?” I ask, looking for the plunger in the cupboards.

“Yes, please.”

“Me too,” says another voice. I look over my shoulder and see that it’s Mike, coming up the stairs. He pauses. “Why aren’t you guys wearing any clothes?”

I glance down, making sure I haven’t had a wardrobe malfunction. I’m wearing my oversized Cannibal Corpse t-shirt and a pair of pretty nondescript black panties, but the shirt is long enough that you can’t even see them. Vic, on the other hand, is just wearing a pair of grey boxer briefs.

“Um, why are you wearing clothes?” Vic counters.

Mike just looks at him, confused. “You guys are weird.”

“We’re going to watch movies,” I say, finally spotting the plunger sitting in the sink.

I would have expected this exchange to be awkward, but I dunno … I’m feeling powerful after last night, despite my guilt, like anything I do will drive Mike crazy. I make a show of looking for the coffee and bend over in front of the pantry, knowing full well that my shirt will ride up and that Vic won’t care if he sees and Mike will most definitely care. When I stand back up and turn around, he’s staring at me, his mouth slightly open.

“You said you wanted coffee, right?” I say, smiling innocently.

He just keeps staring at me. “Um, yes please. Most definitely.”

Vic has been trying to find a movie to watch this entire time and still hasn’t made a decision. I can only presume he’s trying to find Wayne’s World, which is still sitting in my DVD player at home from the last time we watched it.

“Mike, have you seen Wayne’s World?”

“It’s at my house, remember?” I interject.

Vic pouts. “Aww. I wanted to watch it.”

“We could watch a season of Family Guy or something?” Mike offers. He’s audaciously invited himself, but Vic doesn’t seem to mind.

“Oh yeah, that sounds good.”

“I thought you were going to see Jessica today?” I reply, giving Mike a pointed look.

“Oh. Oh yeah. I forgot about that,” he says, not taking his eyes off me. Then he looks to Vic. “Can I borrow your car?”

Vic frowns at him, puzzled. “Since when do you ever ask?”

He shrugs, then grabs the keys off the dining table and heads back down the stairs. I watch him go then finish making the coffee plunger and bring it over to the couch, along with a couple of mugs.

So Mike is going to see Jessica … I don’t know how to feel. Part of me is excited that he cares enough to end things with her—presuming that’s what he’s doing—but then what? I don’t want to keep doing things behind Vic’s back; it’s not fair to Vic, or to Mike. Or to myself, for that matter—I deserve a person that I can be honest with. But then I can’t possibly have a relationship with Mike … Vic would be distraught. And even if he was okay with it, and we did, and we broke up …

I take a sip of coffee in an attempt to clear my head from the thoughts swarming around me. I need to just relax and let things happen and try not to force anything. I just don’t know how long I can keep everything from Vic. My god, I am a terrible friend.

I don’t even notice that Vic has made me peanut butter and banana on toast until he’s brandishing it front of me. I smile up at him gratefully.

“You okay?” he asks, taking a seat next to me and pulling the blankets over his lap.

“Just lost in my thoughts,” I admit.

He flicks on the TV and gives me a small smile. “Well, you know I’m always here if you want to talk.”

I snuggle up to him, my coffee in one hand, balancing the plate of toast on my legs. That’s the best thing about Vic; he doesn’t press the issue, because he knows that I’ll talk to him about it when I’m ready, because we talk about everything. My heart drops. Everything except what’s going on between me and Mike. He probably thinks I’m still hung up on Jane.

We’re a couple of episodes in when Vic’s cell phone starts ringing. He picks it up off the coffee table, looks at it and frowns. He meets my gaze.

“It’s Cara,” he says, looking bewildered.

“Are you going to answer it?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” he confesses. “I thought she wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Maybe you should.”

He winces. “Last time I saw her, I was cleaning my own vomit off her bed.” He takes a deep breath and presses the answer button, but the phone has already stopped ringing. “Damn it.”

“Are you going to call her back?”

“I dunno, Mia.” He sighs. “I kind of thought everything was done between us, you know? Like, I didn’t even think about her any more. And then I saw her after Jaime’s party, and …”

I know how much Vic cared about Cara when they were dating, and how heartbroken he was when she cheated on him—it took him over a year to really get over her—so it’s totally understandable that he’d be having mixed feelings right now. I get a sudden flare of anger. That bitch better not be stringing Vic along again.

“I think you should just leave it,” I say. “Do you really want to go through all of that again?”

Vic just shrugs, still looking nonplussed. We continue watching the TV, but I can tell he’s not really focussed—he doesn’t even laugh at our favourite bits. The first disc finishes and he stands up. I look up at him, thinking he’s going to change the disc over.

“I’m going to call her,” he says defensively, even though I’m not accusing him of anything.

“Okay.”

He picks up his phone and heads down the stairs to call her in private. I watch him go, annoyed at Cara for everything she did to hurt Vic in the first place.

He’s still not back after five minutes, so I get up and change the DVD over, then sit back down and stare at the episode selection screen, sure that he’ll be back any minute. I’m still waiting another five minutes later, so I pull out my phone and consider texting Mike to see how he’s going. I screw up my face. He might see that as clingy. I dunno.

I simply text, “sup”, then wait for his reply—the reply that might never come, since he’s with his girlfriend. I try not to think about that. He’d implied that he was going to break up with her to be with me, but I know how hard that can be when you’re actually in the moment … and especially when your alternative is a girl that wants to keep you a secret.

Ugh. I suck.

Vic returns shortly afterwards and slumps next to me on the couch. I look over at him expectantly. I can’t read his expression, but he’s turning his phone over and over in his hands. He looks up at me and sighs.

“Cara’s pregnant.”

Notes